Marlena checked her notes one last time before she took her glasses off. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she lay her glasses down on the desk and swivelled her chair round to where she could look out of the window. The sky through the blinds was a baby blue, unmarred by clouds, a declaration of imminent spring.
Laying her hands on her stomach, she smiled slightly as she felt the gentle swelling beneath them. As with Belle, she was barely showing still, but she could feel the growing life inside her and it filled her with a sense of incredible peace. Even through the strain of everything else that was going on in her life, the knowledge that she was sheltering a new life was a constant source of wonder to her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clear her mind of the turmoil that seemed to constantly taunt her.
After a moment, she was interrupted by a knock at the door. Letting out a noiseless sigh, she opened her eyes and swung her chair around, taking the time to compose herself. Wondering idly where Hillary was, she invited her caller to enter.
With his heart fluttering madly in his chest, Eric turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.
"Hi Mom!"
Marlena's mouth fell open as her son stepped through the door.
"Eric?" It might have been a question rather than a statement of fact. It had been some time since Marlena had been able to get back to Colorado and it had seemed that during that time, Eric had left adolescence behind and become a handsome young man. For his part, Eric was glad to see that his mother looked no different to how he remembered, despite all that she had been through. In a way, he hadn't realized how much he had missed her until this moment.
"Yeah Mom, it's me." He could feel the silly grin on his face as her eyes filled with tears, but he couldn't wipe it off. He didn't really want to.
Although she was practically blinded by her tears, Marlena stood and wiping them away with a choked giggle, she made her way to where Eric was standing.
"Look at you!" She reached out tentatively and touched Eric's wavy hair. Taking everything in, in one sweeping glance, she smiled proudly. "You look wonderful." She pulled Eric into a close hug "Just wonderful."
"You look great too Mom," Eric finally responded as he stepped back from the embrace.
"Oh, how I've missed my boy," Marlena smoothed his ruffled hair back off his face. "Where have you been?" She tugged on his hand. "Come and sit down and tell me everything you've been doing. I want to know it all." She had an eager grin on her face and Eric suppressed a smile. He'd forgotten how infectious her excitement was.
"There's plenty of time for that Mom," he let her lead him to the seats in front of her desk. "I'm more concerned about you. Sami told me that things haven't been going so well."
Marlena ignored the familiar niggling pain that his words wrought and brushed them off.
"Oh it's nothing," she waved as though the motion could slough off the heartache of the last few months. "Hardly anything that you need to worry yourself with anyway. I'll be just fine," she shook her head with a little motherly indulgence, "I always have been."
"Mom." He was unconvinced as he studied her. Her well applied make-up hid her paleness and the dark smudges under her eyes. But not well enough.
"Please Eric," she was suddenly serious, the softness of her voice masking something else, a slow, unbending sadness, an ache that she did not want to discuss.
"Okay," Eric nodded, suddenly with a smile on his face. She needed cheering up, that much was plain to see and he knew just how to do it. "You wanna know what I've been doing then?"
"You know I do," the grin returned to her face, accompanied by a measure of relief. "How has school been?"
"Great," he was dismissive, "but before we get into all that there's something that's much more important."
"What?" Marlena was thrown by his sudden turnaround. Eric had always been so proud of his school grades and he had been doing exceptionally well the last time she talked to him. She wondered what could be deemed as more important.
"I just came back from Australia Mom." He seemed amused by the mystery.
"Australia!" she shook her head, and blinked in surprise. "I didn't even know you were travelling. What were you doing in Australia?"
"Well, I think you might understand in a couple of minutes," he couldn't contain the excitement and he shrugged his shoulders. "And I think you'll be really thrilled," he told her as he stood.
"What *are* you talking about?" Marlena had not even the slightest idea what Eric was hinting at.
"You'll see," he winked at her and went to the door, which he opened.
"Eric," her voice rang out into the hallway, even as he left the room. Shaking her head, she pushed herself up out of her own chair to go and investigate her erstwhile son's disappearance.
But when she looked up, she understood completely. For at the door, stood Roman Augustus Brady.
******
Will scrambled past her into the living room, racing his fire-engine to an imaginary fire as Sami carried a basketful of washing into the kitchen. She dropped it on the table and watched her son playing happily in the living room. Some days she felt guilty that he was an only child, no little brother or sister to keep him occupied, but then she would look around the apartment and a flash of reality would hit her. She was barely making it as it was. Another child was out of the question.
And then there was Carrie. Her baby would be not only a cousin for Will, but also a half-brother or sister. She smiled oddly at the thought. How incestuous. It was at times like this that she would feel a touch of shame for what she had done to her sister and Austin. In her childish quest to be loved, she had almost ruined the lives of two good people. And there was no way she could make that up to them. She couldn't and wouldn't wish Will away, she could only make a vow to be the best sister, auntie and mother that she could.
As they had many times in the last few days, her thoughts strayed to her own mother and the conversation in the Brady kitchen. Somehow, before, Marlena had always been untouchable, a cold, unfeeling ice goddess, beautiful, but not quite real. Mistakes with Marlena were not mistakes, they were simply a means for Sami to barter her freedom, to rid herself of her need for her mother's love and approval. They were the scissors Sami used to untie those maternal apron strings.
But now....now was suddenly different. If there was a way to pinpoint it, Sami didn't know it. Suddenly her mother was a person, and Sami felt *her* need for love and approval and she identified with it. She had always thought they were so different, that Marlena could never understand how Sami felt, after all, she was perfect. Now though, she knew they were just the same. They had both suffered, and they had both fought to overcome. Even when they were further apart than they had ever been, Sami suddenly felt as though they were far closer.
Sami shook her head. Could one word really undo all the damage that had been done to their relationship? Marlena had made her apology, more than once. It was down to her now.
The phone made itself heard with an insistent ringing that bulldozed over the top of Will's contented rambling and Sami picked up the receiver. It was her grandma on the other end and Caroline simply issued a mysterious request. Be at the pub in half an hour.
Sami put down the telephone and looked at her adorable son. Shrugging, she picked up his shoes and carried them into the living room.
******
"Roman?" It was little more than a breath as Marlena felt her stomach turn. This was the last thing she had expected and she wasn't completely sure how she felt about it.
"Hey Doc," for his part, however much he thought he had prepared himself for this moment, he realized it wasn't, and never could be, enough. She was even more beautiful that he remembered, more beautiful than when she had come to him in his dreams. The sight of her brought back an avalanche of memories, ones he was not sure he was strong enough to withstand, and he could only stand there and stare at her.
"Roman I..." her mouth hung open as she looked first at him and then at Eric. "You found him in *Australia*?" she asked in confusion.
"Yup," Eric nodded, a wide smile plastered across his face "It's great to have him back isn't it?"
Marlena said nothing, but turned back to her ex-husband, a myriad of emotions flittering across her face.
"Oh Roman," Her voice broke into a happy sob as she flung herself into his embrace. Roman grinned as he closed his arms around her.
"It's good to be home Doc."
Eric watched his parents with a smug smile as he watched them hug. They were both in tears now and he knew it would only be a matter of time before they both realized that they were now exactly where they needed to be.
It was a moment before Roman pulled back and looked at Marlena. The slow twitch of the corner of his mouth into a smile didn't quite hide the surprise in his eyes, but only Marlena saw it.
"Hey Doc," his voice was soft and gentle as he tapped her nose with his index finger, "you're not supposed to cry." Marlena's answering laugh was choked in fallen tears and she quickly wiped them away.
"This was the last thing I was expecting," she admitted with a nod.
"You're not angry are you?" he seemed uncertain.
"Angry?" she looked almost shocked that he should consider such a thing. "Why would I be angry Roman? I can't think of anything more wonderful than you being back." She squeezed his hand. "We've all missed you so much."
He shifted slightly, taking the weight off his bad leg as he told her that he had missed his family too, and for the fist time, Marlena saw the cane in his hand. Now that the shock of his reappearance was wearing off, she really looked at him and she saw the signs of a hard fought battle.
"Roman," she reached out and touched the scar that marred his eyebrow with one shaking finger. "Roman, what happened to you?"
"That is a story better left for another day," he sidestepped the question. "Right now I just want to spend time with my family."
"We're going to the pub," Eric interjected with a certain smug satisfaction. "You should come Mom."
"Well I..." Marlena looked at the pile of files on her desk and then she looked back at Roman with a smile. The paperwork could wait. "Just let me get my coat."
******
John Black sat at his desk and stared at the pile of mail in front of him. He had really been unable to concentrate on work at all for the last few days, but it got him out of the house and away from Kristen and that was all he cared about for now.
Chewing on a ragged thumbnail, his gaze traveled to the picture of Belle and Brady with he and Marlena. It had been taken in Aremid, just over a year ago.
Aremid, where he had finally realized that he couldn't live without her in his life. Where he realized that it was she that he loved and would always love. And then, out of fear and a misguided sense of what was best for Marlena, he had walked away. A big mistake among many such mistakes.
He shook his head and placed the frame face down on his desk. What was the use in torturing himself like this? It was all over.
With a sad heart, he picked the top letter off the pile, and fingered the envelope. Turning it over, he noted that it must have been hand delivered as there was no postmark on the envelope. His name was typed in bold black letters, standing out starkly against the white of the envelope. John picked up the letter opener and slit the heavy flap.
As he opened the envelope and withdrew the sole content, his stomach began to churn. For between his fingers, he held a piece of a jigsaw puzzle, and on it was printed, starkly black against the white, the letter C.
******
Sami sat at the bar and stared glumly at her orange juice. Shawn and Caroline obviously knew what was going on and they couldn't keep the sappy grins from their faces, but Sami couldn't get a word out of them as to what it was. So she just sat and waited as they organized the bar.
She barely heard the door open behind her, but she saw Caroline's beaming smile and she knew whatever the reason, whoever, or whatever it was, was here.
"Peanut?" A gentle and familiar voice behind her made her heart leap and she spun around on the barstool in complete shock.
"Daddy?" She couldn't believe that he was standing in front of her. He looked older and there was a wisdom and a suffering in his eyes that she couldn't comprehend, but he was her daddy and he was home.
"It's me Sami," she looked older to his eyes, more grown up and there was an air of sophistication about her that he was unfamiliar with. But a sudden, brilliant smile burst from her and she flung her arms around her father. "I missed you peanut," he murmured into the long, flaxen hair.
"I missed you too daddy," finally Sami pushed back and laid her eyes on her twin. "Eric!" That was almost as much of a surprise as to see Roman and she fought back traitorous tears as she embraced her brother.
"Hey Sam," he grinned broadly. It was wonderful to be back with his family, where he belonged.
Marlena watched her children and their father with a heartfelt smile. If for no other reason she was grateful that Roman was back for their children. They had needed him, and maybe he could make some impression where she had been unable.
Roman turned back to his ex-wife with his arms around Sami and Eric.
"Don't they look great Doc?" he asked with a proud smile.
"Great," she agreed, crossing her arms in front of her. "It's wonderful to have you both back."
"Hey, we should have a family portrait," Eric prompted suddenly. "The prodigal sons return."
"What an idea that is!" Shawn was ever ready to chime in. He had never given up the secret hope that he harboured for a resurrection of Roman and Marlena's marriage and he would do anything he could to encourage that. He slipped through the doorway before anyone could tender an argument.
"Doc?" Roman wasn't sure that Marlena was particularly thrilled with the idea, but she turned to him with a gracious smile.
"I think it's a wonderful idea." It was so important to Eric, what could it hurt? She was just so happy to have them both back safe and sound, she would have agreed to almost anything. "Sami?" she turned to her daughter uncertainly, her heart beating swiftly. She hadn't seen Sami since their conversation the other day and she had no idea how her daughter was going to react to her presence. She just hoped that Sami wouldn't ruin the moment for her father and brother.
"Sounds great," Sami nodded thoughtfully as Shawn re-emerged with the camera.
With his officious Irish brogue working overtime, Shawn soon had them arranged in front of the bar, with Roman and Marlena the centre of the picture, Sami by her father's side and Eric by his mother's. The flashbulb blinked several times in quick succession before Roman proclaimed that enough was enough.
Trying to hide the dizziness she felt, Marlena searched quickly through her purse for her cell phone as Caroline poured them all drinks. Gene had offered to pick her up from work and she wanted to waylay him. The fewer questions Roman asked right now, the better.
"See Dad," Eric nudged his father, "Look how happy Mom is to have you home. I told you she would be thrilled." His excited smile conveyed every transparent intention as he lowered his voice. "I know what you said back in Sydney but I really think that if you give it a chance, you and Mom could make each other very happy."
Sami watched Marlena pick up the cell phone and dial as she overheard Eric's comment. She flicked her brother an incredulous glance as she looked back at their mother. Sure, on the surface Marlena seemed happy. Sami had no doubt that she was genuinely happy to see Roman home, but there was something else. Under the slightly too forced smile, there was a simmering sadness and Sami had no doubt of the cause. The same cause as always. John.
Sami had observed her mother too many times as off late to be able to ignore the truth. Marlena was miserable, however she tried to hide it, or deny it, and Eric was just deluding himself if he thought otherwise. She looked at her father who was also watching Marlena with an unreadable expression. Sudden confusion clouded her thoughts. She had always thought that if and when her Dad came back she would, without a doubt want her parents to work towards a reconciliation. Now, she wasn't so sure. It was so painfully obvious to her how much John and Marlena loved each other, even if they couldn't always see it themselves. And she didn't want to see her father chasing some impossible dream; she couldn't bear seeing him hurt all over again.
Shaking her head, she accepted the coke that Shawn handed her. She had to stop thinking that things couldn't get any more complicated, because in the Brady family, they always did.
******
Kristen picked up the magazine and began to flick through the pages. The notepad in front of her was filled with scribbled notes, many of them crossed out. John's increased absence of late had proved a boon , with all the work that he had to catch up on, he had left her alone in the loft, providing Kristen with plenty of time to hatch this delicious scheme.
Tapping her finger on the picture in front of her, she scrawled down a number and then flicked through the phone book next to her. Finding the number she was looking for, she dialed and then waited patiently. Minutes later, she hung up the phone with a satisfied smile. Money certainly did talk and today it talked *fast*.
With a smile, she eased back onto the sofa and regarded the picture with a satisfied smile. If the dressmaker was as good as her word, she would look glorious when she walked down the aisle. After all, it wasn't like John hadn't already married *one* pregnant woman. She was just going to have to make sure he couldn't refuse to marry her.
******
Roman laughed at the good-natured ribbing between Eric and Sami. It was so long since he had laughed, it was an almost blissful feeling. Bo, Hope and Shawn-D had arrived shortly after the picture taking and they had been joined by Austin, Abe and Lexie bringing the party to full swing. The atmosphere in the pub was one of thanksgiving and joy at having both Eric and Roman home, and Roman was reveling in it.
But suddenly he became aware of something else. Looking around he saw Marlena walking away from the gathered group, her arms wrapped across her front as though she were warding off in imagined chill. Th smile dropped from his face as he watched her stare from the window. Eric had been wrong. She wasn't happy.
Oh, she was happy to have him home, that much was genuine, but he knew Marlena *so* well. Well enough to know when she was putting a brave face on things. Well enough to know that however hard she was trying to hide it, she was desperately unhappy.
Looking around, and seeing that no-one else had noticed, he slid off the stool and made his way over to where Marlena leaned against the wall.
"Doc?" she seemed lost within herself, and he was struck by the fact that although she looked much the same, she seemed very different. "Marlena, what's wrong?"
His gentle voice fell over her like a soft blanket, settling on her sad heart and searing it. The guilt still traveled with her and his presence served as a reminder of her transgressions. But more than that, it served of a reminder of what she had lost and how much she hurt.
"Nothing's wrong Roman," the smile glistened in her eyes, lighting the honeyed hazels with a warm glow.
"You forget who you're talking to," he leaned against the wall in front of her.
"Oh, I could never forget that," Marlena shook her head with melancholic calm.
Roman looked at her for a moment, the familiar curves of her face wringing out his heart. He had thought he was ready for this. He had hoped. But the grief that he sensed lay hidden beneath the surface stilled any fanciful notion that might have taken hold. He had made that particular mistake once before. And he had paid for it - in blood.
"Doc, I didn't want to say anything in front of the kids," he began cautiously, "but I know."
"Know what?" Marlena had no idea what he was talking about, but then it wasn't like there was any lack of things to choose from.
"I know about the baby," his voice was low and somber, "I know you're expecting a baby."
"You...," she looked at him in shock before her eyes flitted quickly around the room. As far as she knew, no-one here knew about the pregnancy. "How?" She turned back to him, her eyes revealing her fear of his answer.
"Doc," he allowed himself a small smile, "I know you so well, I know the signs. I knew the moment I hugged you back in your office."
"Oh," she pressed her fingers to her lips, trying to hold back the tears as her eyes darted around the room before finally settling on him. She hadn't wanted him to find out this way. She had wanted to explain to him. She owed him that much.
