A soft golden light filters through her fluttering lashes as she opens her eyes. She feels adrift for a moment, disoriented. Something is different.
Something is wrong.
And then, she realizes what it is. She’s not been awoken by the nightmares. No thumping heart and clammy skin. No prickling of her skin. No terror washing through her, obliterating any sense of stability she might have gained from her night’s rest.
She’s awaking with a sense of peace that she’s not felt for what seems like forever.
In her half-asleep state, she turns over to find Roman watching her.
“Morning beautiful,” he greets her with a gentle smile that fills her heart with inexplicable joy.
“Hi,” she smiles back at him, her voice husky as she stretches her arms above her head. “What time is it?”
“A quarter past ten,” he brushes some stray strands of hair from her face and then leans over to plant a soft kiss on her lips. “I didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful.”
“I was,” her brows knit briefly in the middle as she considers her uninterrupted night’s sleep. “I can’t quite believe it. No nightmares…” she trails off with a tiny shudder, as the dreams that have plagued her swim before her eyes for the briefest of moments.
“Hey,” Roman brushes his thumb across her cheek again. “That’s a good thing, right?”
“It’s a wonderful thing,” she shakes her head, dispelling the unwanted images and she smiles at him. “The sessions with Laura are really starting to help.”
It’s been almost two weeks since her breakthrough session with Laura and she’s been committing to three hours every day to work through the residual emotions she has about what happened, about Grace and integrating back into her life. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it; she is starting to see the benefits. A good nights sleep is an excellent reminder of that.
“Hold me?” she smiles shyly at Roman. It feels like forever since they have been intimate and for the past few months, it seems like every time she has been in Roman’s arms it’s been because she’s been terrified. She wants to remember how good it feels to be held by him, to smell his scent. To feel his lips on hers.
“You don’t have to ask twice, Doc.” He grins as he edges closer to her and eases his arms around her.
She sighs as she settles into his embrace. The familiar feel of his skin, warm against hers. The musky, morning smell of him. She closes her eyes and nuzzles his chest, feeling him kiss the top of her head. This is magical. After all they have been through, that they can find and trust and love each other the way they do, it’s a miracle. It’s perfect. They are perfect.
“I love you,” she murmurs softly.
“I love you too, baby,” his voice hums against the top of her head. “I love you more every day. I love your kindness and your strength and the way you always fight to do what’s right.”
A wave of guilt washes through her and she tenses momentarily. “Not always,” she reminds him in a sombre tone.
“That wasn’t your fault,” he reminds her in return, his fingers stroking her hair, soothing her. “I thought we’d established that, Doc.”
“Yes,” she sighs, pulling back from him slightly so that she can look him in the eyes. She searches their blue depths for a moment and then gives him a fleeting smile. “We have. I know it intellectually, Roman. I even believe it, in my head. I am having a hard time convincing my heart though.”
“I understand,” he says simply. “But you’ll get there, Doc.” He strokes the side of her cheek with his crooked forefinger.
“We both will.” She draws her hand over his shoulder and down his back, visualising the tattoo etched there underneath her fingers. Stefano has done so much to try and destroy them, but he has only served to strengthen their love, their unbreakable bond.
“Listen Doc, I uh..” he closes his eyes and then shakes his head.
“What?” she asks, concern creasing her brow. “Roman?”
He scrutinises her for a long moment and then presents her with a forced smile. “No, never mind, Doc. This isn’t the right time, it can wait. Just ignore me,” his smile widens, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Roman, what is it?” She pulls away from him and pushes herself into an upright sitting position. “What’s wrong? You can’t just do that-”
She’s starting to sound panicked as he holds up his hands with the ghost of a smile. “Okay, okay!” He reaches out to take her hand in his oversized one. “Don’t get yourself upset, baby. It’s nothing serious. We just,” he chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment, evidently trying to decide which words to use. “Well, you know things have changed for us, financially.”
She nods her head without a word but he sees her pale visibly. “Hey, no blaming yourself, okay? It wasn’t my money to begin with, as it turns out. Now we know I’m *not* Forrest Alamain, Vivian is going to come looking for her money sooner or later anyway. It just so happens that now she has to get it from Stefano. Or the feds if they can track it down…”
“Unlikely,” Marlena shakes her head. She knows exactly how well Stefano can hide away the things he doesn’t want found. “Stefano has accounts hidden in places that no-one can touch them.”
