Laura leans on the railing of the penthouse terrace and looks out over the rooftops of Salem. Visibly nothing much has changed; the city looks much the same as it looked when she left. But it’s not the same. She can feel the scars that stretch under the surface; that blight the lives of the friends she loves.
She’s been back mere hours. She’s been in the country for much longer than that, establishing a practice in New York around six months ago after returning from Africa. But as yet, she’d not taken the time to return to Salem. After everything that had happened when she had lived here last time, she has finally managed to get her life back on an even keel and part of her hadn’t even wanted to contemplate setting foot again in the town that had taken over so much of her life. But then, she’d received the call from Marlena, the usually strong voice of her friend so fragile and tear-filled that Laura can still recall the shock she felt upon realising that it was Marlena Evans begging for her help.
So, as the first tremors of fall had brushed the leaves with gold and crystallized the air, she had stepped off a train and re-entered Salem. Still unsure of what she might find, she came straight to Marlena’s. She hasn’t even taken the time to stop by and see Jennifer and Abby. Still, there will be plenty of time for that later.
She’s talked to Marlena on the phone several times since that original call, but hasn’t been able to establish much other than Marlena is defensive and closed off, unwilling to even touch upon what has happened in the context of a phone call. She’d called and asked Laura’s help without really even explaining what had happened, simply trusting in Laura’s generosity and sense of compassion to bring her to Salem.
The man she’s always known as John Black but who has now been unequivocally been proven to be Roman Brady has been more helpful, filling her in on as much detail as he can over the phone. He has faxed her copies of Stefano DiMera’s files and has explained the timeline of events that gave rise to Grace and her subsequent actions. And just as importantly, he has touched on some of the conversations he’s had with Marlena over the past few weeks.
Some of the things he has told her have shocked Laura, and given all that has happened over the past ten years, Laura had considered herself nigh on unshockable.
So she knows what has happened, both years ago and over the past few months; and she knows Marlena’s resultant fears and guilt and self-recriminations. And yet, when Roman had opened the door this morning and she had seen Marlena on the sofa, her stomach had lurched and her heart had skipped a beat.
Her dearest friend looks like a stranger. Under the tanned skin she is so pale she is almost translucent. Dark circles smudge the ghostly skin under her eyes and she is so thin Laura can see the outline of each her ribs beneath her collarbones. She looks like a ghost of the strong, resilient woman that Laura knows and loves.
Marlena had tried to smile when Laura had greeted her but the habitual brave front that she wears is riddled with so many fractures, it barely functions any more. And all Laura can think when she looks at her friend is that this is the thing that has finally broken her.
After establishing that Marlena hasn’t slept more than an hour at a stretch for at least a week, the first thing Laura had done was administer a sedative to allow Marlena a dreamless sleep. Until her body is able to provide the strength for her recuperation, her emotional state will just continue to deteriorate. Laura’s first task is to ensure Marlena regains her physical strength. Only then will they be able to start to work through the emotional minefield that has resulted from this latest DiMera induced calamity.
Laura has always wondered how Marlena has managed to stay sane through all the dramas that her family, Stefano DiMera and generally life, has thrown at her. But now she thinks she has her answer.
Everyone has their breaking point and Marlena has finally found hers. And all those crises that she has managed to surmount, to conquer one by one, have finally come back to haunt her. All those metaphorical demons she’s been subjugating, all the doubts, fears and emotional suffering that she’s so successfully managed to hide deep within herself are now flooding her psyche and she’s unable to escape, even when asleep.
Laura sighs. This isn’t going to be a short journey for Marlena, nor an easy one.
“Roman! Roman, slow down!” Roman has just left the lawyers office and is wandering wearily through Salem place when he hears Kayla’s voice. He stops short and with a sigh, he turns around, stuffing the papers he is holding in the back pocket of his jeans.
“Hey there Kay,” he forces a pained smile and bends down to give his younger sister a tentative hug.
“Hi,” she pulls back, looking slightly awkward, her short, wavy blonde hair bouncing around her face as she shakes her head. “I um, we haven’t seen you since… well, since you came home, Roman. Mom and Dad have been wondering how you both are. Well, we all have.” The pain in her eyes betrays the hurt the family is feeling. Since that night at the Brady pub almost a week ago, Roman has effectively shut them out, maintaining that Marlena needs time and space to heal before she is subjected to more grilling by the family. But Kayla has a sneaking suspicion that it is not just Marlena that Roman is trying to protect.