"It's okay Doc," he reached out and carefully took her hand in his. "I just thought that maybe you could use a good friend to talk to." She said nothing, but the guilt and the pain in her eyes just killed him. He wondered what it was that had brought her to this point and how big a part he had played. "We used to be good friends didn't we?" His voice was little more than a whisper as he squeezed her hand and stroked his thumb over the backs of her fingers.
"The best," she whispered as the tears tumbled from her eyes, sliding swiftly down her cheeks until they dripped from her jaw, like a slowly leaking faucet.
"I know we've been through some tough times," he smiled, lightening the moment, "but Doc, we started off as friends, and I want you to know that I will always be here for you." The words were hard to say, they were almost a signal of concession, but he knew that they had to be said. For her sake. He had hurt her badly when he left, now he had to make it up to her. "I'll always be your friend Marlena. If you need me, if you want to talk, I'm here."
Marlena's fingers flitted over the fallen tears, ineffectually brushing them away as she let Roman's words sink in. His velvety brown eyes conveyed the depth of sincerity and in a moment of clarity she realized he no longer bore any grudge over what had happened. Maybe just a measure of sadness and regret over what they had both lost.
But still, he couldn't completely hide the truth from her. He was struggling with seeing her again, with the feelings reinvested and she couldn't bear the thought of hurting him again. So, quietly she nodded and squeezed his hand in return.
"Thanks Roman, but I'll be okay."
Any further chance for argument on Roman's part was waylaid as Hope came over and, taking both their hands, led them back to the impromptu party. Eric's laughter rang out over the crowd as Bo toasted the return of his truant brother and Abe followed up with a toast to the Brady Bunch. To the young man, this return was an unqualified success and as he saw his father slip his arm around his mother's shoulders, he grinned gleefully. This was going to be a piece of cake.
"You were so angry," Marlena's laughter echoed through the penthouse.
"Yeah, well you should have seen your faces when you realized that bum was me!" Roman's laughter mingled with Marlena's and it was joined a moment later from a quiet chuckle from Gene.
"I thought you were going to knock my block off," he admitted from where he sat on the floor.
"I thought about it," Roman's grin was wide.
"We were only trying to help you Roman!" Marlena protested weakly.
"Yeah, and where have I heard *that* before?" he winked at her as he picked up his glass of wine.
It was a little more than a week since Roman had returned and despite Marlena's avowal that she would be fine, Roman had made it his business to stick fairly close to her. As a consequence, he had spent some time at the penthouse with Marlena and Eugene and naturally, they had spent a good deal of that time lost in nostalgia. But still, he was no closer to finding out from either Marlena or Gene what had been going on. Every time he had tried to broach the matter, Marlena had closed up and had quickly changed the subject.
He watched her as she picked up her orange juice and took a sip. Her face was flushed with good humour, but below that, he sensed a darkness that haunted her. If she had been controlled before he left, her need for control appeared to have only increased.
He halfway heard Eugene crack a joke and smiled in response but really all his attention was focussed on his ex-wife. Most of the time he could deny his feelings, tell himself that really, being her friend was fine and that he could deal with that. But sometimes he would turn around and her eyes would be shining, or there would be something in the way she smiled and he would be lost again.
This was one of those moments.
"Roman?" she turned to him, suddenly aware of his silence.
"Hmmm?" he shook his head, trying desperately to free himself from the trance in which he was suddenly entangled.
"You were just awfully quiet all of a sudden," she smiled with a little self-consciousness.
"I was just thinking about that case," he replied evasively. Feeling Gene's eyes on him, he turned to look at the other man.
The knowledgeable glance confirmed everything he suspected, and more.
******
"I think it's going really well Sam," Eric squeezed some lemon juice into the casserole dish. "He's over at Mom's again. If the amount of time they've been spending together is any...indication," he lifted the heavy, cast iron dish and slid it into the oven, "well, I think that Dad might have underestimated the situation."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Sami's voice was quiet but firm as she peeled her third carrot. "I think *you're* underestimating Mom. She's been through a lot you know. Don't expect her to go running into Dad's arms just because he came home."
Eric turned around and looked at his sister with a slight air of surprise.
"That doesn't sound like *you* Sis. You sound like you don't *want* them together." Sami was silent for a moment, contemplating his words.
"If that's what they *both* want then of course, I'd be more than thrilled," she told him. "But," she led into the qualification carefully, "I guess what with everything that's happened around here since Dad's been gone and especially recently, I'm just not entirely convinced that Mom and Dad ..." she faltered for a moment, not quite believing these words were coming out of her mouth, "... belong together any more."
"Of *course* they belong together Sam." Eric looked incredulous that she would even contemplate such a thing. "I mean look at her, she's alone and miserable. Dad coming back is just what she needs."
"That's exactly my point Eric," Sami put down the carrot and knife and wiped her hands before she turned around. "She *is* miserable and you can't tell me that's *still* because Dad left. She's been through so much since he's gone. And it's been John that she's turned to. I'm sorry but I don't think she's really in love with Dad any more."
"You're not telling me you think she should be with John Black!" Eric looked quite appalled. He had looked to his twin for support in his quest to reunite his parents and the last thing he had expected was for her to take John's side.
"What I'm saying," Sami hedged her bets as she picked up the knife again, "is that I think it's Mom's decision who she wants to be with and we shouldn't be interfering."
Eric eyed his sister suspiciously.
"Since when did you change your tune?" he asked churlishly.
"Since I grew up," Sami said impatiently as she dropped the knife and turned around again. "I have a son Eric and I have to think about him and what's best for him. Maybe I understand that Mom's first priority is Belle and Brady. And maybe I can see the way she looks at John, how happy she was when she thought they were getting back together and then how devastated she was when it didn't happen. You don't understand what we've all been through Eric because you haven't been here." She glared at her brother. He had touched a raw nerve with his righteous declamation and she had recognized something of herself in him. And she didn't like it. "You can't just say something should happen just because *you* want it to happen. There are other people's feelings involved here."
"Yeah, like Dad's." Eric became defensive. "He's still so in love with Mom Sam. I can see it every time he talks about her. You know," his eyes narrowed in accusation, "he's our *father* Sami, we owe him some sort of loyalty."
"Yeah, well maybe he owed *us* some sort of loyalty when he *left* us," Sami was suddenly defensive. "But he left anyway didn't he?" She picked up the knife and took her anger out on the remaining carrots. "And I don't see why," she threw the carrots into a saucepan, "it's always Dad that commands our loyalty. What about John? He was the one that brought us up. He *was*, for all intents and purposes, our father when we were kids. He took care of us, he protected us and he loved us. Don't we owe him something for that? At the very least some acknowledgement." She took a breath, almost surprised at her own vehemence.
"I think *John Black* gave up any claim to our concern when he broke up Mom and Dad's marriage don't you?" Eric's voice was icy. "God Sami I can't believe you're defending him."
"Well I've spent too many years feeling angry and miserable because I blamed Mom and John for something that was beyond their control. I was too young and selfish to understand before but I think I finally do, or at least I'm trying." She sounded tired, as if she didn't expect her words to make any difference to Eric but like she had to voice her feelings anyway. "I'm tired Eric. I'm tired of the endless hostility between us all. And that's not Mom and John's fault. It's *my* fault. And if you don't watch out it will be your fault too. It's Mom's life and she's going to do what's right for her. I think you'd be better off concentrating on your *own* life than obsessing over something you have no ability and no right to change."
Wiping her hands again, she walked out of the kitchen, leaving her words to ring in Eric's ears.
******
"Dr. Evans?" Lucie stood at the stop of the staircase. "Belle's having trouble sleeping. I wondered if it's not too much trouble..." She didn't have to finish her sentence as Marlena was already on her feet.
Roman and Q watched her ascend the staircase and disappear into Belle's bedroom. Then Roman turned to Gene.
"Since Doc is so good at avoiding the subject, do you think you might tell me what's been going on around here?" he asked quietly but with a firmness that indicated that he wouldn't be letting go of this.
"I don't know..." Q shook his head unsure exactly what Roman wanted to know and even less sure if Marlena would want him to know it.
"Well why don't we start with the rumors I heard about you and Marlena," Roman raised his eyebrows. "Are they true?" He really already knew the answer, having seen Gene and Marlena in each other's company, but he wanted to hear it from Eugene's mouth.
Q sighed. He had wondered how long this would take to come up and he wasn't at all sure what Roman's reaction would be. But he guessed he would find out soon enough.
"Yes they're true," he admitted quietly. "It's over now, obviously, but Marlena had been through a rough time and it just kind of...happened." It sounded lame but it was the best he could do without going into any specifics.
"Kind of happened?" Roman looked at Q, unsure of what to make of his evasiveness.
"Look Roman, I don't know what to say to you," Gene admitted. "It's rather an awkward situation for all of us and I don't know how much Marlena would want you to know about what has been happening around here. But I do think that it is her place to tell you and not mine."
"But she's not telling me is she?" Roman felt frustrated. He suspected they were trying to protect him, the truth certainly had the power to wound. But he had to know where he stood, where Marlena stood. "Gene, she's lonely and miserable, I can see that." He sighed. "She's changed an awful lot since I left. I know some of the reasons behind that but I want to be able to help her, and I can't do that if no-one will talk to me about the things that really matter."
He paused but his wait for a reply was unrewarded. Looking back up to the landing, he asked the question that had been praying on his mind.
"This baby, is it yours?"
Gene started. He hadn't realized that Roman knew about the baby. Marlena had made it perfectly obvious to him that she didn't want people to know that the baby was John's, but he couldn't lie to Roman. Not Roman, of all people, after what he had been through.
"No," he answered quietly. "It's John's child."
Roman nodded almost imperceptibly but said nothing.
"Roman," Gene's voice was tentative. "You're right, she is miserable. I've tried to help her," his voice echoed with the evidence of his guilt, "but I think I've pretty much screwed up." He paused, letting the admission hang between them. "I don't know what your expectations are, but you say you want to help her and all I know is that right now she really could do with some help."
"Well I already said that I want to help her," Roman repeated, slightly frustrated. "But she's shutting me out. I don't know how to reach her."
"She's shutting *everyone* out," Q assured him. "But you probably know better than anyone how to reach her. And more than anyone else I think she would listen to you."
Roman nodded thoughtfully. Maybe Eugene was right. Maybe it was best to hear this straight from Marlena. Then there would be no misunderstandings.
"I think," Q rose to his feet and pulled his keys out of his pocket, "I might go out for a while." Roman contemplated Gene's offer and then nodded agreeably. It would definitely be easier to talk to Marlena if they were alone.
"We'll talk later," he wasn't about to let Eugene off the hook regarding this.
"I fully expected we would," Gene nodded his head. If John was protective of Marlena, he couldn't expect Roman to be any less so.
Bidding Roman good afternoon, he left the penthouse, closing the door quietly behind him. Roman watched him go and then looked around the penthouse. He hadn't spent much time here after Marlena had moved out of the house but the time he had spent had been awkward and the memories seemed to jump at him as he looked around the beautifully decorated room. He could particularly remember the night he had come to see her and had found John here. With wine in their hand, they had told him it was not what it looked like. That didn't stop the ache in his soul though as he realized that John would always be in Marlena's life.
And now here it was, all over again. Marlena was having John's baby. But this time Roman knew, he had the chance to do something right, and he had to quash those memories lest they overwhelm that desire to mend what he had once broken. He knew what he had to do, he just had to find the strength to do it.
******
The sleek, dark car pulled up at the curb, and the door opened smoothly. A pair of long, slender legs swung out of the opening and the young blonde emerged with an air of expectation. The driver of the car exited and pulled the suitcases out of the trunk, depositing them on the sidewalk next to her. She pulled out a note, tipped the man, and waited until the car roared into life again. Then she picked up the suitcases and walked into the building.
******
"Where's Gene?" Marlena asked as she reached the bottom of the steps.
"He had to go out," Roman was non-committal as to the precise nature of Eugene's business. "Did you manage to get Belle to sleep?"
"Yeah," she smiled. "She was just a little restless. A little reassurance from Mommy works wonders."
"You always were great with her." Roman told her softly.
"So were you," Marlena sat on the sofa next to Roman, a tentative smile on her face.
"I loved her," Roman said simply. "She's a beautiful little girl Doc, she looks just like you."
"I know you loved her," Marlena felt the faint echo of betrayal in her words. "I'm still so sorry for everything Roman." Roman, however, shook his head.
"You've apologized enough Doc. We've both done things we shouldn't have. Let's not live in the past any more."
"All right," she looked unsure, but nodded her head.
"Does John know about the baby?" Roman steered the subject not so gently in the direction he wanted it to go. Marlena looked at him a little abrasively and she laid her hands over her stomach, as if to protect her unborn child from any harm.
"Doc," he sighed softly. He needed to make her see that she could trust him again. "Doc, this is me remember? I'm not going to betray your trust. It's just a simple question."
"Yes," at length, Marlena nodded her head and relaxed the muscles in her arms and shoulders a little. "He overheard me telling Maggie and Alice."
"Does he know it's his baby?" Roman probed further. Marlena swallowed and looked at Roman. Behind the gentleness in his beautiful brown eyes, there was a determination that told Marlena he wasn't going to let her get away with any smokescreens.
"No," she admitted quietly, 'he doesn't know."
"He thinks it's Eugene's then," he guessed correctly.
"How did you...?" she looked surprised and more than a little uncomfortable.
"Gene told me," he said with quiet assuredness. Sensing Marlena's indignation, he continued. "It's all right Doc. He didn't exactly offer it up. In fact he was pretty reticent about telling me anything without your say so." Roman offered her a smile. "He's pretty protective of you."
"Oh," she really couldn't find anything to say. She hadn't expected Roman to ask these questions, let alone be so precise as to the nature of the situation.
"So he thinks the baby is Eugene's," Roman repeated, trying to elicit some kind of response from her. She looked at him, crossing her arms more tightly across her stomach and pulling her feet up on the sofa. Then finally, biting her lip, she nodded slowly.
"I didn't tell him that," her voice trembled slightly, "it was his conclusion."
Roman saw the pain in her eyes and he ached for her, and for himself. The truth was devastatingly obvious, however much she tried to hide it.
"Oh Doc." He laid one of his hands over the top of hers. Marlena blinked and looked at it. She had always loved his hands. "What happened?"
"What didn't happen?" she shook her head defeatedly and leaned back against the cushions. "It's been a mess from beginning to end Roman." She pressed her lips together. "He's with Kristen you know." She nodded her head at Roman's surprised glance and pressed her lips together. "And what makes it oh so convoluted is that *she's* having his baby too." Roman said nothing and Marlena gave a shallow, bitter laugh. "Is suppose that probably confirms everything you've ever thought about him doesn't it?"
"What *I* think about him doesn't matter Marlena," Roman curled his fingers around Marlena's hand. "It's how *you* feel about him that's important."
"Roman I..." she shook her head, blinking the tears away. She couldn't do that to him. "I know you just want to help, but really this is just best left alone."
"Oh c'mon Doc." Roman felt frustrated by her continuing sidestepping of his questions. "An idiot can see you're miserable over him and I think you need to talk to someone. Gene says you won't talk to him, so talk to me."
"I *can't* Roman," she shook her head and pulled her hand from his, crossing her arms in front of her. She cared about him so much, she couldn't bear hurting him again. And she knew that was inevitable if he kept probing. If she had to admit just how much she loved John and how much this situation was tearing her apart.
"Why can't you?" he tried to keep his voice soft and gentle. She didn't need any more pressure, just his patience.
"Because," she pressed the back of her fingers to her mouth, trying to hold in the hurt and the tears. At last, she shook her head, "Roman, I don't want to hurt you. And I'm afraid I will if we keep discussing this."
******
Sami lay on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. In some strange way the talk with Eric had crystallized things in her own mind. Hearing the words that she had clung to for so long coming from her brother's mouth had made her realize how shallow and selfish they were. And seeing Roman had oddly brought her to some form of conclusion. She loved her father but she was still angry at him for leaving. It had seemed so simple before. Everything that she had held against John and Marlena for so long was their fault. Now, as an adult, she could see that there was more than one party to blame. Like every human tragedy, no one was perfect.
But her father had run away. When she needed him most, he had simply left. She didn't really blame him. She just knew now that nothing was easy and nothing was written in stone.
Rolling over, she looked at the telephone. Biting her lip, she contemplated it for long minutes. One word. That was what she had said.
Sami took a deep breath, and picked up the receiver. With nervous preciseness, she dialed the number for her mother's penthouse. But even before it began to ring, an uncontrollable fear rolled through her and instinctively she slammed the phone back into it's cradle. Angrily, she swept the phone and the rest of the contents from the bedside table so that they crashed onto the floor in a broken heap.
Sami ignored the timbrous whine of the dial tone and rolled over.