“Well, anyway,” Roman shrugs his shoulders. That’s not his concern any more. “The point is, we were living off money that was never ours to begun with. Isabella’s money is safe because it’s tied up in the Toscano Foundation and in Brady’s trust fund. But that means I can’t access it either. Not that I would.”
“Which means…” Marlena doesn’t have to think through all the consequences of this particular act of vengeance meted out by her alter-ego. She’s already turned them all over in her head a million times. She’s only been waiting for Roman to bring it up because she hasn’t been able to bring herself to. To acknowledge another of Grace’s crimes that took place inside her skin.
“There’s no money left in Basic Black,” Roman tells her. “It’s gone into liquidation.”
“You don’t have a job,” she concludes in a small voice. “And neither do I.” Marlena looks around her at the penthouse bedroom. “We both know I’ll never practice as a psychiatrist again.” She brushes away a traitorous tear that shimmers on her lower lashes. She doesn’t even think she ever wants to practice again. But to know that she doesn’t have a choice, that that has been taken away from her by Stefano like so much else.
He has stripped so much from her. He has taken years. Time with her children. Time with Roman. He has taken life and laughter from her and left her with anger and fear. He robbed her of her very self, her identity and he had twisted her into a raging, broken reflection of what he needed her to be. And now he has taken the one thing that has always been hers and hers alone. Her profession. Her pride in being able to help people. To help them towards peace and happiness. Being a doctor is so much a part of who she is… how does she even start to find Marlena Evens again without that?
“Hey baby,” Roman rouses her from her reverie, his warm calloused palm cupping her cheek. “It’s going to be okay. You’ll find something new. We both will.”
“I know… it’s just…”
“I know Doc,” Roman drops his hand and floats his thumb across the back of her fingers as he stares at her hand. “I understand. When I became John Black again all those years ago… it wasn’t just you and the kids and the family that I lost. I wasn’t allowed to be a cop anymore.” He tilts his head and looks at her. There is no accusation in his eyes, just an empathy that makes her want to weep. “That was who I was, you know? Even if they took my name from me, I still knew how to be a cop. And then they took that from me too.”
“Roman, I’m so-”
Roman squeezes her hand.
“Doc, I don’t want to hear you say you’re sorry again. We’ve been through all that. It’s done, it’s in the past.” He sighs with the weight of all the things that are racing through his head. Their past is a veritable minefield but their future is no flower-filled meadow either. “We need to put the past where it belongs, we’ve got a hell of a lot in front of us to overcome, it’s going to take all the energy we have to rebuild our lives. Can’t we just leave all our mistakes and misfortunes behind us now?”
Marlena’s mouth stretches into a tight smile and she nods her head acquiescently. If only it were that easy. Roman knows it’s not that easy. But he’s right, of course he is. Her smile becomes gentler and more natural and she leans forward into his embrace. “We can try, at least.” She tells him.
“Yeah,” he nods and kisses the top of his head. “Cos listen Doc, what I was trying to say before. We don’t really have any money left. And baby, we have to live somehow.”
She looks around the bedroom once again, her train of thought returning to it’s starting point. “And the upkeep on this place is too expensive.”
“Yeah, it is.” Roman leans back to look at her once again. “We’ve still got the old house but I don’t think either of us want to live there, am I right?”
“No,” she shudders lightly, thinking of all the nights she had shared with Lamont, the Roman-faced impostor in that house. And the last night she had shared with him there. Or rather, Grace had shared with him. “I don’t think I ever want to see it again.”
“Well, good, because I’ve already had the estate agent around to look at it. And as soon as I give her the word, she’ll put it up for sale.” He pauses. “This place too. Are you okay with that, Doc?”
“More than okay,” she says firmly. “Roman, this… this used to be my home but too much has happened here for me to want to stay. All I can feel in any of these rooms is the ghost of Grace. And Stefano,” she adds, although it hardly needs saying. Stefano inhabits this penthouse as surely as she and Roman ever have. Everywhere she turns are memories and ghosts of the past. She shakes her head, golden hair tumbling around her shoulders and Roman sees a spark of strength and defiance in her eyes he’s not seen for the longest time. “No, I want to go. This place isn’t good for me. It’s not good for us.”
“I’m really glad to hear you say that, sweetheart.” He pulls her against him once again and she melts into his arms with a sigh. “Because I couldn’t agree more. I say we sell this place, sell the old house and find somewhere new for the two of us. Somewhere where we can make a fresh start together.”
