Shadows are lengthening as Roman and Marlena walk slowly towards the pub. There is a chill in the air that tells of autumn drawing in and the leaves on the trees are starting to drain of colour.
Marlena can feel her stomach churning as they near the entrance to the pub. She really doesn’t want to do this. With all the work she has done with Laura over the past couple of weeks, she had thought herself ready for this. But every nerve in her body is screaming at her to turn and run. Run far, far away where she’ll never have to face any of the people she hurt again.
They are close enough now to see the familiar and loved faces through the window. The children she has spent enough time with that she feels safe and secure in their love and acceptance of her. Likewise Bo and Hope. But Shawn and Caroline she hasn’t seen since that night in the pub when she told them the truth about who she had been and the things she had done. And there are others that she hasn’t seen since Grace had been in control. Maggie, Julie, Victor... so many people that she hurt. That she would have hurt if she’d had half the chance.
She sees Abe talking to Lexie and her panic flares. She knows Abe suspected her involvement in Lamont’s death. Can she really look him in the eyes and lie about what happened? Can she really face any of them, knowing that she’s no longer the Marlena they knew and loved. Because she’s not. That Marlena is gone. She’s as dead and buried as the late, non-lamented Lamont. Marlena isn’t at all sure who Marlena Evans Brady is today but she knows she’s not the same person that she was before Grace absconded with her life.
Roman is two steps ahead of her but it’s as though he senses her apprehension and her turns almost before her own footsteps falter into nothingness.
“You okay, Doc?” he asks her quietly.
“Not really, no,” she shakes her head, her cheeks coloring. Her voice comes out as little more than a whisper. “Roman, I don’t think I can do this.”
“You *can* do this, Doc.” His voice is firm and sure. “You have to. And these are the people that love you. They love you and they want to be there for you. For us,” he adds.
“How do you know that?” she demands with a hint of defiance. “You keep telling me that people will forgive, but Roman, why should they?” She bites her bottom lip and wraps her arms around her bare upper arms, shivering with the cold and the apprehension she feels. “Abe suspected that I killed Lamont. He’s supposed to just forget about that?”
Roman sighs and then steps forward, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close to him. “C’mon baby, I know you’re scared.” His chest vibrates against her cheek as he speaks. “But Abe was down in New Orleans with us, remember?” he reminds her gently. “He knows what Stefano put you through. He knows about Lamont. He understands it all and he doesn’t blame you for anything that happened over the past few months. Nobody does. You really think Mom and Pop would let anybody into that pub who was going to give you a hard time? All the people in there are there because they know the truth and they *still* love you and want you in their lives.” The tone of his voice hardens a little. He has discussed this with Laura. The need for a little tough love when Marlena’s fears get the better of her. He hates being hard on her when she is so vulnerable but she needs to start facing her fears or they will become magnified out of all proportion. “Are you really going to repay their love and loyalty by turning your back on them now?”
Marlena’s eyes shine brightly and her jaw clenches as she swallows and looks away, unable to face the challenge in his eyes.
Pull yourself together, Marlena. The small steely voice inside her comes, unbidden. Look what happened last time you didn’t. Fall apart or get a grip on yourself. Time to make a choice, Marlena Evans.
Pursing her lips, she flicks away the tears from her cheeks and takes a deep, steadying breath. Then she looks back at her husband.
“All right,” she nods. “You’re right. Of course you’re right.” She steels herself, pushing her shoulders back and raising her chin slightly. Her heart is pounding but the nausea is already fading. It’s time to face the music. “I’m ready.”
~
At Salem International Airport, Bo Brady looks at the arrivals board with a deeply concerned frown. He looks at his watch once more before he pulls out his cell phone. He stares at the face of it before he looks at the arrivals board again. Then, tucking his phone back into the pocket of his jeans, he strides over to the information desk.
