Hope Less Confessional Tribe Epojawyaddayadda

Er, make that Giner confession. Stifles a yawn. It is after all near bedtime and she's had a busy day. Hullo there Bob. I just wanted to say that if any thing needs kicking then kick the cow Nancy off this island! She's useless! She cannot be brainwashed properly. She does not show up to do her part in the IC. Gawd knows she should be able to carry her weight! She's useless. Unreliable. Couldn't perform a simple forking properly! And she was always hiding in the bushes, probably trying to burgle the barrel with food! Poor thing she probably was all self conscious making next to skinny minnie beautiful moi! I have had to keep a close eye on her so she didn't burgle the barrel where I stored my extra makeup! Totally untrustworthy. She's a weak-ass villianess. Not like the one and only Princess Giner of course! My only mistake was last time I didn't make sure that Marlena was shot! This time, this time, you can count on that I will kick the cow while she's down and out! Cause Steffy is going to bring MAH Jawhn back to me you can burgle the barrel on that! TA TA!
confessed by Hope Less at 11:20 PM

Baby Belle's Confessions- Tribe 1.

Baby Belle returns to the camp in a small pant.

Bob: What the hell happened to you? It's almost a if someone had Burgled the barrel of wind inside of ya.

I was just out doing some exploring. Oh my! I only have two hours beore the Immunity Challenge ends. I have no time to read it, can you tell me what it is?

Bob: You're supposed to use Burgle the barrel and kick The Cow in your confessions.

Burgle the Barrel? Kick the cow? What kind of phrases are those? I know what it means to Kick the Cow, but what the hell does Burgle the Barrel mean?

Bob: I think it mean to steal the barrel.

Gotcha. Now, how am I suppoed to kick the Cow? There are no cows here! And how am I supposed to Burgle the Barrel without any barrrels?

Bob: Beats me, that's your problem. You have to figure out how to Kick the Cow and Burgle the barrel by yourself.

Thanks for the help Bob. Now, where and I going to find a Cow to Kick and a Barrel to Burglerize? Oy vey!

Bob: Well, good luck on Kicking the Cow and Burglerizing the Barrel.
confessed by Baby Belle Black at 10:39 PM

Susan Banks // Tribe Epojawawskdlkfjlkfjblahhh.. yup yup, you dun heard right!

[Awaking slowly with a head-ache worse than a hangover]

Well I'll be damned... I still got it! Them blue nail polish fumes ain't never ever ever 'gon get the best o' me! Though I musta gone and passed out good, 'cus I'm still feelin like a kicked cow. Now I know what ol' bessie used to feel like in the middle of the when we's used ta tip her over at night... yes sir, and when she don't push over, we dun kicked that fat cow. Used to make me feel all burgely barreled inside. I miss them days. You ever done crazy crazy tricks like that Bob? Huh? Nah.... didn't think so. You ain't look like you ever kicked any cows. Bob Bobs, you's need to get out more. Or maybe start drinkin'. Don't matter. S'long as yous gets to burgle that barrel. Yes, sir, that's right!

[From the corner of her coke-bottle glasses, she spies a cow who needs a good kicking: Hope the Hopeless Ho-bag Homemaker Hussy from Hotpocket Hell]

It's that fancy shmancy Hope.. or Gina... or Hope... or...sumthin...yup yup, who'da thought she used to be a man?? Well kick mah cow... nows that I be lookin at her real hard-like, I guess I can sees the difference! He/She had to go to hospital and they made her face with plastic surgery. The doctor done some crack burgled barrel job on that one, let me tell you. She dun look like she put a lite fire cracker in her mouth. There's are many photos of her on my brother's computer, with lots of nekkid men .. they are usually sleeping on her, cus she's real comfortable like, well.. thats what Thomas says.

Bob, you's look so gosh darn bored. I's got a song to sing you if you don't mind. It's a Thomas Banks O-riginal. Yes sir, he dun used to rap when we's was youngins. I remember, 'cus he had himself a crew of wiggers on him. He went to the city once, and his butt came back a Home-boy, saying heaps of "crib" and "yo" all the time, sayin he's was gonna be bigger than Vanilla Ice. Silly Tommy. But anyway, here's the song, for Bob bobs entertainment:

[Susan stiffens her posture and begins to bounce slightly]

Corn feed white bread boy
with the kickin cow
crew of my boys and ho's
s'up wigga?

With my boom stick
And my home burgled barrel brick
Gonna MUCK YOU UP HOMES!"

Sssssssssssssuuuuuuuuuupppppppp, biotch?

