Marlena is dozing when Roman arrives. He enters the room silently and stands watching her for a long moment. The sight of her pale drawn face makes him breathless and he aches for her. She whimpers in her sleep and he immediately crosses the room to the side of her bed. She is clearly dreaming and her forehead creases into worried lines as her fist clenches by her side.
Roman sighs softly and plays his fingers gently over her curled hand. "Doc? Marlena baby, it's me. C'mon, wake up now. It's just a dream."
She doesn't react to his words, just rolls her head to the side, the tears on her cheeks glittering. Roman sighs and squeezes her fist. She doesn't react and he frowns as he props himself on the edge of the bed and lifts her hand into his lap. Then he leans over and with the pad of his thumb, he gently brushes the stray tears from her face.
"C'mon baby," he murmurs. "It's okay, you're safe now. I won't let anybody hurt you, I promise." She doesn't stir and the creases between his eyebrows deepen. He lifts her hand and absently presses his lips against her knuckles as he watches her ashen face. He shouldn't have left her; he shouldn't have stayed away so long. What if she's lapsed back into a coma? Or worse what if-
Relief floods him as her eyelashes start to flutter and then she slowly opens her eyes.
"Hey girl," he says softly, "there you are. I was getting worried."
"Mmmm?" She's slightly dazed and it takes her a moment to locate herself. "Oh no," she manages a watery smile, "I'm fine."
Roman frowns again as Marlena lifts her hand and winces with pain. She pauses and then passes her hand across her forehead, brushing her bangs from her face. "You don't look like you feel fine," he says with obvious concern. "Do you need some pain relief? Should I call the doctor?"
"Roman," her mouth curls into an amused smile as she slips her fingers between his and squeezes his hand, "really, I'm fine. You don't have to worry so much."
"I'll *always* worry, Doc!" His eyes are glistening as he holds hers with an intense stare. "To see you in pain, it kills me, don't you know that?"
She stares at him for a beat before she answers and he suddenly realizes that he has no idea what is going through her head. She is no longer Grace, but she's not quite his Marlena anymore either. Well, she *is* his Marlena but she's more than that, somehow different and enigmatic....
"I know that," her lips flutter into a gentle smile. "Of course I know that. But I'm fine."
Roman takes a deep breath and studies her face. She is wan beneath the sun-kissed skin and there are deep smudges of grey beneath her eyes. She looks tired and.... haunted. "How did you sleep, baby?" he asks, his thumb absently stroking the back of her hand.
"I..." her smile fades, her voice becoming thin and tremulous. "Okay I guess."
"You *guess*?" Roman raises one eyebrow.
"Oh Roman," she sighs. "Can we not talk about it right now? I'm so tired of thinking about it. I just want to.... can't we talk about something else?" Roman bites on the inside of his lip. He knows as well as she does that they have to face the truth of what has happened to them at some point. But she's right, that time doesn't have to be right now. She's emotionally drained, that much is clear. He wonders if she's even slept at all. The least he can do for her this morning is try and bring her some peace and keep her mind from the memories and the fears that haunt her.
He nods with the hint of a smile and her face brightens. She squeezes Roman's hand. "Let's start again, shall we? How are you this morning, Mr. Brady?"
"I'm just fine Mrs.-" he pauses, blinking for a moment. "What do I call you? Mrs. Brady? Mrs. Black?"
"Brady?" Marlena holds his eyes for a moment and then despite herself, she begins to laugh. "Oh Roman. Poor Brady!"
"Brady Brady?" Roman chuckles at the irony. "Well, that's unfortunate. Poor kid might have an identity crisis like his old man."
Marlena smiles, her eyes glittering as she reaches her fingers out and touches his face. He closes his eyes, breathing in her scent as he nestles his cheek into the curve of her palm. "It's just a name," she whispers, her breath stolen by the beauty of him and what he is to her. "You're still *you*. John Black. Roman Brady. The man I have always and will always love."
Roman lifts heartbreakingly vivid eyes to hers and she swallows. A world of words passes between them without the need to utter a single one and she feels tears gather in his eyes. She has spent half the night lying awake, reliving all the terrible things Grace has said and done to him. Grace.... her alter ego, the personality her mind manufactured to protect her. The personality that had all but destroyed everything she held dear.
And yet, here he is, still loving her, more than ever if that's at all possible. She's sure she doesn't deserve it... part of her wants to, feels she should, turn him away. But that would hurt him even more than he's already been hurt and she will not be the cause of more pain. Roman has lost so much of his life to lies and deceit. So has she. Now is the time to help him to heal and maybe in the process she can find some peace.