******
"Doc," Roman had expected this but he wasn't quite sure how to reply to her concerns. He looked down and then looked at her again. "You know we've both been through a lot in the last few years. And I think we've both changed quite a lot too." He smiled ruefully at her. "I had a lot of time to think in the last year and I admitted a lot of things I had been denying even since we got back together." It was hard to say this, but he knew he needed to. For both their sakes. "What happened, well it was something none of us could very well control. But even taking away fault and blame, it changed things between you and me Marlena. I left," here he paused, "and I would understand if you couldn't forgive me for walking away from you. But things are different now."
"I understood why you left," she said quietly. "I didn't like it, but I understood it. What I didn't understand is why you didn't come back when your children needed you so. Now," her eyes flickered on the scars that could not quite be hidden by the clothing he wore. "Now I think I understand that too."
"We can talk about that later," Roman didn't feel comfortable talking about what had happened yet. Aside from Eric, Shawn and Bo were the only members of the family who had any idea of the extent of the hell that he had been through. Marlena didn't need that to add to her guilt collection. "You know Doc, when we were married, we shared everything. But we can't do that now. Things have changed between the two of us." Marlena nodded her head carefully, unsure of what he was getting at. Roman reached out and took her hand again.
"I can't deny Marlena, that I still love you," he said as gently as he could.
"Oh Roman," she shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.
"No, let me finish Doc," he stared down at the fingers that he held in his own, those so familiar, yet so strange. "It's not the same any more. It never can and it never will be again. I'm not asking you to come back to me because I know it would never work between us again."
Marlena raised her free hand and flicked at cheeks.
"I wish," she said simply "I wish none of this had ever happened. I wish that we could be as happy as we were when we got married." She looked at him with pleading eyes. "We were incredibly happy weren't we?"
"*Incredibly*," he smiled as he used his index finger to wipe away the tears from under his eyes.
"Roman, I do still love you," she felt her heart aching wishing, not for the first time that she could only love one man at a time.
"But you love John more, I know." More than anything, Roman wanted to see Marlena happy again. She had hurt him and in turn he had hurt her terribly, making her as unhappy as she had made him. And she had paid for that mistake and that guilt with four years of her life. He had no right to take any more from her. "Doc, I think you need to talk to John. It's him that you need to be with now."
Marlena, looked at him, her eyes shining with abject misery.
"But that's just it Roman, I don't think it's possible for us to be together any more." She shook her head in distress. "I've made such a mess of things between us. I don't think John even wants to know me any more."
She felt Roman squeeze her hand and she clung to it as if it was a lifeline. Roman pulled her to him and hugged her.
"Don't worry Doc," he murmured into her soft hair. "We'll find a way to fix it. It'll be okay."
But silently he vowed that if John Black hurt Marlena again, this time he would be held to account for it.
Marlena stood at the open window as Roman came out of the kitchen with two mugs of tea. They had been interrupted earlier by the children awakening from their nap, but feeling the tension apparent in the apartment, Lucie had elected to take the children to their grandparents with no great argument from Marlena.
For a moment, it was all too much and she lost herself in the fiery sunset, allowing it to fill her senses with the soft breeze and muted sounds as well as the incredible colours.
The cobalt of the evening sky was shot with threads of a burnished copper-gold, glowing brighter even as she watched. Ducks flew from their late afternoon vigil on the water, silhouetted against the last light of a sinking day and the world seemed to pause, just for a moment.
Minutes passed and Roman simply watched her, watching the heavens that spread in front of her. The threads darkened to a deep flaming orange before softening to a dusky pink and all the while, the blue between darkening to a majestic indigo as the sunset melted into dusk.
Finally, the glow around the hills subsided and Roman felt the chill of the spring evening. Putting the mugs down, he moved behind Marlena and gently laid his hands on her shoulders. "Doc?"
He felt the shiver ripple through her and she rubbed her upper arms ineffectually.
"Doc, come indoors." Turning luminously blank eyes on him, she eventually nodded and let him lead her inside. Closing the door behind them, he made sure she was comfortable on the couch and then handed her a cup.
Steeling himself he looked at her again and waited until she turned her eyes to his. He had been asking her about what had happened after he had left when she had broken down in tears. She had made it as far as telling him about Stefano's midnight visits when suddenly it became too much for her, but Roman hadn't known what to do.
Always, in the past, he had been able to hold her, to soothe her tears and her fears away. But now he just did not know what to do to help her, she was so self-contained. The wall she had built around herself was seemingly impenetrable and even when he touched her, he was not really touching her. In some way he felt responsible for what she had suffered, he had been the one to leave when she had been so vulnerable. He had promised to always be there for her, in good times and in bad times, but when she had needed him most, he had given in to his own pain and he had run as far and as fast as he could. He had thought it the only way to survive. Now, seeing her again, he knew he had made a terrible mistake. One that he could not reverse.
As much as he loved her, as much as he now realized that surviving without her was merely that, just surviving. He had abandoned her and the children and he knew that had changed him in her eyes. She would never love him again the way she had once, he could see that in her eyes. And in his absence, she had given her heart completely to John, however little he might deserve it.
He looked at her wan face and felt a twinge deep within him. It was all he could do to keep it from blossoming into a fully fledged, keening grief. God he loved her so. He hadn't realized it until now. He only hoped he had the strength to keep the truth from her, she didn't need that burden too. All he could do now was to try to be the best friend he could.
Trying to stop his hand from shaking, he closed it over hers and she started at his touch.
"You were telling me about the blackouts," he prompted tenderly. Marlena swallowed almost convulsively at his words and looked up with haunted eyes. She hated talking about it, rehashing the living nightmare that she had suffered, but she felt she had to help Roman understand. At least she owed him that.
"It was almost Christmas," she said in a faint voice, her knuckles white where she gripped the mug. "It was....there were *things* happening in Salem," she stopped and struggled for a deep breath, trying to bring voice to the hell that she had been through, "terrible things. They called it the work of a vandal and they dubbed him 'The Desecrator'." Her eyes clouded over as she dredged up the painful memories. "They even asked me to put together a psychological profile." She shook her head, her eyes wet with tears. "I was feeling so *lost*. Day by day I was slipping away from the people that I loved, I felt so isolated and so terribly afraid, but I didn't know why," she shrugged her shoulders as if to minimize the terror. "I was blacking out for periods of time, I'd find myself somewhere and have no idea how I got there....and I was becoming weaker and weaker...." She bit off her words trying to stop the tears from tumbling down her cheeks, but failing. Using the back of her hand, she wiped them away quickly.
That simple gesture unleashed a myriad of emotions in Roman, but he fought to keep his face neutral as Marlena continued.
"I'd never felt more alone and I had no-one to turn to anymore...."Her voice was anguished as she spoke again and Roman felt as though he was being wrung out.
"Oh Doc," he knew her intention wasn't to try to make him feel guilty, but he did nonetheless. The fear and pain of what she had been through was still so alive in her voice and etched in every tense muscle in her body and he wondered if she had ever talked about it since. If he knew Marlena, she hadn't.
"I..." her voice failed her as she considered recounting all the terrible things she had done. "I guess subconsciously, at a soul level, I was fighting it, but I was losing the battle. I began to lose more and more time..." She swallowed again and leaned over to place her mug on the table. Pulling a tissue from the box, she began to worry the edge of it. "That particular phase culminated in the d...." she couldn't say it, even now. To say it felt frighteningly like an invitation, "in me trying to shoot John."
Roman's eyes widened but he said nothing. Another small tear escaped her eye, spilling over the dark lashes and down her pale cheek.
"I..." she faltered, trying to tell herself that the feelings of pain and guilt belonged to another time. "I ended up in hospital. Mike must have run a hundred tests to find out what was wrong. But they couldn't find anything. Not anything medical."
She sighed softly and leaned back against the cushion as Roman gave her hand a comforting squeeze.
"I thought I was going crazy," she said quietly. "They were telling me I did such *terrible* things and Pat Hamilton wanted to try me for attempted murder." Roman noticed that her hand had curled up into a ball beneath his own. "And then," her breath failed her for a moment, but she forged on, her voice tight with the stress of the past, "Stefano became involved again."
"Doc," Roman's voice was soft, like smooth crimson wine and it lifted her out of the almost-trance that she had sunken into. "Doc, it's in the past. It has no power to hurt you now sweetheart. It's just a memory."
"It's *not* just a memory Roman," she shook her head vehemently, her features taut with distress. "When you live something like that, it's always with you. It's dormant but the terror is always there."
"Doc," Roman shook his head. He was only making things worse for her, not better. "This can't be good for the baby. If you don't want to talk about it, we can find something else to do. Turn on the TV," he shrugged his shoulders, trying to soothe her with a wavering smile.
"No," she shook her head, "you need to know." She bit her lower lip, trying to work out where to go next. She couldn't recount all the time she had spent fighting for her life and for her soul. It would take forever. "John had decided to try and live as a priest until he got his release from the church. Lucky for me." Her lips twitched at the corners but she couldn't manage a smile. "The....*it* apparently didn't think my soul was enough. It wanted John too. And it used me, my body to try and....." she couldn't bear to look at Roman so she lowered her eyes, "seduce John into renouncing his vows."
"That would be rather a temptation," Roman admitted. He wasn't sure if he had found himself in the same situation that he would be able to resist her. He was finding it hard enough now and she wasn't even trying to tempt him.
"Luckily not enough," she said in a low voice. "It came close, but Kristen suspected the truth and she stopped John from giving in."
"Kristen?" Roman had heard about Kristen's later crimes, and he could hardly reconcile the two versions of the woman he had once known.
"I know," Marlena nodded her head. "I've given up trying to make sense of it. I suppose with the DiMera's, anything is possible."
"So how did it....end?" Roman asked her gently.
"John finally realized the truth," Marlena tore another tissue from the box and wadded it up in her hand. "But by then it was almost too late. It had taken complete control." She couldn't even bear to think about what John had told her had happened. The demon had possessed her body completely, violating her, raping her soul as it fought to keep her. Even now, it was only her faith in God that helped her to somehow overcome the fear and the loathing. But she thought about it as little as she could and she talked about it even less. "I was still there....John knew." She looked up at Roman, latching onto the one centre of goodness in that time. "He fought for me Roman. They tried to..." she choked on the word and Roman clutched her hand worriedly, but she waved his concern aside. "They tried to exorcise *it* from me. John had to lead it, there was no-one else." She shook her head, her eyes shining and Roman could see the unmistakable conviction in them. "He fought *so* hard, he just refused to let me go." For the first time, a real smile appeared on her face, and Roman had no doubt why that was. The love and courage that John had shown for her then had sealed her love for him, even as much as she might have tried to deny it.
"But the devil played a trick on them." Her face stilled as she recalled the pain in John's eyes when he told her what had happened, how he had thought he had failed and lost her forever. She had wondered at that point if he would have made it if she had really died. She wasn't at all sure he would have. "They thought I died. My body appeared dead." She found herself swallowing again and then she shivered as a strange feeling flittered through her emotions. It was almost like a memory, of being entombed within her own body, of begging John to hear her, even as he walked away.
"Dead?" Roman felt strangely lightheaded as he contemplated the reality that they had almost lost her and he was nowhere near. He wouldn't have even known. Marlena nodded slowly. "Body bag, morgue, the works."
"Then how...?" Roman shook his head, barely able to believe this bizarre tale but knowing it was only too terrifyingly real. Marlena found a second smile from somewhere deep within herself, and the tension that had been evident throughout the past hour suddenly evaporated.
"John," she laid her hand over her gently sloping stomach, "he just couldn't, he *wouldn't* believe that I was gone." She paused, contemplating that bond that she shared with John, the bond that had brought him back to her, that had saved her life and her soul. If she thought it about it too long it was almost overwhelming and it made this separation even more insane. She shook her head and made a concerted effort to bring her attention to Roman. "He came down to the morgue. Three times I think," she smiled gently. "It was there that he fought the final battle with the demon." She looked up at Roman, her eyes a honeyed amber, trying, willing him to understand. "He offered himself for me Roman. He offered the devil his soul in exchange for mine."
She was still awed by that. That anyone would give themselves up to an eternal hell for the sake of the person they loved. But then she couldn't say she wouldn't do the same for John. Maybe it took something so incredibly and devastatingly final to make you realize the simple truth.
Roman silently ached as he held her hand. He understood only too well. He had understood better than anyone, even when he had left Salem. It had taken a battle with the hounds of hell to make them understand what he had already known. But still he wanted to cry. It didn't stop him loving her, that knowledge. If anything, her innocence, her need to do what she felt was right, only made him love her more.
"So what happened?" Roman shook his head. "How did that beat it?"
"Because the offer was made out of pure goodness and love," Marlena's voice was husky. "The devil tried to accept the deal, but he couldn't keep John's soul because God was on his side."
"How long had it been?" Roman asked quietly.
"It was August when it finally left Salem," she said, matter-of-factly. "The drought finally broke....and things started to get back to some semblance of normality."
"But not for you," Roman guessed succinctly.
"Not for me." Marlena repeated as she shook her head.
She picked up the mug from the table again and swallowed the warm liquid in several large gulps as she contemplated the aftermath of what had happened. How she had been filled with a guilt that had shut her off from everyone but Stefano and how John had turned back to Kristen.
"I had done such terrible things," she still carried a hint of the guilt that had plagued her in her voice. "I had hurt people and I felt I had to redeem myself somehow. I knew in here," she touched her head, "that it wasn't my fault, but in my heart," she pressed her balled fist to her chest, "I couldn't get past it. I couldn't stop feeling guilty, I had to make some sort of reparation."
"So you took it on yourself to rehabilitate Stefano?" Roman asked with a little disbelief as he remembered what Eric had told him. Marlena shrugged defensively and looked him squarely in the eye.
"I did what I felt was right at the time," she told him.
"I know Doc," Roman nodded slowly, his chocolate coloured eyes solemn, "I think I understand in some way. And I don't blame you."
"John didn't understand," she shook her head, "we just fought and fought, he refused to see why I needed to do it."
"Maybe all he could see was the fact that Stefano put you in that danger in the first place," Roman suggested. "I know *I* couldn't be particularly sympathetic to that bastard. Not now and certainly not in that situation."
"I know he couldn't see past that," Marlena nodded in acquiescence, "but it left us at a stalemate. He went off with Kristen and ......" she swallowed again and folded her arms across her stomach as she pulled up her knees.
"And you were alone," Roman finished for her.
"Not quite," she said, "Stefano was here remember?"
"I remember," his face was neutral but there was steel in his voice.
"He had lost his memory Roman," Marlena said defensively. "It wasn't like he was the Stefano DiMera that you know. Well, not for a while anyway."
"I'm not blaming you Doc," he assured her gently. "I'm not saying that I think you shouldn't have done it, it's just a little hard for me to come to terms with I suppose."
Marlena inclined her head slightly indicating she understood, but she said nothing.
"So what happened with good ol' Stefano then?" Roman ploughed on. Marlena stiltingly told him about Will's birth and how she had arrived in Aremid with Stefano just to hear Tony, with his final breath, accuse John of killing him. Leaving out the details of how she had obtained Tony's diary from Stefano, she told him about the nightmare of John's brush with the gas chamber and how Stefano had been determined to make her his once again. How waking up with John at her side had been the most wonderful thing she could imagine, but how, once again, she had ended up alone as John had gone back to Kristen.
"Why?" Roman shook his head in disbelief. "Why, after everything the two of you had been through? I don't understand how he could just walk away from you."
"I think we were so afraid of hurting each other and everyone else that it was just easier to believe that there was nothing between us, that the other just wanted to be friends and nothing more." Her chest ached as she considered that turning point in their lives. "I suppose the guilt of the past was just too overwhelming to let us move on with a future together. And there was Kristen...." She felt sick as she said the name. Aremid must have been when it had all started, when Kristen had seen John's true feelings and begun her manipulations to hold onto him.
She looked up at Roman and saw that he was struggling to understand.
"But if John had *really* loved you, wouldn't it have been kinder to let Kristen go at that point?" he asked, obviously not convinced that John had really known what he wanted.
"It would have but...." she bit her lower lip. "Wait here," Roman didn't query her, but watched her make her way silently up the staircase and disappear around the corner that led to her bedroom. When she returned, she held in her hand a worn piece of folded paper.
"John wrote this the night before he was supposed to be executed," she handed him the letter. Roman unfolded the well-read missive and scanned his eyes over it.
The final paragraphs were the ones that made the deepest impact.
I know that our life together has been complicated; you've been in love with other men,I've been in love with other women. But the love *we* shared was something special Doc. There never was and never could be anyone to fill the special place you hold in my heart.
I love you. I know now I always have.... and I always will.
His eyes lingered for a moment and then he looked up at her, if possible, even more confused.
"But if he wrote this then, even more, I don't understand...."