Man, when your down with Thomas
Your down with the
BEST DAMN WIGGA
SINCE SLICED BREAD
Gonna kick that cow
Burgle the barrel
WORD

Jesus Bob, where you goin???? DDDAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
confessed by Susan Banks at 9:09 PM

Continued from below...

Hey, where is everyone? [Sits down next to him. Craig doesn't answer her for a moment. He's still trying to work out how to handle the 72 hour absence during which that jerk John Black seemingly burgled the barrel (so to speak). And then some. Craig had felt he was making inroads for a little while there but now he's back to square one and it's intensely frustrating.]

Craig: Roman went off to see if he could find some forkage clues. Laura and Kim went for a walk I think. Don't know about your sister, sorry.

Laura and Kim? Went for a walk together? [Concern clouds her face.]

Craig: Yeah, but I wouldn't worry, they seemed to be happy enough to kick a cow.

Hmmm... [Looks at the crate.] God, I'm starving. If we had a cow here the last thing I'd be doing is kicking a cow.

Craig: Actually there's some cornbread by the fire. [Grins] Guess I never told you that before I went to medical school, I worked at a Cracker Barrel. And I burgled the Barrel of all their best recipes. [Winks at her.] I'll make you some chicken tenderloin and dumplin's tonight if you're interested.

[Laughing.] Oh you're my hero. But where do you think you're going to find chicken on this island Craig?

Craig: [Suddenly feeling very pleased with himself pushes himself up off the ground.] Just leave that to me.

[She watches him head off towards the woods and then decides to go and check on Belle before she fixes herself some lunch. However, as she passes Brady's tent, she misses the furtive movement and the cane that comes shooting out of the opening and she trips on it. As she hits the ground, her head impacting on the rock hard earth with sickening force, she hears Brady's voice from what seems a long way away.]

Brady: Hehe. Guess there's more than one way to kick a cow, hey Doc?

[Everything fades to black.]
confessed by Marlena at 7:39 PM

[Marlena awakens with a start from a bizarre dream about John, Gabe and Isabella, her heart thumping. Her immediate thought is to check her neck and she is profoundly relieved to find no fork marks. She shivers slightly despite the stifling heat and she wonders if her dream was some kind of premonition. After a moment, she shakes her head with a rueful grin. That was kind of burgling the barrel of supposition. She has absolutely no reason to suspect Isabella, after all. Looking around her she realizes she had fallen asleep under a leafy oak after her confessional with Bob. She figures, with a quiet chuckle, that it's not all that surprising given that she hardly slept in the 72 hours she was with John.]

[Climbing to her feet, she places a hand on her grumbling stomach and decides it's time to go and burgle the barrel for some lunch because she's absolutely starving.]

Too bad there's no Cracker Barrel around here to burgle. I could burgle a Cracker Barrel lunch with no problem at all.

[She cleans the dirt from her hands and sets off back towards camp. When she gets there, the only person visible is Craig. He is sitting against a log looking like a cow kicked him instead of him kicking a cow. In other words, he looks miserable.]
confessed by Marlena at 7:38 PM

[Shane and John sat down to watch the tape of the forking before nightfall last night, but somehow John disappeared and ended up in an interaction with Gabe. Seems like Langan and his continuity department are at it again...]

[Shane is startled when he hears someone in a trancelike state begin talking on the tape...]

Voice: I must kick the cow... I must kick the cow... I must kick the cow... I must kick the cow... I must kick the cow

[Suddenly the voice is given a face, as Nancy Wesley comes into view, holding a fork and continuing the phrase...] I must kick the cow... I must kick the cow

Shane: Nancy! I haven't seen her around in days. I wonder where she's been.

[Just then, Nancy lifts the fork above her shoulder, in the classic motion from Psycho, and jabs the fork into Bob's neck while still chanting...] I must kick the cow... I must kick the cow

[Shane, being the ace ISA agent he is, recognizes brainwashing when he sees it. He's shocked that Nancy is the one with the fork, but he's quite aware that she was not in control as she performed the forking. He's frustrated to find out that his lead isn't as strong as he thought it was.]

Shane: She's in our tribe, so I guess I need to check on her to see if she's fairing OK. My next job is to find the brainwasher...and the fool who would use I must kick the cow as her trigger phrase
confessed by Shane Donovan at 6:27 PM

[Kim emerges from the tent, her mind surprisingly clear for the first time in days, just in time to see Laura head for the woods. Feeling as guilty as someone who has kicked a cow, she rushes to catch up with her.]

Kim: Laura, wait..

