...~ Exquisite Desolation ver 1.0 ~... - John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q

John awoke with a start as the shadow passed across him. He opened his eyes to find Q standing in front of him, his expression seemingly somewhere between disapproval and annoyance. He pulled himself upright in the chair and rubbed his face, trying to rid himself of the vestiges of sleep which clung to his mind.

Q crossed his arms in front of him. Part of him pitied John and what he was going through. He had lost so much and he was very obviously suffering for his sins. The other part of him recognized a certain satisfaction that he took in John's pain. The man deserved to hurt for what he had done to Marlena, and he deserved to hurt bad. Still, he had to put his feelings aside and focus on what was happening here and now. And Q2's warning rung in his ears like a consistently grim reminder of impending doom. *Don't* forget Q. Screwing with the Continuum isn't a particularly good idea.

"I heard a nasty rumour that you were down here," he said quietly. "Supposing you fill me in."
John was sullen, like a schoolboy caught red-handed, but refusing to hand over the note to the teacher. Since when had Eugene Bradford become his self-appointed keeper?
"Suppose I tell you it's none of your business," he scowled at Q.
"Suppose you develop a little insight in that unused brain of yours and realize that I am only trying to help you," Q shot back with sarcasm. "Although *why* I should bother..."
"That's right. Why bother?" John clenched his fist, vying for his self control. "Because I think I've had just about *enough* of your kind of help."
"Well *there's* gratitude for you!" Q rolled his eyes slightly.
"In fact, how do I know you didn't plan it this way all along?" John demanded angrily. "How do I know that this wasn't some sort of plot for you to get Marlena all to yourself."

Q laughed at the irony.
"Nice thought Black, but do you really think I would have left her alone at the penthouse in front of an open fire to come down here and sort out *your* problems if that was the case? And I certainly wouldn't have locked you in the same room for eighteen hours if that was my intention." John didn't answer but looked at him suspiciously. Q frowned. How the hell could he help John if the man wasn't willing to help himself? He was tempted to go back to the penthouse and Marlena and let John wallow in his own misery, but he knew that there were more important things at stake here than whether John was through sulking or not. "How about John, instead of blaming everyone else for your problems, you pull yourself together and do something about them."

"Since when have you been the moral majority?" John snapped uncharacteristically. Bradford had rubbed him up the wrong way ever since he had come back to town and things were getting worse rather than better.
"Perhaps since I had to watch Marlena cry herself to sleep last night over *you*." Q retorted angrily. He'd had enough of this pathetic, self-pitying version of John Black and it was time to do something about it.
"How.....how is she?" John asked the question quietly, the shame written clearly on his face. "I tried to call her earlier but there was no answer." It was a pitiful excuse to justify his lack of contact he knew, but he was too raw at the moment to cope with seeing the pain in Marlena's eyes again, so soon.
"She hasn't picked up the phone all day." Q's tone was flat as he watched John's eyes, the silent plea unequivocal. He wasn't sure that he could hand John what he so desperately wanted.

He sighed and looked away towards the window and the night sky that lay inkily behind it.
"You want to know how Marlena is? She's devastated. She just lost her whole world. It fell apart," he turned back to John and exaggerated his words, "because of *you*. How do you expect that she is?"

John looked silently at the linoleum tiles that lined the floor. He couldn't stand the idea that Marlena was in pain because of him. All he had wanted was for her to be happy. He loved so much but somewhere things had gone terribly, horribly wrong. But still, a small, selfish part of him couldn't help the little spark of gladness that she wasn't out partying now that she had put him behind her.

He scuffed the corner of one of the tiles with his toe and lifted it slightly from it's surroundings. Slowly he looked up at Q.
"I never meant...," he shook his head, the pain in his chest again taking away his ability to speak.
"You never *meant* to?" Q rolled his eyes again. "Well I'm sure that would make Marlena feel *so* much better. You never meant to what? You never meant to break up her marriage and then dump her, alone and unloved in that penthouse? You never meant to forget that you already have two other children who adore the ground you walk on but who only see you when it suits *you*? You never meant to run off screw that revolting, skanky whore every time you thought you couldn't have Marlena?" He sneered at John grinding out every bit of mileage he could from the situation. "What is that song? If you can't love the one you want, love the one you're with....who lied to you and deceived you. You know I don't know what Marlena sees in you. You certainly don't deserve *her*." He sighed dramatically. "But it seems that for some strange reason that only she knows and can understand, although I'm not totally convinced she does understand it, the woman loves you." He shook his head, a half-grin invading his face. "More's the pity."

John's eyes filled unexpectedly and his voice became strained again as he forced the words out.
"She might love me but she doesn't want me," he wiped away the tears angrily, annoyed at himself for letting Q see his weakness.

Q frowned with frustration. He was beginning to develop a headache, one of those terribly *mortal* afflictions that constantly reminded him of his task. He closed his eyes and wondered just how much work he was expected to do here. It was cruel and unusual punishment to be sure.

"She doesn't want you? Of course she wants you, you clueless moron!" He grimaced. "Why the hell do you think she's so miserable?"
"Eugene she told me that it's over. She doesn't want me in her life anymore. You weren't there. You didn't see the look in her eyes..." John buried his face in his palms, his distress growing. His voice came muffled and pained. "I've never seen her like that before. She never looked at me like that before. She meant it. She meant every word."

"Oh I see. So just because you were an asshole yet again and this time Marlena got a little upset, you're going to walk away, *no* run away, once more." Q looked at John, dislike emanating from him in waves. "You are worse than pathetic. You're *pitiful*."
"What the hell do you want me to do?" John's voice raised in reciprocal anger. "She won't see me. I know her well enough to know that."
"Well maybe if you quenched your lust for instant gratification and actually *waited* for Marlena to calm down a little you might have half a chance to make things up to her." Q eyed the nurse that scurried past them. "Of course the prerequisite is that you actually keep your pants zipped up for more than five minutes." He smiled condescendingly at John. "Do you think that it's *possible*?"

John sat in furious silence.
"Look John. I know you don't like me." He grinned sarcastically. "You're not the first and you certainly won't be the last. And as much as you probably hate to hear it, I don't find your dislike of me mortally wounding. In fact, the feeling is quite mutual." He sat down in the chair next to John, a smug smile gracing his lips. "However the truth of the matter is that I am here to help you. Marlena loves you, poor woman, and I care about her enough to want to see her happy. And I know that she'll only be happy with you." The frown returned. "Much as it pains me to admit it."

The stony silence continued and Q sent a silent plea for mitigation to the heavens. He took a deep breath and counted to ten. It seemed to work for the humans although he couldn't quite see the rationale behind it. "You have to pull yourself together Black and go out and *win* her back. Woo her. And don't take no for an answer. It'll take time but I know Marlena. Do it right and she will crumble. It might take a while but she'll come round." John's silence remained intact but Q could tell that this time it was due to careful consideration. He continued, hating every word he spoke but knowing they were necessary. "She wants you. She needs you in her life. She is the mother of your daughter and she won't deny you to Belle. When all is said and done she loves you and it is her pride that makes her drive you away. Don't let *your* pride ruin both your lives."

John looked at him, the first spark if hope in his eyes since this whole sorry mess had begun.
"Do you really think that she'd forgive me?" He shook his head. "I've been *such* an idiot. How could she ever forgive everything I have done to her?"
"She will. As sure as I am standing here, given time, she will." Q considered the window again. "That's who Marlena is. She's selfless, forgiving and forgiving. That's why *Kristen* was able to take advantage of her for so long." He spat out Kristen's name like it was poison.

John bowed his head again and offered up a prayer to the Lord above. He had been a fool but Eugene was right. He had a chance to rectify things and he was going to take that chance with both hands and make it right, however long it took him

The following days stretched out. For Marlena each sunrise followed long, lonely nights and the days seemed to meld into one another. When she wasn't in her office, catching up on work, she was with Eugene and the children, trying to live as normal a life as possible. Sami and Will had settled into the penthouse without a hitch and although their relationship still had it's moments, Marlena was thankful for Sami's presence. Still, she thought it strange, that even in the midst of a home bustling with life and laughter, she felt more alone than she possibly ever had.

She knew though, that she couldn't have survived this without Eugene. He had taken over the running of the household, organizing meals as well as the children. He had again become her closest friend and her confidant in a matter of weeks and she found herself wishing, not for the first time that he had been here when she had first returned to Salem. Maybe he could have helped her see a different way.

But then it was no use wasting time on regrets now. Now was the time for moving on with her life and move on was what she intended to do. It was a Saturday morning and the snow was entrapping the city in it's glacial grip once again. Marlena had woken early from a restless sleep and had crept quietly down the stairs, careful not to wake the children, or Q. Each night he fashioned a makeshift bed in the living room and this morning she paused to watch him sleep with a loving smile on her face.

She made her way through the kitchen, switching on the jug as she went and then remembering the paper, went to the front door. Opening it, her eye was caught by a tiny package that sat on the doorstep. She picked the package and the paper up and went back inside. She sank onto the bottom step of the staircase with a mixture of apprehension and anticipation.

The tiny box was covered with gold foil and held together by a dark blue silk ribbon tied in a bow. There was no label to indicate who it was for, so Marlena slowly pulled on the end of the ribbon, freeing it from it's knotted confines. Dropping the ribbon onto the ground, she pulled the two halves of the box apart and gave a slight moan as she saw the contents. In a cushion of dark blue silk lay a gold charm. It was a heart, inlaid with a tiny but perfect diamond.

Out of the top half of the box came fluttering a small piece of paper. Marlena unfolded it and immediately recognized John's handwriting.

Doc,

I know you're angry at me. You have every right to be.
But I love you lady, and I'm not willing to let you go
without a fight.

I'll love you Marlena
Always

John

With a supreme effort, Marlena folded the piece of paper back into its original form and placed it back in the lid which she slipped back onto the box. With shaking hands she tied the ribbon back into a bow and then putting the box down on the step beside her, she placed her face in her palms and began to cry.

Opposition

Q awoke to darkness and the sound of stifled weeping. He knew it well by now but it pained him, as ever, to hear it. As his eyes became adjusted to the semi-darkness he spied Marlena sitting on the bottom level of the staircase. He swung his legs out of the bed and quietly made his way to the source of the sound. As he neared her he saw the little package of gold sitting at her feet. The facts came together quickly and he lowered himself onto the step next to Marlena, wrapping his arms comfortingly around her as he had so many times in the past week.

******

Sami awoke early, even earlier than her son. She was unsure what had woken her but a sense of unease hung around her like an invisible veil. Will lay safe and sound asleep in his crib but after checking on him, Sami couldn't seem to find sleep again. Finally she slipped out of bed and throwing a robe on she padded her way towards the stairs, intending to make herself a cup of tea.

She stopped on the landing as she heard both her mother's tears and saw Q comforting Marlena. Instinctively she knew that this was the source of her unease. Eugene's familiarity with her mom was disturbing to her. Intellectually Sami knew that Marlena needed a friend to help and guide her through this time and she also knew that she was too involved in the situation to be that friend. Since she had finally accepted John again her energies and expectations had been focused towards the idea of Marlena and John finally being together and creating the family for Belle that Sami had never been able to have. Still it seemed to her that the dependence that Marlena was developing on Eugene Bradford was neither healthy nor helpful.

As she stood frowning on the landing, it seemed that Eugene sensed her presence and he turned to look at her. Marlena was still oblivious to everything but her own emotions as Q beckoned to Sami to come down. She reluctantly made her way down the stairs till she was standing on the other side of her mother. He motioned for her to sit down and, almost as if he had known what the young girl was thinking, Eugene peeled himself away from Marlena. He waited till Sami had placed her arms protectively round her mother and then he put the small package on her lap before he made his way unobtrusively to the kitchen.

"Mom?" Sami brushed Marlena's hair behind her ear with a nervous finger. Marlena had always been the one in control, the one who knew what to do. That was one of the things that had made her so easy to blame all these years. But now she seemed more unsure, more frightened of her future than Sami ever had and Sami wasn't sure she was ready for the role of comforter. What answers could she give her mother if *she* couldn't find them?

"Mom, what's wrong?" She looked at the tiny gilded box which sat on her knee. There was no answer from Marlena. "Is it this present? Is that what's upset you?" She practically whispered the question as if the impact would somehow be lessened if her voice was softer. A small nod gave her the answer she needed. "Mom do you mind if I open it?"

There was no movement for a moment and then Marlena moved away slightly.
"Go ahead." Her voice sounded like it bore the weariness of the world. Sami wondered again how much she was sleeping lately. The circles under her eyes told a different story than the one she gave out.
"Are you sure?" Sami asked, afraid that she had unwittingly offended Marlena.
"Sure. Yeah." Marlena nodded her head, wiping away the last of the tears. Suddenly she felt tired and a little foolish. She had to stop these episodes. She was losing control of her emotions and it scared her.

Always in the past she had been able to lock away the worst parts of her life. She hadn't been able or willing to break down in front of others. *Especially* not her children. They had been through so much and she had made it a point of being strong in front of them. She had saved her tears for the early hours of the morning when she was alone and she could let go of her emotions without fear of reprisal. But now, now she seemed to have no control over herself, over the way she reacted.

Even the most trivial things could release her tears and she found herself moody and morose much of the time. She hated it and she knew that Belle and Brady could sense that things were wrong, but she just couldn't seem to get a grip on her feelings anymore. She was becoming more and more distanced from herself and the only thing keeping her feet on the ground at the moment was the children and Eugene. Without them she seriously doubted she'd be in one piece.

She looked over at Sami and saw her twisting the charm thoughtfully between her thumb and forefinger. Marlena's heart jumped as she saw it again. It said so many things to her, but mostly it said that she wasn't sure that she could resist John's advances, however much she wanted to.

A noise caught her attention and she looked up to see Q coming out of the kitchen with three cups. She smiled at him gratefully as he handed her the warm china mug. He gave one to Sami and took the third one for himself. He sat back down on the step, next to Marlena and looked with interest at the tiny golden heart.
"Nice little trinket," he said, his casual manner belying the tension he felt emanating from the two women.
"It *is* lovely." Sami was tentative, not sure of the reaction she would get.

It was much as she expected.

"I don't want it." Marlena stood up quickly and walked into the living room, as if to get away from the object. "Sami can you send it back to John please."
"But Mom...."
"Please. Please don't argue with me Sami. I can't manage that right now." She turned to the two on the step, her eyes pleading as she clung onto the mug, as though for her life. "I just want that out of my house and I'd appreciate it if you could do that for me honey."

Sami, seeing how much pain it was causing her mother, readily agreed. She began to wrap the box, as Marlena had done earlier. Q only watched, his face impassive. He had no blithe comment, no witty comment to throw out as he usually did, however inappropriate the moment. He only saw Marlena's sad, lifeless eyes and wondered if he was doing the right thing.

******

John opened the door of the loft to the messenger. His heart fell a little as he saw the small package the boy held in his hands. A quick scrawled signature later, John tore at the brown paper that surrounded the box and saw that his fears were well founded. He opened the small envelope that accompanied the box and his eyes fell on Sami's neat writing.

John,

Mom asked me to send this back to you.

I think it was a nice idea but she's still pretty cut up over what's happened. I know you love her. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with that, so this is really hard. I think you should leave her alone for a while. She is really hurting and things like this just make it worse.

By the way - I thought that maybe if you wanted to take Belle and Brady for the day that you could arrange it through me. I think it would be best for now.

Don't give up John. I know she loves you.

So do I
Sami

John felt the hot tears burning his eyes. A mixture of pride, pain and loss evoked them. He didn't want to hurt Marlena again. That was the last thing he wanted to do. But if he gave up now , even if it was only a breather, she might think he had given up on her all together. He couldn't take that risk. He had to let her know how much he needed her and how much he intended to win her back.

He put the gift down on the counter and pulled his jacket off the back of the chair. He had some things to organize before he went to bury himself in his work at the office.

******

Peter sat by Kristen's bed, his mind working in it's twisted little circles. He was waiting for Kristen to finish in the bathroom so they could continue their discussion. She wasn't long and she climbed awkwardly back into the bad, holding her stomach protectively. Since she had been given the news by Mike that she was still carrying a child she had been careful not to do anything that might jeopardize her pregnancy.

She had been as surprised as anyone else when Mike had shown her the child on the screen. It had taken a few minutes for the news to sink in but when it had she couldn't have been happier. It was almost as if she had been given a second chance. A chance to get John back and create a family with him and their child. And she was convinced that she would get him back. It would just take a little manipulation.

The news that Peter had imparted several minutes ago had been a surprise but as she had thought it over she hadn't been so surprised after all. John no longer trusted her and it stood to reason that he might doubt that the child she carried was his. Kristen had no such doubt. The baby was John's and when he found that out he would know that she was telling the truth. He would realize that he couldn't leave her and their child. He would realize that she truly was the only one for him.

"So what else do you have to tell me?" she asked in a low, satisfied voice. Peter smiled at her. Anyone else would have been shattered by the news that she had just been given. But not his Krissy. Anyone else would probably think she was delusional in her faith that she would soon have John Black back in her arms. He had no doubt that what Kristen wanted, Kristen would get. She was one of the family after all.

"It would seem that John sent a package to Marlena this morning." He lifted his eyebrows, a small smile ghosting his lips. "And it appears that she sent it straight back to him."