“Somewhere...?” she turns in his arms to look at him uncertainly.
“Oh, I mean in Salem, Doc!” he grins. “We’ve finally got our family back together, you think they’re going to let us walk out on them now?”
“Oh, no,” Marlena gives a relieved smile and a small chuckle. “I think the kids would lock us up before they’d let us go anywhere.”
“Hey, speaking of the family,” Roman’s blue eyes glitter as he strokes her upper arm, “how do you feel about taking a small trip this afternoon? To the pub.” He says in reply to her unspoken question. “I know Mom and Pop would love to see us. And they’re not the only ones.” He raises his eyebrows meaningfully, “they haven’t given much away but they’ve informed me that we want to be there later on as there’s something, or, I got the impression, *someone*,” he pauses meaningfully “that we may want to see.”
“Someone huh?” Marlena forces a small, tight smile. She might be feeling a little better and a little stronger but the thought of facing the whole family again, now that they know everything that she did as Grace, now that they’ve had time to digest it all, is a little daunting, to say the least.
“It’ll be okay Doc,” Roman reminds her gently. “They’re our family, they love you and they don’t blame you for any of it. You have to keep remembering that.”
“I know,” she sighs. “I know they only have the best of intentions Roman, I just… being the centre of attention, the thought of everyone looking at me, knowing what I have done, and then being *kind* to me…” she picks a piece of lint off the bedding, “I’m still having a hard time with it. That’s all.”
“I know baby, but it’s not going to get any easier if you keep running away from it, is it?” Roman asks her gently.
“Hey, who’s the doctor here?” she lets out a watery laugh.
“I learned from the best,” Roman tells her. It doesn’t have the desired affect though as her smile falters. “C’mon Doc, be brave.” He encourages her only the way he can, nuzzling her cheek and then slipping in for a soft, gentle kiss.
She sighs softly and then gives herself up to the embrace, sinking into his arms as he wraps them around her and returning his soft, small kisses with increasingly urgent ones of her own. And then his hand is in her hair and his lips are on her throat, planting small burning fires across her skin. And the fires spread and connect and suddenly it feels as though her body, her desire, which has been dormant since long before Grace subsumed her is suddenly exploding back into life.
Surprising even herself, she slides her hand down Roman’s back, nudging at the waistband of his boxers. She swallows a small moan of frustration as he pulls back from her. His question doesn’t translate into words and her answer is equally silent. The hunger and need in her eyes are all that he needs.
“Oh Doc,” he says gruffly before he pulls her back to him and kisses her with all the long pent up desperation that he’s been feeling. He needs this. He needs her. And she needs him to need her.
She’s still wearing his over-sized pyjama tops to bed, a repudiation of Grace’s overt sexiness. She doesn’t seem to realise that seeing her walk around in a cotton pyjama top that barely covers her finely sculpted behind is sexier than any amount of exquisitely cut silk and lace. He fumbles with the buttons and then gives up as she lifts her arms, allowing him to pull it up and over her head in one smooth movement.
Then he’s allowing her to pull the boxers over his hips and shimmy them down his legs.
And then they are naked together, skin against skin and she is warm and she smells incredible and his hands are gliding over her body as he kisses her. And she doesn’t stop him, doesn’t even hesitate as his fingers skim her scars and he kisses her with all the deep, abiding love for her that inhabits every cell of his body.
And then his hands slip between her legs and he finds her wet and warm and ready for him. She moans his name as he rolls her onto her back and he takes a moment to catch her golden eyes, heavy with lust and desire. “Ready Marlena?” He uses her name deliberately. This is her and him, just two of them. No-one else between them. Not now. Not ever again. “Ready sweetheart?”
“Oh Roman, I love you,” she breathes as he enters her, slipping, sliding her into a momentary slice of heaven. “Oh god, I love you so much.”
He maintains body contact as he moves, alternately kissing her and whispering her name as though it’s a kind of prayer. She wraps as much of herself around him as she is able. Her fingernails draw grooves in his tanned skin and he groans throatily. And his arms are under her, gripping her shoulders and if they were any closer they would be one being.
And it builds and builds and Marlena knows that despite everything, this is where she is meant to be. With this man, with her husband, in this moment. Everything that they have seen and done and experienced and still there are these corners of perfection that they bring to each other. These moments of storm and serenity and flawlessness. And then she’s not thinking any more. She doesn’t know anything except the bliss of just being. Of coming and going and riding the waves of their perfect harmony.