~
“Marlena!” Maggie is by her side even before she is through the door. “Oh Marlena, it is so good to see you.” Her longtime friend flings her arms around Marlena’s neck and hugs her closely before Marlena can even begin to react. “I’m so sorry,” she is saying. “Oh Marlena, I had no idea... Caroline told me everything. I just want you to know how sorry we are that you went through...” she pulls back her green eyes sparkling with sympathy and pain at the knowledge she now bears. “... well everything that you’ve gone through. I can’t even imagine-”
“Maggie,” Marlena’s voice is throaty as she takes her friend’s hand and squeezes it tightly. “*I’m* sorry. For the things I said to you... before... when I was...”
“But it wasn’t you!” Maggie shrugs. “You don’t need to apologize, Marlena.”
“I feel I do.” Marlena affirms, slowly and clearly. “Maggie, what happened doesn’t completely absolve me of all blame.” It’s suddenly hard to swallow over the dry lump in her throat and she steels herself for the words she needs to speak. “I need you to understand that Grace is still part of me. I didn’t just slough her off like an old skin. She didn’t just disintegrate into nothingness... she’s as much a part of me as the old Marlena is.” She looks around, realising that everyone has fallen silent and is looking at her. She feels Roman’s hand take hers and she meets Laura’s eyes. Laura nods and smiles encouragingly as she slides her arm around Jennifer’s shoulders.
“You should all know that.” She feels perversely stronger as she says it, knowing that it is the truth and her friends and family are going to forgive her and accept her back into their lives it has to be with the full knowledge of who she is and everything that she has been and can be. “Grace was born out of the horrors I lived through but she was me. She was part of me.” She takes her hand from Maggie’s and presses her palm to her chest. “And she’s *still* part of me, she’s just not locked away in a corner of my head any more. I have to live with the things she did, with the memories.” She passes her eyes over each of them in turn, making sure they are listening to her and that they understand that she is completely rational and understands the implications of what she is saying. “I remember *everything* that happened to me ten years ago and I remember *everything* I did while I was Grace. And I also remember everything that I did to every one of you over the past few months. I’m working very hard to accept that, to understand it and to forgive myself. But I don’t expect any of you to just automatically forgive me. Because we’re friends. Because we’re bound by blood.” She looks at Sami now, practically daring her daughter. If anyone turns on her, it will be Sami, she knows that.
“Grace was me and I can feel her inside me still. Yes, she was who she was because of Stefano’s manipulations and abuses and violence. She protected me when the woman you knew couldn’t protect herself. But she came from somewhere inside me. And what you need to know is that I am now both of those women.”
She’s surprised that the more she speaks, the stronger she feels. She’s spent so many years missing part of herself that she feels that somehow her truth was hidden from her family and friends too. But now she’s laying it all on the table it feels like a burden is being lifted from her shoulders. She’s finally free to be Marlena Evans again. Not just a well respected doctor or Roman’s wife or her children’s mother. But herself, wholly and completely.
“Somehow, those women, Marlena and Grace have combined to make the me I am now.” She surprises even herself with the small smile that traces her lips “I have yet to figure out how I feel about that. But you see, you all have to figure that out too. I’m not the same woman I was. Not when I was Grace. But also not when I was Marlena for the ten years after I returned from the hell that Stefano created for me.” She turns to Roman and smooths her palm against the side of his face with a loving smile. “That doesn’t mean I feel any differently about any of you. I love you more than life itself.” She turns back to find Sami again. “*All* of you. But I don’t expect you to feel the same about me. Not after the things I did. Not before you know who I am now.”
There is a beat when everything is silent and then it’s Sami who speaks.
“Are you *crazy* Mom?” She pushes past the other guests until she’s standing in front of her mother her expression challenging and Marlena feels her heart sinking once again. “You think we don’t know who you are? Of *course* we know who you are.” Then, to Marlena’s astonishment Sami laughs as she throws her arms around her mother. “And actually, pretty much all of us think you’re pretty awesome. We love *you*. Whoever you think you are. So get used to it!”