Kristen arched one eyebrow.
"Is that right?" She smiled a wicked smile. "It seems I did my job even better than I thought."
"We can't just rely on that Sis." Peter told her. "If John carries on with the gift thing he's bound to wear her down sooner or later."
"So what then?" Kristen looked thoughtful.
"Deliberate interference." Peter stated assuredly. "We are going to have to fabricate some misunderstandings between John and Marlena."
"And the children," Kristen added. "She'd never forgive him for upsetting the children. Stupid bitch." The last comment was mustered with all the bitterness Kristen harboured. And there was a lot of it. That cow had stolen her fiancee and now one of her children. And Kristen was going to make her pay. Big time.

******

John stopped in his foot-steps as he rounded the corner. His heart beat faster and he suddenly felt as if his red polo-neck was constricting the breath out of him. He absently tugged at the neckline as he watched the scene across the courseway of Salem Place. His tiny Belle was dressed gorgeously in a scarlet woolen coat with a matching beret and black patent shoes. She held her mother's hand and looked up at her with adoring eyes and a large smile. Marlena herself was laughing as she turned to the man by her side. Q stood at the shop window pointing out something to the small boy that rode piggy-back behind him. Brady, dressed almost as beautifully as his sister, buried his face in Q's broad shoulder and giggled. Sami stood a few metres ahead of them, with Will in a brightly coloured stroller. She too wore an amused smile as she watched her family.

John felt an uncontrollable surge of jealousy. He clenched his jaw and tried to resist the urge to go and strangle the life out of Bradford. What John felt was not only envy at Q's place in what he considered *his* family, but also a fear that the other might be usurping his place in his children's, and in Marlena's heart.

She looked so beautiful. Even from a distance he could see how the cold had bitten at her cheeks and nose, whipping them into a delicious shade of rose. He so desperately wanted to reach out and cup his had around her cheek and warm her sensual lips with his. He wanted her more at this moment than perhaps he ever had. The need was all-consuming and he wanted to turn away, to stop torturing himself like this. But he was stuck. He was transfixed by the sight of her beautiful dancing eyes as she laughed with the children. With Eugene.

Marlena felt it once again. It was if a cloud had passed overhead, but the sun still shone as brightly as before. She knew that wasn't it anyway. It was something much more personal, much more intimate. She turned to the source of the distress. John stood, clutching the pole he leaned against as though he needed the support to keep from crumpling on the ground. With a shock, Marlena recognized her own misery and desolation reflected in his eyes. She leaned up against the window for the support *she* needed as her legs threatened to give way. She still couldn't believe that just the sight of him could do this to her body. Waves of guilt, anger and desire careered through her body, mingling and colliding so that she felt miserably confused where a moment ago she had felt happy and reasonably calm.

John, seeing the effect he had had on her, couldn't bear it any longer. He turned and dashed back to his car as fast as he could. He leaned his forehead against the driving wheel and took deep breaths trying to calm himself. He had wanted to approach her. To ask her how she was. To see his beloved children. But the pain in her eyes had been too much for him to confront.

He covered his eyes with the palms of his hands and leaned his head backwards. Dear Lord, Please help us to get through this. I know I can't live without her any more. But I just can't bear to cause her pain. Please help her. Stay with her in this time of need. Please lend her your strength and your love. And please help me have the strength do everything I need to be worthy of her again. John sighed. Amen.

"Mommy?" Belle tugged at Marlena's hand, not sure why her mother suddenly looked so serious. "What's wong?" The childish voice tugged Marlena out of the void that she found herself teetering over. She forced a smile onto her face and looked down at her daughter.
"Nothing's wrong sweetie pie." She swept Belle up in her arms. "Nothing's wrong. Everything is just fine." She missed the glance that passed between Sami and Q. "Tell you what. Why don't we go and see your grandparents?"

"Yeah!" The children's exclamation came in unison. Even Will seemed genuinely excited at the prospect.
"Marlena, are you sure...?" Q looked slightly troubled. A visit to the pub inevitably meant questions and he wasn't too sure she was up to that now.

She smiled at him, her most dazzling smile. The smile she used to cover her problems. It was a trick she was well used to. It did not, however, fool Q any longer.
"I'm sure..," she nodded.
"I don't think-" She put her hand up to quiet him. She knew what she wanted to do and his concerns may be warranted but they weren't going to stop her.
"'Gene, my children want to see their grandparents. I have no right to deny them that. We're going."
He took in the determined set of her jaw and smiled. When Marlena made up her mind there was little changing it. And made up her mind she had.

******

A smile transformed Caroline's face as the children pushed open the door and ran towards her. They were followed by Sami and Will. In less than a minute both of the Brady's arms were full of grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
"Well hello there!" Shawn greeted the children with a hearty smile. "It's a few days since we've seen the two of you, yes it is."
"We've bin lookin' after Momma." Brady said solemnly.
"Is that right?" Caroline smiled.

Sami and Carrie had filled them in on the basics of what had happened between Marlena and John. But as much as they hated to se their loved ones in pain they had made a firm decision not to interfere. According to Sami Marlena was too fragile to withstand much more stress and they had a tacit agreement not to question her about John or anything much else.

Marlena stood outside the door to the Brady establishment and took a deep breath. She trusted Shawn and Caroline as much as she could trust anybody but she still felt oddly nervous, unsure of what she was going to face. She supposed it was the edginess that she lived with since the whole drama had blown up. She didn't seem to be able to keep anything in proportion any more.

Unconsciously she sought out Q's hand with her own. She was grateful when he clasped his fingers around hers and she moved closer toward him as though he could shield her from all the problems she was likely to encounter. Q looked at her with an unspoken question in his eyes. She closed her eyes and then nodded. Q opened the door and entered the bar, Marlena following closely behind him.

Caroline, kneeling on the ground with the children raised her eyebrows slightly as she saw Marlena and Eugene. The significance of Marlena's nervous posture didn't escape her. Sami had relayed her fears privately in this bar only two days ago but it still surprised both the Bradys when Marlena defensively drew closer to Q and put her arm around his waist. In fact they weren't the only ones surprised. Q looked down at the woman by his side with a little trepidation. He could feel the tension exuding from her and he put a protective arm around her shoulders. He was gratified when she relaxed slightly.

"Marlena darling, how are you?" Caroline asked sympathetically, as she stood up. Marlena made no move but her face broke into a smile.
"I'm okay Caroline, thanks."
"We miss seein' your beautiful face around here darlin'." Shawn chimed in. Marlena's smile became a little broader and her grip on Q's waist a little less firm.
"I've missed the two of you. Work's pretty busy," she said by way of explanation.
"Well I hope you're not working too hard." Caroline's smile diminished the remaining awkwardness between the family and her large hug welcomed Marlena back into the fold that only she had exiled herself from.

******

John arrived back at the loft and threw himself on the couch. He studied the ceiling hoping to find the answers he needed within himself. He wasn't any longer sure that what he was doing was right. It was obvious that just the sight of him upset Marlena to the point that a word from him could have probably reduced her to tears. Perhaps Sami was right, perhaps he should just leave her be.

But still the image of her at the Mall kept re-appearing before his eyes. Her flushed cheeks, her laughter. If he backed off now, who was to say that he wouldn't lose her to another man, even Eugene Bradford. He couldn't deny that they were obviously close now. And although he wanted to erase it from his mind forever she knew that she was attracted to Bradford. He knew her so well and he could read the signs. With the possible enemy living in Marlena's camp, John couldn't afford to waste a minute. He had to do anything in his power to win her back, before he lost her forever.

******

Caroline drew Q to one side as they waited for Marlena to come back from the washroom.
"Thank-you for helping Marlena through this time Eugene. I realize it can't be easy for you." Q looked slightly embarrassed as he realized how obvious his crush on Marlena must have been all those years ago. He only hoped he was slightly better at hiding it now. Somehow he suspected he was not.
"It's no problem Mrs. Brady, really." He smiled awkwardly at the older woman.

A moment of silence was broken by the clamouring from the children. Brady had decided he wanted another piggy-back ride while Belle thought it should be her turn. Marlena came from out back in time to see her children practically trying to climb Eugene's legs. He stood there patiently trying to mediate the argument and Marlena couldn't help but smile at the scene. He'd never been particularly child-oriented but the children just adored him and he was so wonderful with them that Marlena was intrigued by this new side.

"Come on kids. Stop terrorizing Eugene." She clapped her hands as she walked towards them. Belle and Brady turned to her and began to plead their claims anew. "That's enough. Belle honey I'll give you a piggy-back ride."
"But I want 'Gee!" Belle whined.
"Oh, okay." Marlena's pique dissolved as Sami hooked one arm around Marlena's waist and the other around Brady's shoulders.
"How about we let Belle have the piggy back ride with 'Gene short-stuff," she suggested to Brady. "I'll give *you* a piggy back ride if Mom will push Will. After all," she said conspiratorially, "my middle name is Gene so that must make me *almost* as good as my namesake here." She returned Q's surprised look with a good-natured grin and then stood still as Shawn swung an agreeable Brady onto her back.
She was starting to regret the suggestion as the party left a full ten minutes later.

******

It was early the next morning that Marlena got her second hint of things to come. Following her usual Sunday morning routine she went downstairs to get her morning cup of coffee and Sunday paper. However, this morning, unlike her usual Sunday mornings, when she opened the door there were two small gift boxes waiting for her. Both gold and tied with blue silk ribbon.

A Lesson On How To Charm

Marlena closed the bedroom door and dropped the boxes on the bed with a shaking hand. She refused to break down in front of her children again. They deserved better than that from her and they were her priority. She rubbed her eyes, attempting to vanquish the tiredness that endlessly threatened to envelop her these days. Not that it was particularly surprising. She didn't think she'd slept more than two straight hours since this whole sorry mess had begun.

The night times were the worst. When she had nobody to turn to, nobody to hold her and tell her they loved her. Just this numbing, wrenching loneliness that she thought would kill her. If the tears were bad during the day, they were ten times worse at night. She would wake up, almost unable to breath the terror was so paralyzing. She couldn't remember there being a reason that she felt so afraid but the intense, disabling fear pervaded the room until she almost choked with the tears. And yet, it wasn't something that she was prepared to admit to anyone.

She arranged the pillows and then climbed back into the bed and pulled the covers up to her waist. The gift boxes sat next to her and she contemplated them for a moment. Part of her wanted to send them back to John unopened. The other part of her wanted to see what he could come up with. To see where he would hit her next. That part of her could wait. She picked up her glasses and slipped them on before opening the paper. It wasn't long before she gave in and folded the paper up again.

She picked up the first box and opened it, realizing in the process that it was the one she had received yesterday. The heart still nestled among the silk but there was a second piece of paper in the lid of the box. Marlena pulled it out and unfolded it.

A heart of gold so pure and true
A symbol of my love for you
Now and always my love will burn
Like the brightest diamond
Waiting for you to return
To my arms
And my heart

My darling Marlena,
Yours always,
John

She looked quickly towards the ceiling, trying to still the ache that had invaded her heart. The John she knew rarely ever resorted to poetry. For him to use it now was a signal that he was deadly serious in his intentions.

Pressing her lips together she slowly opened the second box with some anticipation. She wasn't disappointed as she saw the second charm that lay among the blue silk. It was a tiny golden bell. She shook her head slowly as she brushed the tears from her cheeks. He certainly knew how to get to her.

There was a poem included in this box also and despite the tears, she couldn't help the smile that crept onto her lips as she read it.

A tiny bell(e) to show my dear
That whether we are far or near
She is a symbol of our love
An angel sent from God above.
If only I could make you see
You both were never far from me
Perhaps then we could reunite
then try and try with all our might
for another angel on our wedding night

This charm is to remind you that our love created a miracle. If only
*I'd* remembered that, I wouldn't be separated from the Belle that rings
my heart and the woman who anchors my soul.

Forgive me,
John

As badly as he had hurt her, her heart still loved him more than anything and if he carried on like this she wasn't quite sure how she would resist him.

Still, determined to resist him she was and when Sami surfaced later in the morning she asked her to send the neatly repackaged boxes back to John. Sami acquiesced seeing the pain etched in her mother's eyes and sent the charms back with a message asking John to stop.

******

But as it turned out, he did carry on like that. And some. The following morning the two boxes appeared in front of the door with a third. The new box contained a tiny golden plane that no-one but Marlena could quite grasp the significance of. Still, back it went, only to be returned the following morning.

On the fourth day the flowers began arriving. It started with a red rose on her desk on Tuesday morning that promptly found the bin in the corner of the room. The tulips the following day went down the hall to a patient. When the lilacs reached the penthouse in the weekend Marlena had the greatest of struggles with herself before she asked Sami to send them back.

When she opened the door on the tenth day she almost crumbled when she saw that the ten boxes had been placed in the shape of a heart on the doorstep. The charm for that day was a tiny ruby inlaid cross. Her heart seemed to still as she read the note that accompanied it.

My Darling,

Rarely do we talk about this dark place in our lives, but Marlena, wear this cross to remind you of the strength of the bond of love we share. If together we could beat the devil, then together we can make it through this. This will remind you that you had faith in me once and will guide you until you have faith in me again.

I will be there for you,
Now and always,
John

It was at this juncture that she gave in and told Sami and Q that the charms would no longer be going back as it was obvious John wasn't going to take no for an answer. She had taken the boxes to her room and proceeded to place each charm on the bracelet that John had given her all those years ago, before putting it back in it's box in the top drawer of her bureau. Each new charm went onto the bracelet and she would take it out at night when she couldn't sleep and stare at it as if trying to divine John's thoughts. As much as she hated to admit it, she was caving.

As the days stretched into weeks other gifts began to arrive, and not just for her but the children too. She didn't know if she would ever forget the pair of ruby earrings and beautiful red evening dress accompanied by a note which told her she would wear them on their first date. Or the day that she heard a noise outside the front door and opened it to find a tape deck belting out Frank Sinatra.

Night and day, You are the one.. She had been alone in the penthouse that day as Eugene and Sami had taken the children out to give her some peace. Only you beneath the moon, and under the sun. She had taken the tape deck inside and played the song over and over until the tears were spent. Whether near to me or far, It's no matter darling where you are, I think of you. Night and day. And then she had played it some more. And with each playing, as with each day, her anger diminished just a little.

Offsetting the romantic gestures were the bad days. Some days nothing would arrive, no charm, no flowers, nothing, and Marlena would wonder if he'd finally given up. And the days that he'd arranged by messenger to take the children for the day and not made a showing at all. When Sami called him in outrage he claimed to have known nothing about it. On those days Marlena was tempted to bundle everything up in a big box and send it back to him. But then the gifts would arrive again and the next time John would turn up apologetically to pick up the children. He'd claim he had no idea how the wires had gotten crossed the last time and her stomach would churn as their eyes met.

Of course there was the day that John had arrived to pick up Belle and Brady for their outing and Belle had proclaimed she would rather stay and play with 'Uncle Gee'. John had been furious and it had taken much persuading from both Marlena and Q before she had agreed to go with her father. Marlena had been torn between feeling that in some small way John deserved it and hating herself for thinking that. At the same time she had developed a new respect for Q as she became aware just how deep Belle's feelings ran for this new person in her life.

In the loft across town, John waited patiently, trying to ignore the wall of silence that surrounded Marlena. She wouldn't talk to him and no-one else would talk to him about her. Even the children were unusually quiet on the subject of their mother, as if they were able to sense the tenseness between their parents.

Sometimes he wondered if he would ever wear her down. He couldn't have known that he was encountering a deliberately run DiMera scheme and that some of his best gifts never arrived at their intended destination. Or that it was they who were arranging the appointments that he missed with his children. All he knew was that he was prepared to continue this for as long as it took to get Marlena back. Forever if necessary. Meanwhile he devoted himself to his work and his children, with a little time off to search for new ideas to win Marlena's heart once again.

******

It was almost two months to the day that she had thrown John out Marlena realized as she opened the door in the early pre-dawn. Two months that she had survived. Two of the most unusual months of her life. John was pursuing her with all the fervour that he ever had and it made her feel desired again, something she hadn't felt in so long.

And her friendship with Eugene had blossomed and matured into a deep bond that she felt honoured to share. He was always there when she needed him and she had leaned on him greatly in these last months. He was wonderful with the children and even Sami seemed to have accepted him as part of her life, even though they still had occasional arguments over the extent of Marlena's dependence on him. Of course Marlena couldn't kid herself that the fact that Sami had finally moved out and into a decent apartment of her own hadn't had anything to do with it.

She still suffered the loneliness at night, the pain that threatened to tear her apart but somehow it wasn't as bad any more. Somehow she had survived and she was going to be alright. Or at least that was what she had convinced herself.

She picked up the gold box and took it back into the living room with her cup of coffee. Sinking into the couch she pulled on the ribbon and opened the box. What was inside brought tears to her eyes. It was a tiny gold strawberry, perfect in every detail, yet beautiful in it's simplicity. She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth as she tried to stop from crying out. It was incredible how something so tiny could elicit such images. Such memories.

She pulled the rose coloured paper from the lid of the box and prepared herself for the daily poem. Nothing could have prepared her for what she read.

I remember...
Moist sweetness,
Juicy softness
Unquenched desire
Your hot lips on mine
Baby
I remember
Do you?

She swallowed hard and tried to gain some composure as she heard Q's footsteps on the staircase. She folded the paper away into it's hiding place and put the lid back on the box.

"What's this morning's offering?" Q asked idly as he walked past her and poured a coffee from the plunger on the table. "Are you okay?" he added as he dropped into the seat opposite her.
"Fine. Why?" Marlena attempted nonchalance.
"Oh you just look a little flushed," Q observed sardonically. "What's in the box then?"
"A strawberry." Marlena's reply was clipped and Q got the feeling that she was embarrassed. Not that that was about to stop him.
"A strawberry? Oh do tell... What significance does that hold?" he probed. Marlena flashed him a warning look.
"I'm not about to get into that with you 'Gene."
"Oh spoil my fun why don't you?" Q grinned wickedly. "Personal is it?"
"Yes," Marlena replied simply as she concentrated on tying the ribbon back up. If she had her way, no-one would ever see that poem but her.