[Laura turns around, her expression sad, but her eyes shooting daggers] Did you come out here just to burgle a barrel with me Kim? Because if thats the case, I'd rather just kick a cow if you don't mind!

[Kim stops walking. Perplexed, she shakes her head] No, [stammering] I didn't come here...burgle a barrel ??? Laura, what the hell does that mean? [She turns to see a grin slowly creeping across Laura's face. The tension melts as the pair dissolve into a fit of laughter.]

[Brady watches from behind a tree. With the melted remnants of Belle's chocolate bar, he has printed I KICKED THE COW across his white t-shirt.] Just my freakin luck, I got stuck in the Nutcases Inc. tribe. You sure wouldn't have to burgle many barrels to find a lunatic on this side of the island...[Leaning heavily on his blue canes, he stumbles away]

confessed by Kimberly Brady at 5:52 PM

Belle *Confessional* Tribe Epojetahwe

(Belle and Timothy relax up against a willow tree near the water's edge. They've just burgled a barrel of Jell-O from the crate and are sucking it down lazily. Belle listens to Timothy reminiscing about his youth kicking cows in the English country side….)

Timothy: Those were the days, young Belle. The blokes and I spent countless hours kicking cows… What burgledy barreled mindless fun it was. We'd just doddle up to those cows and bloody kick their ankles 'till they blooming dropped to the ground, and we'd laugh our arses off. Boy, we were knackered! When we weren't kicking the old cow we were burgling the old barrel… if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge, eh? (Timothy sees her expression is blank then realizes Belle is too young to know about barrel burgling Changing the subject quickly…) Ever kick a cow in Salem there Belle?

(Belle, swishing her Jell-O around in her mouth until it's juice, grimaces.)

Timmy, that's not nice! How would you like it if a bunch of mice started kicking your ankles? I can't believe you did that and like didn't you have better things to do with your time like me and my friends hang out at dot.com and drink cappuccinos, burgle each other's barrels and listen to CDs and talk about each other and clothes and N'Sync and stuff.

Timothy: (thinking burgle barrelling must mean something different in Salem... at least among their aimless teens. He sits up and puts his head in his hands.) Belle, Ugh… I'm feeling quite lurgy. I don't want any more of that squidgey Jell-O. I could go for a barrel of burgles right now. And you don't know livin' until you've kicked a cow or two Ms. Stroppy-pants! (Timothy rolls over, stands up, groans and stomps off -- his tail swishing across Belle's nose.)

Well gosh, Timothy, you don't have to kick a cow about it! Hmmph! Well, fine then. I need to get busy about that lost boy anyway. (She pulls on her pink flip-flops and let's out a loud burgle, the barrel of blue raspberry Jell-O starkly empty, reminding her of the icky blue nail polish.)



confessed by Belle at 4:25 PM

Hope Less walks by where Stefano is muttering to himself. After listening to Stefano chant *kick the cow* and *burgle the barrel* Hope Less falls into a trance. Her eyes glaze over. Her lips begin to move forming the words "kick the cow" but no words are heard. She blinks really hard. But the Giner personna comes back with full force. She cackles. She spins around. She adopts her best hoity toity stupid sounding accent as only Giner could. Yes my dears I am back. THE Princess Giner is back. Burgle the barrel, burgle the barrel! That was the code words Stefano used to trig mine and Jawn's memories. That is how he controlled us. And BBA has unleashed Giner again and I'm sure Mah Jawhn. I will *kick the cow* Marlena. Hope wasn't strong enough. Giner is. She dances around in spinning circles all the time chanting "burgle the barrel"
confessed by Hope Less at 3:39 PM

Laura *Confessional* - Tribe Nagahanaslick

[She had read over the same page at least a dozen times, but nothing seemed to penetrate the dull haze that lingered in her mind.]

Bob: [Sitting down beside Laura], You don't quite seem to be in the spirit for the immunity challenge.

[Glancing up from the file in her lap, Laura smiles lightly.] I don't suppose I am...finding creative, logical euphemisms for "kick the cow" and "burgle the barrel" just don't seem terribly important when faced with the reality of a missing child. [Quirkly], Not to mention the fact that it's against my beliefs to butcher the English language in such a way.

Bob: [Breaking the tenuous silence], Want to talk about it?

What?

Bob: Whatever it is that's got you so down. [Laura's sad lifeless eyes survey the campsite. Turning to Bob, she sighs loudly but says nothing.] I saw you put Brady in his place earlier--really kicked that cow good.