"Because Kristen found it and hid it," and in one fell swoop changed my life forever. She pressed her lips together, trying to quell the rising grief. "John never knew that I saw the letter. He assumed my feelings for him had changed. I don't know...." she shook her head, "maybe it was just after everything that had happened it was simply as I said before. We were just too frightened of hurting each other and everyone else."
"Oh Doc," Roman almost felt her pain.
"By the time I did find it and I tried to talk to John, it was too late. Kristen interrupted us before I could say anything with the news that she was pregnant." She sighed wearily. She had relived this in her head too many times already. "It all went downhill from there."
Softly, she told Roman of Stefano's next and almost successful attempt to kidnap her and Kristen's part in it. The tale sounded bizarre, even to her and she couldn't help but laugh as Roman rolled his eyes in disbelief at the sound of the mock trial and the guillotine. Finally, she told him about the revelation of Kristen's miscarriage and how John's guilt had led him to forgiving her. And at last, that led into talk of the last six months, when she had encountered Gene back in Salem.
Being careful to leave out details of Eugene's unusual powers, she told him how Gene had brought she and John together for that one wonderful night, the night she had thought had signalled a whole new beginning.
"So what happened that it didn't last beyond that one night?" Roman asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer. He could see throughout this whole evening that John's actions had hurt her dreadfully. She didn't want to admit it, maybe not even to herself, but it was there. He knew her, maybe too well.
"Well, you know that Kristen was already pregnant," she frowned, the dark circles under her eyes becoming more evident. "She almost miscarried that night. And she told John that Gene and I had conspired to *taunt* her and that had brought about the pains she'd had." She brushed angrily at her eyes as she felt the hot pricking of tears behind the lids, betraying the truth of how much that morning still hurt her. "And she was obviously fairly convincing because just for a moment, John *doubted* me, and I thought he'd broken my heart."
"Oh Doc honey, I'm so sorry," she looked so sad it almost broke his own heart. They had all hurt her, she had had no respite apart from a few brief moments and it showed in her eyes.
"Why?" she shook her head unable to understand. "After what I did to you, how can *you* be sorry?" She shook her head.
"All I ever wanted," Roman reached out and brushed his index finger down her cheek, "was for you to be happy, and I know that you're not and you haven't been. And I feel a little responsible for that."
"It's not your fault Roman," her eyes brimmed with tears, "it's my fault. It's my punishment for breaking my marriage vows to you."
"Doc, *that's* why I feel responsible. You've carried around this guilt for so long, you can't *let* yourself be happy." It broke his heart to see what he had done to her. He and John Black.
Marlena shrugged.
"Gene told me the same thing not all that long ago," she told him, "I thought I was starting to let go of the guilt. I guess seeing you again brought those feelings back. Roman, the last thing I ever wanted to do was drive you away from your home."
"You didn't," he told her, "It was my decision, it was my problem. *You* did everything you could. You have nothing left to feel guilty about. It's just the way things are." He smiled sadly and tapped her on the nose with his index finger. "I understand how you feel about John, you and he have a bond that hasn't been broken by Stefano or by the devil. So *why*," he asked her bluntly, "are you letting Kristen *DiMera* keep you apart now?"
"It's not that simple," Marlena attempted to justify the situation.
"Isn't it?" Roman raised his eyebrows. "What you've told me over the past few hours doesn't really figure in with that. When the chips have really been down, when your, or John's life has been in danger, you've been there for each other. Why is it that every time it has taken the threat of losing each other to make you face your feelings?"
"I don't know," Marlena's voice was a mere whisper as she shook her head, tears finally unable to be held back any longer. "I'm frightened Roman."
"Of what?" he asked gently as he drew her into his arms and held her as she sobbed.
"Of losing him. Of losing everyone I love."
"If you let Kristen win then you've already lost him," Roman told her gently. "C'mon Doc, I know you better than that. I know there's a fighter hidden in there somewhere. She maybe drowning in that undeserved guilt, but I know she's in there. You just have to let her out."
He held her close as she cried and he felt his heart ache for her and for himself. He hated to see her so lost and alone and if it was John that could bring some happiness to her life, he couldn't begrudge that. He didn't have to like it, but if it were best for Marlena, he would live with it.
The minutes passed in silence and behind them, the door clicked as Q quietly entered. In the soft light, he could see Marlena, her head nestled against Roman's chest as her shoulders moved with quiet sobs. He stood for a moment, watching them, wrestling with the twinge of jealousy that had suddenly blossomed inside him. *He* wanted to be the one to hold Marlena, to comfort her, to make everything all right for her. Intellectually he knew that wasn't right for any of them at his point, but on an emotional level he couldn't help that pure spark of green that ignited within him as he had walked through the door.
Not saying anything, he turned and quietly made his way up the staircase, pausing to look down from the landing. He hoped that whatever had gone on between Roman and Marlena would help her and not hurt her further. She didn't need any more of that.
Sighing softly, he went into his bedroom and closed the door. Matters were beyond his control for now. All he could do was hope that Roman had said the right things and she had listened to him. Because if he hadn't, the outcome could be disastrous. For all of them.
It had been a long day at work for Austin Reed. It wasn't that the work had been particularly challenging, it never was. Titan practically ran itself and he knew that he was only there because Kate had created the job for him. Sometimes he wished he could find the courage to leave, to go out and do something that really mattered to him, like open up a small jazz club where he could play the piano.
But now that was just another pipe dream. He had a wife to support and soon another child and their savings were practically gone now thanks to his shady past.
He rubbed his cheeks and yawned as the clunky elevator slowly took him up to his floor. He hadn't been sleeping properly, he was too worried about Carrie, and during the day, he was distracted at best. He had tried to take Marlena's advice and not fret over her absence but the more he tried to tell himself everything was fine, the more he felt as though something was very wrong. Maybe it was because he had been so wrong about Sami's predicament and he was riddled with guilt over what had happened to her, but then again, maybe he was right.
Yesterday he had asked a friend at the bank to run a trace on Carrie's credit card, so he could find out where it had been used, and hence, where she was. Except it hadn't been used at all.
He had spent all of last night lying awake, trying to decide if he should go to Abe and ask him to find Carrie. She had asked him in her note not to try and find her, Marlena had advised him to leave Carrie be, but something told him he had to try and find her. And soon.
However, when he had gone to the station in the morning and explained the situation, Abe had told him that it was most likely that Carrie was staying with friends and that she would be back before he knew it. So now, he was back at square one, worrying and waiting and having no way to do anything.
Pulling his keys out of his pocket, he inserted them in the keyhole and turned them to let himself into the apartment. Inside, he slammed the door closed behind him and dropped the keys on the coffee table and shed his jacket, throwing it over the back of the chair. He was heading for the kitchen when he heard a noise in the bedroom and he whirled the hundred and eighty degree angle to the bedroom.
"There you are," Carrie had a smile on her face as she came out of the bedroom with a robe wrapped around her slim body, her hair drying from the obviously recent shower. "You're late home from work."
"Carrie?" he looked as if he'd almost seen a ghost.
"Yes, that was my name last time I looked in the mirror," she couldn't suppress the small giggle that sprang forth at his incredulous expression. However, it was muffled as Austin crossed the room almost instantaneously and engulfed her in his arms.
"Oh baby, I was *so* worried about you. I thought...." his face was buried in her damp, scented hair as he shook his head. "I didn't know where you were and I had this horrible feeling that something terrible had happened to you. I don't know why the hell I ever let you walk out of here."
He pulled back and cupped her face in his hands.
"Carrie Reed, I love you so much. I love this baby. I can't stand the thought of losing you." The passion in his voice rather blew Carrie away and she shook her head with an amazed smile.
"That's rather a turnaround," she admitted, "maybe it's true that absence does make the heart grow fonder."
"Carrie," Austin's face paled. "I think there's something you need to know before we go any further. I need to tell you why I've been behaving like such an ass."
"Oh?" she raised her eyebrows as he took her hands and led her to the sofa.
This oughta be good.
*****
John stared at the jigsaw piece on the table in front of him. It had become almost a daily ritual, staring at the small token for hours as though it might mysteriously reveal the answers he so desperately lacked. But still, it was a jigsaw puzzle piece, pure and simple. It's cryptic inscription and it's mere existence the only clues he had.
He ran his fingers through his hair in a gesture of pure frustration and pushed the chair away from the table. Stalking to the window, he looked out into the black night. Dusk had fallen hours ago and he hadn't even noticed.
It had happened that the same day he had received the puzzle piece in the mail, he had also received a phone call from Caroline to tell him that Roman had returned home. He had politely declined her invitation to the gathering at the pub to welcome him, knowing they hadn't been on the best of terms when he had left. Besides, he had a nagging feeling Marlena would be there and he didn't think he could bear that after the latest revelation. Seeing her happy and glowing and everyone congratulating her about her new relationship and baby would be more than he could bear.
And today Kristen had been only too happy to bring home the gossip that Roman had been spending rather a lot of time at Marlena's since he had returned. To be truthful, Kristen didn't care if Marlena got together with Eugene or Roman. Actually, she couldn't have cared less if the bitch married King Kong. Just as long as she stayed the hell out of John's life.
For John however, it was a different story. The thought of Marlena turning to Roman for comfort was almost worse than knowing she was with Eugene. He couldn't imagine she would leave Eugene now that she was pregnant with his child and seemingly happy, but then he previously couldn't have imagined *this* situation either.
Not for the first time, his thoughts flew back to the day she had come to the loft to talk to him. The day he had totally blown all hope of ever winning her back.
Marlena had been the last person he had expected to see that day and her arrival had caught him by surprise. He hadn't intended to say anything about seeing her that night, but he had been able to help himself. In a way, he knew, he had wanted to hurt her back, to make her understand how badly he had been hurt. Of course, in doing so, he had alienated her even further.
He had run over the argument incessantly in his mind after Marlena's abrupt departure. He had been so sure at the time that she had simply been evasive out of embarrassment, that he had found out about her fling with Eugene before she had told him. But the more he thought about it, that didn't make sense. Her complete surprise and lack of comprehension should have told him that to begin with. But like the bull-headed idiot he was, he had carried on anyway. Not surprising that she had been angry and upset really. She had been right, it *was* none of his business. She had made that clear time and time again.
The odd thing, he reflected was the way she had reacted to Kristen's tacit presence. She hadn't questioned it, she hadn't even seemed surprised. John shook his head wearily. Did it even matter any more? After his performance that day, she was unlikely to ever want to see him again, let alone have a conversation. He should have known that when he saw her in the shop. No wonder she looked ill, all she had to do was remember what a creep he'd been. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cool pane of the window.
But when he closed his eyes, he could see hers, the hazel flecked with gold as they flared in anger. In a way, her anger was strangely comforting. She'd been so closed off for so many years, afraid of causing anyone more pain that she hadn't been Marlena any more. That was as much his fault as anyone's, he knew that. She had carried around the guilt of their affair for too many years. They had let it get in the way of being happy themselves, and in doing so they had made other people unhappy. And they were *still* paying the price.
He shook his head. Well *he* was at least. Now maybe that Roman was back, Marlena could put some of her guilt behind her and finally pick up the pieces. Even if John could never forgive himself for what he had done to her, he really hoped she could find happiness with Eugene. She deserved to be happy. God, he wanted her to be happy, he loved her that much. Really, he owed her that much and he couldn't bear to see her sad any more.
Clenching and unclenching his fist, he turned around, blowing out the stress in a slow, steady breath as the puzzle piece caught his eye again. He went to the table and fingered the piece of cardboard. Who else could have sent it? That much was obvious.
So Stefano hadn't been killed in Paris as the police had thought. Well if that bastard was anywhere near Salem again, it was just as well that Marlena had Roman and Eugene to protect her. Maybe they would do a better job than he ever seemed to have. He knew he should warn them but he wasn't sure if any of them would even want to see him, let alone listen to what he had to say.
He sighed and sank into the same seat he had been occupying earlier. What he couldn't work out was the significance of the C. The pieces that Stefano had sent to lure him to Maison Blanche had been from a picture of the house. They had an intelligible meaning. This was simply a letter that made no sense. He had waited for another one to arrive and it never had.
It was almost as if Stefano was taunting him, but John had no idea with what. *C*. It meant nothing. In frustration, he slammed his hand, palm down on the table. God he was so tired of that bastard, tired of him and his twisted, peverse games.
I'm never going to let you hurt her again, he swore to his unseen enemy. The next time I see you old man, it'll be the *last* time.
"Doc," Roman's soft voice rumbled in his chest and Marlena could feel the vibrations against her damp cheek.
"Mmmmmm?" she raised her head wearily, her eyes reddened and puffy.
"You need to talk to John," he insisted with infinite tenderness. "You need to tell him the truth about the baby, you need to trust your love for him and his for you."
"I can't Roman," she shook her head, her voice carrying the weariness of a thousand heartbreaks. "It's just gone on too long and too far. I don't think either of us could ever trust the other again."
"Well you don't know that if you don't try," Roman pointed out. "And if you don't try, how much are you going to regret it every time you see him with Kristen and his family?" She said nothing, stubbornly silent as she tried to deny his words to herself.
"Sweetheart, don't you think Belle and Brady deserve more than that? Don't you think that this new beautiful child you're carrying deserves to know his father?"
"Roman, please don't try and use my children against me," her tone became warning as she sat back.
"That's not what I'm doing Marlena," he said gently. "It's something you *have* to consider. Those children are your world, you have to give them everything you can, because I know you and I know that if you don't it's another thing you'll spend the rest of your life feeling guilty about."
"Would you please just leave it alone," she snapped irritably. Her whole body ached from the stress of this long day and she couldn't deal with another discussion about why she should go and talk to John. She *knew* she should. For her sake and for the children's sakes, it was pretty obvious and fairly simple. But what no-one seemed to understand was that she *couldn't*. That seeing him simply killed her inside, bit by bit. And she knew him too well. Kristen was pregnant with his child and he had moved her into his apartment. To John that was a commitment, and Marlena hadn't been too stunned the other day to notice the diamond that Kristen wore on her left hand, even if the impact of it's significance hadn't hit until later.
They just didn't understand that it was *over*. Kristen had already won and every last vestige of fight had slipped away from Marlena. She just didn't have the energy anymore. She could only concentrate on what was really important and Roman was right, it was her children.
Roman knew he had hit a nerve when Marlena became agitated, he just didn't quite know how to take advantage of it. He knew he had to do something though and fast, as she stood up.
"Doc, don't walk away from this, there's too much at stake."
"Roman," her voice was almost pleading, "please, I can't discuss this any more."
"Do you think *I'm* doing this for my enjoyment?" he demanded, his frustration getting the better of him. Standing up, he moved so that he was only inches from her. "It's not exactly a barrel of laughs for me either Marlena."
"I know," she admitted, slightly ashamed. Roman saw it and took the opening.
"If you won't talk to John, then maybe you'll let me talk to him for you."
Carrie said nothing as Austin poured out his heart, admitting the truth about his past catching up with him, and how he had taken their savings money to pay off his debts. She remained silent through his assurances that it had been only because he had been so worried about her that he had given in to the thug and how the secret had been slowly killing him inside for weeks.
And finally she was still as he vowed to her that he had been coming home to tell her the truth when she had left the apartment all those days ago. When he had finished, he looked up at her with contrite eyes.
"I'm sorry Carrie, I *never* meant to hurt you. I just found myself in a situation *I* had created and had no way of fixing and I....." he shook his head. "There's no excuse for what I did, I know that. I just hope you'll forgive me."
His eyes were pleading as he looked at her, waiting for her to say something. Anything.
Her eyes darkened momentarily as she looked at him, but finally she sighed.
"I really wish you'd told me Austin," was all she said.
"I know I should have," he said in a small voice. "I was just afraid if you knew you wouldn't let me give him the money and you'd get hurt."
"We could have gone and talked to Abe she said reproachfully. "At the very least I would have understood why you had such a problem with the baby."
"I know," he looked down at his hands, contrite. "I wanted to tell you, I really did."
She was silent for another long moment as she mulled over his explanation in her mind. Finally, she looked up at him.
"Well," she said slowly, "I guess we can't change it now can we?" she ran her fingers through her still damp hair.
"Nooo," Austin returned slowly, not quite sure what she was getting at.
"Okay then," she leaned over and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, "I'm tired and going to bed. Are you planning on coming?"
He tried to contain his surprise as he looked at her. He had expected a number of things, but this calm acceptance hadn't been one of them.
"Sure," he finally nodded his head before she pushed herself up from the sofa. He watched her walk to the bedroom, her stomach gently swelling beneath the towelling of the robe she wore and he shook his head. He guessed he should just be thankful that she wasn't throwing him out on his sorry behind.
Carrie turned around and smiled sweetly at him before she disappeared into the bedroom. He blinked and shook his head again. He *should* be thankful, but his gut told him there was something that wasn't quite right here.