Q watched her speculatively. It was beginning to happen. Finally John's persistence was starting to pay off and something inside him hated it.

Around lunchtime, there was a knock at the door. Marlena opened it to find a bunch of violets outside. She smiled and picked them up, breathing in the beautiful fragrance as she wondered where on earth he had managed to find so many violets in Salem at this time of the year. She was moved that among the extravagance he could afford, he had it in him to find the simplest of gifts to touch her heart.

With the violets were three boxes, one each for the children and one for her. Marlena called Belle and Brady down and presented them with their gifts. They tore the ribbons off with gusto and pulled the boxes apart. They each found a stuffed toy, Belle a pig and Brady a moose. Marlena couldn't help her chuckle as they tried to beat each other up the stairs in their competition to be the first to show Q.

She waited until they had disappeared before she opened her box. Inside, just as with the children, lay a teddy bear. She grinned and pulled it out of it's bed of tissue. He was stuffed with beans and had a floppy look to him, however his dark eyes sparkled and he looked almost as if he was considering her. The tag attached to the bear proclaimed his name as Dufus, to which Marlena smiled broadly. The card in the box read

Doc,

I'd like to introduce you to Dufus. He will keep you company until this Doofus proves to you that he is worthy of your love. And of you.

With all my passion and love and dreams,
John

"Oh John," she whispered to the bear. It was getting harder and harder every day.

It was later that afternoon that John's message service called to let them know that John would be picking up the children for an outing the following day. The excitement in Belle and Brady's eyes had transmuted into tears the following morning when John failed to appear again.

Furious at his perceived thoughtlessness Marlena picked up the phone and dialed John's number. He answered on the second ring. Marlena started on him without letting him pause for a breath.
"If you make an appointment with your children you could at least have the courtesy to let us *know* when you cancel out. How *could* you John? How could you do that to your children, they were so looking forward to seeing you."
"Woah, just a minute there Doc! What do you mean I made an appointment with the kids?" John asked with some degree of bewilderment.
"I mean the message that we got yesterday saying that you were going to take your children out today." Marlena paused, her eyes narrowing in anger. "Oh don't tell me you *forgot* John. I mean a *whole* night. I would have thought even *you* would have been capable of retaining a thought a little longer than that."

"Hey Marlena, that isn't fair." John said quietly. "You know I love those children more than anything."
"I thought you did," Marlena replied with equal quietness, hearing the pain in his voice. "But then you go and do something like this and I don't know *what* to think John."
"I didn't send a message though." John tried to explain. "Honestly Doc, I don't know anything about it. I don't know how this happened *again*." He paused, trying to figure out what had gone wrong this time. "Look Marlena, I swear to you, I didn't know anything about it. I would never willingly hurt Belle and Brady like that. I just don't understand what's happened."

Marlena was silent. She wanted so badly to be angry at him but she could hear the confusion and the sincerity in his voice and she knew instinctively that he was telling the truth. John paused for a moment and sighed.
"Look Doc, there's just no possible way I can get away today. Or tomorrow, it's just crazy around here." He looked at his desk, overflowing with paperwork and rubbed his forehead with his fingers. "How about I take them out on Saturday?"
"Saturday sounds okay." Marlena nodded. "I'll try and explain to them what's happened."
"It would be a bit easier if we knew what had happened." John muttered. "I won't be using that message service again Doc, this has happened one too many times."
"I think that might be a good idea." Marlena agreed thoughtfully.

"Okay, well I'll come and pick them up on Saturday morning and take them to the amusement park. That should put the smiles back on their faces." Marlena could imagine his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled. It was so vivid that she had to put out a hand to steady herself. "Doc?"
"Hmm..what?" She made a rapid attempt to pull herself together. "Oh yes, that sounds great, I'm sure they'd love that John."
"I'll have to bring them back to you for the evening though," John told her regretfully. "I have a Toscano Foundation Benefit to go to and I'll be flying out at five."
"Alright then," Marlena nodded her head and then turned around as she heard a noise behind her.
Q was standing there holding Belle, with Brady at his side. "Mmm, John, would you like to talk to the kids? They're right here."

John told her he would and then spent some time with each of the children explaining that he was sorry but he couldn't see them today however he would take them out on Saturday and they would have a great time. Marlena stood back with Q and watched her children as they attempted to share the phone between them. Suddenly things didn't seem so bad any more.

Q looked down at her and noted the far away look in her eyes. Then he looked at the children and it suddenly struck him that when Marlena finally took John back into his life, he would no longer be a part of this. And somewhere a little voice asked him if omnipotence and power were really what he wanted any more.

Frowning he turned and walked to the window. Marlena watched him go but sensing something was wrong, she followed him.
"Are you okay 'Gene?" she placed her hand gently on his shoulder. With an effort, he cleared his expression and turned round.
"I'm just fine." He smiled at her. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She regarded him for several moments. He was lying. She knew him well enough to know that. But whatever was bothering he obviously didn't want to talk about it. At least not to her.
"Alright," she said slowly, letting him know that she didn't entirely believe him. Q looked past her to the children who had finally put the phone down. Marlena turned and her heart lifted as she looked at her children's sparkling eyes. "Okay you two, I have to stop in at work for an hour or so. But I think I can manage to meet you for lunch down at Grandma's and Grandpa's. How does that sound?"

"Yeah!" Belle and Brady nodded their heads and flung themselves at her. She crouched down and swept them into her arms before looking up at Q. "Is that okay with you?"
"Tell me the time and I'll have them there." Q told her with a smile. It was looking more and more as if he was going to have to make the most of the time he had left here. And make the most of it he would.

Testing, Testing...

The phone was ringing as Marlena turned her key in the door. Q, Belle and Brady entered the penthouse behind her and Q sent the children upstairs to wash up. Marlena dropped her briefcase on the chair before snatching up the phone.
"Hello?" She pulled the gold earring off her left ear and settled the reciever against it..
"Dr. Evans?" The woman on the other end of the phone sounded unsure.
"Yes, can I help you?" She nodded as Q walked past making motions with his hands that she took to mean would she like a cup of tea.
"Dr. Evans, this is Cera from Mr. Black's message service. He wants you to know that he would like to take the children tomorrow night. He will pick them up at six if that is convenient for you."

Marlena was immediately suspicious. John had told her, not two days ago, that he would no longer be using this message service, yet here they were calling and trying to change his plans.
"Are you sure about that?" she asked carefully. "I though John was busy tomorrow night."
"Oh," there was a hint of surprise in the woman's voice but she recovered quickly. "I believe that Mr. Black has changed his plans. I can call to confirm if you would like?"
"No it's alright." Marlena said purposefully. "I'll call him myself."
"Uh, I'm quite happy to call and then confirm back with you," Cera said a little too hurriedly.
"No thank you." Marlena said calmly. "Thank you for calling."

That spelled an effective end to the conversation and Marlena put the receiver down as Q brought her tea over to her.
"Who was that?"
"John's message service." Marlena said with a thoughtful expression. "They wanted to tell me he will pick the children up tomorrow *night*."
"Didn't you say he was going to fire them?" Q asked, his brows knitting.
"Mmmm.." Marlena opened her address book and flicked through to find John's work number. "That's what I *thought* he said."

She dialed the number and waited the several seconds it took for the receptionist to answer the other end. When she inquired after John she was told he was in a meeting all afternoon and couldn't be interrupted unless it was urgent. Marlena, not deeming her business urgent, told the woman that she would call John later.

She put down the phone and turned to Q, shaking her head.
"Something's going on."
"What do you mean?" Q asked, following her into the living room.
"I mean that I think that John has been telling the truth. I think that someone has been deliberately crossing our wires." She frowned. "It's the only thing that makes any sense."
"And you think that someone is....?" Q questioned.
"One guess."

******

John sat at his desk wondering how the hell he was ever going to get through all this paperwork by the end of the day. He had been working feverishly for weeks now, trying to keep his mind off of Marlena. He had been a little surprised when he had realized that the mess with Kristen hardly figured in his thoughts at all any more. From the moment he woke up till the moment he eventually drifted off to sleep at night, all he could think about was Marlena and their children. He wanted to be with her, he wanted to make their family complete. He wanted to fill that hole in his soul that he had been denying for so long.

He stared at the phone, almost willing it to ring. When it didn't, he checked with his secretary for messages. There were none. He looked back at the laptop, swamped in paper and ran his fingers through his hair. He was starting to develop a headache. He looked at the phone again. On an impulse he picked it up and began to dial. Thinking the better of it he put the receiver back down in it's cradle and sighed.

He picked up the picture of Marlena and the children that sat on his desk and leaned back in his chair. He studied the picture and then ran his fingers over the three angelic, smiling faces.
"Oh God Doc. If you only knew how much I need you." His voice came out as a choked whisper. He needed her because she was the part of him that was missing. And only she would make him whole and real again.

******

It was sunset by the time Marlena left the penthouse. She was meeting Carrie at the pub for an early supper and she walked slowly from her car to the pub, enjoying the crisp evening air. The call from the message service played over in her mind as she walked. There was definitely something strange going on and it smelt of Kristen.

The pub was bustling with patrons as she entered. As usual, there were several people she knew, and she greeted them before she found Carrie in the corner.
"Hi sweetie." She slipped into the booth opposite her daughter. "How are you?"
"Great," Carrie lied. In truth she felt terrible.
"Honey -" Marlena stopped, seeing how pale and drawn Carrie's face was. "Are you sure? You don't look too good."

Carrie rested her head in her palms for a moment and then pulled her hands up over her forehead, smoothing her hair.
"I never could fool you, could I?" she smiled with a hint of contrition.
"No." Marlena shook her head and laughed. "However hard you tried, I could always see through it." She covered Carrie's hand with hers. "It's a mother thing," she whispered.
"It's also a love thing." Carrie smiled at her step-mother with a sparkle in her eyes. "If I haven't told you lately Marlena, I really do love you." She squeezed Marlena's hand. "You've always been there for me, been a wonderful mother and friend to me and it means more to me than I can say."
"Oh Carrie sweetheart, you don't need to *thank* me!" Marlena exclaimed in surprise. "I love you too and it's part of the deal."
"I know that," Carrie nodded, "But I just wanted you to know." She smiled with a hint of shyness. "I guess I'm just feeling a little sentimental tonight."
"Well I think that's allowed." Marlena told her gently and her expression changed to one of seriousness.

"So what's up then?" She ran the back of her fingers down Carrie's cheek in a gesture of motherliness. "You look tired."
"I don't really know." Carrie shrugged her shoulders. "We had some late nights the other week trying to get an account out on time and I guess I got a little run down." She watched the waiter carry past a dish of fries and tried to contain the queasiness in the pit of her stomach. "I think that maybe I picked up a touch of the flu."
"Well are you sure you don't want to do this another night?" Marlena asked, concern lacing her voice. "I'd be quite happy to leave it till you're feeling a little better."
"No, really," Carrie shook her head. "I'm fine. And I've been looking forward to seeing you." She smiled conspiratorially. "Now are you going to tell me what's been going on?"

******

Q picked up the photograph from the sideboard. It was one that John had sent Marlena the previous month. It had been taken last summer, on a day outing and they looked gloriously happy. An outsider never would have known that they weren't a cheerful and contented family. The love in Marlena and John's eyes was so obvious it was painful. To everyone else. If only they could have seen it in each other then, maybe they wouldn't be in this situation now. And neither would I.

He stared at the picture for several moments longer. Then, on impulse, he wiped his hand across the photograph. John was erased and in his place was Q, part of the happy family with Marlena looking at him with all the love in the world. Q closed his eyes and sighed. Who was he trying to kid? Marlena would never look at him with anything other than the love of friendship. He knew that, so why was he torturing himself like this?

Because I love her.

******

John walked haltingly up the path to Kristen's front door. The last person he wanted to see right now was her, but he knew he had to get this over with. And the sooner the better, for everyone. He had done as much as he could to stay away from this place, and from Kristen as he could in the last two months. It hadn't always been easy. She had a knack of turning up in the most unexpected places at the most inconvenient times. And making a pest of herself when she did.

John sighed and lifted the heavy door knocker. Just say what you have to say John and then you can go. If only it was that easy. Nothing was *ever* that easy where Kristen was concerned. He rapped several times and then waited. Illeanna answered the door and John enquired about Kristen's' presence. Illeanna confirmed it and John stepped into the living room to wait for her.

He looked around the room remembering all the time he had spent in this house with a sense of antipathy. All that time he had wasted with her and it had been nothing than a charade. In some ways his avoidance of Kristen had not been merely for what she had done, but also for his part in it. He still blamed himself heavily for Marlena's suffering, he lay awake at night chastising himself and wondering whether he really truly deserved her. The sight of Kristen only intensified these feelings of disgust and sent him spiraling down into a depression that he found difficult to shake.

"Hi there." Kristen's voice shook him out of his reverie and he turned round to look at her. Her hands rested on her gently swelling belly and she smiled at him sweetly. "It's lovely to see you." John forced a quick smile, his eyes transfixed on the bulge of her abdomen. As much as he wanted this child not to be his, for the sake of his future with Marlena, part of him hoped, illogically perhaps, that it was. With so much of his past lost to him, or shrouded in mystery and confusion it was only Marlena and the children that anchored him in the present.

He could still remember, when he had found that his true identity was that of Forrest Alamain, his sworn enemy's own brother, how much comfort Brady had brought to him. He would lie awake at night and stare at Isabella's burgeoning waist-line with a feeling of wonder. Here was a child, a tiny piece of him. Someone who would never betray him as his own family would. And so, as he stared at Kristen he again felt that feeling of wonderment. Another new life coming into this world, possibly another piece in the jigsaw puzzle of his heart.

He shook his head trying to rid himself of the betrayal of his emotions.
"John honey, are you okay?" Kristen asked coming closer to him. "Is there something I could get you?"
"No Kristen, I'm fine," he replied tersely as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"Okay." Kristen nodded her head and rubbed her stomach conspicuously. "It is *so* lovely to see you John." She smiled coyly. "I've really missed you."

John was silent for a moment trying to ignore her obvious attempts at ingratiating herself. He watched her make her way to the sofa and make a meal of sitting down awkwardly. She wasn't exactly big yet, if she had been wearing a loose top rather than the form-fitting one that adorned her body it might have been possible to miss it. But the way she moved one might have though she was reaching the middle of her ninth month instead of her sixth.

"So, how are you feeling?" he asked grudgingly.
"Great!" Kristen had determined that there was no point in employing the precariousness of this pregnancy as part of her plan to get John back. He was already wise to that scam and she had to play this very carefully. Her best plan of action now was to work on his love for his children. This child would bring them back together. She knew that and she was counting on it. "I must say he is an active little thing though." She smiled at John as she rubbed her stomach provocatively again.

In truth the baby *was* active, but it bugged the hell out of her. She couldn't imagine what it was going to be like a couple of months down the track. Still, it was worth it if John came back to her. Once the child was born there would be a nanny to look after it and she and John could make up all those precious moments they had missed in the preceding months. She smiled with satisfaction. She would make him forget he had ever heard of one *Marlena Evans*. And Marlena would certainly not want him back. She was working up to that quite nicely.

"Look Kristen," John wanted to get to the point of his visit and then get out. He was starting to feel highly uncomfortable and he suspected that Kristen knew exactly how to push his buttons. "I do have a reason for coming over." Kristen looked mildly surprised.
"Of course you do," she patted the seat next to her. "Why don't you sit down honey?" She saw John's recoil at the endearment and inwardly grimaced. This might be a little harder than she thought.
"No thanks." John's voice was thick with unspoken words. "I'm here to ask you to consider having amniocentesis test to determine the paternity of this child."

******

"I don't know what you mean Carrie." Marlena said innocently.
"Oh come on Marlena," Carrie grinned. "I think that the whole of Salem must know about John's efforts to win you back." She leaned closer to her step-mother. "Some of the gifts Sami has told me about...well I don't know how you are still holding out."
"I'm holding out because I am still angry at John for what he has done." Marlena's expression had sobered into seriousness. " What he did to me, to Belle and Brady and to all of you." She leant her head on one side and regarded Carrie. "I'm still not sure I can forgive him and I'm not sure I can trust him."

Carrie frowned.
"I'm sorry Marlena, I didn't mean to be flippant. I just...," the tears welled up in her eyes, "I know how hard it is to be without the person that you love. You lost Dad and I don't want to see you loose John too. You deserve some happiness."
"I lost your father because I made a terrible mistake." Marlena squeezed Carrie's hand. "I betrayed him and his trust in me. I will always regret that. And I will always love him. But I have dealt with the guilt of that Carrie, and I can't let the fact that Roman left me push me into forgiving John before I'm ready." She took a deep breath. "And despite the fact that I do love John, I'm still hurt by what he did to us. I just need some time and space to get things back into perspective I guess."

"I understand that," Carrie nodded. "I just want you to be happy. We all do."
"I know that honey. And I am happy, really." She rested her chin in her hands. "I mean I have five wonderful children and more friends than I deserve to be blessed with. How could I not be happy?"