[Low and devoid of emotion], Pretty hollow victory...kind of like burgling a barrel full of fish. [A tiny sigh escapes her lips as she closes her eyes and rests her head against the tree at her back.]

Bob: Still...surely you'll admit how much fun it was to watch him squirm.

[Without opening her eyes], Mmm...[Tucking her hair behind her ear, she tilts her head to the side and wearily glances up at Bob.] You ever been depressed? [Bob's reply is low, mumbled and non-commital.] It's kind of like having some kind of mischevious little imp burgling your barrel of all positive thoughts until the only thing you can see is the emptiness. That hollow void is the only thing you can claim as your own. [Takes a deep breath and shifts], Maybe Marlena was right...[grins], maybe it's not the best time to re-read The Bell Jar. I think I'll go for a walk...try to clear some of the cobwebs from my mind.
confessed by Laura at 2:46 PM

(Brady sneaks into the tent where Belle is taking a nap.)

Brady (whispering): Hey little Belle, wake up. It's me. Look what I found. The last chocolate bar. And I want to share it with you.

Belle wakes up and stares at him. She rubs the sleep out of her eyes.

Brady: Really, it's OK. I'm not going to take you anywhere. I just needed to get the hell out of the hot sun and be around someone who wouldn't yell at me or make up stories about me. And since it's time for another of those obnoxious immunity challenges, I thought I'd better try and rack up a few more points so I don't get voted off this damn island before I can spend some time with my mother.

At least this challenge won't leave any physical marks on me. But who the hell uses phrases like "kick the cow" or "burgle the barrel"? They sound British or something. Why couldn't the challenge be the creative use of the words 'slut', 'whore', bitch and 'bimbo' ?. I'd win hands down.

Belle stares at him blankly.

Brady: Sorry kid, guess I was rambling. Here...

(Proving the point that no matter how many times a child is told not to talk to strangers, all kids are candy whores, Belle takes the chocolate bar from Brady)

Belle: Tanks Bwady. (she unwraps it and takes a big bite.)

Brady: So Belle. Wanna play a game?

Belle nods as she munches on her candy.

Brady: OK, we're gonna play tongue twisters. Can you say 'kick the cow' 3x's fast?

Belle shakes her head 'no'

Brady: C'mon just try...or I'll take back the candy bar...

(Belle starts to scream so he gives it right back. The last thing Brady needs is to have Marlena catch him with her precious love child.)

Brady: OK Belle, I won't take the candy. Just say 'kick the cow' for me.

Belle: Kick da cow.

Brady: Can you say it again? Kick...the...cow.

Belle: Kick da Bwady. heeheeheeheeheehee

Brady: Haha very funny. OK let's try another one. Say 'burgle the barrel'.

Belle: burp the baby (giggles)

Brady: Ugh. NO, no. Gawd, as a teen you never shut up yet I can't get you to say 2 stupid phrases. Ok, repeat after me...burgle...

Belle: Boigle...

Brady: the

Belle: the

Brady: Barrel

Belle: bawell

Brady: Ok all together...Burgle the barrel

Belle: boigle the bawell

Brady: Hmm, I wonder if phoenetically spelled words count? Anyway, I should get out of here before your mother finds me.

Belle: tanks for the candy Bwady. Hope the cow doesn't boigle you in the bawell.

Brady: sure kid, whatever. Go back to sleep now.

(Brady leaves as a chocolate-faced Belle lays down to finish her nap.)


confessed by Brady Black at 1:43 PM

Hope Less stomps through the jungle, the cross that burns flailing behind her. She carries her fork like a spear. She's missing her tiara.

I *hate* her. I absolutely *hate* her. I just want to *kick that damn cow Laura*. And *kick even harder that cow* that stupid saintly Marlena! I will make my move tonight! I know that damn Shane has hidden the supplies in a barrel, I just know it! Well I'll teach him! I'll *burgle the barrel* and get what I need for my mission! There aren't any REAL cops on this island to make me pay. And if that damn* cow Roman tries to get in my way well I'll kick him too*! What is it about Cows?! It's all the rage anyway? I hate cows. I just want to kick cows. Chicago started it by placing all the cows around town. Now Kansas City has picked up the craze too and has cows everywhere! Even one building has cows depicting Dorothy, Scarecrow, Cowardly Lion and Tin Man outside! I just want to kick those cows! maybe I'll *burgle the barrell* where they keep the keys for the locks on the cows tying them to the concrete! I must admit Chicago and Kansas City have some original cows spread around their cities and it is all the rage. New Orleans had freaking fish! But now those damn cows are back in Kansas City and Chicago and I just want to kick them! Just like I wnat to kick those cows Marlena and Laura!
confessed by Hope Less at 12:59 PM