******
Q lay on his back staring at the ceiling trying to ignore the muffled voices from downstairs. They seemed to infiltrate the very walls around him and the mere hint of her voice was enough to make him feel absolutely miserable. After all, it hadn't been that long ago that he had been lying in bed with her, kissing her, listening to her as she talked and laughed. She would nuzzle his skin and talk to him so that it tickled with the vibrations of her breath and then she would laugh as he shivered.
He shook his head. This was crazy, he couldn't keep on reliving these moments in his mind. It was over now, there was nothing he could do to change that.
Well, not strictly *nothing*. Just nothing moral and *right*, that was all.
Roman's voice raised for a moment and Q snapped his fingers irritably so that soft music filled the room.
"Tut tut," Q2's disembodied, drawling voice sliced through the Bach Concerto, "jealousy is *so* unbecoming Q."
Shit.
Q rolled his head back in defeat. Q2 was about the last entity in the universe he wanted to see right now, but as usual, he didn't have much choice in the matter.
"Well Q, no rest for the wicked it seems," he returned. "Rather sad that you've been reduced to being the Continuum's errand boy isn't it?"
"Oh Q," Q2 finally appeared, leaning nonchalantly against the door, "so *bitter* for one so young." He grinned indolently. "I hear the fair doctor has found herself a new, or should I say *old* confidant." He slipped on a mockingly sad face. "Passed over for *another*ex-husband," he raised his eyebrows. "Are you ready to give up yet Q? Your task looks more hopeless by the day."
"Give up?" Q was confused. "You told me this was my one chance of redeeming myself. If I give up...." He ran out of words as he remembered Marlena's words.
I know it may sound odd, but I got the impression that they, the Q, is that what you call them? Well I think they *wanted* you to fail.
He eyed Q2 suspiciously as he pushed himself into a sitting position. "What exactly *is* going on here Q?"
"Well Q," Q2 raised his eyebrows, his face suddenly deadly earnest, "the Continuum *did* send you back after you begged for a second chance. And don't think we don't know what happened there."
"Well then why am I still here?" Q demanded churlishly. "You're so bloody desperate so see me fail, why didn't you take the opportunity to rid the universe of me once and for all Q?"
He was almost surprised as Q2 shook his head sadly.
"I would have thought you would have known better by now Q," he frowned. "I don't want to see you *fail*, *I'M* the one that's been in there fighting for you every step of the way." He narrowed his eyes. "You've been a human for too long Q, it's dulled your brain. You're becoming boringly predictable."
"What *are* you talking about?"
"You're too wrapped up in those tedious human emotions Q," Q2 allowed himself a smirk, "you're not seeing the *bigger* picture. You are letting yourself get sidetracked by that sickening puppy love thing you have going for the blonde. And now by your jealousy of her ex."
Q's lips thinned in anger, but he resisted hurling another insult in Q2's direction. Instead, keeping his cool, he found a smile from somewhere.
"Can't be all *that* sickening, seems that it's the best show on the block these days," he raised his eyebrow knowingly in Q2's direction. "After all, *you* can't seem to tear yourself away."
"Soap operas have always had a perversely *watchable* quality," Q2 returned. "It doesn't make them *quality* drama."
Suddenly, he looked down at his bare wrist, as though looking at an imaginary watch and looked up at Q in surprise.
"Well, time's up," he shrugged. "Just think about it Q. Oh," he stopped, "one more thing. You *should* know this, but I suppose I'll have to remind you. Since you seem to have forgotten just about everything *else* you should know." He neared Q and bent over, his hands on his knees.
"Not everyone is who they seem Q. Stay alert, it might just save your skin. And those of the people you care so much about."
With that final warning, Q2 was gone, leaving a stunned Q to wonder exactly what the hell that strange visit was about.
******
John looked up as the loft door rasped open and Jennifer Devereaux followed Kristen into the loft.
"Hey baby," Kristen dropped a kiss on top of John's head before she threw her purse on the table and eased herself down onto the sofa next to him.
"Hi John," Jennifer sat down on the sofa opposite John and Kristen, not looking entirely comfortable. "Mmmm.... Hi," he muttered distractedly before he stood up. Kristen looked at him and then at Jenn. With a strained laugh, she shrugged. The odd noise penetrated John's preoccupation and he looked back at the women. "Did you have a nice dinner?"
"Yes thanks," Jenn nodded, "it seems like forever since I've eaten at Chez Vous, but the food is as good as ever."
"Good," John nodded, wondering absently how someone as sweet and kind as Jennifer could be a friend with someone as vicious and devious as Kristen. But then, he supposed they'd all been duped by her at some stage or other. And, he knew the horrible, unforgivable things that she had done. Jenn didn't. At least, not the worst of them.
Intertwined with those thoughts were memories triggered by the mention of Chez Vous. Memories he *really* didn't want to be having right now.
"Ah, would you two ladies like a drink?"
"No thanks," Kristen smiled virtuously, "caffeine is bad for the baby."
"I won't either thanks," Jenn shook her head, "I should really be going soon."
"What's that you've got there John baby?" Kristen had been eyeing the object that John held between his fingers and her curiosity finally had the better of her.
"Mmm?" John looked at her and then suddenly realized in shock that he was still holding the puzzle piece.
He contemplated telling her for a moment, and telling her what he thought its significance was. He would give almost anything to see her reaction. It would tell him whether or not she knew Stefano was alive and close to Salem. She wasn't a good actor and her reaction would tell him everything he needed to know.
He would give almost anything.
Except the safety of his child.
If Kristen *didn't* know that Stefano was in town, the shock of finding out, could conceivably affect the child. At the prenatal checkup the other day the doctor had made it clear that Kristen had to rest with as little stress as possible to ensure that the baby had plenty of opportunity to grow. John just couldn't risk anything happening to this baby.
So instead of showing her he gave a strangled laugh and palmed the piece of stiff board.
"Nothing important," he lied badly, "just a piece of rubbish."
"John?" Kristen eyed him suspiciously. "Why don't I believe you?"
"It's nothing Kristen," John said with slight exasperation, "It's just a piece of one of Brady's jigsaw puzzles that I found on the floor. That's all."
"Oh," she nodded her head slowly. He was lying about something, she knew that much. And he only ever acted like this when Marlena was involved in some way. *Damn* that bitch. Why can't she stay out of our lives? "Can I see it?"
"Sure." John knew when he was beaten. She was like a dog with a bone when she wanted to get her own way and she obviously suspected he was lying to her. He handed her the puzzle piece and then yawned. "I don't know which puzzle it was from, I was going to take it up to his room."
"That's odd," she frowned, looking at the mysterious object. "It's rather small to be from one of Brady's puzzles don't you think?" John simply shrugged.
"Where else could it have come from?"
"I don't know," she looked up at him. "Do you?"
"Look, I hate to interrupt," Jennifer stood up, "but I really need to get going. I promised Jack I wouldn't be home too late."
"Oh, okay Jenn," Kristen's simpering made John feel ill but he was heartened to see that she dropped the jigsaw piece on the table as she got up to see Jennifer to the door. "You have a safe drive home now, and please, don't you be a stranger."
"I had a nice time," Jenn told her unconvincingly and John smiled inwardly. Jenn might not know the whole truth, but she was a smart girl and she had an inkling, it seemed.
"Night Jenn," he smiled at her sympathetically, his first real smile of the evening. Jenn blinked.
"Uh yeah," she nodded.
As Kristen saw Jenn out, John palmed the puzzle piece and made his way up the staircase to the bathroom. Maybe by the time he made it out of the long, hot shower he was about to take, Kristen would have forgotten all about the odd omen.
"*No*," Marlena replied tersely.
"Marlena!" Roman was becoming frustrated.
"Roman, I said *no* okay? Just leave it." She walked away from him, towards the window. She shook her head wearily. There was nothing out there that was going to help her, just as there was nothing in here. They just all had to face that fact.
"Leave it?" He shook his head, wondering how she could close herself off from all the repercussions of this refusal to admit the truth. Really, he knew it was her way of coping, but it seemed insane to him. "Marlena. Doc honey, you're pregnant and you can't hide that from the family forever. Sooner or later..." he looked at her, at the way her clothes were starting to follow the gentle slope of her swollen stomach and he knew it was going to be sooner. "Sooner or later you're going to have to tell them, or they're going to work it out for themselves."
"I know that," she snapped angrily.
"Well, what are you going to tell them?" he shrugged his shoulders. "Are you going to tell your family and friends that it's Gene's baby too?"
Marlena turned around, her face set in a blank mask of denial.
"Yeah, well maybe I might just do that." She didn't want to be having this conversation. She didn't even want to have to think about what would happen once people started realizing that she was pregnant. It didn't really matter who's baby it was. In all reality Sami would probably stop talking to her completely and the rest of the family would certainly have their own judgements to make on the situation. It was just easier to ignore the problem and not think about it. Easier for now.
"Oh Doc," Roman shook his head, "don't you think that's just a bit cruel?" He frowned, not wanting to say the next words that came to mind, but knowing that probably nothing else would get through to her at this point. "Baby, you've already seen what lies can do to a family once. Do you really think it's fair to put them through that again?"
On the other side of the room, Marlena clenched her jaw and refused to let the tears fall.
"Doc," he was wary, but he carried on anyway, his voice tender, "I know from bitter experience that truth is the only way to deal with situations like these. And I think you do too, however much you are trying to deny it."
Calculating the extent of her anger, he edged closer to her.
"You know, I think you *know* the right thing to do. You know that you have to tell John the truth, but you're afraid."
"Is that so?" Marlena asked in a cold voice.
"Yes it is," he remained assured as he neared her. "You know baby, you've spent your life running away from the truth because you were afraid it would hurt you and the people that you love." His voice was full of conviction as he came to stand in front of her. "But the fact is Doc," he took her hand in his and squeezed it, "the truth is what will set you *free*."
Marlena looked into his soft brown eyes for a moment before she wrenched her hand from his.
"Nice speech Roman, but I'm not a child that needs to be encouraged with stirring speeches." Her eyes flashed as she faced him. She was so *sick* of being treated as if she was unable to make her own decisions. Like she just had no idea what was best for her. "You know, I don't need to be patronized and I *certainly* don't need to be told what to do by you or Eugene, or *anybody*."
"I don't want to talk to John, and I don't *have* to if I don't want to. I don't want *you* to talk to him, I don't want Godzilla to talk to him. Got that?"
Brushing past him, she headed for the stairs.
"Oh," she paused at the foot of the staircase and turned to look at her ex-husband. "And when I want your, or anyone else's advice, I'll be sure to ask for it okay?" She took a deep breath. "I'm going to bed. You're welcome to sleep on the sofa if you like. Otherwise, please make sure the apartment is locked when you leave. Goodnight."
"G'Night Doc," Roman couldn't help his smile as he watched her walk up the steps. Those may not have been the answers that he wanted to hear, but it was a start. To get her angry was an achievement in itself and Roman knew her well enough to know that the anger was a form of self-protection. Her stubbornness, her fighting spirit, was one of the things he had always loved about her.
Smiling, he gathered up his jacket and car keys. She may not be fighting for John yet, but she *was* fighting, and that was a good start.
Morning. A smile dawns with the sun. Today is the day.
Elsewhere, darkness shadows evil. Light is snuffed out as easily as life can be. Will be.
Tonight is the night.
Sami and Eric were the first to receive invitations, the messenger hand-delivering them when Sami opened the door to get the morning paper. Sami had handed Eric his and then opened hers, staring at the expensive sheet of white parchment paper with the stiffly embossed gold letters. It simply stated that her presence was requested at the Penthouse Grille on the evening of May the sixth. Tonight. No indication as to what the occasion was, or who was inviting them; just that they were requested to dress formally for the occasion.
"What occasion?" Sami asked the rhetorical question. Eric shrugged and dropped his invitation on the bench.
"Who else is going to be there?" he wondered idly as he walked into the living room to check on Will.
"You don't *suppose* our parents might be there?" Sami asked snidely. She was feeling a little bitter that she hadn't seen anything of her mother and barely anything of her father since he had arrived back in town. It was as though Marlena had disappeared off the face of the earth, and when she had finally seen Roman and asked him, he had only mumbled something about Marlena having the flu. Of course, he had never been particularly good at lying, and Sami knew a whopper when she saw it.
"C'mon Sam, you should be happy that they are spending so much time together," Eric sighed patiently. Sami just couldn't seem to find it within herself to be happy, whatever happened.
"But Eugene is still there," Sami pointed out. "I mean, do they have some sort of weird threesome going or something?"
"*Sam*," Eric rolled his eyes. "Cut the dramatics will you? I am sure there is a perfectly good explanation. They are all old friends after all."
"Yeah, and rather new something else as far as Mom and good old Eug are concerned," Sami shook her head. "I don't care if they go or not. I'd rather not see them. Any of them."
"Oh, I suppose you'll hang out with *Saint* John then." It was Eric's turn to become snippy. He hated how much time Sami and Will had been spending with John in the last few weeks. It felt like a betrayal of their father. John always seemed to be in the background, dropping into the pub, or even into the apartment Eric and Sami were now sharing. However, although John had tried to engage him in conversation, Eric tried to avoid John as much as he possibly could during these times.
"So what if I do?" Sami raised her eyebrows. "I mean it's not like Dad has been rushing to spend quality time with his children and grandchild now is it?"
"Oh I give up," Eric couldn't stand having this conversation yet again and he shrugged his shoulders as he picked up his keys. Pulling on his jacket, he turned to her. "I'm going to see Kate Roberts about that photographic job. I'll see you later."
Sami watched him close the door behind him and shook her head. Then she looked down at the invitation again, her expression curious. Who was behind this and what were they up to?
******
It was only several minutes later that Austin Reed heard the sharp rap of knuckles on his front door. He was buttoning his jacket as he opened it and he was handed two envelopes. He thanked the messenger, tipping him several dollars and then he turned back to the apartment, closing the door behind him.
"Who was that honey?" Carrie came into the living room, buttoning up her new maternity jacket. She was starting to look rather pregnant now she was five months into her term.
"A messenger, he delivered these," Austin handed Carrie the envelope that was addressed to her and they opened the envelopes at the same time. Carrie read hers in silence.
"Weird," Austin murmured as he looked up at his wife.
"Mmmmm," Carrie shrugged non-committally and dropped her invitation onto the table in complete disinterest.
"Do you want to go?" Austin asked, confused by Carrie's reaction.
"Sure," Carrie nodded as she went into the kitchen and pulled the juice out of the fridge. "When is it again?"
"Tonight." Austin's brow wrinkled as he looked at her.
He had been worried about her since she had come home from her trip away. She hadn't been acting like herself for the last few weeks and this morning was no exception. It wasn't that she was moody, rather the opposite. She was totally even tempered, no ups and no downs. Even when they had finally told the family of the pregnancy she had just smiled sweetly and accepted the congratulations. There had been no.... Austin tried to pin his finger on it.... no *emotion* in her eyes or in her voice.
He had tried to talk her into seeing Marlena, but Carrie had not seemed to want to take up that suggestion. And when Austin himself had called his mother-in-law, he had simply been told that she had the flu and could not see anyone. That, in itself, was odd. Marlena was always there for her family when they needed her. But Austin had enough on his mind without worrying about that too.
He looked at the invitation again. It was expensive, he could tell that much. What on earth was it about? He tapped it against his chin as he looked at Carrie. Maybe getting out among people might do her some good, and maybe her family could cheer her up, or at least give *him* some indication if he were going crazy or not.
John and Kristen received their invitations half an hour later. Out of the corner of her eye, Kristen watched John open his, as she slit her own envelope open.
"What the hell is this about?" John's brow wrinkled as he looked at the invitation. It had been several weeks now since he had received the puzzle piece and it had so far been the only odd thing he had been sent. Still, he had remained on his guard, and this unexpected invitation made him tangibly nervous.
"Who knows?" Kristen shrugged. "It looks like it could be fun though. A mysterious party. How *intriguing*." She rubbed her protruding belly as the baby kicked her. Hard. She was heavily pregnant now, with only a month to go until the baby was due, she couldn't wait to have the brat.
"Surprise parties are very rarely *intriguing* Kristen," John said stiffly. He had a bad feeling about this, and besides, it was likely that Marlena might be there.
He had thought long and hard about going to Marlena with the possibility that Stefano may be alive and back in Salem, and eventually, he had summoned up the courage to go and see her. However, when he had gone to her office to talk to her, Roman had been there. John had seen them through the half-open door, seen Roman holding Marlena in his arms, and he had lost his nerve, unable to face the two of them.
He had so many thoughts, so much of a confused jumble of ideas in his head, that he couldn't work out what was going on. Maybe Eugene had been telling the truth, that it was over between he and Marlena, and John's refusal to believe him had only served to leave her free for Roman on his return. He didn't know and he couldn't bring himself to ask her straight out. Not after the way he had treated her. He had no right. And still....