******

Kristen had been waiting two months for this. Mike Horton must have finally deemed the baby to be sufficiently out of danger for John to make his approach. Her eyes filled with crocodile tears.
"You think that this baby isn't yours?"
"I think it's a possibility, yes." John replied as stoically as he could.
"You think I would stoop to *that*?" she asked, the tears spilling onto her cheeks, secretly glad that he would never know how close she had come to visiting the bank in Paris in order to ensure her little 'deposit'.

John pressed his lips together for a moment. With everything else she had done, he could well believe she would stoop to that. But he hadn't come here to antagonize her or to be antagonized.
"I really don't want to get into an argument with you Kristen." The muscle in his cheek twitched slightly, giving away the tension in his jaw. "I just want to know whether you will agree or not."
Kristen studied him. He wasn't as easy to play now. She would have to be more careful.

She nodded her head, wiping her tears away.
"Yes, I agree." She stared into his eyes. "I know this child is yours and I want you to know it too." "Good." John walked to the door of the living room. "Mike has scheduled the procedure for Monday. I'll meet you at the hospital at ten." Kristen lifted herself off the sofa, her hands supporting her stomach.
"Okay then. I'll see you there." She followed him to the door.

As he opened it she laid her hand on his shoulder. He turned and she saw the pain that resided in his eyes. "John, this baby *is* yours and I know you will love it as much as you love all your children. You'll see I'm right soon enough." John regarded her for a moment and then nodded.
"We will see, won't we?" He turned back to the open doorway and exited the house as quickly as he could.
"Bye honey, it was lovely to see you." Kristen called after him as she watched him go.

As he disappeared out of the gate she closed the door and went back into the living room. Peter, now living in the DiMera Mansion, took the stairs two steps at a time as he came down them.
"Well how did that go?" he asked as he popped his head around the corner. Kristen narrowed her eyes.
"Alright. I think." She pulled her hair back behind her head with both of her hands and stretched her body. "It's kind of hard to tell these days though." She frowned. "I used to be able to read him so well."
"And you will again Sis," Peter promised her as he slid up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "If we have anything to say about it you will."

******

John walked down the pavement, trying to suck the cool air into his chest. When he was with Kristen now, he felt as if he was being suffocated. In truth he always had but he had fought hard to deny it to himself. Now he just looked at her and wondered why. He looked at the last three years and wondered why. And he had no answer.

He took another deep breath. He had been a little surprised when Kristen had so readily acquiesced to his request. Surprised and a little downhearted. She definitely seemed certain the child was his. Still, by this time next week he would know the truth, he would try not to dwell on it till then. And, as he had already told himself, whether it was or not was of no consequence to the depth of his love for Marlena. He wanted her back in his life and he would wait for her if it took the *rest* of his life. There was only one person he would and could love, and Kristen didn't even figure in the equation.

Caught Unawares

"Here, you do it like this." Q had his arms around Marlena and he gently guided her as she attempted to flip the pancake. The round disc of batter made a slow loop in the air and flopped squarely back in the pan.
"I did it!" Marlena squealed, her cheeks flushed with delight.
"You certainly did." Q grinned as he set the heavy pan back on the heat and waited for the pancake to brown.
"I'll do the next one by myself." Marlena announced, her enthusiasm piqued.
"Are you sure you're quite ready for that?" Q teased her as he expertly flicked the pancake onto the growing pile.

He was saved from her further overtures towards the pancake batter by Brady who ran into the kitchen. He stopped short as he saw Q's warning look. Both of the children had been warned plenty of times about running in the kitchen. Especially after Belle's accident.
"Door Momma," he said breathlessly. Belle followed him in and stood with her tiny hands planted firmly on her hips.
"Dere's sum-an at de door," she announced solemnly.
"Okay, okay." Marlena held her hands up, palms outward with a smile before wiping them on the towel. "Shall we go and see who it is?"

By the time she made it to the front door, the messenger was long gone. All that sat on the doorstep was a small box. Belle swooped down and grabbed the package, running into the living area with it before Marlena could react.
"I open it." Belle plopped herself down in the middle of the floor and pulled the ribbon off the box. Brady crouched in front of her as she pulled the two halves of the box apart. The sole content fell out onto the floor and more quickly than she could react, Brady snatched it out of Belle's reach.

"Hey Bady!" The little girl admonished. "It's mine. Gi' it back." Brady ignored her and handed the tape to Marlena.
"No it's not Belle. It's for Mommy." He said, pursing his lips in a fair imitation of his father. Belle began to sob.
"S'mine!"

"Belle honey," Marlena interrupted before the argument could escalate. "Why don't you come and help me put this video tape in the recorder." Belle stared at her sullenly for a moment and then her mood passed as quickly as the tantrum had come on.
"'Kay!" She scrambled for the tape. Marlena only had time to pull the cassette out of it's cover and note that it was unlabelled before it disappeared, via Belle's tiny hands, into the machine.

******

Laura walked into the Penthouse Grill on the arm of her new Beau, Jed Sellwood. He was an oral surgeon that she had met recently at a medical function and they had struck it off immediately. Things were going so well Laura was almost afraid that they were going too well. It had been so long since she'd been happy she had almost forgotten how great it felt. Somehow, part of her wondered if she finally deserved to be happy.

Jed squeezed her hand and she looked up at him. He grinned at her and she couldn't help but return it. He's so gorgeous, she though privately as they were led to their table. As she sat and Jed gently pushed her chair in, a couple in the corner caught her eye. On closer inspection she saw that it was Peter and Kristen. Jed caught her grimace and looked at her inquiringly.

"Laura? Honey is something wrong?"
"Remember I told you about Jenn's ex-husband and his equally loathsome sister?" She nodded on Peter and Kristen's direction. "That's them."

Her companion turned and looked surreptitiously at the pair. They were huddled over a small table, obviously engrossed in their conversation. The woman's hair hung limply over her face and she wore a tight Lycra top that hugged the bulge of her pregnancy. She was jabbing the table with her finger, seemingly trying to make her point clear to her male companion. He shook his head tiredly and rubbed his eyes. The woman didn't let up her haranguing and Jed felt almost sorry for the guy. He would have, except for what Laura had told him about Peter Blake and what he had done to her daughter. He turned back to his date.

"Nice looking couple." He rolled his eyes sarcastically.
"Pfft!" Laura couldn't help herself. She looked at them thoughtfully. Kristen was still trying to make her point but Peter seemed to be arguing his equally forcefully now. Looking back at Jed, Laura raised her eyebrows. "I'd love to know what they're plotting now."

******

It was as well she didn't know. Kristen's latest scheme was turning even Peter's stomach.

Kristen had spent so much time recently thinking about ways to get John back by her side she was beginning to lose her grip on what little moral certitude she still retained. In her vaguely deranged musings she had remembered Belle's accident and the animosity displayed by John towards Eugene Bradford. Even his precious Marlena hadn't escaped John's anger. So Kristen had formulated a plan whereby Brady would fall victim to a slight accident while in Marlena's care. She'd had it planned out perfectly until Peter had refused, point blank to help her in her twisted plan. It was this they were discussing at the non-descript corner table in the busy restaurant.

"Peter!" Kristen whined. "You promised you'd do what you could to help me get John back. You told me you wanted them both to pay! This is the ideal opportunity." Her voice began to rise in pitch as she desperately tried to convince Peter that he had to help her. "I have to get him back Peter. My baby has to have a father. *I* have to have him. You promised..." she finished rather lamely.
"Well I didn't think that you would stoop to something quite as low as injuring an innocent child in your 'quest' Kristen," Peter hissed through clenched teeth. "I promised to do what I could, yeah, but this is going *way* too far."
"He won't be badly hurt." Kristen tried to wheedle her way in between Peter's defenses. "Just a few scratches. Just enough to make John realize what could have happened and what a terrible mother 'Doc" is." She sneered as she spat out the endearment that John used for Marlena.

The rage began to build up in her system as the spectre of Marlena appeared before her again. It stuck in her craw that he insisted on using the nickname that he should have given up years ago. Marlena had no right to his endearments, his affection or his love. That woman was just trying to destroy what Kristen had with John and Kristen would make sure she paid if it took her whole life.

She forced the bilious feeling back as she re-focused her attention on Peter. He was still hard faced and she could feel the refusal coming,
"Krissy, that doesn't make it *right*!" he reproached her. "Even Stefano wouldn't purposely hurt a child. Good Lord Kristen, that's a moral line I refuse to step over." He narrowed his eyes. "We've both done some things we'd rather not admit to. Please don't add this to the list." He was almost pleading with her to forget this insanity. "There has to be a better way."
"Alright, alright!" Kristen grudgingly gave a little. "Whatever you say *brother*," she scowled at him, "if there's a better way, you'd better find it. And fast. Otherwise I go ahead with my plan. With or without your help."
"You do Kristen and you'll be on your own." Peter looked at her warningly, his jaw clenched tightly with the effort to control his temper. "I'll wipe my hands of the whole business. And of you."
"Is that a threat brother *dearest*?" Kristen's body was tense with the same force of self control. She and Peter had never disagreed over anything, but this could be their undoing.
"Take it however you like Kristen." Peter threw a bill on the table and stood. "I'll get back to you as soon as I can about that better way."

Kristen watched him walk out of the restaurant and then, seeing Laura staring at her, threw the woman the dirtiest look she could muster. She wasn't letting any of these little people budge her an inch from her course of action. She couldn't. Life was meaningless otherwise.

******

The cassette started to play automatically in the video recorder. Belle immediately ran back to the ouch and climbed onto her mother's lap. Marlena folded one arm around her as Brady joined them, snuggling up against them.

The red blur on the screen resolved into a red t-shirt and then into John as he backed away from the camera. Marlena's breath caught in her throat as she watched him set down on his couch in the loft. She had always loved him in red. It bespoke his passion, an intensity all his own. Always when he had worn red she had just wanted to pull his clothes off and partake in the sensuous experience of that passion and love. She sighed. Some things never changed.

She tried to keep her attention from the way his t-shirt hinted at the lines and curves of muscle that lay concealed beneath the red fabric. Unfortunately as he leaned over to pick up the remote, she was less than successful.

"It's Daddy!" Belle's laughter was like a sprinkling of golden bells and Marlena and Brady joined in with her. Q came out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. He smiled when he saw the three settled so happily and he moved behind the couch to watch the screen.

The image of John on the television screen settled back into his seat and he smiled.
"Hey there you guys. I talked to you on the phone this afternoon when I couldn't make it round to see you. So this is for you Belle sweetheart, Brady my little slugger guy, and," he paused, his voice lowering to a tone that sent shivers up Marlena's spine, "especially for you Doc."
He smiled again, a smile of love and promise, aimed directly at the family that meant more to him than anything in the world. "I'm really sorry that I couldn't come around today kids but I guess things got a little mixed up and confused. But I promise you that I will make it up to you on Saturday. There's nothing I want more than to spend all the time I can with you. You are the most important things in the world to me."

He leaned down, dipping his hand beneath the camera level before he looked into the lens again. "I've got a little something for you guys that I'll bring on Saturday." He grinned and pulled up a brown stuffed bear. "Since you love the zoo so much, Belle baby, this is for you and Brady," he pulled up a stuffed tiger with a look that that sent the two children into fits of giggles, "hey kid, this is for you." He raised his eyebrows and smiled again.

"Now guys, I know a day at the zoo will be great, but I think there is one thing that would make it just about perfect," John continued with a twinkle in his eyes. "I think that if your Mom would come with us it would be just about the best day ever." He winked at the camera. "Whaddya say Doc? You wanna come see the bears with us?" His appealing look tugged at her heart, just like she knew he had known it would and she shook her head gently as the children turned to her.

Just at that moment, John's phone had chosen to ring. He had obviously contemplated for several moments before leaping off the couch to answer it. However, it was unfortunate that he was so hasty, for in his rush, the cords at his feet wrapped themselves around his ankle and both he and the phone went crashing to the ground with an unintelligible shout. Surprisingly it took him only moments to recover and he hauled himself red-faced back onto the seat. He took a deep breath and placed the receiver back in it's cradle.
"Well I guess that's one way of getting rid of them," he stated with some embarrassment.

Belle and Brady erupted into fits of laughter as soon as they ascertained their father was unharmed by the incident. Marlena wasn't laughing. Her heart was aching.
"I probably should go back and tape over that disaster but I guess it probably just goes to prove how useless I am without you around." John said dolefully as he pulled the stuffed bear into his arms and hugged it to him. "Pathetic huh?"

Marlena brushed away the tears that shimmered on her lashes. That simple, stupid little moment provoked so many emotions in her that she didn't know how to deal with them. She had been trying to dam up all her emotions and feelings for John and hide them away so that she wouldn't *have* to deal with them. She had ignored the fact that sooner or later cracks were going to appear in that dam and she wasn't sure how to shore it up. She closed her eyes and tried hard to concentrate on her breathing as John resumed his monologue.

"I really miss you all so much," he breathed. 'I know I can never make up for the time we've lost, but I promise that I will make our future the brightest I possibly can." Marlena could hear the emotion fighting to break through in his voice and her eyes opened almost involuntarily. The pain and regret etched on his face almost broke her heart. He really was suffering as much as she was.

God I love him *so* much.

Her heart twisted again as he reached out and picked up a photograph from the table, a tear slipping from his eye.
"You know, I fought so desperately to make a family," he looked at the picture and shook his head, "but it was the wrong one. If only I could have opened my eyes and seen that..." He looked at the camera and wiped the moisture from his cheeks. "The first family I remember is the one I made with you Marlena." He smiled a sad, lonely smile. "It was the happiest time of my life."

Q turned in time to see Marlena sweep the tears from her face. He exhaled softly. The wheels are in motion. He wanted to smile but he couldn't quite bring himself to. This moment only reminded him what an outsider he was here and what it would take for him to get back to his own kind. The thought that John and Marlena might be soon reunited should have made him exceedingly happy.

It was not only what he would gain out of it that should have given him joy. There was nothing that would make Marlena happier than to complete her life with John and her happiness meant the world to Q. And he would have felt happy for her, and for himself, if only he didn't feel so damn sad.

"Mommy? Why is Daddy crying, Mommy?" Belle asked, evidently confused. "Did he get huwt?" Marlena hugged the little girl to her and smoothed her hair comfortingly with her hand.
"No sweetie, Daddy's just a little sad. He'll be okay soon," Marlena assured her.
"Why he sad Momma?" Belle wasn't about to give up that easily. "'Cos he can't wiv here wif us?" Marlena looked at Belle, amazed at the little girl's insight. After a moment, she decided she shouldn't be so surprised. Belle had always seemed to have a second sense about what was wrong.
"Yes, that's part of it honey. Now shhh." She tried to settle Belle back down so they could finish watching the tape.

******

John stared blankly at the page of the report he was reading. He suddenly realized that he had read it four times and still not taken in any of it. He dropped the booklet on the table and wandered over to the bench where he poured himself a coffee. He really didn't need it, he was already strung out and another night's wakefulness wasn't going to help matters, but he sipped at the black liquid anyway.

He was running out of things to keep him occupied. He couldn't concentrate on work anymore and nothing else seemed to have even the potential to hold his attention. All he could think about was Marlena and how much he needed her and those children.

It had been two long months. Two months where he had concentrated his whole being on winning her back. He wasn't entirely sure, but he felt that she was beginning to relax, to thaw a little. And while that was a good thing; a great thing , it also meant he spent more time thinking about her and how it might be to hold her in his arms again. To feel her warm skin on his, the scent of her hair as he lifted it to his face, the feel of her lips. To wake up every morning next to her....

He shook his head in frustration. He had to stop this or it would drive him crazy. He looked at his watch and picked his jacket up off the chair. Maybe seeing the Brady's might take his mind of this agony.

******

Almost as if John had heard his daughter, he had shaken off the melancholy and his face was again wreathed in smiles. He again promised the children that they would have a great day on Saturday and exhorted them to persuade their mother to join the party. After he had told them again how much he loved them, the video had petered into blueness and Marlena had switched the player off. To Belle and Brady's pleas to join them at the zoo she only replied that she couldn't, she had to work. It was a white lie but she knew she couldn't spend that much time around John and still hold onto her resolve.

The children had soon given up the idea of trying to convince her and run upstairs to play in their own imaginary zoo. Marlena had remained on the couch, lifting her feet up and laying back against the arm. She felt washed out and needed a few moments to regain her composure.

"Why don't you call him?" Marlena opened her eyes to find Q sitting on the table in front of her.
"I can't." She said firmly.
"Why not?" Q pressed. "He loves you, you love him. What's stopping you?"
"I just can't." Marlena said a little angrily, her eyes flooding with tears. "And I don't want to talk about it so just drop it, okay?"
"No. Not okay." Q returned her anger, his frustration at the situation he found himself in becoming evident. "Why are you being so stubborn? I never remember you being this stubborn before. You love the man. Go to him and tell him that. Happy ever after. End of story."
"It's not that simple Eugene." Marlena closed her eyes again. "And I said I didn't want to talk about it."

"Well that's tough. Because you're going to talk about it." Q said a little harshly. "It *could* be that simple if only you would let it. The only obstacle is *you* Marlena. You need him and he needs you. You'll never be happy without him. Why don't you just admit that to yourself."
"You don't know the first thing about what I need." Marlena's ire was rising rapidly. She really didn't need her best friend to turn on her right now. "What I need is some peace and quiet, so why don't you just go away. I don't need your opinions."

Q stared at her for several moments, his lips pursed and then he stood.
"*You* have to be the most infuriating woman I've ever had the displeasure to meet!" He lashed out angrily. "You don't want my help. Well, *fine*!" He threw the hand towel on the table and stormed off towards the kitchen.