Roman swallows awkwardly. He’s tired and he doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. He’s got too much on his plate with trying sort out the financial and legal mess that Grace and Stefano have left behind them. And then there’s Marlena. He’d known it was going to take a while for her to deal with this, but things are getting worse, not better. He’s so worried about her he can barely concentrate on anything else.
So right at this moment, he would like nothing more than to just walk away from his sister without a word. But he knows he can’t do that. That’s just not something that Roman Brady would do, is it? And yet he just doesn’t know how to be around his family right now. He doesn’t know how to look at them and smile and pretend that everything is all right.
And he has Marlena to think of.
“I…. well, I told you, Marlena needs some time.” He tries to smile again, but it’s more of a grimace that twitches on his lip and dies quickly away as Kayla crosses her arms.
“*Marlena* needs some time?” she asks pointedly.
“Yes.” His answer is a little too sharp and the words stick in his throat, jagged and painful. “She’s been through hell Kay and she’s in a bad way. She has terrible nightmares, every night. She wakes up in a cold sweat, terrified of going back to sleep. So neither of us are sleeping.” He runs his hand over his face; new lines are etched there that Kayla has never seen before. He does look exhausted, she can’t deny that. “Laura Horton arrived this morning. She’s going to stay with us for a while. See if she can’t help Doc work through some of this… all this pain and this guilt she’s carrying.”
“I’m sure that will help her,” Kayla tells him gently.
She suddenly feels guilty, she’s been thinking about Mom and Pop and their pain but it’s clear that Roman is deeply concerned about Marlena. Kayla had assumed that Marlena would pick up and carry on after this, like she does every time she deals with a crisis. But maybe this time things are different.
But even if that’s the case, Roman shouldn’t shut them out. He can’t be Marlena’s rock without support himself. “But Roman,” she takes his hand in hers, noting the tension she feels as she curls her fingers around the back of his hand, “you need help too. You need to lean on someone. You can’t just keep being strong for Marlena; you have to let someone help you too. And we’re your family.” She looks up at him earnestly. “We want to help you both.”
“I’m fine Kay. And when Marlena feels better, so will I.” His easy manner and his small shrug is a cover for the enormity of the emotions that he has been trying to hold down. He’s been so focussed on Marlena, to the exclusion of all else that he hasn’t even stopped to think how he actually feels about all this. About the Brady’s being his family. About how he is going to find his way back into the arms of the family that turned their backs on him so easily. If he wants to, even.
Truth be told, he doesn’t really want to think about it at all.
But now, seeing the his younger sister staring up at him, her lower lip caught between her teeth as she waits for him to continue, he feels a tumultuous wave of emotions crash through the fragile barriers he has erected over the past few weeks.
They hadn’t wanted to know him, they had proclaimed Lamont as the Roman wanderer returned and they had effectively left him adrift. If it hadn’t been for Marlena, he doesn’t know what would have become of him all those years ago. It’s so tempting to punish them for it, to hurt them like they have hurt him. It would be so easy to tell them all that they have hurt him too much; to turn his back on them the way they did to him. To protect himself from the rejection that the Brady’s have been far too good at where he and Marlena are concerned.
And yet, when all is said and done, they are his family. They are his blood. He can no more turn his back on them than he can his own children. Or his wife. And Marlena needs them right now. If he’s really honest with himself, Kayla is right. *He needs them right now*. He’ll be strong for Marlena until they tear him from this earth, but he can’t do it alone. He’s crumbling; he can feel himself shattering under Kayla’s touch and he needs to hold it together, for Marlena’s sake if nothing else.
The two of them can’t make it through this on their own, that much is self-evident. They’ve been trying and it’s not working. They need the love and support of their family and friends around them while they come to terms with the things they have done and the things that have been done to them.
All these thoughts scatter through his consciousness as he holds Kayla’s hand and his blue eyes do little to hide the storm of emotions that play through him. Kayla squeezes his hand in return and gives him an uncertain smile which flickers into an expression of worry laced with the tiniest bit of fear. Despite the years of distance, she can read her brother like an open book and she understands the merest hint of what he is feeling right now.
“It’s gonna be all right Roman, you know that,” Kayla says quietly. “We’re here for you. We *want* to be here for you, anyway.” She reaches up and lays her fingers against his cheek. “You and Marlena will get through this. We’ll *all* get through this. We’re the Brady’s,” she forces a smile, “that’s what we do, isn’t it?”