Working himself up to it a second time, he had gone back several days later, only to be told by Hillary, that Marlena had taken a leave of absence, as she was ill. He had been intending to go up to the penthouse apartment and talk to her up there, but after putting it off day after day, he had finally been honest with himself and admitted that he couldn't bring himself to see her there.
"John?" Kristen snapped her fingers in front of his face, pulling him out of his trance. "John are you listening to me?"
"Huh?" John turned blankly to Kristen. He had a vague recollection that she had been prattling on while he had been thinking, but he had no idea what she had said.
"I said that we should *go*," Kristen tired to keep reign on her patience. She was getting more than tired of John's little 'spells'. She knew what it meant when he drifted off into dreamland like that and she didn't like it one bit. "I probably won't be able to get out much more after this," she rubbed her belly again, "and it will be so nice to see all our friends."
"How do you know all 'our friends' will be there?" John raised one eyebrow. "I mean we have no idea what this is about so how do we know who'll be there?"
"Well, I would *assume* they will be," Kristen seemed irritated. "Anyway, if we don't enjoy it, we can always leave."
"I don't know Kristen," John shook his head wearily. He wasn't sleeping well these days. Having the heavily pregnant Kristen in bed with him, touching him, wanting him to hold her, wasn't exactly conducive to rest. He hated her and he wanted her out of his life. And the strain of hiding that was starting to tell. This next month couldn't go swiftly enough for him.
"Maybe it isn't a good idea. After all, didn't the doctor say that you have to rest up as much as possible?" The baby was still not growing as fast as it should and the doctor had seemed mildly concerned at the last appointment. Still, none of the tests they had run had showed that there was anything wrong with the child, so he had just prescribed rest, and plenty of it.
"I'm not an invalid John," Kristen said testily. "One evening out isn't going to hurt our baby okay?" She shook her head. Anyone would think this baby was the Second Coming the way John worried about it. She knew he cared about his children, but he really was going overboard here. "I want to go and have a good time and I want you to come with me." She wasn't going to let him away with this one. She was going to be there come hell or high water.
"Okay," John finally shrugged his shoulders, giving up in the face of her determination. If he knew one thing about her, he knew that when she wanted something, she invariably got her way. He just had to save his energy for the big battles. In the meantime, he would be on his guard tomorrow night, and if Marlena *was* there, he would warn her to be on her guard also. If Stefano did have something planned for this so called party, at least if he was there, he could keep an eye on her.
He dropped the invitation on the bench and snatched up his car keys.
"We'll go if it'll make you happy."
"It will, it will," Kristen was practically jumping up and down and John's stomach turned. He had to get out of here. "Thank you baby," she kissed him on the cheek and clutched at his arm as he went to the door. "I have to go to work Kristen," he detached himself from her and deposited a cursory kiss on her forehead. "You take care of yourself and I'll see you tonight."
"Okay honey, you have a great day at work," she smiled simperingly, "call me okay?"
"Sure," John nodded with absolutely no intention whatsoever of calling her.
She watched him go and then turned back to the loft with a satisfied smile.
******
"No way," Marlena dropped her invitation on the table. "I'm not going."
"Come on Marlena," Q was completely frustrated by Marlena's continuing refusal to even consider going to the party. He had as little idea as her what it was about, he only knew that he had to get her out of this apartment and this was as good an opportunity as any. "You can't stay cooped up in here forever."
"Gene, I said *no*." She stared at him angrily. It was simple enough really, if he cared to actually *listen* to her. She was invited and she was declining.
"Sweetheart," his shoulders dropped and he threw his own invitation on the table next to hers. "Don't you think it's about time you saw your friends and family again?"
"Oh yeah, I'll make a great entrance looking like *this*," she pointed to her now, quite obviously, pregnant stomach. The last month had served to advance her pregnancy quite considerably, and now, at a little over five months, there was absolutely no hope of hiding it. "I'm sure my family will just *love* that."
"Don't you think it's a little *late* to be worrying about that now?" Gene asked tiredly.
He and Roman had argued just this point when Marlena had informed them that she was taking time off work due to an imagined dose of the flu. The only time she had been out of the house in almost three weeks was for an appointment with her obstetrician. They had tried to persuade her to at least talk to the children, Sami, Eric and Carrie, but to no avail. Her stubbornness, it seemed, knew no bounds.
So, she had taken the time off work, spending much of it with Belle, Brady and the nanny, Lucie, with whom she had become quite friendly. And now that there was a reason to go out, she was again refusing.
"Since when did you become my keeper?" Marlena demanded crossly. She knew she had worked herself into a corner with this pregnancy. Her denial and refusal to deal with the problem was only making it worse, but it was a situation she didn't know how to get herself out of.
"I think he's right," a soft, southern voice sounded behind Q. "I think you should go. Bite the bullet so to speak." Marlena glared at Lucie.
"And what do you propose I tell my daughters when they ask why I didn't tell them the insignificant little fact that I'm pregnant?"
"The truth?" Lucie's green eyes were unnervingly intense. "From what you've told me, it caught you offguard and you needed time to deal with the ramifications. I am sure Carrie will understand if you explain it to her. Sami too."
"Somehow, I doubt it," Marlena shook her head, "at least as far as Sami is concerned. And Eric, I'm sure will never want to talk to me again." Her shoulders slumped. "I know he thinks Roman and I are going to get back together." She sighed and dropped onto the sofa, covering her face with her hands. "Oh God, what have I managed to do this time?"
Q looked at Lucie for a moment and then she nodded. Quietly, she went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.
"There's still a chance to undo it," Gene lowered himself onto the sofa next to her, his eyes earnest. "Marlena, please. I'll go with you, and I'm *sure* Roman will come. Between us, we'll look after you. It won't be that bad I'm sure."
"Oh, you don't know this town very well then," she looked up at him and saw the look in his eyes. She shook her head and spoke softly, "or maybe you've just forgotten."
"I know it well enough to know you have to do this *now*," he told her gently. She might be right and they might not be able to forgive her now, but it was only going to get worse.
"But what if John is there?" she sounded plaintive, her fight slowly ebbing away.
"Then you can find an opportunity to tell him the *truth*," Gene said firmly. "And don't argue with me again okay? You know as well as I do that he has to know this baby is his. It's the only fair and right thing to do."
Almost as though his words had filtered right through her, Marlena suddenly felt the tiny stirrings deep within her belly. It was infinitesimal, like a butterfly fluttering against her insides, but it was real and unmistakable. Her baby had chosen this moment to make it's presence felt and in one single moment, it became real to her. With her eyes wide, she ran her hand over her stomach.
"It moved," she breathed, tears pooling in her cinnamon-coloured eyes. "The baby moved."
She looked up at Gene with a wonder-filled smile and he couldn't help but smile back, feeling her dramatic change in mood almost palpably.
"What does it feel like?" he asked her in a hushed tone.
"It's...," she paused, trying to find the words to describe the miracle of new life inside her, "like a ripple of water or like the wings of a butterfly. "It's like the smallest kiss, and all the love in the world." She shook her head, and blinked, tears escaping and trembling on her lashes before they tumbled down her cheeks. "This is my *baby* Gene and I can feel it."
"It's yours and John's," he reminded her gently.
Marlena looked at him and nodded slowly. He was right of course, she couldn't keep the truth from John any longer, it wasn't fair. He had missed out on so much of the beginning of Belle's life, she couldn't deny him this child too. How could she live with herself if she did that?
"All right," having made the decision, she was at last feeling peaceful. The fear of what might or might not happen in the future had suddenly been lifted from her shoulders. She would tell John and she would let him decide what to do. This baby was all that was important now.
"So you'll go?" Gene raised his eyebrows. "Tonight?"
"Only on one condition," she squeezed his hand and smiled teasingly, "that you find me something stunning to wear."
******
As the day drew on, more of the Salem circle received invitations to the party at the penthouse grill. Bo and Hope, Jack and Jennifer, Alice, Mike, Maggie and Mickey, Laura and her partner Jed rounded out the Horton contingent. The Brady's were ensured to be there in abundance as they all received their invites. Victor and Kate along with Lucas, Abe and Lexie and Peter Blake swelled the numbers. And various other guests began to make preparations for the unusual occasion.
Virtually the whole of Salem was talking about the party, trying to guess who the mysterious host was and what he or she was planning.
Carrie Brady Reed spent most of her day being grilled by various, envious co-workers as to who she thought it might be. And most of the day she simply fended off the interrogations, proclaiming her complete ignorance of the origins of the party. However, eventually she had escaped the confines of the office, heading to Salem Place where she picked up her new dress.
Arriving home, she checked her messages and made sure the answering machine was still switched on. Humming, she hung up her dress in the bedroom and stripped off her work clothes, dropping them on the dark carpet before she wandered into the bathroom. Unpinning her long, blonde hair, she turned on the shower and waited until it was steaming before she stepped into it.
She let the water run over her, soothing her aching muscles, washing away the stress and grime of the day. Finally, when she couldn't justify standing there any longer, she picked up the shampoo bottle. Fifteen minutes later, she was back in the bedroom, drying her hair with the blow dryer.
She was almost dressed when the telepphone rang. Thinking it might be Austin, she picked it up immediately.
"Austin, where are y -..." her words were cut off by the tinkle of a piano that sounded tinnily through the earpiece.
Carrie's brow wrinkled as the music swelled.
"What on earth?"
A moment later, it was as though a shutter had fallen over Carrie Brady Reed's grey eyes as they lost all spark of life. Slowly, she put down the receiver.
Tonight was the night.
Vivian Alamain arched one well-defined eyebrow and looked around the Penthouse Grille.
"How grotesque," she commented to her constant companion, Ivan Marais.
"I'm sorry Madame?" Ivan was used to his Madame's uninterpretable comments.
"I mean *look* at it Ivan," she waved her hand airily at the profusion of ivory flowers that decorated the room. Swathes of white satin lined the walls and a small string quartet were setting up in the corner. "Anyone would think we were arriving at a funeral."
"I hardly think so Madame," Ivan looked distinctly uncomfortable with his Vivian's assessment of the situation. The whole situation was odd, but then this was Salem, where odd was de rigueur.
"Well really," she fingered the soft flesh of the Madonna Lilly in the arrangement closest to her with evident distaste. "So tacky. Really, I am sure this will prove to be quite a disastrous evening."
"How can you say that Madame," Ivan questioned, "when you have no idea what is to happen tonight."
"It's quite self-evident, Ivan," Vivian said distantly as she watched Kate Robert's enter the restaurant with the recently rehabilitated Victor Kiriakis. "After all, look at the company."
"Please Madame," Ivan's voice took on a pleading tone. He knew what a sore point Victor was with her and he could easily imagine her making a scene in front of the half of Salem that would be here tonight.
"Oh *relax* Ivan," Vivian replied testily, "I think I am the *least* of your worries."
She raised her glass of wine to her lips and watched Sami and Eric Brady enter the room and look around. Eric said something in a low tone and she flashed a glare at him before crossing the room to greet Vivian's own nephew, John Black.
Vivian had already noted that John had entered the Grille alone, presumably he was meeting Kristen here, but she was still nowhere to be seen. He had a big smile and a hug for Sami and she seemed equally happy to see him. Only Eric looked sulkily resentful. On the other side of the room, Austin Reed looked anxiously at his wife as she stared at the people who were now trickling at a steady pace through the door.
This brought Vivian's glance full circle around the room and she watched Bo and Hope Brady enter the room, looking around for some clue as to what was going on. For them, as for everyone else, this was evidently still a mystery.
Ivan's attention was snapped back by a small, but delighted laugh from his Madame.
"Oh *my*," she clapped her hands with a broad smile, "now *that* should make the evening *very* interesting. Don't you think Ivan?"
"Madame I....," he open and shut his mouth as he watched the newcomers enter the lion's den.
Eugene Bradford looked smart in a tuxedo and on his arm, he escorted Dr. Marlena Evans. She was dressed in a flowing gown of cream chiffon, the spaghetti straps, bust and hemlines of the gown all studded with sparkling rhinestones. However, the empire waistline of the dress could in no way conceal the fact that she was evidently expecting a baby. Roman Brady was only a step behind them, and as Marlena entered the room, Ivan noted that her free hand groped blindly for Roman's.
Vivian crossed her arms in front of her and noted with satisfaction the shocked reaction that reverberated around the room.
"*Exceedingly* interesting."
***
John put down his drink and pulled at the bow tie that uncomfortably restricted his neck. Eric had moved off across the room to see Carrie and Austin after pointedly ignoring him once again. Sami had been apologetic on behalf of her brother, but John had brushed it off, not willing to let her see how much it hurt him. He had loved all of them as if they were his own, and such unbridled antipathy affected him quite deeply.
He wondered momentarily where Kristen was, he had arrived home to a scribbled note that said she had gone to the hairdressers and would meet him at the restaurant. That was a little weird, he reflected and he had expected to see her when he walked into the room, but she was still conspicuous by her absence. Still, he wouldn't wish her here any sooner, he would just enjoy the time he had with Sami while he could.
It was when he heard Sami's shocked intake of breath that he looked over at the doorway. It was as though his heart exploded as he saw her standing there, looking nervously around. Her pregnancy was no longer secret, proclaimed proudly by her entrance and by the man on her arm. She looked incredibly, *glowingly* beautiful and he felt the pounding of his heart grow impossibly furious as he watched her.
God, he wanted to die just looking at her, realizing how he had let her walk away, how he had *driven* her away with his complete stupidity. He wanted to die and he wanted to take her in his arms and tell her he loved at her and he wanted to be utterly furious with her for giving up on him and he.......
"God no," Sami gave a plaintive moan as she stared at her mother. The flu? The freaking *flu*?
"Sami sweetheart," John tried to give Sami some semblance of solidity as he placed a hand on her shoulder.
"How *could* she?" the pain and anger exploded inside Sami and she turned to John, tears burning in her eyes. "How could she do that to *you*? To *all* of us?"
"She didn't tell you?" John didn't discuss Marlena with anyone and he had no idea that she hadn't told her family about the baby.
"Why would she tell me?" Sami's lips trembled as she regarded her mother and father bitterly. "I'm only her daughter after all."
"Oh baby," John shook his head, wondering how Marlena could be so cruel as to break the news of something this important to her family in such a *public* way.
Sami glared at her mother as her gaze moved in her direction and suddenly she wrenched her hand from John's. Angrily, she stalked across the room.
"Sami, *no* -" John bit off his words as he watched Sami near the trio of newcomers and he felt his heart sink.
"How *could* you?" Sami spat at Marlena as she neared her. Her voice was low and hostile, yet those closest to them could not help but overhear her words. "How can you even show your *face* around here? You're a liar and a hypocrite and I *never* want to speak to you again."
"*Sami*," Roman caught her arm as she tried to brush past them.
"And *you're* just as bad," she retorted nastily. "Yeah, I can see that was a really *bad* dose of the flu *Roman*." She tore out of his grip. "You all deserve each other."
"Sami," Austin's voice was gentle as he confronted her.
"Get away from me," her voice was low and warning as she pushed him out of the way.
Marlena watched Sami as she ran to the ladies and then turned around to see a sea of faces staring at her. The one that stood out was John's, although she couldn't tell whether his expression was one of anger, or of sympathy. She did know that she felt like she was about to throw up and she couldn't bring her eyes to meet his.
"This was a mistake," she turned and hissed desperately at Gene, "please, I have to get out of here."
"Doc," Roman was at her side almost instantly, "it's okay baby. It's gonna be okay."
"No, no it's not," she shook her head, her eyes wide with terror.
"Take her out to the balcony to get some air Gene," Roman suggested quietly as he noticed his family standing horrified only several feet away. "I'll come and get you in a few minutes."
"Okay," Gene nodded his head, slipping an arm around Marlena and leading her away from the main group.
"What's up Roman?" Bo was concerned as he watched Roman's ex-wife leave the room.
"It's a long story," Roman said regretfully. "Marlena didn't find out she was pregnant till recently and she's been struggling to find a way to tell everyone."
"Well that's a hell of a way to do it," Shawn said a little abrasively.
"I know Pop," Roman nodded his head, "but if you're looking for someone to blame, blame Gene and I. Doc didn't want to come tonight but we felt that it was best if she did."
"Dad?" Eric was closely followed by Carrie. "Why didn't she just tell us when she found out?" He shook his head, a furrow marring his brow. All this time he had thought his parents were getting back together, and she had been pregnant with Eugene Bradford's baby.
"She wanted to Eric," Roman nodded, "but she was confused and a little frightened about how everyone would react." He cast a glance in John's direction and saw the other man was studiously ignoring the group of his almost-family.
"Well, she didn't do herself any favours," Carrie observed, looking in the direction of the bathroom. "She should have known Sami would go ballistic."
"Just try and understand that she didn't do it to hurt any of you," Roman tried to soften their reaction to Marlena's predicament. She really didn't need them all judging her too.