~
“Marlena, you look great!” Laura enters the living area as Marlena reaches the bottom of the stairs. The work has been hard and emotional and there have been times when Laura has wondered if she’s pushed Marlena too hard, but this afternoon, seeing the changes in her friend, she knows she’s done the right thing, pushing her so much and so fast. Despite Roman’s fears, Laura had known Marlena would draw on reserves of inner strength that even she hadn’t been aware of. Marlena’s the strongest person she’s ever known and she’s proved that once again.
Along with her demeanour, Marlena’s appearance has been improving day on day but this morning it’s like somebody has switched on a light within her, and it’s as though she has finally settled back into her own skin.
Laura turns and bites back a smile as she sees Roman enter from the balcony and take in the vision that is his wife. The frisson that passes between them takes Laura back several years and she realises exactly what it is that has transpired between them. She couldn’t be more delighted for Marlena or for Roman.
“Doc, Laura’s right, you look amazing,” Roman takes Marlena’s hand. He doesn’t have to lie, he’s being absolutely honest. She’s wearing a white tailored top over a shimmering gold skirt and golden heels and her shimmering blonde hair is tucked into an expert twist, exposing her elegant neck and throat. She still needs to gain some more weight but she looks as close to Marlena as he’s seen her look for months. That paper-white translucent pallor that’s been haunting her has dissipated at long last, and the smile that curves her lips is finally echoed in her eyes. He takes a loose strand of golden hair and tucks it behind her ear and kisses her on the cheek. “You ready?”
Marlena clutches his hand and nods. “Will you be meeting us there?” Marlena turns to Laura as though seeking reassurance from her friend and counsellor.
“I’ll be there by the time you get there,” Laura assures her with a quick hug.
“But… we’re leaving now?” Laura is clearly not ready to leave yet and Marlena’s brow wrinkles with a small frown.
“It will all become clear, Doc,” Roman chuckles as he passes her a shawl and a golden purse that accentuates her outfit. “C’mon, we got places to be. See you soon, Laura.”
“See you there,” Laura sees them out of the penthouse and closes the door behind them with a smile.
~
“Where are we?” Marlena laughs nervously as Roman manoeuvres her into place, one hand on her shoulder and the other holding her left hand. The scarf which is tied loosely over her eyes is drenched in Grace’s scent but she ignores that the best she can. Grace is part of their enormously complicated past. Now is the time to stop dwelling on what happened and to start building their future together.
“You ready, Doc?” Roman squeezes her shoulder.
“I’m ready.” As I’m ever going to be. She blinks as he removes the scarf and the bright sunlight assaults her field of vision. It takes a moment to understand what it is she is looking at. And even then she doesn’t understand it. It’s a street-fronted office in one of the small office buildings between the pub and the wharf. And standing in front of it is a besuited, brunette woman wearing glasses and holding a clipboard.
“Mr. Brady,” the woman shifts some keys into the hand that holds the clipboard and then holds out her hand to shake Roman’s hand. Then she turns to Marlena and holds out her hand again. She smiles brightly as she speaks again. “Mrs. Brady, it’s nice to meet you at last.”
“Ahhh, yes. You too.” Marlena tries to hide her confusion as she holds out her hand to complete the handshake. She’s not sure whether she’s more thrown by being called Mrs. Brady again or by the familiarity of this woman with her husband and by association, with her.
“This is Yvonne Grassmere, our estate agent,” Roman introduces the attractive young woman to her. “She’s been helping me find this place.” He waves vaguely at the office in front of them. “A few more days and it’ll be ours.”
“Just a few final formalities and we’re planning to sign the contracts on Wednesday.” The dark-haired woman smiles sunnily and Marlena wonders if she intends for this to be some kind of clarification. As if any of this could possibly be any less clear.
“Roman, what’s going on?” She frowns, her fingers finding some little comfort in twisting her wedding ring around and around, smoothing the warm metal against her skin. “An office? Really? I thought you said we needed a *home*?” She pauses and when there is no immediate answer, she adds with a plaintive note to her voice, “why are you buying us an office?”