"'Gene!" Marlena called out before he reached the kitchen door. "Gene, I'm sorry." Q stopped but didn't turn round. He stood, facing the kitchen door, trying to cool his temper and contemplate his next move. "'Gene, please forgive me?" Her soft voice came from directly behind him and he slowly turned round. "I'm sorry." She looked contrite. "I know you were only trying to help and I was being ungrateful as per usual." She took his hand in hers and pulled him towards the sofa. He followed stiltingly and sat next to her.
"It's okay," he nodded.
"No, it's not okay." She looked down at the large hand she held in hers. "I was unforgivably rude. The truth is," She looked up at him with frightened eyes, trying to fight the emotion that threatened to swamp her, "I don't know what to do. I'm so confused."
"Don't they always say to follow your heart?" Q asked softly.
"I would if I knew what it was telling me." Marlena gasped softly and turned her head to the side so that he wouldn't see her tears. "I...I..." She faltered and fell silent.

"You love him." Q stated.
"Oh I do." Marlena looked up towards the ceiling. "I do love him. I wish I could say otherwise but I can't." She looked back at Q. "And I miss him *so* much." The fierceness of the emotion in her eyes made Q feel weak and he averted his own, hoping she hadn't seen it. She seemed not to as she carried on. "I don't know...I just don't know...maybe it *is* just my pride." She pressed her fingers to her mouth, attempting to gain some semblance of control. "I just don't know how to get past what's happened 'Gene. I don't know how to forgive him." She shook her head. "Or myself."

"Look Marlena, I might be outta line here," Q began tentatively, "but something in that video touched you and I think that is what you have to take and run with. You can't forgive until you try." He smiled at her but it was unconvincing. "What was it Alice Horton used to say? Love conquers anything?"
"She still does." Marlena whispered, a slight shiver travelling her spine. "Oh 'Gene. Could we really get through this? Could we really be a family again?" Her eyes gained a faraway look. "Oh I really do love him."

Q, unable to take it any longer patted Marlena's hand ineffectually and then stood up.
"I have to go..." he explained vaguely and left the room in haste.

Marlena, a little startled, watched him go. After a moment she turned back to the table and looked into space as she reviewed the past few minutes in her mind. Her forehead creased slightly and then a mixture of comprehension and surprise settled on her features.

Curiouser and Curiouser

Marlena stared at the door and wondered briefly why things couldn't ever be simple. She closed her eyes and unconsciously smoothed the wrinkles in her trousers. It was a gesture of control, in which she felt desperately lacking at the moment.

With a strange, nervous flutter in her stomach, she rapped sharply on the door.
"'Gene? 'Gene, can I come in?" There was a silence behind the wall of wood and Marlena waited a moment before she tried again. "'Gene, I need to talk to you."
"I would prefer it if you would leave me alone for a while." Q's voice came muffled from behind the barrier. Marlena crossed one arm in front of her and laid her hand on her chest in a movement of comfort and protection.
"Gene, please don't ignore me. We need to talk."
"No we don't." Marlena could hear the embarrassment in his voice and she frowned.
"'Gene, don't shut me out, I want to help you," she persisted.

A bitter laugh came from behind the door.
"How ironic." In the bedroom, Q stared at the ceiling, wishing he could lose himself in it.
"Why?" It was becoming more obvious by the moment that Marlena did not intend to give up until she had succeeded at her task.
"Nothing." Q's tone was flat and emotionless. "It's not important."
"It is to me." Marlena's voice insisted once again. "You're my best friend Gene. If I've done something to hurt or upset you, I want to know." He could hear the genuine confusion in her voice and the hint of fear that maybe she had ruined this relationship too. He closed his eyes and willed her to go away. He couldn't handle this right now.

"'Gene. Please, don't do this to me." Marlena whispered softly as she leaned her head against the door and took a breath to steady herself. It was a moment later when she heard the tell-tale sound of footsteps in the room behind the door. She stood up straight and tried again to draw on the strength that lay hidden inside her. Some days it was more accessible than others. Today it seemed, it was hiding all together.

The door lock clicked and the door opened. Eugene's pale face appeared from behind the barrier. His hair appeared dishevelled and his eyes were suspiciously puffy.
"Eugene..." Marlena started but was forestalled by Q's hand on her arm.
"Don't say it." His voice was soft, but he shook his head with conviction. Marlena's eyes widened again as she looked at him. He was the strength that she had been drawing on, but she had hardly stopped to think what it might be doing to him.

"'Gene, I'm sorry-" the little utterance caught him off-guard and he whirled around to the window.
"It's not your fault Marlena. It's just one of those things." He shrugged nonchalantly. Behind him, Marlena shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. It just seemed so unfair that she kept hurting those she loved.
"I....I never meant to hurt you." Her voice sounded distant and bewildered and something in the inflection made Q turn back to her. The chaos in her hazel eyes made him feel almost guilty and he gently brushed her cheek with his index finger.
"You didn't hurt me. I know how you feel about John. I know you love him, and that's the way it should be."

He gently took her arm and led her to the bed where she sat down next to him, her arms still creating a protective band around her body. "Marlena it's okay. Really. You can't help the way you feel, just like I can't help the way I feel." Her slight flinch at his words put a furrow in his forehead. "I'm sorry if that makes you feel awkward."
"I just...," she shook her head and twisted her hands around each other. "I just don't know what to do." She looked up at him, suddenly seeming very young. "I keep thinking maybe I could have done something, or *not* done something. Gene, I shouldn't be putting you through this."

Q smiled and shook his head slowly.
"There was nothing that you could have done. Or not done." His smile became a little melancholy as he looked at her. "You were just you. That's all you ever needed to be."
"Oh.." Marlena's voice caught as her tears started afresh.
"It's okay." Q told her as he leaned close to enfold her in a hug. "Really it is. It's all going to turn out just fine."

******

It was later that night, after Marlena had retired to her room, and Q was alone, when Q2 reappeared. One moment Q was looking at himself in the mirror, the next, a pair of familiar green eyes stared back at him. Q backed away from the mirror as Q2 impossibly stepped out of the smooth glass surface.

Perching himself on the edge of the dresser, he crossed his arms and shook his head sardonically.
"My, my. How the mighty have fallen." He grinned salaciously as he felt Q's annoyance rise immediately. "Really Q, I had expected more of you than to be taken down by a mere mortal female." Q stared at him for a moment and then, turning around, he dropped down on the bed, facing the wall. "No defense Q? No words of wondrous wit?" Q2 probed obnoxiously. "It's not much fun for me if you sulk you know."

Q remained sullenly silent. Despite having a good deal of his power back, he was still mortal and he still needed sleep at the end of the day. The last thing he felt like was a verbal jousting match with Q2, after the day that he had had. Unfortunately, knowing Q2, he was unlikely to escape it.
"So then Q. Reconsidering our deal, are you?" Q2 smirked. "Are you willing to give up your life in the Q Continuum for this pitiful existence?" He disappeared from the dresser and rematerialized into solid form on the bed next to Q, disagreeably close. "All for a *woman*?"

Q scowled at him and then turned over. Q2 propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over Q.
"So then Q, Q no longer and consigned to a life of boredom, children and human bodily functions." He leaned even closer to Q and whispered in his ear. "She must be quite *something* Q. Maybe I should have a look for myself."

Q narrowed his eyes in anger and then broke his silence.
"I am not giving anything up for her." He retorted with extreme self-control. "I'm carrying out our agreement exactly as planned." He rolled onto his back and sneered slightly. "You needn't get excited Q, you're not getting rid of me that easily."
"Oh no?" Q2 raised his eyebrows. 'I don't remember anywhere a clause on out agreement that allowed you to fall *in love* with the good doctor, hideous as it sounds." He cocked his head on one side. "You know Q, you seem to take being a human being far to seriously. One would almost think you might like to remain one."

"Even if I was *in love* with her, as you so charmingly put that limited concept," Q glared at Q2, "it wouldn't interfere with what I have to do here. My task is almost complete and I am not about to jeopardize that."
"Are you sure about that?" Q2 asked with a modicum of seriousness.
"Never more so." Q said tiredly. "Now if you wouldn't mind Q, I'd like to get some sleep some time tonight."
"Oh please." Q2 held up his hands, "don't let me stop you."
"Well I wouldn't if you weren't here," Q said pointedly, his tiredness getting the better of him.
"Just remember Q," Q2 iterated menacingly as he disappeared and then reappeared on the other side of the bed, "we see everything and we know everything. You can't hide from us."

******

The doorbell roused Marlena from her book and she smiled as the children came barreling down the staircase. Brady pulled open the door as fast as he could and Belle practically leapt into her father's arms when she saw him. Brady wasn't very far behind her and Marlena's heart constricted as she watched the touching reunion.

She stood and walked to the staircase, leaning on the banister as she observed John telling his children how much he loved them. A burst of laughter from three of them made her chest feel so tight it was almost painful. For some reason she felt like the odd one out and it hurt. Her children deserved a family and she could easily be the one to give it to them.

As if John sensed her presence, he looked up at her. His breath almost left him as he drank in the sight before him. She wore a pair of cream sweat pants with a matching button-up sweatshirt. Jogging shoes were on her feet and her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail. Wisps of hair framed her face, which, devoid of make-up, looked utterly radiant.

"Hi there Doc." He greeted her almost nervously. There was no way he could have known that Marlena's heart was pounding almost harder than his.

"Hi John," she replied with a small smile. It was strange that even though she felt more uneasy around John than ever before, she still didn't want this moment to end. "How are you?"
"Better now that I've seen you all," he told her honestly. He looked at her attire again and then grinned. "So are you coming with us to the zoo then?" Marlena looked down at her clothes and then looked up at him through her eyelashes and gave an involuntary laugh.
"I can see why you might think that, but no." Her face became serious. "I have some things I need to do today - I have to pop into work and then I have to go and check on Carrie. She hasn't been well, you know."

"You could still do those things," John attempted to persuade her, "We could just wait for you in the car."
"Yeah Momma," Brady entreated. "You could come with us.
"Pwease Mommy?" Belle added her two cents worth to Marlena's guilt. "Oh kids," she crouched down and took them into her arms. "I'd love to come with you today - but I really can't." She looked up at John, her eyes unusually dark. "Really." John nodded his head in understanding and acceptance.
"C'mon guys, lets head off and leave your Mom in peace to do her work."

"Not just yet," Marlena stood up, still looking at John. "There's something we need to discuss. Belle, Brady, you go upstairs and get your coats and gloves please." The children didn't need any more encouragement as the raced to the top of the stairs. Marlena watched them go and then sighed as she walked into the living room.
"I don't know how many times I've asked them not to run up that staircase. I have these terrible visions of one of them falling down and..." she broke off, unable to even voice the fears that one of her children might be hurt.
"They'll be okay Doc, but if you like, I could have a talk to them," John offered.

He was standing so close behind her, Marlena imagined she could almost feel his breath on the back of her neck. She fought hard not to let him know how much his closeness affected her but she lost with a small shiver that shook her body. John sensed it immediately.
"Are you okay Doc? Are you cold? Can I get you anything?" he asked with obvious concern. Marlena took a calming breath and then moved away from him before turning round and covering her reaction to him with a smile.
"I'm fine John, thanks. And yes, it would be a help if you could talk to the kids for me. I'd appreciate that." She looked down and was shocked to see that she had been clenching her fists unconsciously. She quickly relaxed them and crossed her arms in front of herself, hoping John hadn't seen. He didn't give any indication if he had.

"Actually John, that wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about."
"What was it then Doc?" John asked, schooling his features into neutrality. He had sensed her reaction to his close proximity several moments ago. And then there were her fists which she had suddenly become aware of and had been at pains to hide. He knew her well enough to know what those signs meant, but he couldn't push her too far or too hard. She had to come to him when she was ready and not before.
"I got a call from your message service on Friday to say that you would pick the kids up *tonight*." John looked confused for a moment as he tried to understand what she was telling him.
"But I'd already told you that I was picking them up today," he said, frowning, "and I had already fired the message service. Why the hell would they be calling you trying to change my plans?"
"Well I wondered kind of the same thing." Marlena raised her eyebrows. "But when I told the woman that you said you'd had plans tonight she got a little flustered. She kept on insisting that she'd check back with you and she didn't seem at all happy when I said I'd do it myself."
"But you didn't check." John shook his head.
"I tried to," Marlena shrugged her shoulders, "but the receptionist told me you were in a meeting all afternoon and couldn't be disturbed."
"*What*?!" John exclaimed.

"You weren't in a meeting?" Marlena felt a little shiver go through her. Something definitely odd was going on.
"I certainly wasn't," John told her indignantly, "in fact I was sitting staring at the phone wondering if I should call you to confirm."
"Curiouser and curiouser," Marlena muttered half to herself.
"I think it's a little more than curious Doc," John said, anger threading his voice. "Something is going on here and I don't like it."
"The woman's name was Cera, if you want to check it out." Marlena told him as the children ran back down the stairs. "I think it's entirely possible that something or *someone* is behind these misunderstanding's that we've been having."
"Yeah, and I don't think it'll take much of a guess as to who." John glowered. "I'll check it out as soon as I can Doc."

"Weady to go Daddy!" Belle stood, hands on hips by the front door.
"I guess you'd better go then!" Marlena laughed at her daughter's insistence. She didn't ever think she had seen a little girl with such a strong personality.
"Guess so." John smiled back at Marlena, his eyes crinkling at the corner in a way that flooded Marlena's mind with memories. She was so far away that she wasn't expecting it when he leaned over and brushed his lips past her cheek. Still smiling at her, he walked to the door with the children and opened it.

"Say bye to your Mom kids," he instructed.
"Bye Mommy." Belle and Brady chorused as they ran through the door.
"Bye Marlena, I'll talk to you later." John winked and then closed the door behind him, leaving an unnerved Marlena standing in the centre of the living room.

******

It was nine in the morning on Monday when John met Kristen at University Hospital where she was to undergo the amniocentesis test. Her demeanor hadn't changed, only she was a little more sickeningly simpering than she had been the other day. Just the sight of her made John's stomach turn but he had to keep his feeling under wraps until things were settled and safe again.

"Hi Kristen," John greeted her coolly.
"Hi John." She smiled ingratiatingly. "Thanks for meeting me, I'm so nervous about this procedure, after what has already happened in this pregnancy."
"Mike said it would be safe now Kristen. You're past the danger stage." John's voice was forced as he tried to work out whether Kristen was trying to back out of this now or whether this was just another guilt trip she was sending him on.
"I know," Kristen nodded her head, "I'm just nervous John. After all, I have had two miscarriages in a year. You can't blame me for feeling sensitive."
"I'm not blaming you Kristen. I'm just trying to tell you that we wouldn't be doing this if Mike or I thought there was any danger." He looked at her searchingly. "After all, this is my child too. Right?"

Mike interrupted them before Kristen could give her answer, but she gave John a curious look which spoke of the wronged woman, yet edged with an air of quiet victory before she followed the doctor down the hall. John stood for a moment, trying to interpret Kristen's reaction. He knew he should really give up even trying. She was a master at manipulation and deceit and as long as he lived, he would never be able to understand the warped impulses that drove her. With slumped shoulders, he followed them down the hall and into the examination room where he had promised Kristen he would stay with her while she underwent the test.

After a sample of the amniotic liquid surrounding the foetus in Kristen's womb had been collected, John waited outside while she got dressed and ready to leave. In the time he had to mull over this situation, he wondered whether he should go and tell Marlena about what was happening. After a few moments, he decided against it. There was still the distinct possibility that this was his child and he wouldn't put Marlena through that if there was no need. He would just wait and if the results came in the way he suspected, he could tell her then.

He stood as Kristen exited the room, Mike close behind her.
"Okay?" John asked the question, aimed generally at both of them. Kristen nodded and Mike followed her lead.
"Everything went very smoothly," Mike told the pair. "There were no complications and we should be seeing the results by the end of the week."
"You'll let me know as soon as they're in?" John queried Mike. He wanted to see the results before Kristen did. That way he would be able to decide his next move without her interference.
"Sure." Mike nodded his head and then turned to Kristen. "Now remember what I told you. Take it easy for the next few days."

"But you said everything was fine." John interrupted abruptly.
"Everything *is* just fine." Mike assured him. 'There's just no point in Kristen taking any risks that's all."
"John, I'm fine and our baby is fine," Kristen told him pointedly. "Now can we go please?" She was tired and her anger at this farce that John was putting her through was surfacing. She wanted to get out of this mausoleum before she totally lost it.
"Sure." John nodded. "I'll see you to your car." He wasn't about to give in to Kristen's manoeuvring now. He had to get out of here and away from her.

And then the next stage was to wait.

Shock Value

Marlena sat alone in her room, staring at the soft blue walls. She was the only one home this afternoon and she treasured the solitude. The past few days had been a blur of work and children and the latest psychiatry journal from work lay buried and unopened in the plush quilt. She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes again. Outside the window the last snow of the winter drifted past the balcony doors, creating a translucent veil to the world outside.

She discarded the glasses and lying back she sank into the recent past. It had been such a short time ago that John had been in this room with her, in this bed with her. The months that had passed had not dimmed the clarity of those memories and it almost hurt to recall how happy she had been for those few brief hours. She pulled a pillow into her arms and hugged it tight as she gazed at the ceiling. She felt as though she were dislocated from herself. There was an odd feeling of non-being that she couldn't make sense of. Nothing was right and it seemed as though it was impossible to resolve it within herself.

Dear Lord, she prayed, I feel so confused, please give me some guidance. I don't know where I am any more. It seems I hardly know who I am. I need to be strong for Belle and Brady but I don't know where to find that strength any more....