Maybe.
"Well, I guess if I'm legally Roman Brady," he looks at the bare finger on her left hand and then lifts it, "and you're legally Mrs. John Black, we're gonna need to get that changed. Guess we need to get married again."
"Again!?" Marlena laughs, a weary, joyous laugh that fills him with happiness. "Roman, four weddings? Isn't that a little excessive?"
Roman's eyes sparkle as he leans in to her. "I couldn't ever marry you enough Doc. I love you, I adore you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He brushes his lips against hers and she moans softly, just breathing him in, the feel of him and the scent of him. Like he's paradise that she almost lost and then clutched hold of at the last moment. He grins and lifts his hand to her hair, tucking strands of spun gold behind her ear. "I want to celebrate that *as* Roman Brady with *all* my family around me. Four times, four hundred times, it would never be sufficient to tell the world how much I love you."
"Oh Roman..." Her eyes dance with flecks of amber and her skin is still golden from the time spent in the sun in the Tennessee mountains. Her nose and cheeks are dusted with a smattering of freckles and Roman finds himself wanting to kiss each and every one of them.
"Marlena," he says huskily as he takes her hand, "will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Roman Brady? Yes, *again*." His lips flicker with the hint of a smile as she looks at him solemnly.
"Anywhere you are my love, I will always follow," she holds his eyes with hers, the light and the love for him dancing within them. "Of course I will marry you, Roman. Just name the time and the place and I will be there by your side. Don't imagine I don't know how much I owe you or how much you've risked for me. If I have to spend the rest of my life showing you what you mean to me, it won't be long enough."
Roman swallows, squeezing her fingers within his oversized hand. He feels dizzy for a moment, overwhelmed by her expression of her love for him and knowing how lucky he is that she shares the same feelings he has for her.
"God I love you," he says quietly. "I wish I could even start to put it into words, the feelings I have for you. When I thought I'd lost you again..."
He starts to shake his head but she puts her fingers to his lips and shakes hers instead. "Shhhh..." is all she says.
He nods and curls his fingers around her wrist and then lifting his hand, he kisses her palm with gentle surrender. "Listen baby, there is something you should know. I'm afraid it won't be a big wedding," he gives her a crooked kind of half-smile. "in fact, nothing's going to be big for a while. We're.... well, I'm kinda broke now."
"Oh," she looks a little nonplussed and then understanding sweeps across her features. For a moment, her expression holds a little guilt and then a quiet acceptance brings a soft smile to her face. "Yes, I guess we are." She blinks and then she shrugs, as though this is of little more consequence than if he'd said there was no fruit in the fruit bowl.
Roman exhales the breath he wasn't even aware he was holding and his face breaks into a wide smile. He's astonished at how relieved he suddenly feels and his smile is nothing less than radiant. He knows she understands. That she feels like he does, even though he wasn't fully aware he felt it until now. And it couldn't make him happier. "You know what sweetheart?" he gives a slight chuckle. "I don't think I care. The money was never anything more than a complication anyway. As long as I've got you, that's all I need in this world."
"Well, we do have to eat Roman," she can't help the smile that echoes his. If he thought this news was going to upset her, he couldn't be more wrong. She's not even sure why, other than she's craving simplicity, just the idea of being with him, going to sleep with him, waking up with him and doing all the things they used to do together before life got so crazy. She doesn't understand why she feels like the past ten years has been wiped from her life, but for a moment, it does. And she's grateful for it, even if it's just a fleeting glimpse of how their life could be once all this madness is behind them.
But there are some realities to consider. "You do realize I won't be practicing when we return to Sal-..." she falters as she contemplates their return home. The faces and the fingers that will be pointing at her. She's not sure she'll ever be ready for that.
"Hey," Roman drops a kiss on the tip of her nose and twines his fingers between hers. "It's going to be fine. Don't worry about it. I promise you, I won't let anything bad happen to you, okay?"
"You can't protect me from the Medical Council, Roman," she whispers. "They'll strike me off the register this time, for sure. And even if they didn't, who will ever trust me again? A psychiatrist with MPD?" She smiles bitterly at the irony. "Hardly inspires confidence, does it?" She sighs and drops her eyes, fastidiously studying the starched cotton that covers her legs. "To be honest, I don't think I could ever trust myself with a patient again. To know that I could be capable of such vile, cruel words. That I could...." her lips tremble and a lone tears spills down her cheek. "That I could hurt people like that...."