(Stefano wonders out from his tent. He notices knowone is around and decides to go for a walk. As he walks around the island he hears people saying very odd sayings like kick the cow and burgle the barrel. Stefano shakes his head at his other teamates. He thinks they all must be on drugs or something similar to it. He doesn't want to have anything to do with it. He walks off towards the beach as his teamates continue to talk using odd terms. He reachs the beach and decides to take a drink of water seeing how he is very thristy. He put some water into his hand and drinks it all, then does it twice more. He stands up from taking his drinks of water and sits down on the beach looking out. Stefano has a quick flash in his head. " Don't drink the water"!!! A voice inside of his head speaks to his telling him " Don't drink the water". Stefano freezes in his spot, he just took a few drinks of the water.)

Oh no, I just drank some of that water... I must go see Shane and see if he has something in that secret room to help me before something horrible happens.

(Stefano runs off towards the main camp where Shane should be. On his way to the camp, Stefano stops in his tracks. He sees something that shocks him. Stefano sees his dead son Tony standing right in front of him. Stefano almost falls to the ground by seeing Tony. Stefano hugs Tony the moment he sees him. Tony pushes his father away.)

Tony, your alive. Your here. How? I saw you die!

Tony- That's right, you saw me die and I did die... But I'm back, back to make you pay for all the horrible things you have done to the good people of Salem.

(Stefano stands shocked at his own son's words. Tony starts to walk towards Stefano as Stefano backs up. But he bumps into somthing, or even someone. Stefano turns around to see his dead daughter's Reene, Megan and his dead nephew Andre staring at him with anger and hatred in their eyes. Stefano stands shakes as his dead children and other relaitives start to appear to him. He starts rubbing his eyes, trying to make them go away.)

What the hell is going on here? Why are you all here?

Tony, Megan, Reene, and Andre- To kick the cow, to make you pay for all your sins...

Stefano- Kick the cow, that's what everyone on the island is saying.

(As soon as Stefano says that, John, Isabella, Roman, Marlena, Brady, Belle, Susan, Hope, and Laura all appear to Stefano from the bushes around him. Stefano stands surrounded by people who hate him (dead and alive) and people who would love to see him kick the cow. Stefano pushes his way past Megan, Andre, and Reene to head back down to the beach area. All the people follow him down. He gets down to the water and he sees that everyone is still on his tail. As he starts to go into the water he notices an odd looking water twirl in the water. The twirl is a group of people coming up from the water, its Rachel Blake, Peter and Kristen. They start to walk towards Stefano. Stefano again is shocked to see them all, he runs over to the other side of the beach when Eric, Sami, Carrie, Celeste, Doug, Julie, Mickey, Maggie, Vivian, Abe, Lexie, Rolfe, Kayla, Kim, Bart, Shawn-D, Shawn, and Caroline start to come out from the bushes on the beach. They all start to walk towards him.)

What the hell is going on? What's happening to me?

(Stefano stand surrounded as all his enemies from the past and present surround him. They all stand above him as they start to yell and scream about all the evil deeds he has committed against them. " Kidnapping, Murder, Blackmail, Sceaming, etc..." Stefano can't take it anymore. He sees a gun all of a sudden. He reachs for the gun and holds it in his hand. He pulls it back and aims it at everyone... The gun is pointed at John, then Celeste, then Peter, then Carrie, then Tony, then Rachel, Stefano doesn't know who he wants to kill first. The gun is gone from his hand. He falls to the ground as everyone again surrounds him. Stefano starts to sink into the ground from the quick sand around him. He starts to drowned in the sand. Everyone around him start to laugh and chant something, a saying.

" Kick the cow, Kick the cow, Kick the cow, Kick the cow, Kick the cow, Kick the cow, Kick the cow, Kick the cow, Kick the cow, Kick the cow ..."
confessed by Stefano Dimera at 12:57 PM

[Laura is sitting under a shade tree reading over the file Shane had given her on Jennifer's disappearance when Brady hobbles her direction. Not even bothering to look up], Go away!

Brady: What?

[Laura's icy stare sends a chill through Brady.] I have more important things to do than spend my afternoon playing mind games with you. [Returning her attention to the file in her lap, she ignores him as he sits down beside her.]

Brady: [Leans in close, his voice low and dangerous], Look you Wacko, I haven't forgotten about the other day...

[Without looking up], That's good...I don't want you to forget.