Her meditation was disturbed by the sound of a door closing downstairs and Marlena opened her eyes immediately. The soft footsteps up the staircase sounded familiar to her ear but she was wary anyway. By the time the soft knock came at her door she was tense enough to spring from the bed if need be.

"Who is it?" Her voice was tentative, as if she wasn't quite sure that she wanted to give away the fact that she was here. But whomever it was, they were in her house now. It was a little late for playing absent.
"Mom, it's me, Sami." The soft voice slid easily through the cracks in the door frame. Marlena relaxed slightly.
"Come in sweetie," she invited.

The door opened and Sami looked hesitantly around the room. Her mother was sitting in the middle of the crumpled bed, clutching a pillow to her chest. For some reason today she seemed dwarfed by the large room and king sized bed.
"I'm sorry Mom - I didn't mean to disturb you. I wasn't sure that there was anyone here. You didn't answer the door when I knocked." The last almost sounded like an accusation and Marlena wondered where that had come from.
"I didn't hear it Sami. I guess I was lost in my daydreams." She smiled and patted the quilt next to her. "Come in honey."

Sami's sweet smile shone through the front of stand-offishness she habitually wore.
"I wouldn't have let myself in Mom, but Grant wanted to see Casablanca and I said I'd borrow it from you so we could watch it tonight." She threw herself on the bed next to Marlena and half lay down. "So what are you up to then?"
"Oh you know," Marlena smiled, lying back down herself, "a bit of this and a bit of that and not much of anything."

"Work?" Sami picked up the journal and glanced at the article Marlena had been reading. "Habitual Markers of Obsessive Psychosis? Gee Mom, that looks thrilling!" she remarked sarcastically as she dropped the book back on the bed.
"It actually is very interesting." Marlena replied in all seriousness. Obsessiveness was something she was all too familiar with, even in her own family. Still, she didn't want to get into another argument with her daughter. She was too tired to argue. "So what have you been doing with yourself Sami-girl?"
"Grant and I took Will to the ice-rink this morning," Sami grinned, her cheeks tinged pink with the memory of a wonderful morning. "We had such a great time. Grant even rented a pair of tiny boots for Will and took him around the ice." She shook the long blonde hair out of her eyes. "Will just thought it was the greatest thing. I'm so glad we got to do it before Spring hits. Will's growing so fast..." She stopped as she saw the expression on her mother's face. "What Mom?"

Marlena's smile transformed her face, her skin becoming almost luminous and her eyes shining a brilliant shade of hazel. She shook her head.
"It's nothing sweetie, I was just thinking how right you are. They do grow up so fast don't they?" She reached out to brush the hair from Sami's eyes but the young girl's face hardened as she pulled away from her mother and flicked her head back herself.
"Don't lie to me Mother," Sami demanded, "what were you really thinking?"
"Oh Sami." Marlena shook her head and closed her eyes. Why do you always have to push it Sami? Why can't you just let things be? "It wasn't important."

Marlena opened her eyes and looked at her daughter, Sami looked like a stranger again. It seemed that every time they almost made it back on track, she did something to make Sami turn away from her again and she wasn't sure how much longer she could take it. She wasn't strong enough to take the rejection anymore. How could she forgive herself if her own daughter wouldn't forgive her?

"It was important enough for you to look at me like that." Sami wasn't about to give in. She had to win this fight just as she had to win every other. It was the only way she knew to keep control of her life. Never let anyone in, never let anyone know the real you and there'll never be anyone that can really hurt you. "I want to know what it was." Marlena, her face so radiant a moment ago now looked resigned and Sami caught a fragment of the pain that she fought so well to hide. But as usual, she wouldn't let herself feel the guilt. She had convinced herself for so long that there was nothing to feel guilty about that it was an automatic reaction. She was the victim.

******

It was the end of a long week and Cory Seymour really wanted to get out of the lab. He had a weekend booked with his wife Melissa and their two young daughters, Rebecca and Paige. They were heading up to the mountains for a long weekend and Cory's mind kept straying to the log fire. The log fire that Paige was conceived in front of four years ago. He was hoping that this occasion would produce something just as wonderful.

However, before he could leave for the day there was one final analysis that had to be done. It was a rush job, but with all the other rush jobs they'd had in the last few days, he hadn't had a chance to get to this one. Till now. He picked up the rack of vials. Two contained a clear fluid, the other four, blood samples. Each was numbered. Cory sighed. Another boring paternity test. This should be pretty simple.

******

A soft and unbidden sigh escaped Marlena's lips. She couldn't look into her daughter's eyes as she slipped off the bed and made her way to the window.
"MOM!" Sami insisted. Marlena steeled herself and turned to the blonde girl on the bed.
"I'm worried about the amount of time you're spending with Austin's friend, Samantha." She bit her lower lip so hard it hurt as she looked at Sami's shocked face.
"What?!" Sami exclaimed.
"I'm just worried for you honey. I don't want to see you getting hurt." Marlena rushed to explain. She had known Sami would take this all wrong, that was why she had tried to avoid the subject. Sami couldn't or wouldn't see that what she said was out of concern. She automatically heard any comment that came out of her mother's mouth as a criticism.

"Mother, I'm not a child!" Sami snapped angrily. "I can make my own decisions about who I see."
"I never said you couldn't honey." Marlena tried to smooth over the damage. "It's just well, how much do you know about him? I know that Austin was into some pretty rough things back in Boston." She walked towards the bed and crouched down in front of Sami. "I just need to know that you're safe."
"Oh, so because he knew Austin back in Boston he has to be trouble and no good for me, is that it?" The anger flared in Sami's eyes. "I would have thought you would have been happy," she said snidely, "after all, it keeps me away from your precious Carrie's husband."
"Samantha." Marlena said calmly but with presence as she stood up. "I'm not trying to question your judgment -"
"Oh stupid me, I thought that was exactly what you were doing." Sami interrupted. "It's pretty hypocritical Mother, considering your own state of *affairs*."

Marlena paused for a moment, trying to gain some composure and some balance. She had expected Sami to react badly but she hadn't expected this vitriolic an attack.
"Sami, I am just trying to ascertain how well you know this young man. I am not criticizing you. I am not criticizing your choices. I'm just worried about you."
"Yeah sure." Sami nodded, her bright blue eyes icily cold. "Well I'm fine. And Grant, yep, that's his name, well he's just great. So you don't need to do your motherly duty and worry about me okay?" She turned away from Marlena and slid off the bed.

She looked pointedly at the drawer where the journal was back in it's place.
"Perhaps you would do better to spend your time worrying about your *own* life," she suggested acidly. "After all, it doesn't seem as if you're making a very good job of it."

******

Carrie sat at her desk and stared at the sandwich. It was straight tuna on rye with a touch of mayonnaise. Normally she would have wolfed it down and then gotten straight on with her work. But this wasn't normal. This definitely wasn't normal.

She had expected this flu to pass. When it hadn't gone in 24 hours she had reasoned that it must be one of those strains that lasted a few days. But then a few days had passed and she was feeling worse rather than better. She planted her elbows on her desk and dropped her heads into her hand. She moaned as she caught a whiff of the tuna. This wasn't good. At all.

"Carrie?" Jenn's voice reached her through the fog of nausea. "Carrie, are you okay?" The concern was nice but Carrie really couldn't think about that right now. Right now she had something more important to worry about.
"Excuse me," she muttered hastily before she slapped her hand over her mouth and raced for the bathroom.
\

******

"Sami, you're not being fair." Marlena spoke Sami's back.
"Oh, it's alright for you to pass judgment on my life, but not for me to pass it on yours." Sami balled her right hand up into a fist in an unconscious imitation of her mother. "You meet someone that you haven't even talked to for ten years, invite him into your home, let him look after your children. How do you know where he's been?" Marlena winced and rubbed her forehead with the heel of her palm trying to extinguish the ache that was burning there.
"You're not turning this around on me Sami."

Sami wheeled around and walked back to her mother, the anger and the hurt showing plainly.
"Why not Mom, hit too close to the bone?" She clenched her teeth. "How do you know where he's been? He could have been anywhere. In jail. In an asylum," she laughed ironically, "after all, you put him in one yourself not that long ago. How come you trust him when you don't even trust me to sort out my own life."

"I do trust you baby," Marlena tried, but Sami wasn't listening.
"I don't understand you Mom. You invite this virtual stranger into your home and then you turn to him when you won't turn to any of us. You've thrown away what you had with John, God knows where Daddy is and you are here, living a farce of an existence with *him*." Marlena flinched at Sami's tone. "I mean, is he *ever* going to leave here? Or is he going to live with you forever?"
Marlena's rapid intake of breath gave away her surprise.
"Sami, I don't think -"
"Look, don't give me that garbage." Sami's voice raised as her face reddened. "What exactly does he want from you Mom? And what exactly are you willing to give him?"

******

Cory finished prepping the samples and set them down on the workbench. They would take a little time before they were ready to be analyzed and he was dying for an espresso. Looking around the laboratory he walked to the door and locked it carefully behind him. He looked at his watch. He was going to have to call Melissa. It looked as if he was going to be home a little later than he had anticipated.

******

Jenn watched Carrie with concern as she came back from the bathroom. Besides being a little pallid, there was no other indication that Carrie wasn't in perfect health.
"Carrie, are you okay?" she asked as Carrie brushed past.
"Fine thanks Jenn." Carrie managed a wan smile as she sat back down at her desk. Was there something you wanted to see me about?"
"Oh," Jenn looked crestfallen, "you've forgotten."

Carrie's eyes widened as she looked at Jenn.
"Oh Jenn, I'm so sorry. I've just had so much going on...," she clenched her teeth and looked down at the desk as another wave of nausea swept through her body.
"Carrie?" Jenn came to the desk and crouched down by Carrie's chair. "You're really not well are you?"
"Just a touch of the flu," Carrie managed in a croak before she clamped her hand over her mouth again. The nausea thankfully passed and she threw the sandwich quickly in the bin. Jenn looked at the bin and then at Carrie. A smile played around her lips.

"Are you sure it's the flu?" she offered playfully.
"What else could it be?" Carrie replied tiredly and with seeming disinterest.
"That's a good question." Jenn stood up with a smile. "Wait there. I'll be back in a few moments."

******

"I don't like what you're insinuating Sami." Marlena's voice was cold and Sami took a step back in surprise. "Eugene is my friend. I am helping him out by letting him stay here for a while. He is helping me out by being my friend and *not* judging me. I trust him." She looked at Sami and her face softened a little. "Just like I trust you sweetheart. I'm sorry if I hurt you. My fears were obviously unfounded and I hope you'll forgive me." She held her hand out to Sami but the younger woman only regarded her with suspicion. "Sami, I don't want to fight with you. I'm so tired of this unending war between us. I had hoped we'd put it behind us."
"Obviously not." Sami said her trembling chin belying her calm demeanour. "You can't utter a couple of words and make it alright Mom. You don't like Grant and I don't like Eugene. Nothing's going to change those facts."

"I never said -"
"You didn't have to." Sami's eyes filled with tears. "I could see it in your face Mom. Nothing I ever did was good enough for you. I never lived up to the standards you set." The moisture spilled from her eyes and slid down her cheeks, so like her mother's. "You expected me to live up to them when you couldn't even do it yourself."
"That's not true baby!" Marlena exclaimed, her soul filled with a voluminous aching.
"It *is* true. You were always disappointed in me. I could never be as clever or as pretty or as wonderfully *good* as you, or Carrie. I tried but I just couldn't." She wiped the tears from her face, which took on a defiant expression. "So I stopped trying." She smiled bitterly. "And now I'm the bad girl in the family."

"Sami." Marlena didn't know how to fix this. She was a psychiatrist and she should have seen this coming. But like everything lately, it had hit her from nowhere. The tears on her cheeks mirrored Sami's.
"*No*. Just don't okay?" Sami bit her lip as her mother stopped her advance towards her. "Just don't."

One more step from Marlena sent Sami flying out of the room and down the stairs. By the time Marlena reached the top of the stairs, the front door had slammed shut behind the confused young girl and Marlena was left alone in the penthouse.

"Damn! DAMN!" Marlena hit the banister with the palm of her hand and then sank onto the top step. Hugging her knees close to her chest, she wondered how she had managed to precipitate this latest mess.

******

Carrie looked up from her paperwork to see a smiling Jenn in front of her. She handed Carrie the paper bag she held in her hand.
"What's this?" Carrie asked, a little confused.
"Well, if you opened it, you'd find out." Jenn raised her eyebrows and sat down in the chair in front of Carrie's desk. "It's shouldn't take long." Carrie's brow wrinkled as she opened the bag and pulled out the box. The surprise on her face told Jenn that she had never even considered the possibility.
"Jenn no!" she exclaimed.
"Well, is it so impossible?" Jenn asked, leaning forward, her elbows on the desk.

Carrie looked at the box and then back at her friend.
"I guess not." The look of surprise was replaced by a slowly dawning smile. "Wow. Do you really think that...?" She looked up at Jenn.
"Why don't you do it and find out?" Jenn urged.

Carrie looked at the box one more time and then nodded. Jenn watched her put it back in the paper and bag and quickly make her way from the bathroom. It was several minutes later that she emerged with a beautiful smile gracing her face. Jenn beamed at her reaction. Carrie came into the office, dropped down into the chair behind the desk and looked at Jenn, her eyes wide.

" You were right Jenn. You were really right." She shook her head and then looked at her stomach, laying a protective hand on it as her heart swelled with love. "I can't believe it. I'm going to be a mommy."

******

Cory yawned as he processed the sheets of DNA. This seemed to be taking forever. Melissa hadn't been pleased when he had called, but with any luck he could be out of here and quarter of an hour. He finished and spread the resulting sheets on the desk in front of him. He pulled one of the sheets and placed it next to the DNA sample from the amniotic fluid. Yep, there it is. He smiled. Someone was going to be happy, or unhappy, whatever the case may be. Discarding that sheet, he picked up the second one and lay it next to the original. It was just seconds before it hit him square in the face. What the hell?

He picked up the discarded sheet and checked it again and then checked the numbers on the vials. No, that was definitely right. He looked at the sheets again. But that's definitely not right. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, hidden under his glasses. He suddenly had a terrible headache that was centered right behind his eyes. He looked at the charts again. They were still the same. He looked at his watch. Melissa was going to kill him.

Tickle-Me-Q

Carrie paced the staff lounge nervously. She had decided the previous day that she was going to wait to get her pregnancy confirmed before telling anyone. Including her husband. It was Friday afternoon and the pace of life in the hospital seemed frantic, in stark contrast to the corporate world where everyone was winding down for the weekend.

She was waiting on an appointment with one of the staff doctors and she was getting more and more nervous as the doctor's appointment ran later and later. She was getting ready to leave when a nurse finally entered the lounge to tell her that the doctor was ready for her. With a deep inhalation, Carrie gathered her purse and her nerves and followed the nurse from the room.

******

Marlena had barely made it down the stairs before her children threw themselves at her, clutching her legs and giggling. She laughed with them as Q came out of the kitchen, his face dusted with little floury handprints. The children squealed and ducked behind her legs as he advanced toward them.
"I am gonna get you two," he called with a smile. Belle squealed and grabbed a tighter grip of Marlena's leg.

"Mommy!" Brady called, entreating Marlena to waylay Eugene on their behalf. Marlena only laughed.
"Oh no, you two got yourselves into this, you can get yourselves out." She grinned at Q who winked back at her as he neared the trio, his own floury hands outstretched.
"It's time for the revenge of the Flour-Man," he called to the children as they let go of their mother's legs and dashed up the steps, giggles overcoming them as they reached the head of the staircase.

"Can't cats uu-ss!" Belle provoked through the banister. "We get away fwom you." She giggled and then pursued Brady into his bedroom, the door slamming behind the twin terrors. Q looked at Marlena and rolled his eyes.
"I swear those two beat me every time."
"Only because you let them." Marlena answered with a mischievous smile.
"Shh....don't tell them that." The twinkle in Q's eyes had an answering counterpart in Marlena's.
"It's much more fun this way." He looked at he again, from under his eyelids. "Maybe if there was two of us....it'd be a more even match..."
"I think that rather depends on your definition of even." Marlena raised her eyebrows, the smile transforming her face into an impish rendition of Sami's. "But it sounds like fun to me."
Without another word, she turned on her heel and raced for the stairs, Eugene in hot pursuit.

******

John yawned as he rolled over. He buried his arms below the pillow, bunching the sides up against his ears in a futile attempt to block out the sound from the street below. The sound of the jackhammer tore insistently at his skull however and he was forced to open his bleary eyes. The red blurs on the dresser resolved into numbers which told him that it was after ten in the morning. Two hours after he had been due at work.

He swore under his breath as he rubbed his face, attempting to get some feeling back into the nerve-endings that littered his skin. The lack of sleep was beginning to tell.

It had been two the previous morning before sleep had claimed him. He seemed to have a lot of trouble sleeping these days. He lay awake, it seemed for endless nights, wondering what else he could do in his efforts to woo Marlena back into his life. Occasionally, at one or two in the morning, he would have a brainstorm, a wonderful idea that would convince him that he would win her back. More often though, he struggled with the despair that dogged him almost constantly, that etched itself into his consciousness.

He was beginning to wonder if she would ever care again.

There had been a specific moment when his hope had begun to ebb, when his belief in himself and her enduring love for him had begun to fade. It had been after he had sent *the* gift. Of all of that he had sent, there was one special parcel that he had been sure would turn her heart and her eyes in his direction. He had waited with such hope, but there had been no word from her. It was then that he had begun to doubt himself. Himself and her love for him.