"Poor Marlena," Hope murmured softly as she looked toward the balcony, "she must be absolutely beside herself." She shook her head as she contemplated the look on Marlena's face after Sami's outburst. "I can't even begin to imagine how she must be feeling."
"I can't go back in there," Marlena's face was drenched with tears as Gene held her close. He felt her shake her head against him as she tried to emphasise her words. "I can't. I can't."
"Yes you can," he said calmly and gently. "What else are you going to do? Hide away from your family for the rest of your life? C'mon, where's that courage and dignity I know so well?"
Marlena said nothing for long moments, but finally she pushed away from him and looked up at his face.
"What am I going to say to Sami?"
"Let Roman handle Sami for now," he suggested tenderly as he wiped her face with his fingers. "Remember our conversation this morning? You need to tell John the truth about his child. Once he knows, everyone else will understand why you kept quiet about it. Even Sami."
Marlena took a deep breath and stood quietly for a moment. Finally it came. The small flutter from the life within her and she felt the calm suffuse her.
"What if he won't listen to me?" she asked quietly. "He must be terribly angry with me after that scene in there."
"He'll listen to you," Gene assured her. "He has too much invested *not* to."
"Marlena?" Marlena looked up to the doorway to find Hope, Caroline and Laura standing there. She swallowed and Gene felt her hand search for his in the shadow.
"Oh darling," Laura stepped out on to the balcony and immediately enveloped Marlena in a hug. "I am *so* sorry about what happened in there. Please don't go home yet. Stay and enjoy the party for at least a little while?"
"Please?" Hope stepped up and took Marlena's hand, Caroline behind her, their faces a picture of concerned sympathy. Maggie Horton joined the small group of friends a moment later, offering her support.
"I'm so sorry," Marlena shook her head, "I really messed up. I never meant to hurt anyone, I just...." She shrugged her shoulders, "I didn't know what to do."
"It's all right dear," Caroline squeezed her hand, although she glared at Eugene while she was doing it. She had sensed oncoming disaster since the moment this affair started, and she was furious at him for letting Marlena get into this predicament. Still, she couldn't let her anger show now. Marlena needed her support, not her condemnation. "We know that and Sami will too, just give her a little while to get over the shock."
"I don't know that she will," Marlena shook her head slightly, "this is just another thing she can hate me for."
"Oh that's not true Marlena," Hope told her gently. "She wouldn't be so upset if she didn't love you and want to be part of your life."
"Will you stay Marlena?" Maggie asked with a smile. "We've got so much to catch up on. We all want you to stay, won't you please?"
"Oh dear, dear Maggie," Marlena leaned against the redhead as she slid her arm around her. "Thank you *all* so much. You're all such wonderful friends. I don't know that I deserve such understanding."
"After everything that you have done for each of us?" Maggie was astounded. "Gosh, I only wish I could be half as good a friend as you've been to me."
Marlena looked slightly embarrassed as each of the women agreed with Maggie's assessment. And when she looked at Gene, he merely smiled and nodded his agreement.
"So, are you coming in with us then?" Laura asked with an encouraging smile. "Because I am *dying* to find out what this party is all about."
Marlena smiled and finally nodded, allowing Maggie and Hope to help her back up the steps and into the restaurant. Inside, they met Roman who was coming to check on his ex-wife.
"Are you okay?" he asked tenderly.
"I'm fine," she nodded with a grateful smile, squeezing Maggie's hand. "Have you managed to talk to Sami?"
"No, not yet," he shook his head, "she won't come out of the bathroom."
"Why don't you let me try?" Caroline suggested. "Maybe she'll listen to me."
"Would you Mom?" Roman seemed relieved. He really wanted to concentrate on making sure Marlena was all right and his willful younger daughter really had gone too far tonight. Maybe Caroline would have the patience required to make her see some sense.
"Of course," Caroline nodded and headed off for the bathroom.
Marlena let out the breath she had been holding and took another deep one.
"Well, I guess this is it," she murmured. "Again."
"It'll be okay Marlena," Maggie patted her arm. "Why don't we go over and talk to Alice? I'm sure she'll want to make sure you are all right."
"Okay," Marlena nodded and smiled at her friend, "that sounds like a good idea."
Roman dropped back and pulled Q to one side.
"Do you really think she'll be okay?" he asked in a low voice.
"I think so," Gene nodded his head, "as long as her friends stick by her and she has their support I think she can stand up to just about anything."
"I hope so," Roman was beginning to think that maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. The look on John's face after Sami's little scene had worried him. If Marlena did find the courage to tell him the truth and he didn't believe her, or worse, didn't care, Roman didn't know what it might do to her.
"Did John say anything to you?" Gene picked up on his line of thought.
"He welcomed me back, but he didn't sound especially happy about it," Roman raised his eyebrows. "God I would really love to know what was going on inside that head of his. How he could do this to Doc, I'll never understand."
"You did something rather similar yourself at one time," Q pointed out mercilessly.
"And if John Black regrets it half as much as I do, there might be a chance for the two of them," Roman observed quietly as they followed the women back into the Penthouse Grille.
***
A pair of steely grey-green eyes watched from a slightly open doorway. Watched the confrontation and then watched as Marlena finally came back into the restaurant. They consulted a watch and then looked back out over the assembled crowd. It was almost time.
Vivian watched Marlena studiously avoid the curious stares as she crossed the room to talk to Alice Horton and then her gaze switched to her nephew as his own eyes very intently followed the beautiful blonde.
"He's still absolutely smitten with her isn't he Ivan?" Vivian remarked. "Where do you suppose his own pregnant peroxide victim is?"
"Madame." Ivan sounded reproachful. "I do not think you should speak of Ms. Blake in such a way."
"Why? Am I being too kind?" Vivian quipped viciously. "After all, she's normally stuck to John with suction cups, making sure he goes nowhere near the good doctor." She looked around the room speculatively. "I wonder what that nasty little tramp is up to?"
***
Marlena was talking to Bo when she felt the hairs on the back of her neck raise ever so slightly. Slowly, she turned around, her eyes searching for the source of her discomfort. John was across the room and their eyes locked. Marlena felt her face flush and her heart race madly as he stared at her for a long moment and then looked away.
"Are you all right Marlena?" Bo asked, his demeanour one of concern as he saw her expression.
"I'm fine," Marlena nodded as she turned back to him. "But if you'll excuse me, there's something I really have to do."
"Of course," Bo nodded and smiled at her sympathetically. "Good luck," he whispered in a conspiratorial tone.
"Thanks," she managed a genuine smile before she turned back to where John was standing. Looking at him, she took a deep breath. If she was ever going to do this, she had to do it now.
"Marlena," Vivian Alamain intercepted her before she had even made it half way across the room. "How *lovely* to see you my dear. And *aren't* you looking wonderful?" She cocked her head on one side, her index finger on her cheek, giving her a look of contemplation. "You're positively *radiant*." She grinned wickedly. "It would seem that congratulations are in order."
"Thank you Vivian," Marlena said carefully, trying to work out exactly what the other woman's angle was.
"So who is the lucky daddy then?" the older woman asked brightly. "After all, it seems as if there's no shortage of willing suitors to shoulder the blame. So to speak." Her smile was shrewd as she noted Marlena's startled reaction to the question.
The eminent Dr. Evans obviously had more than one secret that she had been hiding.
***
John saw his aunt intercept Marlena and the startled expression she had as Vivian began to speak. She was obviously in a vulnerable state after everything that had happened with Sami, and leaving her to Vivian's machinations was a little akin to feeding her to the wolves. As much as he was uncomfortable around her at the moment, he couldn't bear to see her looking so lost. And he had promised himself that if he got a chance, he would warn her about the possibility of Stefano's return.
He had been watching her since the moment she arrived. It was as though the moment she walked into the room, his eyes were drawn to her and he couldn't tear himself away. After the scene with Sami, she had disappeared with Eugene and Roman had come over to say hello. It had been awkward, he had no idea what to say to Roman after so long and more than that, he was confused as to what was going on. If Marlena was pregnant with Eugene's child and they had broken up, what was Eugene doing at this party with her? And more than that, what were *both* Eugene *and* Roman doing with her? If she was back together with Roman, what was Gene still doing hanging around? Something didn't quite make sense.
His brow furrowed as he thought back to the day she had come to the loft. He had thought to tell him that she was with Eugene now. But what if that wasn't the case? What if he had jumped to conclusions and .....? God, he had been such a bastard to her. What if she hadn't come to tell him about Eugene at all, but about something else?
He felt his heart pounding rapidly in his chest. What if he had screwed this all up, from beginning to end? He had to talk to her. He had to know the truth, he had to hear it from her. And maybe, just maybe it was time she knew the truth about her child. Her *other* unborn child.
He crossed the room in several strides.
"Vivian," he smiled as graciously as he could under the circumstances. "If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to Marlena."
"Mind?" Vivian mentally cursed her nephew. She'd had Marlena right where she wanted her, like a deer in headlights and very possibly a font of useful information. "Now why would I mind John dear. Why don't the two of you run along?"
"Thank you," John said stiffly as he took Marlena's arm and guided her away from his meddlesome aunt.
Only Marlena's instincts managed to guide her to the edge of the room. John's hand on her arm hindered more than it helped, as it was all she could think about. The feel of his skin against hers fired all her nerves and filled her senses, and she only knew to stop when John asked her to sit down.
Blindly she obeyed and he handed her a glass of water. Gratefully, she took a sip, soothing her parched throat.
"Thank you," she said shakily. "I wasn't entirely sure Vivian wasn't going to have me for dinner."
"Well, it doesn't look like it's been the best of days for you," he said softly as he sat down next to her. "I'm sorry about Sami, Doc." Her heart leapt as she heard him use that familiar term of endearment and she pressed her lips together, nodding.
"I probably deserved it," she admitted in a husky voice.
"No-one deserves that sort of treatment, whatever they've done," he told her in a gentle tone. "She was hurting, but that's no excuse." He took a deep breath. "Just like it's no excuse for some of the things I've said to you lately." He looked down at his hands. "I was hurting and I took my pain out on you. I'm truly sorry and I hope you'll be able to forgive me."
Marlena swallowed as he looked up at her, his azure eyes ringed with a dark indigo. She nodded slowly and looked down at her glass. Closing her eyes and concentrating on the feeling of having him so close, she took strength from his calm. She looked up at him with sad eyes.
"John, you're not the only one who needs to apologize. There's something I need to tell you."
***
Kristen looked into the room and scanned the expectant faces. Her stomach was fluttering with unquelled nerves as she looked for John. The moment was finally here, the moment she had been planning for weeks. Smoothing the front of her white silk dress over her ungainly belly, she finally found John's face among the partygoers. He looked wonderfully handsome, all dressed up in the tuxedo she had left on the bed for him. But there was one problem, he was sitting, talking very intently to none other than Marlena Evans.
"Well, what better moment than now?" she spoke to the unborn child that she carried within her. She beckoned to one of her attendants and the woman handed her a simple bouquet of roses and freesias. A white satin ribbon bound the stems of the flowers together and spilled from Kristen's hands, down the front of her long, white gown.
Pushing the door open, she stepped into the room.
Seeing her signal, the string quartet started playing, capturing the attention of most of the room, including John and Marlena, who looked up from their conversation. Kristen smiled and made her way to the front of the stage where they were playing.
"Welcome to all of you," she said magnanimously, "and thank you for coming." She looked around the sea of faces, seeing all her friends and family, and some that were enemies. "I suppose you've been wondering all day what this party was about. Well, now you're all here, I can finally tell you." She looked to where a confused John and Marlena were now standing. "I've invited you all here to witness a *very* special occasion."
She took a deliberate step down from the stage and let Peter help her to the floor. "I was trying to work out a way of making this a unique and special moment, and I decided that I wanted all my friends and family here to witness it." She made her way slowly through the crowd as they parted, to where John stood. "I've never made any secret of how I feel for this wonderful man standing right here and I want everybody to know it. I'm having his baby in little over a month, and I want this baby to have the best start in life."
John looked at her in shock, seeing the white dress and flowers. She couldn't be. Surely not that.
"So I have asked you all here tonight," she looked around the faces closest to her and was secretly thrilled to see Marlena's look of abject horror. "To witness my marriage to John Black. If he'll have me," she smiled at John lovingly, "we'll be married here in front of you, all our friends and family." She turned her smile to the gathered crowd. "I couldn't think of any better start to our new life."
She turned back to John and took his hand.
"Baby, I'd kneel down, but the baby makes it a little difficult," she giggled coquettishly. Gathering herself, she took a deep breath. "John Black. I love you more every day. We have been through hell together and our life and our love is only growing stronger and deeper. I love you more than anything in the world, and I want you to be my husband. Will you marry me?"
A strangled moan died in Marlena's throat as she staggered back slightly. Q was there to catch her as she floundered, having made his way across the room when he had seen Kristen's entrance. God, that witch had incredible timing.
John's head snapped around as he felt Marlena's agony buffet him. It wasn't even the noise that she had made, more that he could *feel* her shock and dismay. And that could only mean one thing.
He looked back at Kristen and saw her waiting expectantly. It obviously hadn't even crossed her mind that he might say no. Had he been that good an actor the last few months, or was it just that she was completely delusional? Either way, if he did say no, she was going to be shocked, angry and embarrassed. And she was going to want to know why.
Why? Because I love Marlena, not you. Because if I can't have her then I don't want *anyone*, especially not *you*. Because she's my beginning and my ending and everything in between and you're simply an irritation.
He could hear the murmuring begin in the crowd as she waited and he said nothing. He tried to keep his feelings from showing on his face, but he knew he wasn't entirely successful. He looked back at Marlena. Gene stood behind her, his arm protectively around her, supporting her in every way. His look told John everything about what he thought John should do.
A single tear rolled down Marlena's cheek, breaking John's heart as he watched her. Lord, how could he have been so *wrong* about her? How could he have been so blind?
He turned back to Kristen. One hand lay on her stomach as she awaited his reply and the look on her face told him she was getting impatient. His mind quickly flitted through the options open to him as he tried to work out what to do. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Kristen was supposed to be resting, and he had no idea what a shock like this could do to the baby.
But if he married her, he was tied to her forever, and it might destroy Marlena completely. He couldn't do that to her again. He had hurt her over and over with his thoughtlessness and stupidity. He just couldn't hurt her again. Not knowingly. And even more, now he knew he might have a chance; a chance to make things right with her, he couldn't give that up.
He turned to look at Marlena again and he felt his throbbing pulse slow as he calmed. Her beautiful face was all he needed to give him the strength to do this. He turned back to where Kristen stood at the head of an enrapt crowd and took a slow and cleansing breath.
"I'm sorry Kristen," he said softly. "But I can't marry you."
Kristen blinked and took an involuntary step backward.
"You wh_?" She gulped a breath down and looked at him with beseeching eyes. "Why?"
"Kristen," John took a step towards her. "Let's not discuss this here in front of everyone." Kristen wrenched herself out of his reach and her eyes turned to steel.
"You've embarrassed me in front of all our friends," she said coldly, "I at least think you owe us all an explanation." Her cutting gaze flicked to Marlena. If that bitch had anything to do with this, she would pay *dearly*.
"Kristen I...." He looked helplessly at Marlena and then back at Kristen.
"*Why* dammit?" she demanded, although it was more than painfully obvious to everyone assembled. John felt his stomach sink into his shoes as he looked at her.
"Because I lo-" his words were drowned out as the string quartet suddenly launched into a mellifluous waltz.
"What the hell?" Kristen turned to look irritably at the players but her view was partially blocked by the crowd that surrounded them.
Across the room, something snapped inside Carrie Reed and she suddenly grabbed her purse off the chair beside her. With a single-minded purpose, she began to push her way through the crowd to where John, Kristen and Marlena were the centre of attention. Austin, seeing her face, realized that something was very wrong and followed her.
Sami, who had come out of the bathroom as Kristen had 'popped' her question, had been standing on the outskirts of the gathering. She saw her sister, with Austin following her and something told her that whatever was about to happen, it wasn't going to be good. With adrenaline flooding her system, she began pushing through the crowd, hoping to head Carrie off before she reached her target. However, she was too late as she made it to the focus of the crowd immediately after Austin.
It was a moment before John saw Carrie, but when he did, a cold shiver ran through him. Carrie stared at him with hard jade-coloured eyes as she opened her purse. Deliberately, she drew out a small pistol before dropping the purse on the floor. The mother of pearl handle of the gun was cool against her palm as she trained it on her target.
Carrie! *No*!" Austin's voice sounded behind her but she heard nothing. Her sole and only focus was John Black. And she was going to kill him.
John stood frozen as he contemplated Carrie, the small caliber pistol trained on him with unerring accuracy.
"Carrie, punkin," he whispered desperately, "you don't wanna do this baby."
"*Shut* up," she hissed as she clicked the safety off.