“Oh,” Roman looks surprised and then suddenly contrite. He’d been so eager... no, the truth was, he’d been desperate to start this new phase of their life; to bury the past as quickly as he could. He’d needed to make changes and he had leaped into it without talking to her. If he’s at all honest with himself, he hadn’t wanted to wait until she was ready to talk about it. He hadn’t known when that would be, or if she’d ever even *be* ready, so he had just made the decisions and he had gone ahead and sold the loft and sunk the proceeds into this place. And then this morning when they had started to talk about moving and the future and what they were going to do now that he was no longer a business mogul or a cop and she no longer a psychiatrist, he’d thought it the perfect time to tell her.
He’d wanted so much to surprise her but he’s starting to realise he’s gone about it in the wrong way. Marlena needs stability and security right now, not surprises. “Oh Doc, I’m sorry baby, I should have explained before I brought you here.” He turns to Yvonne. “Can you just give us a few minutes?” She apparently senses the need for discretion and nods as she hands him the keys before she melts away into the shadows.
“C’mon sweetheart,” he unlocks the door and opens it, urging Marlena to step inside before he closes the door behind her. The room is empty aside from a single desk and chair which sit in the middle of the office. The office is flooded with sunlight which streams through the big picture windows that overlook the river. Roman follows her to the windows and wraps his arms around her as she stares across the river. “I didn’t mean to unsettle you Doc,” he tells her softly, nuzzling her ear. “I was excited and I didn’t think it through. I should have known… I should have talked to you first.”
“Talked to me about what?” she turns in his arms, placing her hands on his shoulders. She sees how worried he is and she forces a small smile to prove to him she’s not going to fall apart at he first sign of something unexpected. He has to stop worrying so much about her, it’s not healthy for either of them. But the responsibility for that also lies with her. She has to stop providing him with so many reasons to worry. With a small sigh, she cups the side of his face with her palm. “Roman, honey, can you just tell me what’s going on?”
“Doc, you know when we were talking this morning about what we’re going to do, now that Basic Black is gone?” One side of his mouth flickers into a smile as hers is wiped from her face. “Blank slate, right Doc? New beginnings and new opportunities. That’s how I want to look at this. I mean, let’s be honest,” he takes a step back and indicates his own attire, the black leather jacket over the blue shirt and well-worn jeans, “I was never really cut out to be a fashion mogul, was I?”
She can’t help herself then as she bursts out laughing and he can’t resist taking her in his arms, his lips smothering her laughter and her sadness and her fears.
“Mmmmm,” she finally murmurs as she emerges from the long, delicious kisses. “I know what you *are* cut out for.”
“Unfortunately I don’t get paid for making love to you,” Roman trails a line of feathery kisses along her jaw. “Worst luck.”
“Hmmmm,” she dips her head back, allowing him access to her neck and she shivers as he slides his lips into the hollow at the base of her throat. “How do I go about resolving that particular injustice?”
“Funny you should ask that, Doc.” Roman tips her head up again and plants a final kiss on her lips before he lets her go and moves over to the desk which has been heretofore previously ignored.
The dust-free surface holds only a telephone and a single manila folder. Roman flips open the folder and takes out a sheet of paper. Turning, he holds it out to her. When she doesn’t immediately take it, he cocks his head and raises an eyebrow at her. “Problem, Doc?”
“Nothing,” she shakes her head with a devilish smile and then comes to him, taking the paper from his hands. It’s blank, aside from a printed letterhead which reads:
Brady and Brady Investigations Ltd.
“What is this?” she asks, handing him back the paper. He doesn’t reply, just hands her two business card. The first reads
Roman Brady
Private Investigator
Brady & Brady Investigations Ltd.
The second
Marlena Evans Brady
Private Investigator
Brady & Brady Investigations Ltd.
“Roman?” it’s a question, but it’s also the answer too. He’s worked it out, for both of them. He’s found the new way, taken the blank slate and started writing their new life on it.
“Listen baby,” he starts, “it’s just an idea, right? It’s... well I thought if I can’t be a cop any more and you can’t be a doc then maybe we should just... Well, we can still help people, right? Just in a different way.” He’s rambling now, but he doesn’t care. He just wants to explain and to make sure she understands that this isn’t a fait accompli. That if she hates the idea then he’ll close down, right now. No arguments, no questions asked. “Doc, you don’t have to... if you don’t like this idea, I have plently of oth-”
She takes his open jacket in her hands and pulls him to her, cutting off his words with a passionate kiss. And then he’s forgetting about arguments and words and offices and it’s just her and him and a suddenly not very empty desk....