Her words echoed emptily and mercilessly in his ears. That's not fair? You have no *idea* of what's unfair. What's unfair is all the time and life and love I have sacrificed for you..... He could still see her face and the pain in her eyes....You have *hurt* me so much. And I don't think I can ever forgive you.....It had all been his fault. She had suffered for his foolish actions. Love isn't enough any more John. There's too much water under that bridge...... And now he was paying the consequences.

******

Carrie was a million miles from Salem when she walked into Dr. Mike Horton.
"Hey!" He put out his hands to steady her, "Take it easy there. You could hurt yourself."
"Wha-?" Carrie. Looked up at Mike, her eyes slightly dazed. "Oh sorry Mike."
"Are you okay?" Mike asked with concern. The lack of an adequate answer impelled him to lead her gently to a chair and sit her down.

He crouched in front of her. "Carrie, are you alright?" He took her hand in his, noting the coolness of her skin and rubbed it slowly. "Carrie."
She looked at him then, with large luminous eyes, full of conflicting emotions.
"Mike....I..." She faltered. Her head told her that he should not be the first to know. She should be at home, talking to her husband. But suddenly she felt so afraid. So terribly afraid. And her heart wasn't so sure.

******

John dried his hair with the large red towel as he made his way down the steps to the living room of the loft. The room was just the way he had left it at midnight the previous night when he had made his way to the empty bed but somehow things seemed different, almost as though he was looking at them through new eyes. He had no idea how or why, but it was almost as though things had changed overnight.

The loft was inherently imbued with memories. Of friends, of children, of lost loves. The time he had spent here with Isabella was etched in his memories. When they had married, when they had brought Brady home, when she had told him.....

John picked up a photo in a plain silver frame. It was the only picture of Isabella he still had displayed. It was of she and Brady, shortly after the baby's birth. His fingers ran over Isabella's face and he managed a trembling smile. He hoped she understood, where-ever she was. Understood his love for Marlena, understood that his love for Marlena had never died even when he had been married to her. That that had not diminished his love for *her*. It had just been an undeniable fact. Although he had tried to deny it long and hard.

He put the picture down on the polished wood surface of the side table and looked around the loft. It was still the same old loft - but this morning it looked different. The furniture was the same, the memories were still the same but still, there was something he couldn't put his finger on. He couldn't explain it but somehow it felt like a new starting place.

******

Mike felt Carrie's hands begin to tremble and he tightened his grip on them. Carrie looked into his eyes and saw the concern and honesty there. She averted her own eyes and took a deep breath.
"Mike, I just had it confirmed that I'm pregnant."
"That's great news." Mike smiled. When Carrie didn't return his smile, his face became serious. "Isn't it?" Carrie looked up at him again, her eyes miserable.
"I don't know Mike, I really don't know."

Mike felt eyes on him and looked up to see the nurses at the nurses station staring at him curiously.
"Listen Carrie," he said gently, "if you want to talk about this, we can go to my office. There'll be a little more peace and quiet there." Carrie nodded wordlessly and followed him to the office where he offered her a cup of tea. She accepted and she attempted to gather her thoughts as Mike left the room. When he returned she felt slightly more composed.

He handed her the mug of steaming liquid and then sat down in the chair next to hers.
"Now you want to tell me what the problem is?" he asked. Carrie was silent as she stared at her hands which were curled around the mug trying to garner some warmth. "Carrie, you don't have to talk to me about this, but I do think you should talk to someone. You're obviously upset and I don't think you should be driving home in this state." Carrie looked up at him, her eyes glimmering with tears, a self-deprecating smile gracing her face.
"I know, you're right....it's just..." she wiped at the tears which tumbled down her cheeks, "I didn't think I'd feel like this and I feel so guilty."

"Feel like what Carrie?" Mike probed gently. Carrie looked at his kind face again and her stomach unknotted a little.
"Last night when I did the home test I was over the moon, but this morning, I'm really afraid Mike." Mike noted the tightness of her hands around the mug, the knuckles almost white from the pressure that she was feeling. "I don't know if I'm ready to have a child, and after all the pressure that Austin and I have been put under by Sami - I'm not sure that my relationship with Austin is strong enough. I want my children to have a stable family home, with two parents that love them. I know Marlena and Dad did their best but really, what I went through as a child isn't what I want for my children." She looked at him again. "I want my kids to feel *safe*."

"That's entirely understandable Carrie," Mike assured her, "and it's a fear that a lot of first time mothers go through, especially ones who have been through what you have."
"No offense Mike," Carrie's face broke into a smile "but I don't think that many people could claim to have had my sort of life." Mike laughed.
"You're probably right - but that gives you all the more reason to be feeling like this." As another thought struck her, Carrie's face fell a little.
"And then there's my mother," she pointed out. "I love her dearly but Mike, she really sucks in the motherhood department." Mike leant his head on one side.
"That doesn't mean that you will follow suit Carrie," he said understanding the implicit nature of her comment. "You're a great person. You're a lovely, caring young woman and I can't think of a better candidate for motherhood than you." Carrie blushed slightly as her nerves loosened a little.
"I'm just afraid that I'll make a hash of it and my child will be miserable. I couldn't bear that."

"It won't happen." Mike told her with firmness. He knew so well how she was feeling, he had suffered from the same fears before Jeremy had been born. "You have so much love to give Carrie. I can't pretend that parenthood is easy, it's not. But it is ultimately the most rewarding experience you'll probably ever have." Carrie caught the far-away look that filled his eyes but for the briefest of moments and she laid her hand on his.
"You miss Jeremy don't you?" Mike blinked and then nodded.
"We talk on the phone monthly and I get cards every so often, but it's not the same."

Any further conversation was forestalled by a knock on the door. Mike rose to let the nurse behind the knock in.
"Hi Mike," she greeted him as she juggled the sheaves of papers that filled her arms.
"Hi Chelly," he winked at her, "do you want a hand there?"
"Ah, no thank you." She grinned as she put the files down on his desk. "I think I can handle it just fine."
"So, I heard you had a date last night," Mike teased the young woman. "I have a bet that he was in uniform?"
"Well, he *wasn't*," Chelly laughed, "so you lose Doctor. And no I didn't tell him the taxi story."

Carrie attempted to suppress her smile as she listened to the banter between the co-workers, there was obviously some private joke going on here that she wasn't privy to but the amusement seemed to be infectious.
"You got anything for me then?" Mike asked as he watched her rifle through the pile of papers.
"Why Doctor, I'm shocked you'd even ask such a thing." Chelly pulled out a manila folder with Mike's name on it. "But I do have some results for you if you're interested."
"Chelly, I'm always interested." Mike took the folder from her hands and then watched as she gathered up the pile in her arms and made her way to the door.
"Till later Doctor," she fluttered her eyelashes in an exaggerated flirt as she left the room.
"Bye Chel."

He closed the door behind her and turned back to Carrie, somewhat surprised to see that she was readying herself to leave.
"You don't have to go you know." He said, a little too quickly.
"Yeah, I do." Carrie smiled as she slung her purse over her shoulder and picked up her briefcase. "I have to go and tell Austin the good news and it looks like you have some work to do." She nodded at the folder in Mike's hands.
"Well as long as you're sure," Mike raised his eyebrows.
"I'm sure Mike." She nodded "Thanks so much for the talk - you don't know how much it helped." She walked up to him and looked at him for a moment before she kissed him gently on the cheek. "You're a great guy Mike and a great friend. Thanks."
"That's okay." Mike squeezed her hand. "Anytime I can help..."
"I'll remember it, and I may take you up on it some time." Carrie smiled. "Have a good weekend."
"I will." Mike nodded as he walked her to the door. "You too."

He watched her go till she turned the corner and then turned his attention to the files he still held in his hand. With interest he opened the folder.

******

Marlena and Eugene were in hot pursuit of Belle and Brady when the children made a break for the stairs.
"Careful!" Marlena stopped at the top of the staircase and watched them, her heart in her mouth. Her fears were justified as, halfway down the stairs, Brady stumbled and tripped, launching his little body into the air.

Marlena's scream was strangled in her throat as Q's quick intervention saved her son. The child hovered in mid-air above the staircase as he caught his breath and calmed his jangled nerves. Belle looked at him for a moment and then, putting her hands on her hips, she turned to Q.
"Hey!" she exclaimed. "Dat's not fair! Bady fwies, I gotta fwy too."
"Oh is *that* right?" Q stood next to Marlena, his eyes glittering with mischief.
"Dat's *wight*!" Belle nodded her head vigorously, her blond pigtails bouncing up and down. "Make me fwy 'Gee!"
"Belle." Marlena's voice took on a warning edge. "What do you say?" Belle turned her head and looked at her mother with contrite eyes. Marlena nodded her encouragement and Belle turned back to Q.
"Pwease Gee?" she asked in a small voice.

Q sneaked a glance at Marlena and noted her almost imperceptible nod. With a private smile he lifted the little girl leisurely off the ground to join her older brother. Moments later, Marlena gasped as her feet left the soft carpet at the head of the staircase.
"Put me down Gene. Now," she demanded immediately. The grin on his face told her he wasn't about to comply. "'GENE!"
"What do you say?" he teased her, as he floated to her level and gave her a small shove.
"Put me down, *please*," she begged as she floated towards the children who were enveloped in laughter. Marlena was always the one in control and they loved seeing the tables turned.

A small wink at the children signaled the beginning of the assault. Along with Q they converged on Marlena and began to tickle her. She laughed and struggled to get away but it was almost impossible floating in mid-air. With nothing to push off of she was stuck and at the mercy of her family.

It started slowly, a few childish fingers poking her here and there, the laughs more infectious than the teasing irritation but it quickly grew until all at once, she had what felt like a hundred fingers tormenting her. The more she struggled to get away - the more maddening the tickling became until she felt that she couldn't breathe any longer. Only when she could no longer squeal did the torture cease and she was left gasping for breath, while the trio of Q and the children hovered a few feet away with wicked grins colouring their faces.

She held her stomach for a few moments before looking up at them, a vengeful glint in her eyes. Her stare was directed straight at Q.
"I'm gonna get you for this," she warned him, a thread of humour running through the huskiness of her voice. "Just you wait." Q regarded her for a moment, and felt a hint of trepidation

*****

John sat in the window-sill, ignoring the hollow wind that blew past him. He had another photograph in his hands, but this time it was of he, Marlena, Belle and Brady. And he was lost in a time past, a memory almost forgotten.

It was raining. He could smell the rain and for a moment he couldn't remember ever smelling anything as sweet. But then he looked at her, her flimsy gown plastered to her body by the moisture from the heavens and he knew that there was one thing sweeter. She was a miracle and the Lord had granted her to him. He pulled her back against him and inhaled her scent till he was almost dizzy. Mere hours ago he had thought that this would never be possible again...and here she was now, leaning against him, her body melding into the familiar curves that time had wrought so unflinchingly.

He ran his fingers through her hair as he held her and rested his lips against her cool skin. He desired her, he wanted her like had never wanted anyone in his life. He knew it was impossible. His vows made it impossible. Their past made it impossible. But he still wanted her. He needed her, not only with his body, but with the soul that he had just risked for her. Everything told him to tell her so....to just *tell* her. But then she turned and looked at him with glittering golden eyes and he knew he couldn't risk hurting her any further.....whatever he was feeling, he loved her too much for that.....

The phone shrilled obnoxiously in John's ear, shaking him from the past with forcefulness. He shook his head and then climbed down from the windowsill. He rubbed his arms, realizing how cold he was and then reached for the phone with an unconscious plea that it might be Marlena. He was disappointed by the male voice on the other and of the line.

It was Mike and he had news.

"John, I have the results back from Kristen's amniocentesis back." He paused to let John digest that piece of information before he went on. "I need to see you as soon as possible."
"Can't you tell me over the phone?" John's heart was beating a little faster. There was something there - he could hear it in Mike's voice.
"No I'm sorry John - it's best if you come down here." That was all Mike was prepared to say on the matter.

John left the loft several minutes later.

]

******

At the penthouse, the tables had been turned. Eugene was on the ground begging for mercy. He was not quite sure from what as he squirmed on the carpet. Marlena was sitting on his stomach, holding him down while she and the children tickled him unrelentingly. He was beside himself but it wasn't entirely from the tickling. As a human he was as ticklish as the best of them, but .....well, this was something else.

Marlena knew that he was letting them do this to him. He had the power to be able to remove them if he so wished. But it seemed that he didn't wish. After their discussion the other day she knew that there was a possibility that she should question why this was so, but she didn't. Instead she relegated the nagging little question to the background. Why ruin such fun?

It seemed to be an afternoon for interruptions in Salem as the doorbell rang.
"Thank the Q's for that!" Q exclaimed loudly as Marlena climbed off him and he was able to roll over. One look at the children told them it was time to finish this little game. Marlena sighed and pulled herself up off the floor.
"Don't worry...I haven't finished with you yet."
"Goody...." Q winked at her impishly. "A challenge."
"You bet." Marlena took up the gauntlet with a lush smile as she made it to the door. "When you least expect it.....I'll be there..."
"Don't make promises you can't keep." Q grinned lasciviously as he watched her open the panel on the door.

Marlena assiduously ignored Q as she greeted the messenger at the door. He was a thickset man with a beard and lively blue eyes and he wore a dark blue uniform. One hand rested on a large box which sat in the doorway while the other grasped a clipboard.
"Dr. Marlena Evans?" he asked as he checked the clipboard.
"Yes?" Marlena couldn't tear her eyes off the big box. She had always *had* to know exactly what a surprise was as soon as possible. She wasn't big on waiting.

"I'm Danny from Seneno Messaging. We had a Mr. John Black making some inquiries yesterday. He's an ex-client of ours and he had some problems with our service. He asked about an employee and when some inquiries were made....," he looked down at the box with obvious abashment, "and, ah, it seems like one of our employees was taking backhanders to make sure that you didn't get these." He nodded at the box and tipped the cap back on his forehead.

"Oh." Marlena murmured absently as she looked from the box to him.
"Would you mind signing here then Dr. Evans?" Marlena smiled her acknowledgment and signed the form in her neat looping script. "And where would you like it?" Danny picked up the box and carried it inside the doorway. Marlena indicated the floor next to the potted palm which sat in the crook of the stairwell and the delivery man placed it there.
"Thanks very much," she thanked him with a smile. He tipped his hat forward and gave a bashful grin before he departed with haste.

"And yet another conquest," Q mused sardonically.
"Oh shut up Eugene." Marlena shook her head at him exasperatedly and then turned back to the box.
"'Pwise Momma, 'pwise!" Belle ran to her mother's side. "Gonna open it?"
"In a minute sweetie-girl, in a minute." Marlena looked sideways at Q. There was a DiMera involved in this somewhere and she didn't like it.

******

Austin looked at Carrie.
"You're what?"
"I said I'm pregnant." Carrie looked at his shocked expression, her stomach doing double loops. She had expected him to be surprised, but she hadn't expected this sort of reaction. "I know we didn't plan it Austin but....."
"You're damn right we didn't plan it!" Austin looked at her stony faced. He wasn't ready for this. He just wasn't ready at all.
"It was an accident Austin!" Carrie hated the way it sounded like she was pleading. He'd been as much a part of the conception of this child as she had.

Austin only looked at her and then turned for the door.
"Austin!" Carrie's mood shifted to anger. "I am pregnant and this is *our* child. I will not have you walking out on me. We have to sort this out." Austin turned around, his face full of resentment.
"What so you want me to say Carrie?" He shrugged his shoulders. "You're pregnant. I hardly think that a termination is an option."
"Hardly." Carrie could barely get the word out. She couldn't believe he would even consider that.
"So then we have to deal with it." His expression softened slightly and then his shoulders slumped. He saw the hurt in his wife's eyes and he suddenly regretted every word. "I'm sorry Carrie. I didn't mean it. I was just shocked." He moved towards her and pulled her into his arms, stroking her hair as he tried to work through this in his head.
"That's okay." Carrie murmered automatically as she contemplated how un-okay this really was.

******

John sat down in the chair opposite Mike's desk.
"So. What have you got for me then Mike?" He asked with as much nonchalance as he could manage. Inside he was as nervous as anything and his hands clutched the arms of the chair solely to stop their shaking. Mike looked up at him and pulled the file from the accumulation that sat in his in-tray. He frowned as he attempted to find the best way to impart this information to John. There wasn't one really.

"John - we did all the DNA tests. We did them and then we did them again. There were all sorts of double checking going on. But there was no mistake. The results we have here are definitive. There's no way they are wrong."
"Just get to the point Mike." John said, badly masking his anxiety.
"Right." Mike rotated the file around so that John could see the profiles lying against the white sheets of paper. "See this profile here?" John nodded. "That's you." Mike Took his pencil in his hand and pointed at a gene pair. "This matches with this on the baby's profile. The child has your DNA."

John closed his eyes and when they opened, some of the light in them had faded.
"So the baby is mine. That's it."
"That's not *exactly* it." Mike deferred for a moment, letting the facts sink in. "Something else came up."
"What?" John sounded barely interested. He knew what he had come to find out. The child is mine.
Mike pulled out the other DNA profile and laid it next to the sheet from the baby.
"This." He pointed at the two sheets. "This is where we had the problem. Why we had to go back and check so many times." He raised his eyebrows. "You are the baby's father John, but Kristen is not it's biological mother...."