"Hey," Roman grips her chin between his thumb and forefinger and forces her to look at him. "We've been through this, Doc. It wasn't you. Wasn't your fault."
"I don't believe that, Roman." She says softly. "I can't believe I didn't have any control over the things she did. She was part of me, she was what my mind invented to protect me. She *is* me. You need to face that."
"Marlena, she is nothing like you," Roman says in a fierce whisper. "The things that Stefano did to you.... he broke you. He shattered you and then he twisted her out of your remains. Listen baby," he cups her cheek in his hand, still holding her gaze, "he might not have done it in the same way he did with Hope and I, but he brainwashed you, fed you lies to make you believe I had given up on you. And when that didn't work, he brutalized you. Maybe not with his own hands, but it was on his orders. It was his orders, his choices that unleashed Grace. It wasn't yours."
Marlena shudders, splinters of the memories that have been haunting her all night prickling at her consciousness. She doesn't want to remember them, doesn't want to relive any of those moments. Either Grace's or before Grace. But she knows from experience that they will come. She remembers they happened and the details, sketchy as they are, will filter into her consciousness piece by awful piece until she is confronted by everything that she has done and has been done to her.
"I don't know if I'm strong enough," she whispers as the tears come swiftly now, coursing over paling cheeks.
"Of course you're strong enough," Roman tells her gently. "And in the moments when you feel like you aren't, I'll be your strength.
Marlena says nothing, just sighs and closes her eyes, a thin stream of tears trickling over her cheeks. With a frown, Roman edges onto the bed next to her and curls his arms gently around her broken body. She stiffens for a moment, as though to resist his embrace and then she sags against him, burying her face in the warmth of his shirt.
"I'll take care of you Marlena," he tells her quietly. "I'll be the strong one for a change. You've had to be strong for so long, for so much of our life together. You've had to bear too much. Well, now I'm going to be the one that's strong for you. I'll be your rock, the one you can lean on." He kisses the top of her head, stopping just long enough to inhale the fragrance of sunshine, tinged with the slight edge of hospital.
After a moment, Marlena lifts her head. "Roman." She swallows, searching his eyes with her own, "you always *have* been, don't you *know* that?"
He smiles a little and then shakes his head. "I just know that without you, I'm all at sea. Don't know if I'm coming or going. It's only you that makes sense of it all, Doc. I just can't bear life without you."
"You won't ever have to again," she says solemnly, lifting her hand to cup his cheek and then pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. "I promise you that." She starts to pull away but his arms stiffen and he captures her lips again with his, deepening the kiss. Marlena feels a thrill that ripples down the length of her body as his tongue parts her lips and slips into her mouth. She gives a tiny moan as he showers her with soft, gentle, insistent kisses, and then she finds herself responding in kind, her fingers clutching at his hair and her tongue colliding with his.
Finally, gasping for breath, they come apart and they simply stare at each other in wonder for the longest of moments. Roman reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers tender, belying the hunger in his gaze.
Suddenly struck by the memory of a violent struggle in a dingy hotel room, Marlena shivers breathlessly and averts her eyes. Her heart is pounding and she presses her lips together, struggling for composure.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Roman asks, but his words are tentative. He's seen her slight shudder and felt the stiffening of her body against his. He's known this was coming. That it will come, often and painfully over the next few weeks. And he also knows Marlena's usual way of dealing with pain and anger. He won't let her do it this time.
"Nothing," her voice is husky but then she looks up at him with unusually bright eyes. "Roman, how is Belle? And Sami?"
"I haven't talked to them, but Bo talked to Mom and Pop and they said all the kids are fine." Roman knows what she is trying to do. "Doc, what's going on? How are you feeling? Really?"
"I'm fine, honey," her answer is a little too quick and her smile a little too forced.
"Marlena, you're not being honest with me." He looks at her from earnest eyes fringed with impossibly dark lashes and his forehead is creased into lines of concern. "C'mon baby, talk to me. Tell me why you just pulled away from me. What were you thinking about?"
Marlena stares at him. She swallows but her tongue and throat are so dry they stick and she drops her head. "You know me too well." Her voice is trembling now, all the fight has gone from her. She feels so tired and so confused. "I keep thinking," she says, her voice strained, "well, wondering really, how she was different to me. I've been awake half the night. Nightmares. Things I... she said... she did. And I can see them, I can even feel some of the things she felt. But I don't understand her. Why she did those things. How she could hurt you," her voice becomes strangled and she chokes the words out, "the way she did."
She looks up at him now, her face strained and haunted. "What was she like Roman? Grace. What was she like?"