Sami’s exclamation of acceptance breaks the tension in the room and suddenly there is laughter and words of agreement and Marlena is mobbed by friends and family trying to say their piece. Which is generally that they don’t need time to accept the *new* her. That they’ll take her anyway she comes. That whether she seeks forgiveness and acceptance or not, she has it in abundance.
For a moment, she seeks Roman’s eyes over Julie’s shoulder. He has his arm around Kayla’s shoulder and he is watching her with a smile that fills her heart with joy. Her eyes widen helplessly as Julie envelops her in a suffocating hug and Roman shrugs, his expression a perfect melding of relief, amusement and more than just a hint of ‘I told you so’.
And with that, Marlena gives in. Who is she to tell these people that they can’t love her? They are better people than she is. All she can do from now on is to try and be worthy of their love and their loyalty.
“She didn’t expect that, did she?” Sami asks her father as she sidles up to him, a smirk on her face. “She was expecting ‘old Sami’.”
“I think she was, peanut.” Roman slips his free arm around her and she leans into him, leaning her head on his shoulder as she watches her grandparents welcome Marlena back into their home with smiles and love and joy. They have their son back and they have her to thank. However much she might disavow that fact, it is that. A fact. Not just that it had been Grace who had been instrumental in revealing the truth about Roman, but that Marlena herself had been his anchor when everyone else had cast him adrift. Without Marlena in his life, Roman would have left Salem and been lost to them, maybe forever. They have so much to thank her for. And so many reasons to love her. “Thanks sweetheart,” he adds quietly. “It was the perfect thing to say.”
“You don’t need to thank me.” Sami watches Jennifer and Laura hugging Marlena and feels the kind of peace she’s never felt before as she sees Marlena smile and feels her father hugging her close. “It’s true. We love her.”
That peace is dispelled a moment later as Hope comes towards them, wearing an expression of deep concern.
“What is it Hope?” Roman asks immediately, a note of foreboding creeping into his voice. “What’s happened?”
“It’s...” Hope pauses and then speaks in a low, urgent voice. “Nothing, probably. But... Bo thought you should know. He went to the airport this afternoon. To pick up Carrie. She was supposed to be flying in from Geneva. She wanted to surprise you and Marlena.”
“*Supposed* to be?” Roman’s arm tightens around Sami’s shoulder and she slips her own around his waist. Her heart has started to pound at the sudden tightening of his voice, at the darkening of his expression as well as the alarm in Hope’s voice.
“Well, that’s the thing.” Hope jams her fingers into her jeans pockets and shrugs, the casualness of her gesture poorly covering the panic she’s starting to feel. “She didn’t get off the plane. Bo waited for over an hour after the passengers cleared. And then he had to wait for official permission to get the passenger manifest.” Her voice falters and she has to clear her throat before she continues. She’s aware of the fact that the pub has fallen silent again and Marlena is now standing behind her, the tension emanating from her in waves.
“Carrie never got on that plane in Switzerland.” Hope finishes, her voice deep and strained.
“Bo’s tried to call her?” Marlena moves to Roman’s side as Kayla steps aside, understanding that her brother and Marlena need each other right now. When Hope nods mournfully, Marlena’s shoulders slump. “Of course he has.”
“When she didn’t answer, he called Austin. Who said he dropped Carrie off at the airport in plenty of time to make the flight.” Hope presses her lips together, her brow furrowing in worry and fear. “What we know... all we know right now is that Carrie got to the airport, she checked her bags and got her boarding pass. But she never got on the plane.”
“And now no-one knows where she is.” Marlena feels as though she’s slipped into one of her nightmares as the sea of faces swims in front of her.
“*Someone* knows where she is.” Roman’s voice is barely more than a whisper but his face conveys all the fear and all the fury that course through him.
“But...” Marlena stops short, her face paling, her breaths shortening. “He can’t. He’s locked up.” She looks up into Roman’s face and sees her worst fears reflected there. “Roman -” Her hand clasps his as though it’s a lifeline. “Roman, *no*!”
And then she sees Stefano in her minds eye. His black eyes glinting behind iron bars. His smile cruel and taunting.