Motherhood

"Uh, no. That can't be possible Mike." John shook his head, the disbelief registering plainly in his eyes. "I know that she's done some pretty weird stuff in the past - but this is impossible. How would she have done it? When would she have done it?" His brows beetled. "*Why* on earth would she have done it?" He shook his head again. "No Mike. Your guys must have made a mistake."

Mike looked at him, his face taking a solemn cast.
"John, we checked and we double checked and then we checked again." He laid his hands out, palms up on the desk, showing his frustration. He could understand John not believing it. He hardly believed it himself. But the scientific proof was there and it was undeniable. "It's not genetically Kristen's child." He shook his head. "I don't understand how either John. It *seems* impossible. The timing alone seems to make it impossible. But you have to trust me. That child is not Kristen's and that's a scientifically indisputable fact."

John stared at him in shock, his heart beating frantically in his chest. This wasn't making any sense. "But if this child isn't Kristen's," he breathed, "then whose is it?" Mike stared at him for a long moment. "I have no idea John. I was hoping you might be able to help with that."

******

Marlena stared at the box, her breaths deep and controlled, as she tried to calm her apprehension. This was Kristen's doing, she knew it. Kristen was doing her best to make sure that she and John stayed apart. Marlena sighed. For a while she had almost gotten her way. A misunderstanding here, a slip-up there. That's all it had taken.

But then Kristen had slipped up. Or at least her lackeys had. This box was proof of that. She just had to find out what was in it. But the little voice in the back of her mind held her back. Are you really ready for what's in there. Are you really ready to forgive him? And she knew she would. Somehow she had always known she would.

"Oppen it NOW, Momma!" Belle demanded irritably. Marlena switched her attention to Belle immediately. It seemed like it might be nap time.
"Yeah." Brady chimed in. "Open it!" Marlena looked at Q pleadingly. He turned down her unspoken question flat as he shrugged his shoulders.
"Why don't you just open it?"
"Great lot of help you are." Marlena muttered under her breath as she watched Belle inspect the carton. Q appeared directly behind her, startling her as he leaned over her shoulder.
"I could be if only you'd ask me the right question," he breathed into her ear.
"Oh go away." Marlena swiped at him with her hand as she tried to ignore the innuendo that heavily threaded his lazy voice.

"I oppen it." Belle decided as she grasped hold of a piece of tape with a tiny fist.
"Don't Belle!" Brady grabbed her hand away from the box. "Let Mommy do it. It's not yours."
"T'is *too* mine." Belle argued back, her fingers tucked into her palm in a tight little ball.
"Is *not*." Brady confronted her. "It's Momma's. Don't be *greedy* Belle."
"I's *not* gweedy Bady!" Belle's lower lip quivered with practiced ease. "I jest wanned to oppen it."
She turned to Marlena, her eyes flooding with crocodile tears. "Bady bein' mean Momma." Marlena took a deep breath and then attempted an intervention.

It was too late, as Belle had turned back to Brady and taken a swipe at him. Before she knew it, Marlena was in the middle of a full scale sibling argument.

******

John stared at Mike helplessly. He didn't believe this could be happening, much less be able to give Mike a reasonable explanation as to how it was happening. How could he know who Kristen had roped in to be the biological mother of this child, when he didn't even know *how* she had managed to pull it off, or even when. He shook his head and shrugged his leaden shoulders.
"I don't know Mike." The muscles in his forehead tensed for a moment and then he leaned back in his chairs, his eyes seeking out the flaws in the ceiling, his subconscious mind wanting to be anywhere but here. There were only so many surprises a guy could deal with at once.

Mike waited for several moments, watching John's shocked face and anticipating a continuation of his sentence. When there was no addendum forthcoming, he tried another tack.
"John do you have any idea when Kristen may have undergone this...procedure." He steepled his hands together, his fingertips meeting with force as he attempted to organize his thoughts. "This theoretically isn't impossible, but..." he paused, "I can't see when she could have done it."

John's eyes grew in their cerulean intensity as he struggled to think back to Paris, a time which seemed to be unusually and inexplicably hazy in his mind.
"You said yourself Mike, she conceived in Paris," he sighed, rubbing his temples with his fingers, trying to expunge the pain that was blossoming there. "That's why I was so convinced that the child wasn't mine. I knew that Kristen and I...." His voice faded and Mike was surprised to see the colour rise in his cheeks. He looked down at the neutral coloured carpet and then continued, giving no clue as to the source of his embarrassment. "I thought Kristen was still pregnant in Paris." He shook his head, wondering how he could have been such a fool. "We were 'abstaining', first of all because I was consumed with finding Doc, and then supposedly because of the delicacy of her pregnancy."

He scowled as he remembered Kristen's sudden shying away from him. How she wouldn't let him touch her. Even if he'd wanted to. Because if he had he would have felt the pillow that she wore beneath her dress and he would have known the lies that she had wrought in the name of 'love'.

"Of course, then we found out and...," a look of disgust crossed his features before he schooled them back to sobriety. "She whitewashed me again. We came back home and ....," the revulsion returned to his face and this time it would not be banished, like the bile that rose in his throat. "I woke one night to find..." John gulped deeply knowing again that he could not escape the blame. "I shouldn't have let it happen. I knew then that I didn't love her. I suppose I've always known."

He looked up at the silent Mike, who had been unprepared for the confessional unleashed by the man that had once been a priest. "I'm sorry Mike." He shook his head with frustration. "I just can't think of any time in Paris that she was away for that long." He raised his eyebrows. "I assume it takes more than five minutes for this sort of thing." Mike nodded wordlessly and John managed a feeble smile. "I mean she would hardly let me out of her sight the whole time she was there."

"Well John," Mike shrugged, "I really don't know what to do next. Unless Kristen tells us, or unless there is some way that we can work out who the mother might be....we'll never know."
Suddenly John's face became thoughtful as he looked toward the window. "The biological mother of that child could be anyone but," he looked almost surprised, "I'm not convinced that Kristen even *knows*." He turned back to Mike, his visage plainly lighter. "But there maybe someone who does."

"Who?" Mike leaned forward on the desk in interest.
"It's only a possibility," John avoided his question "But I'm going to make a phone-call." He stood before Mike could press his questioning further. "Please don't say anything to Kristen yet. I'll get back to you when I know something new."

"If Kristen comes to me for the results I don't know how long I am going to be able to stall her." Mike warned him. "And I am not sure that I should."
"Look Mike," John leaned on the desk, "If Kristen doesn't know that this child is not hers and she finds out....." he bit his bottom lip for a moment before he continued. "She thinks this child will bind us together and once she knows that *I* know it's not hers, who knows what she could do." Mike nodded before he stood himself.
"I understand your reasoning, I'm just not sure I can hold her off for any length of time."
"You won't have to Mike....with any luck I may know something in a couple of hours." John assured him.

"Okay then," Mike pushed the phone on his desk towards John, "I have to go and do my rounds, you use the phone here in some privacy." He made his way to the door. "I hope you find what you're looking for John."

John, the receiver in his hand watched Mike Horton depart.
"So do I Mike, so do I."

******

The tears were almost dried when the phone began to ring. Marlena had Belle in the kitchen, while Q sat with Brady in the living room He picked up the phone, hoping to put the caller off and give Marlena a little more time with Belle as she tried to explain that it wasn't nice to hit your brother. Even if he was calling you names.

To his surprise it was not for Marlena, but for him. And it was John. He raised his eyebrows as John explained the bizarre situation that was unfolding and a smile slipped onto his face. He agreed to meet John at the hospital just as soon as he could get there. It was time to assist John in his search for the obvious.

He turned off the portable phone just as Marlena , Belle on her hip, came out of the kitchen.
"Who was that?"
"Just someone who needs some help," Q replied effusively. "I'm going to have to go out for a couple of hours. Will you be okay?"
"Sure." Marlena smiled, not too convincingly. "You go." She set Belle on the floor, wondering how on earth she was going to get through this afternoon. Belle wasn't showing any signs of yielding. In that she was as stubborn as both of her parents.

Marlena sighed inwardly as Q shut the door behind him. Within minutes Belle had launched herself at Brady again and the battle was intensifying. The tears, names and scratches became a little too much very quickly and Marlena was left with no option but to send the two children to their respective bedrooms. And even there, the sobbing continued, driving Marlena almost to distraction as she questioned again why she was choosing to remain a single parent.

******

Carrie looked in the mirror and began to cry for the tenth time that day. She could have blamed it on the hormones, but in truth it was more Austin's reaction to the news of her pregnancy that was the reason for her tears. Her eyes were already puffy from last night when she had cried herself to sleep as Austin had slept his sound and untroubled slumber beside her.

After his outburst of anger, directed at her and their child he had acted as though nothing had happened. Yet every time Carrie had attempted to broach the subject he would ignore her, or change the subject. This was a side of him that she had never seen, or perhaps that she had chosen to ignore, until he had made it impossible for her to do so. One thing she knew, she didn't like it.

She wiped her eyes with a soft white tissue taken from a box on her dresser and picked up the phone, dialing the number she knew by heart. If anybody could help her, advise her what to do, it would be Marlena. Carrie trusted her stepmother more than anyone in the world.

But there was no answer from Marlena's phone and Carrie put her end down with a fresh bout of tears. Austin was due home soon and she wasn't sure if she could take another night like the last. She was saved from further reflection by a knock at the door. She considered not answering it but she vetoed that idea when she realized that it could be Marlena.

Wiping her eyes again she opened the front door to find Sami standing on the doorstep holding her son. Sami took one look at Carrie and her face transformed into the picture of concern.
"What's wrong Carrie?" She asked worriedly as she noted pathways of tears and her red swollen eyes.
Carrie shook her head and turned away from the door, knowing that Sami was the last person she should tell about this. Sami followed her into the apartment and, putting Will down, closed the door.

Carrie was standing by the window staring listlessly at the darkening blue sky and Sami moved tentatively behind her. After a few minutes she wrapped an arm around her older sister.
"Please tell me what's wrong Carrie. I want to help if I can."
"You can't." Carrie said miserably.
"Well I can't if you don't tell me." Sami pointed out quite reasonably.

Carrie closed her eyes and thought for several seconds. It's not like anything can get much worse. She turned around and faced her younger sister. She had no idea what Sami's reaction was going to be, but at this moment it seemed almost irrelevant. She had to tell someone.
"Sami, I'm having a baby."

******

Q found John studying the walls in Mike's office. John heard him enter the room and turned to face him. With no preliminary greeting, he said simply,
"You knew didn't you?"
"Knew what John?" Q knew exactly what John meant but he wasn't about to make this easy for him.
"That the baby is not Kristen's." John wasn't in the mood for games. "So how did you know, and who is the child's mother?'

"Why, you're right John," Q grinned roguishly. "I did know. Now tell me how you worked that out."
John glared at him momentarily.
"It didn't take much Eugene," his voice was barely controlled. "I particularly remembered you using the word *parentage*, rather than paternity. When that came back to me I realized that it was obvious that you had known all along." He neared Q, the anger flaring in his eyes. "What I want to know now, is why you didn't just *tell* me."

The anger, simmering barely below the surface, broke through in John's voice and Q took a step back.
"I couldn't tell you John. You never would have believed me. You had to find out for yourself."
"How do you know I wouldn't have believed you." John said, his voice almost threatening in tone. "It's a *bad* excuse Bradford."
"Well I'm afraid I don't have a better one for you Johnny boy," Q sat lazily on the edge of the desk, his heavily lidded eyes brimming with something close to amusement. "You'll just have to trust me when I say I was not able to tell you."
"Trust you? When have you ever given me cause to trust you?" John growled angrily, his knuckles bleaching white as he gripped the back of the chair in search of some control.

"Oh *please*." Q rolled his eyes towards the heavens. "Spare me the dramatics will you," he intoned with a touch of irony. "I would have thought you would be more worried about finding out who the mother of your child is than throwing a tantrum." He crossed his arms in front of him and flashed John an insolent and derogatory smile. "Of course if you'd had half a brain in that head of yours you could have worked it out anyway."

John ignored Q's attempt at baiting him. He knew the man too well by now to let him get under his skin.
"I want to know who the mother is," he said tiredly.
"I'm sure you do." Q unfolded his arms and tapped his index finger on the desk. "Who do you think it is?"

John took a deep breath, struggling with the urge to strangle this infuriating individual.
"If I knew that I wouldn't be asking you would I?" he stated calmly. "I have no idea Bradford, and I want you to tell me."

******

Marlena collapsed onto the couch and slipped off her shoes. The children were still in their rooms and the sobbing had finally slowed to almost non-existent. She lay back against the soft cushions that lined the seat and closed her eyes for a few minutes, giving thanks for the peace that had descended upon the penthouse. She seemed to be so short of patience at the moment and it was something that she so sorely needed to deal with the children. Especially now that Brady was here permanently. Only Eugene's presence stopped her from totally losing her cool sometimes.

Opening her eyes she found they rested on the coffee table in front of her. The latest bouquet from John adorned the centre of the table, the lilies that hung gracefully over the shining glass filling the air with their powerful scent.

The box sat in the corner, next to the potted palm, forgotten in the tears and tantrums.

******

"That's *great* news Carrie!" Surprisingly enough, Carrie thought, Sami seemed genuinely pleased. It was enough to disarm her completely and the tears began to fall again. "Carrie?" Sami's expression turned to one of alarm as she realized how truly miserable her sister was. "Carrie, what's going on."
When Carrie didn't answer Sami took her arm and led her to the sofa where Will was quietly playing.
"Tell me Carrie. I want to help."

Carrie looked at her younger sister and suddenly felt a wave of love and gratitude that she was there.
The tears slowed a little and she was able to calm her breathing enough to tell Sami what had happened with Austin. At the end of her monologue, Sami looked shocked.

"Carrie, I can't believe Austin would do that."
"Well he did, okay." Carrie said defensively, pulling away from her sister a little.
"Oh I didn't mean it like that Carrie," Sami tried to explain. "I'm sorry, it came out wrong. What I meant is that I didn't realize that Austin could be like that." Carrie put her head in her hands.
"You and me both, Sami," she said miserably.

"So what are you going to do?" Sami asked softly as she watched her own son play on the floor.
"He said we have to deal with it," Carrie's voice dropped an octave as she contemplated a possible future with *this* Austin. One who she hadn't even known and wasn't sure she wanted to. "So I guess we deal with it."
"But Carrie, you said he wouldn't even talk about it. How can you deal with it if you can't discuss it?"

Sami watched her sister's tired face pale even further and began to worry.

******

"Well John, if the child was conceived in Paris....you must know that the mother could be just about anyone." Q moved some papers from the desk with a snap of the fingers and cleared himself a place to sit cross-legged. "So what makes you think that I would know who's child Kristenstein is carrying?"

John's nose flared slightly, a dead giveaway to the anger he was struggling to hold back.
"I know you know. So just give it up. Eugene or Q or whatever the hell you call yourself."
"My, my. So touchy!" Q, his amusement growing, incited John's fury even further. He knew it wouldn't be long before John totally lost his temper and he wanted to see how far he could be pushed before he did so. It didn't look like it was going to be far at all.

He was right as John stormed up to the desk and slammed the palm of his hand on the wood next to Q's foot.
"Dammit! I have a right to know what the *hell* is happening." He looked Q in the eyes, his anger ready to explode. "That woman is carrying my child and I don't know how or why or who is the mother and I am sick of being kept in the dark!" Q stared straight back at him without so much as a flinch.

"And you shall know John." He leaned forward, forcing John onto the back foot. "But you will have to *work* for it."
"What is that supposed to mean?" John muttered.
"Sit down John." Q commanded, his mood suddenly switching to one of impatience.

John stood and stared at Q, defying and almost daring him. Q only rolled his eyes.
"Fine then. Don't sit down." His face was deadly serious as he contemplated the man that seemed, in the last few days to have become his adversary. "So tell me, what was happening at that time in Paris John?"
"I don't want to play your games Bradford. I just want to know *who* the mother of my child is!" John growled through clenched teeth.
"You have no choice. And this is *no* game, it's all too serious." Q looked annoyed. "I am trying to help you John. I cannot tell you, you need to piece it together. This is the only way to do it."
"Fine. *Whatever* you say" John sat in the chair grudgingly.
"Paris?" Q asked again, getting exceedingly bored with the whole business.

John took a breath and forced his mind back, dredging up memories from corners that he had stuffed them in, hoping to forget. He closed his eyes, the muscle twitching in his cheek as he remembered what he had tried so hard to forget. The horror of thinking that he had lost Marlena yet again and then the surety he had felt that she was still alive. His search for her which had led them to the famed city of romance. The ordeal of the tunnels in Paris and the guillotine. The time that Kristen had spent in hospital, not telling him that she had miscarried their child. The search for Will....

He looked up at Q.
"We had found Marlena but then Will, Sami's son had been kidnapped and sighted in Paris." He sighed. "It was a strange time. I felt like I didn't have any idea what was happening half the time."
"You were staying in a hotel room with Kristen?" Q asked leadingly.
"I was." John looked revolted. "It seems that she was pretending to still be pregnant. What good it would have done......" He looked up at Q, his expression one of surprise and realization . "She told me it was because she was afraid of losing me and didn't know how to tell me that she had lost the child." He shook his head "It wasn't that! She had planned another pregnancy all along."

chapter 21-30 << |31|32|33|34|35|36|37|38|39|40| >> chapter 41-50

All in a Night's Work

Memoirs of Merlot

Opposition

A Lesson On How To Charm

Testing, Testing...

Caught Unawares

Curiouser and Curiouser

Shock Value

Tickle-Me-Q

Motherhood