Brady: [Annoyed by Laura's disinterest, he sniffs loudly before continuing.] Everyone is going to know just what a psychotic baby bopper you really are.

[Finally looking at Brady, Laura's lips curl into an amused expression.] Ya think...

Brady: [Hardens], Everyone is going to know just how you tried to get me to kick the cow!

[As the delighted smirk adorning Laura's face begins to fade, her voice softens momentarily.] Brady have you ever heard the story of The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf? [Brady doesn't reply, only stares blankly, so she continues.] There came a point where no one believed the little boy because he'd told one too many lies. [Leaning in so close that their noses are practically touching, Laura's smirk returns as she whispers], You're that little boy...no one is going to believe your story. I mean why would they? It's crazy. [Again sitting up straight, her eyes fall back to on the folder. She continues to speak--her voice hard and brittle], You are sitting beside of a woman who spent over a decade of her life locked in an insane asylum. I was in a catatonic state...but I still have more credibility than you do. [Letting out a slightly mad laugh], No one will believe that I tried to seduce you. [Pausing to let her statement sink in, she watches him with intense black eyes.] And you would do good to remember that I'm not Marlena...I won't be manipulated; I won't be intimidated, and I most certainly don't give a damn if you fall flat on your face.

Brady: [Sounding like a petulant child], They'll believe me; my mom and dad will...you'll see

Sam: [Approaching, her image casting a shadow over Laura and Brady], See what?

[Laura lets out a derisive chuckle as sarcasm infuses her words.] Oh young Brady, here, thinks that he can convince the good island folks that I...now what was that lovely euphemism you used again? [Putting a finger to her chin pretending deep thought], Oh yes...tried to make him "kick the cow" as it were. [Pausing, Laura turns to Brady. Putting a hand on his knee, the muscles begin to twitch.] Don't worry, Honey, you're flower is safe with me...I'll make sure you get back to Carl intact. [Brady leaves in a huff as Sam and Laura laugh.] Brady! [Turning back, he coldly stares through her. Tossing him his canes], Can't have you forget your Tiny Tim canes...how else would you try to elicit sympathy?

Sam: [Amused, they watch him go. Sam sits down as Laura returns her attention back to the file.] Any word on Jennifer yet? [Laura shakes her head no.] Umm...Laura...I know we kind of got off on the wrong foot the other day...

[Interrupting, her voice sounds strained.] Look we don't have to agree on everything...and certainly not Marlena. She's a grown woman; she knows what she wants, and she knows how to take care of herself.

Sam: [A tense silence stretches between them.] I burgled the barrel and brought you a peace offering... [Opens her hand.]

Midol?

Sam: Well the pickings were rather slim...Kim had eaten all the chocolate, and I figured you'd about had your fill of Brady Chowder; [Laura groans agreeably.] the berries were rotten--not exactly the statement I wanted...

[With laughter in her voice, Laura cuts Sam off.] And what statement does this make...you give me cramps? [The tension is broken as both laugh.]

confessed by Laura at 12:39 PM

Isabella: I will *kick that cow* and then John will love me. We will *burgle the barrel* forever then. Oh no, it's John and that pesky Gabe. He knows my true nature.
John: Come out Isabella and take that blonde wig off.

It's NOT a wig, John!!!!! It's Clairol Nice N Easy! GEEZ! I burgle the barrel and color my hair JUST for you, and all you do is say it's a wig.

(Isabella looks back at Marlena in the water and then back at John and Gabe in the clouds...they are daydreaming so she takes her chance to move closer to Marlena)

Isabella: I will *kick that cow* and all my problems will be over...

(Gabe hears Isabella say this and snaps out of his daydream about Marlena. John however, is still thinking about that night with Marlena. As he undoes his belt and starts unzipping his pants, Gabe realizes that John is about to Burgle the Barrel, and slaps him across the face.)

Gabe: "John! Snap out of it! This is no time for that, look at Isabella!" (Gabe points down at Isabella who is now closer to Marlena with the fork raised)

(John wakes up and sees Isabella making her move...) John: "I've got to Kick that Cow before she kills my soulmate!"

(Isabella sees John and Gabe realizing what she is doing so she lunges at Marlena, with hate filled eyes.) You'll pay for this Marlena! For making John love you more, and for trying to raise my son as your own! John is MINE and Brady is MINE!! Do you hear me? MINE!!!

(Marlena turns around after hearing this. Defenseless, she looks up to John hoping he can help...Just as she does, Isabella reaches her and plunges the fork into Marlena's neck.)