“I will come for you Marlena, that, I promise you. Watch your beautiful young family and enjoy them while you can. Because I will be coming, when you least expect it.”
Oh, *God*. This can’t be happening. Not now.
She struggles for breath, each gasp short and labored as Roman encircles her in his arms and holds her close, silently battling with his own fears.
And then she sees Abe coming towards them and something in his expression freezes her to the core. She sags briefly in Roman’s arms, waves of dizziness washing over her. And then she pulls herself together. She can’t go to pieces now. She *won’t*. Not again. Not *ever* again.
“Abraham.” Roman’s voice is hoarse and for a moment it is just her and him, clinging to each other for dear life. Waiting for the truth that they both know is undeniable. DiMera has escaped custody.
Stefano DiMera has their daughter.
“I’m *so* sorry my friend.” Abe says sorrowfully. “Agent Jones just called me. They discovered his cell was empty at three o’clock this afternoon. No-one can give me any explanations right now.” His dark eyes trace their pallid, distressed faces. “I *will* get answers, Roman. I *promise* you of that.”
“It doesn’t matter how he did it,” Marlena says dully, the stillness of her voice belying the swirl of emotions taking place inside her. “The only thing that matters is that he *did* it. And now he has Carrie.” Her jaw sets firmly and she wipes away the tears that have fallen. She has no room for tears now. No room for weakness.
“We don’t *know* that.” Kayla interjects, trying to be helpful. “We don’t know that the two are connected.” But even as she says it, she knows it’s not true. They all know it’s not true.
“Yes we do Kay,” Roman confirms Marlena’s words. He is furious and terrified. This should not have happened. They should not be going through this right now. They were supposed to be picking up the pieces of their lives, not having everything blown to smithereens by DiMera once again. But it’s a fact that the old man has their little girl. Stefano has reset the chess board and he’s playing them once again. “We do know. Stefano warned us in New Orleans. He as good as told us that *this*is what he would do. And now he’s done it.”
He looks at the assembled faces, the pale, tear-stained, frightened and angry faces. Waiting for his next words. The next move. And then he turns to Marlena. Taking her face tenderly in his hands, he fixes her warm hazel eyes with his gaze, willing her to stay strong.
“I love you,” she says simply, letting him know that she is okay. That she is strong. That whatever Stefano throws at her now, she will survive. *They* will survive.
“I love you too, Marlena.” It’s all he needs. The two of them, stronger than ever, united in a common goal. “I’ll find her, Doc. I promise you, I’ll get Carrie back.”
“*We’ll* get her back,” Marlena corrects him. “If you think you’re going anywhere without me Roman Brady, you are *very* much mistaken.” She straightens slightly, squaring her shoulders, daring him to argue with her.
“Doc-” he takes the lapels of her shirt in his fingers.
“No, Roman.” She shakes her head firmly. Now that the worst has happened, now that her nightmares have been realized, she is finding reserves of strength she didn’t know existed. Stefano is coming for her, just as he promised. But this time, she will be ready for him. “You know as well as I do that Stefano won’t be found unless he wants to be found. And he wants Grace back, he told us that.” Roman shakes his head, his impossibly blue eyes imploring with her to stop arguing, even as he knows she won’t. As he knows she’s right.
“Roman, he’s planning to use Carrie as bait. That’s the way he operates. You won’t find her on your own. He wants me so I have to go to him.” Roman shakes his head again, his eyes glassy with tears. “It’s the only way, you know it is,” she tells him softly. “We will find him. *Together*. And then we will *finish* this. Once and for all.”
“Yes,” he nods at last, his voice gruff with unspoken emotion. “We will, Doc. This time, one way or another, we *will* finish it. I promise you.”
Wrapping their arms around each other they cling together tightly, drawing strength from their bond. From their love. From their certainty.
They will find Carrie and they will beat Stefano.
And they will finish Stefano DiMera’s business with the Brady family.
*Whatever* it takes.