Roman lets out a sad, strained laugh. “I guess it is.”
“Listen,” Kayla takes his hand and pulls on it, her smile a little too bright. “Why don’t you come and see Mom and Pop. They’re so eager to see you. They have things they need to tell you.”
“Thanks Kayla,” he gives her a soft, tired smile in return. “I know you’re only trying to help. But really, just… I need a little more time, okay? Marlena is waiting for me back at the Penthouse and,” he pauses for a moment, thinking of Marlena’s tears this morning at the penthouse before Laura had arrived. He feels easier about leaving her with Laura there but still, he feels her pull like an invisible thread that tugs at him every moment he is away from her. “I just can’t be away from her that long Kay. Not right now.”
Not ever if he has his way. He’s spent far too much time separated from his wife, needless, wasted time. He will not waste any more.
“Tell Mom and Pop we’ll come over as soon as we’re ready.” He sees her disappointment and despite himself, he feels bad. “Just give me a few more days Kayla. Just a few more, okay? I have stuff I need to sort out. Once I’ve taken care of things and once I’m sure Marlena’s feeling stronger, we’ll come over, okay?”
“Sure,” Kayla’s expression reveals her disappointment, but Roman knows she understands. They are family, after all. “Just… don’t leave it too long, okay? They’ll think you’re avoiding them if you stay away.” She looks at him solemnly and there is a long pause. And then, “I know you’ve got every reason to be angry with us all, Roman; but they are your parents.”
“I know Kay,” Roman exhales. Kayla knows him too well, and has pinpointed the problem with unerring accuracy as always. He is angry and he does want to avoid them. He is torn between the hurt and the knowledge that they are his blood and that the only way to true healing is to confront the pain head-on.
But not today.
“I do know, and I promise you that as soon as I can, I’ll drop by the pub and see them. Just not today, okay?” He squeezes her shoulder and then before she can say anything more, he turns and stalks away, the papers sticking out of his jeans pocket, brushing the bottom of his jacket as he walks.
“Oh Carrie, that’s just wonderful news dear.” Caroline waves at Bo as she holds the receiver to her ear. “No, of course I won’t. I’ll leave it for you to tell them yourself. And they have a lot to tell you too.” Caroline can barely contain her joy as she squeezes Bo’s hand. “I’ll send your Uncle Bo to pick you up from the airport next Friday. We’re telling everyone to come to the pub at about seven so you’ll be here in plenty of time. All right dear, goodbye.”
Caroline puts the phone down on the bar and turns to her son. “Carrie, she’s flying in next Friday afternoon. I told her you would pick her up.”
“I heard Ma,” Bo smiles indulgently. He’s proud of how his parents have taken the news about their oldest son. He knows it’s been hard for them. Such sudden, explosive revelations have shaken their family to its core; and that dramatic night has been followed by a wintry silence from Roman and Marlena.
And yet, despite their own pain, Caroline and Shawn are making every effort to understand that Roman and Marlena need time. Time to come to terms with what has happened and time to start the healing that they so badly need.
So instead of turning in and dwelling on the wrong that has been done both without and within the family, they have chosen to embrace the fact that their son has been returned to them and they are planning celebrations, the like of which Salem has not seen for many years. “You didn’t tell her then?”
“No,” Caroline shakes her head, her smile dimming slightly. “I don’t think she should hear that kind of news over the phone, do you?”
“No,” Bo throws himself down on a seat at a booth. “I don’t think this is something you can explain over the phone. Which is why *we* didn’t.” He cocks one eyebrow as he looks at Caroline. The understanding and courage they have shown can’t surely be all they are feeling. “How are you taking it Ma? I mean *really*? You’re putting on a brave face and all, but are you and Pops doing with the whole deal?”
“Oh well,” Caroline opens her mouth and then seems to change her mind. Sighing she deflates and slumps onto the seat opposite Bo. “Well, I don’t really know, Bo dear. On one hand, well, it’s wonderful, isn’t it? John is Roman. He’s back and Marlena is safe and…” she trails off, her gaze slipping into the distance.
“And on the other hand?” Bo asks quietly.
“On the other hand….” She looks back at her youngest son, her eyes glistening. “Is he ever going to want to speak to us again? Bo,” her voice shakes as she reaches out to him, her hand clutching at his. “We made terrible mistakes, didn’t we? We turned our backs on Roman when he most needed us. We didn’t even know our *own son*.”