John: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! (John reaches for Marlena with tears in his eyes...)



confessed by Isabella Black at 11:27 AM

Roman Brady *confessional* - Tribe Nagahanaslick

What the hell does our tribe's name mean, Bob? I might as well be kicking a cow and asking him about this dumb tribe name, 'cause you won't tell me. I was burgling the barrel trying to come up with a clue about the damn fork and then you tell me my tribe's name is Nagah------. Hell, I can't even pronounce it, so as damn far as I could kick a cow, I can't spell it. I hear the Big Badass caught John and Doc. Well, it's about time she burgles the barrel and does her damn job around here. I could kick a cow all the way back to Salem, I'm so pissed at that Big Badass for letting this happen. But right now, Bob, I have to concentrate on this fork mystery. After all, I'm Salem's finest cop. Maybe the Big Badass should call all the tribe members together and burgle the barrel with this tape. I could kick a cow for not getting to the bottom of this fork mess first. It's time for Roman Brady to put his lust for Doc aside and burgle the barrel to find an answer to this mystery.
confessed by Roman Brady at 10:52 AM

Sam *Confessional* - Tribe Nagahanaslick
[Sam rolled out from the tent’s cover into the bright morning sun. Squinting in the sunlight, Sam stretched, trying to loosen up her constricted muscles.]

Man, do I feel like crap. I think someone kicked me instead of kicking a cow last night. Wonder how Bob’s feeling this morning. Probably like someone kicked him instead of kicking a cow too.

[Slowly, Sam makes her way down to where Bob is sitting. He turns and trains his trusty camera on her. ]Morning Bob. [smiling] I had come by and see how you are doing this morning. Probably like someone kicked you instead of kicking a cow,
Huh…

Bob:[grinning] Yep, that’s a good way to put it. How about you? Looks like someone missed kicking a cow and gave you a good kick too. Rough night?

You could say that. I spent the whole night burgling the barrel of my mind, trying to find a way to make Marlena see what a jerk John Black is. [smiling mischievously] Boy, instead of kicking a cow, would I like to give him a swift kick right where it counts.

Bob:[laughing at Sam’s last comment] Speaking of Marlena, she and I burgled the barrel, so to speak, a little this morning. I probably said more than I should have but she didn’t really get mad so I guess it was ok… I told her she should have kicked a cowering idiot to the curve long ago….John and that screwed up kid of his.

[Sam, smiling with a soft giggle] Good job, Bob!! Now if she would only listen. Maybe I need to kick a cow, just to get her attention. Well, I guess I need to go find my dear Sis and see if she will let me burgle the barrel of “what ifs” to find a less painful road for her future. Thanks for the talk and [glancing at the blood spotted gauze on the back of his neck] please try to be careful. You could burgle the barrel of crazies on this island and end up dead.

[Bob watched as Sam slowly walked back toward the camp. Burgle the barrel of crazies? Wonder what she meant by that? As he contined to watch Sam walk away he suddenly felt the cold chill of impending doom]

confessed by Samantha Evans at 10:46 AM

Marlena *Confessional* - Tribe Nagahanaslick

[Marlena fresh from bathing in the stream, peers at Bob, concerned as he trains the camera on her. His eyes still appear slightly glazed and the gauze on the back of his neck is spotted with blood. Bob, slightly embarrassed by her worry, mutters that he is okay.]

This is getting out of control don't you think? I mean, someone could get seriously hurt. [Sighs] We can burgle the barrel for clues all we want but unless there's some proof on that tape, we're just floundering around in the dark. We may as well be kicking a cow for all the good it's doing us.

[Bob looks at her slightly oddly, not sure he wants to tell her that what she said makes absolutely no sense. After all, she's being kind to him and that feels like rather a novel experience lately.]

Bob: [Suddenly grinning] I heard your husband kicked a coward's skinny little be-hind last night.

It's not that funny, Bob.

Bob: Sure it is Blondie! The nasty little creep deserves everything he gets if you ask me. John must have burgled the barrel of hideous DNA combinations to create that freak of nature.

Well, I didn't ask you. And... [she starts to giggle softly.] Okay, so maybe it is funny. You know, he had the opportunity to kick a cow when I came back to Salem. The burgling the barrel of skanky-haired Salem women (and I use that term very loosely) was completely unnecessary.

Bob: From what I've seen on this island, he's had the opportunity to kick a cow several times in the last decade. And each time you've been waiting in the wings? [Shakes his head at the utter insanity.]

Hmmm.... [She begins counting them.] Isabella, Rebecca, Kristen, Susan, Gina... rather burgling the barrel of bad taste. Pathetic isn't it?

Bob: Sounds like you should have kicked a cowering idiot to the curb a long time ago, Blondie. 'Specially with that idiot savant Sor-Assed kid of his in tow.

[Unable to help her laughter which filters back towards the camp which is starting to stir.] Oh Bob, stop putting words into my mouth, you're going to get me into terrible trouble.
confessed by Marlena at 8:23 AM

Confessional *John Black*

(John feels like he is dead. He can barely stand. That psycho Isabella stabbed him because he revealed his true feelings. He is worried that Isabella may go hurt Marlena. He has to stop that.)

John: I am too weak to swim over there. I need help.

(Suddenly, Gabe appears and tells John that he will help.)

John: Gabe??? Where the hell have you been when I have needed your help?

Gabe: I haven't been in that place. Really, John My boss helps those who help themselves. You have been so stupid the last few years that I had pretty much written you off. You* kicked so many cows*: Kristen, Susan, Hope, etc. There is only so much *kicking the cows* we allow before we realize that you are a life time member of PETS (PODS EAT THE SOUL). Now that you have awakened, I decided to help you* burgle the bugle* so that you can help your true soulmate: Marlena.

John: I am sorry for *kicking all those cows." I always had to imagine Marlena anyway.

(Gabe and John ride the clouds to where Marlena is. They see her washing herself in a stream.)

John: What do I do??? I want her so badly when she does that. Can you come back later? Gabe, are you listening to me?

Gabe: (Transfixed by Marlena): Did you say something John? Oh, John I forget you were there. We only get to *kick the cows* in my station. Goddesses like Marlena are for the higher ups. I keep thinking I should lead a revolution. (John Lennon's Revolution starts playing. John and Gabe both start doing the Funky Chicken.)

(They come closer to Marlena. Suddenly, they see that Isabella is staring at Marlena. She has the fork in her hand.

Isabella: I will *kick that cow* and then John will love me. We will *burgle the bugle* forever then. Oh no, it's John and that pesky Gabe. He knows my true nature.

John: Come out Isabella and take that blonde wig off.

(Marlena sees John. She knew he would come. She willed it. She always could.)

Marlena: John, I am so glad you are here. Maybe your friend can take Isabella. I am sure she would enjoy having someone *kick the cow* with her.Then, we can enjoy ourselves. (Luther Vandross's "Love Won't Let Me Wait" begins to play)

(John begins to remember both one of the best and one of the saddest nights of his life. Gabe also remembers since he would spend his two week vacation looking at Marlena. It was better than heaven. Neither one sees Isabella getting closer to Marlena.)

Isabella: I will *kick that cow* and all my problems will be over...

confessed by John Black at 8:02 AM

Confessional *Brady Black*

(A wet and shivering Brady lunges forward from the darkness. The only blue that remains are the bruises on his face and arms as well as the blue sticks he calls canes.)

Hey, Bob, any chance you have a towel handy or something? I had to take an unexpected dip in the lake to clean myself up from that blue nail stuff as well as...well, let's just say my encounter with my father wasn't quite the father/son reunion I'd hoped for.

I don't know that the hell my Dad was so pissed off about. So I called his wife a few names. It's not as though I kicked a cow. (Smirks) Hey, I did kick a cow once. Actually, it was more than a kick, but that's a long story...(Scowls) Now though, I couldn't kick a cow even if I wanted to, thanks to Doc and her trigger-happy ex-husband.

(Squinting)Ya know, speaking of kicking a cow, I'm the one who's been taking all the abuse around here! From dear old Doc, my Dad, Sam, Laura, Craig...I think it's time for me to burgle the barrel so to speak. And first up is that psycho Doctor Laura. I'll stay away from St Slut for a while if that will appease my Dad. But it's time to show the resident Wacko just who it is she's messing with. By the time I'm done with her, she'll be burgling the barrel all the way back to the Nut House!!!!


confessed by Brady Black at 12:54 AM

[Kim sits on the deserted beach, her earlier conversation with Marlena running through her head. The more she replays it, the more frustrated she becomes, leaving her angry enough to kick a cow.]

Well, this is just wonderful! On an island that is currently home to two not-so-dead people, a snot-on-canes with a bladder control problem and a penchant for womens clothing, a talking blue squirrel, and a mad 'forker', Marlena feels she needs to be concerned about me??? If that doesn't burgle the barrel, I don't know what does! [She pauses long enough to actually burgle the barrel...er, crate, looking for one of the Hershey bars.
confessed by Kimberly Brady at 12:44 AM