“How could you have known Mom?” Bo asks her earnestly. It’s a question he’s asked himself over and over again. The answer is obvious, but it doesn’t stop him feeling guilty. Doesn’t stop him wanting to beat himself up everytime he thinks of the look on John’s face each time the family had shut him out. “DiMera did a number on us all. He sent that…” he grimaces, “that guy with Roman’s face and Roman’s memory. How *could* we have known?”
“*I* should have known,” Caroline cries hoarsely. This is the firs time she has been able to vocalise what she’s feeling. Shawn won’t talk about it, just insists that what’s done is done and now it’s time to look to the future. She wishes it was that easy. She’s furious. At herself, at Stefano DiMera, at Lamont. At the world for allowing this to happen to her boy. “He’s my son, Bo. He’s my blood and I *should* have known. *I* was the one that convinced John that he was not Roman, remember? I pushed my own son away and took a stranger into our family,” a tear trickles down her cheek. “A stranger that,” her voice lowers to a whisper, “worked for Stefano DiMera. That tried to rape Marlena.” Tears spill over her cheeks and form dark round red circles on the red gingham checks of the tablecloth below her forearms.
“Yeah, it happened Ma and it sucks,” Bo lays his hand on her shoulder and looks into her eyes. “I know, believe me, I’ve been through all this with Hope over the past few weeks. I feel guilty as hell.” He gives a short, bitter laugh. “I could barely look at him, at Roman for the first couple of days. All I could think was to wonder what the hell he must think of me. The brother that turned his back on him. But then I realised that guilt’s not going to help Roman.” He sighs. “Yeah Ma, we made terrible mistakes. We were conned and we should have known but we didn’t. And we gotta get over that fact. Because we were there for him, even though we didn’t know he was Roman, we tried to be there for him when we could because he was still part of our family. And because Roman needs us to be strong right now. He needs us to be there for him.”
“I know that, Bo,” Caroline snaps, her mouth thinning. She pulls her hand away from him and sits back, crossing her arms defensively. “Don’t you think my *every* thought is how I can help him right now? Don’t you think I just want to make things right for him? To try and make up in just a little way for what I did to him?” She shrugs sharply, the gesture accentuating the anger that shimmers through her voice. “But how can I when he won’t see us? Won’t even *talk* to me on the phone?”
“Are you talking about Roman?” Kayla’s voice cuts through Caroline’s gloom and they both turn their heads to see her in the doorway, “because I just saw him in Salem Place.” She walks over and waits for Caroline to shift across the seat before she slides across onto the seat beside her.”
“I know you’re upset he’s not been in touch Mom, and I asked him to drop in and see you but the way he was talking, things are pretty bad with Marlena right now. He didn’t go into too many details, but Mom, I’ve never seen him look that tired before. He’s worried about her and he’s trying to take the whole load on his own shoulders.”
“Well he can’t do that!” Caroline proclaims. And then, “that’s always been Roman’s problem. He tries to do it all himself. He just doesn’t know when to ask for help.”
“Usually he has Marlena,” Bo adds, “but this time…”
“Apparently Laura Horton has come back to Salem to help Marlena,” Kayla adds. “Roman said she’s going to be staying with them. But that’s the thing.” She shrugs. “I know Laura will focus on Marlena and that’s great but Roman’s been through almost as much as Marlena. Having to deal with the fact that those things happened to Marlena when we all thought she was dead. Then the things that happened on their honeymoon…” She looks at Bo but doesn’t elaborate. If this family detailed all their personal turmoil, they’d probably keep therapists in money for years to come. “And then Grace, the mercenary, Stefano’s revelations and then coming so close to losing Marlena. He’s got a lot to come to terms with.” She sighs heavily. “I think *he* probably needs as much help as Marlena does. And I don’t know if he realises that.”
“Well, what can we do?” Caroline asks, her anger now fading into deep concern for her son and his wife. Kayla is right. Roman and Marlena have been asked to bear too much for mere humans to bear.
Kayla gives her a rueful smile and then folds her arm around Caroline’s shoulder. “I’m not entirely sure, but I have a couple of ideas. But what I do know is that we need to be strong for Roman right now Mom, even if he’s not here. Because if I’m not wrong, he’s going to need us sooner than he thinks.”