John heard Marlena's frantic intake of breath behind him and he closed his eyes, almost in slow motion.
Just when he was so close.
Was this some kind of cruel fate that they could never be allowed to be together?
A seed of realization blossomed within him as the cold fear unrolled in the pit of his stomach.
Not fate. Stefano DiMera.
A vision of a small jigsaw puzzle piece, inscribed with the letter 'C', flashed before his eyes. It was the last thought he had before Caroline Brady Reed tightened her finger on the trigger, and fired the small, but deadly pistol.
Marlena heard her own anguished scream, but it was distant, as though she was disassociated from her own body. The moment seemed to last forever as she watched Carrie holding the gun on John. Steadily and deliberately, the young woman snapped off the safety and with a cruel glint in her eye, she pulled on the trigger.
Noise exploded through the room and almost instantaneously, John crumpled in a heap on the floor.
"Carrie, *NO*!!" Sami's raw scream sounded above the tumultuous, jagged terror of the assembled crowd. With the first shot, people scattered, backing away from the young woman, dreading the possibility that she might turn the gun on any one of them next.
But with frightening conviction, she leveled the gun at where John lay still on the floor. She had a job to finish.
Silently, oblivious to the chaos whirling around her, she tightened her hands around the butt of the pistol.
"*CARRIE!*" The sound tore from Austin's throat and he knew without a doubt what his wife was going to do. And if he couldn't prevent it before, he could as sure as hell prevent it now.
In one desperately impulsive movement, he dove in front of her as she fired the gun a second time, the tiny, deadly bullet shattering soft, mortal flesh and bone.
The metal of the gun caught the light as it fell and clattered against the cold wooden floor, bouncing twice before it came to rest against Sami's foot.
Carrie stared down at the bright scarlet blood spattered across her hands and gown.
Eyes wide, she looked in horror at the two, lifeless bodies on the ground in front of her. Then her frightened and confused gaze turned to Sami who stood only feet away from her, her own horrified stare snared by the blood that was pooling beneath Austin.
"Sami, what have you *done*?" Carrie issued a terrified whisper. "My God, what have you done?"
"Me?" Sami was confused and too stunned to understand what Carrie was saying. The pandemonium that was ensuing around them wasn't helping matters. Screaming was being replaced by a terrified and hysterical sobbing as people recovered from the shock of what had happened.
Carrie looked at back at Austin. He was staring at her. Or at least his eyes were. Any life that ever had been in them was gone now. The realization hit Carrie like a crushing force and she felt an iciness invade her whole body.
"You....." she turned to her sister, tears pooling in her eyes, "you...." Her voice became louder and more strangled as the shock hit her. "You've *killed* them. You bitch, you *killed* them." She lunged at Sami, uncontrollably trying to get her fingers around the young woman's throat.
"I didn't...-" Sami tried to argue with Carrie but her sudden attack was too vicious. She tried to back away from Carrie, but her sister gripped the front of her pale blue silk dress and tore at it.
"What the hell are you doing?" Sami fought back, forcibly grabbing Carrie's hands and pushing her away. "God, you're insane. You're crazy. You did it. *You* did it!"
Carrie's reaction was split second as she struck out, leaving white finger marks across Sami's cheek.
"You evil lying *bitch*," the tears were pouring down Carrie's cheeks. "Look at him. *LOOK*!" She pointed with a shaking finger at where Austin lay.
Sami did look. She couldn't help it. Her eyes were drawn as if by some macabre force to the bloodily tragic scene. It was obvious that Austin was dead and for all she knew, John could be too. This was like a nightmare that she just couldn't wake herself from.
Carrie took advantage of her split second diversion and flew at her again, this time knocking her to the ground.
"You think I'd kill my own *husband*!?" she was white with fury as she struggled with Sami on the floor. "You sick evil witch. What was it? You couldn't have Austin so you didn't want anyone to have him?!!" She flailed at Sami, scratching her cheek with her long nails.
"Get off me," Sami yelled, terrified disjointed thoughts crashing through her mind as Carrie attacked her. If Carrie had been crazy enough to shoot John and Austin, what might she do to her?
"*Carrie!*," Roman and Eric finally got their hands on Carrie's struggling body and pulled her with some difficulty off her sister "Carrie get away from her." Roman demanded as Carrie tried once again to lunge at Sami. Shawn helped Sami up as Roman and Eric held Carrie back. It wasn't easy to control her as she babbled hysterically.
"C'mon pumpkin," Roman tried in a soothing tone. "Let's go and sit down."
"*No*!," Carrie's reply was one of pure anguish as she turned to see Austin again, lying in the same inert position he had been since he crumpled to the ground, his blank eyes a horrible reminder of what she had lost tonight. "*Austin*!"
Taking Roman by surprised, she ripped herself out of his grip and with a speed that belied her five month pregnancy, she flung herself dramatically on top of her husband, wailing like a figure from a Shakespearean tragedy.
It was as though time stopped for a moment as everyone stared at Carrie and then Bo came to his brother's aid and between them, they managed to lift Carrie from Austin's body. Roman carried his eldest daughter in his arms away from where her husband lay dead, killed by her own hand.
Eric wrapped his arms around his trembling twin and she turned from Carrie to the frightening scene in front of her.
"John," Sami moaned. "Oh God no. Please. This can't be happening." Eric pulled Sami closer to him and they watched as Mike Horton turned Austin's head to him. At the sight of his dull lifeless eyes, Mike shook his head regretfully at a numb Kate and Victor, confirming what everyone already knew.
Sami, although she knew it, wasn't prepared for the slamming guilt and pain that she felt when Mike deleted any remaining shred of hope. That and the sight of her child's father dead in front of her own eyes was the final straw. She began to retch and breaking free of Eric's arms she ran for the bathroom.
Not even noticing the altercation between Carrie and Sami, Marlena had dropped to her knees beside John, her vision blurring with tears.
"*John?*" it was a desperate entreaty as she felt with trembling fingers for his pulse. The blood already seeped insidiously across the front of his white dress shirt, even staining the cream rose he wore in his buttonhole. "John baby, don't you leave me now. *Please* don't leave me."
Her fingers encountered the warm stickiness of his blood as she searched his neck for any sign of life.
"Oh God," it was a strangled sob of relief when she finally located the weak, erratic pulse that throbbed lightly in his throat. It was bedlam all around her, but she heard and saw nothing. Not Carrie and Sami, not Gene, not Kristen. Only John, as he lay pale and cold on the ground.
God, why had she left it so long? Why had she let her head be ruled by petty, pointless anger and fear?
"John?" she repeated his name as she squeezed his icy fingers in hers. "John can you hear me?" She wiped away the tears with one bloodied hand and leaned closer to him. "Baby, please don't leave me now. I need you too much. Our babies need you too much. Please don't let it end like this."
"Marlena, please," Mike Horton was at her side, pulling off his shirt so he could use it to staunch the steady flow of blood from the wound in John's chest. "I need you to move." She looked up at him blankly and shifted so that John's head was practically in her lap. Mike wadded up his shirt and Peter's, pressing them to the jagged bullet wound in John's left shoulder.
"John please," Marlena's voice was a low urgent whisper for him only. "Please baby don't leave me before I can tell you the truth. There's so many things you need to know." His head was touching the small bulge of her stomach and she felt his baby move within her.
Suddenly, John's eyelid's fluttered, and for a moment, he looked up at her with vividly sky-blue eyes.
"John?" her palm cupped his cheek as she bent low over him, seeing the gleam in his eyes and the quirk of his lips, as though he wanted to tell her something.
And then the light in his eyes flickered and his lids blinked closed.
"John?" With her heart racing, she felt for his pulse again, but there was nothing. "*John!*." She pressed her lips together, her tears raining softly on his face. "John *dammit* don't you give up now. Not *now*." She began to shake with sobs and Mike looked up at Eugene.
"Get her out of here, *now*," he ordered.
Marlena felt Gene's strong arms around her and she struggled briefly, not wanting to let go of John, even for a moment. But he was persistent and when she realized Mike was preparing to try CPR she started back in shock. The realization that John's heart had stopped beating was enough that she couldn't stand by herself and Gene had to support her as she stood, white faced, staring at Mike and Lexie as they worked on him.
Inside her mind screamed, drowning out the babble of voices around her.
No. Not now. *Not NOW*! God please, please don't let him die. I can't do this without him. Please baby, don't give up. *Don't* *give* *up*.
Gene held her tightly as her body shook with utterly forlorn sobs, a desolate grief spreading through her, stripping her of all reason and of any thought but of John and his fate.
Kristen had watched the whole scene with a fascinated and suspended panic. John's refusal to marry her had been enough to shock her into a numbed antipathy and she had simply watched as John's beloved Carrie had fired the gun that had been intended to take his life. And then when Austin had sacrificed himself she had stumbled back against Peter. He held her as she watched Marlena fall to her knees in tears, begging John to be all right. She hadn't even been able to snap herself out of it when Carrie had attacked Sami. She had simply clutched the bouquet of flowers in her hand, silently crushing the stems in her grip, as she realized the incontrovertible truth.
I can't marry you because I lo-.
Because I love Marlena, Kristen finished off the sentence in her mind. Marlena, Marlena, Marlena. It's always f*cking *Marlena*. As long as Marlena was in their lives, Kristen knew she would never have John. Even the baby wasn't enough to break *that* bond.
She looked at the other woman, who was now standing with Eugene Bradford holding her. And Roman was making his way from his unbalanced daughter's side to check on Marlena. Kristen ground her teeth together, suddenly resisting the incredibly powerful urge to feel her fingers breaking every bone in Marlena's neck. She had all these men just flocking to her side and Kristen had no one but her brother. And even he seemed more interested in Jenn's reaction to Austin's death as they pulled a white satin drape over his body.
"Got it!" Mike called triumphantly from the floor as John coughed slightly. His pulse was still weak and thready, but it was there again. He took a deep breath "Thank you John. Now just hang on in there buddy." Above him, Kristen saw the devastated Marlena move unsteadily toward John and something snapped.
"Get away from him you *whore*!" she screamed as she threw the flowers at Marlena. "He's *mine*. Get your filthy hands *away* from him."
Marlena snapped her head up in shock and stumbled slightly at the ferociousness of Kristen's words. Gene and Roman both caught an arm and glared at the other woman, her face white with barely contained fury.
"Kristen, that's enough," Peter hissed as he pulled Kristen back. Kristen fought for a moment, wanting with all of her being to lunge forward and tear Marlena's eyes out. But he held his grip on her arms and with one final glare at her hated enemy, she turned to him and threw herself against him, unleashing the floodgate of tears that had been stored within her.
"He can't die Peter, he can't die, I can't live without him. I can't do it. He can't leave me. He can't leave me with this baby all alone."
Her sobs grew into a great, keening wail, which filled the room as she let the full impact of what had happened sink into her consciousness.
Down on the floor, Mike Horton cringed as he heard Kristen's diatribe. Shock and grief did strange things to people but that was completely off the register. He was concerned about the strung out state of both women and the affects it might be having on the babies they carried, especially given both of their histories. And besides John and Eugene Bradford, he was the only one that knew the truth about Kristen's child and that put him in a unique position.
But at this point, he really was primarily interested in the survival of the patient in front of him. And the longer it took for the paramedics to get here the more hope ebbed from him that John might survive this trauma.
"Christ Abe, where *are* they?" he consulted his watch. Abe spoke into his cell phone as his worried eyes darted to John's inert form.
"Apparently there's been a car wreck in town. It's just about cleared and they should be here soon."
"It better be soon, or they may as well not come at all," Mike mumbled frustratedly.
Hearing his words, Marlena covered her mouth with both her hands, stifling a wrenching sob as she sagged against Roman.
"Hey Doc," he murmured encouragingly rubbing her arm, "he's a fighter. He's got too much to live for, he's not going anywhere."
Marlena could only nod numbly. All the platitudes in the world wouldn't save John now. The only thing that might save him was his own will to live.
Unfortunately Kristen's sobbing had momentarily slowed enough to hear the mumbled words from Mike and Roman and it was enough to make her snap again.
"John, *NO*!" she wrenched herself from Peter's grip, throwing her bulky body to the floor where John lay. "John, don't leave me. Don't *leave* me. Nooooo!"
Her crying had turned into agonized screams, interspersed with gut-wrenching wails and without a second thought, she pulled John's body towards her.
"*Christ*!" Mike bodily pushed Kristen away from his patient. "Get her away from him! Things are bad enough as it is." He looked up at Peter who seemed to be dumbstruck by what was happening. "Dammit Peter get your sister under control! Before she finishes John off."
Peter suddenly scrambled into action and dropped to the floor where he pulled Kristen back from John's blood-soaked body. She continued to screech as Peter held her, rocking her to and fro.
It was several eternally long minutes later that the paramedics finally arrived. Marlena felt as though every nerve was stretched as tightly as a violin string as she watched them slide John carefully onto a stretcher. Her fists were screwed into tight knots as the paramedics administered a saline drip before packing his wound tightly. It was her natural reaction as a doctor to detach from a situation and treat it as a medical problem, but it wasn't that easy when someone she loved was involved. And as much as she tried to keep calm and removed from what was happening in front of her, bit by bit, she was feeling her emotions slip away from her control.
Suddenly the image of Carrie holding the gun flashed into her mind and her eyes darted around the room.
"Where's Carrie, Roman?" she asked suddenly.
"She's okay Doc," Roman said gently, "Bo and Hope are out with her on the balcony."
"Is she really okay?" Marlena's tear-filled eyes flitted to where the room led to the balcony and then back to Roman. "Roman," her voice lowered, "what happened? What would make her *do* something like that?" Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks but she didn't make any effort to brush them away.
"I don't know Doc," Roman shook his head gravely, "but I promise you I'm going to find out."
"I should go to her." Marlena whispered in a remarkably controlled voice.
"No Doc," Roman shook his head assuredly. "You have enough to worry about. You just have to concentrate on yourself and that baby of yours right now okay?" Marlena looked at him as though she was going to argue. "*No* Marlena. Carrie has plenty of family to look after her. Right now, *you* need to be thinking of yourself and this baby. I'll go and check on her okay?"
Marlena nodded, feeling guiltily relieved that he was so insistent. He was right, she really wasn't up to dealing with anything or anyone right now. Her anguish and her fear were more than enough as she watched the paramedics prepare to wheel John toward the elevator. In fact, they were such that she didn't even notice when Roman left her side.
"Please," she heard her own voice as she clutched at the female paramedic's arm. "Please, can I go with him in the ambulance."
"Sure Dr. Evans," the brunette nodded. "I think we should have you checked out anyway."
"*NO*!" Kristen's voice sounded fiercely from behind her and Marlena turned to see Peter helping her up. Her eyes were wild and her cheek was smeared with John's blood. "You're not going with him, you bitch. Stay away from him, you're not going any where near him."
"What makes you think you have any right to tell me what to do?" With an extreme effort, Marlena kept a check on her rage. "You don't own him. He doesn't even love you. You don't have any claim to him."
"Oh and you do?" Kristen laughed maniacally. "A whore, pregnant with another man's child. What makes you think he wants you? *I'm* the one carrying *his* baby."
Marlena felt her stomach turn and she glared at Kristen with unabated hatred. She didn't have the energy to fight with this harridan. She had to save what she could for John and for their child. Slowly, she turned away from Kristen and back to Annie the paramedic.
"I'm ready to go," she said in a low voice.
Kristen wasn't about to give up and with a piercing scream she lurched at Marlena. Marlena swung around and instinctively raised her arms in front of her to ward off the banshee. Kristen's rage however gave her the extra impulsion she needed and she knocked Marlena off balance. Q managed to catch Marlena as Kristen pushed her and he swung around so that he was in between the two women.
"Get away from her you vicious tramp!" he threw the words over his shoulder as he pulled the shaking Marlena to him.
"We don't have *time* for this," Mike grimaced as he and Bo helped Peter pull the struggling and shrieking Kristen back from where Gene was glaring back at her.
"C'mon Krissy," Peter entreated, "settle down okay?" Kristen's response was unintelligible among the sobbing screams she emitted and as she flailed against Peter, Mike became increasingly worried that she might hurt the baby in her incoherent distress. That, coupled with the fact that every second wasted was a second John was closer to dying, helped him make a swift decision.
"Give her a sedative," he ordered Annie. "Before she hurts herself or someone else."
Annie nodded and swiftly found a syringe and bottle of tranquilizer. She drew the clear liquid into the syringe and skillfully flicked out the few air bubbles that had settled against the plastic.
"*No*!" Kristen struggled against Mike and Bo as Annie advanced towards her. She knew what that needle meant and she didn't want it. Not if it meant that bitch Marlena getting her own way. Lashing out with her feet, she kicked the attractive paramedic in the midriff. Annie bent over, her eyes wide with surprise as the breath left her. However, she signaled to Mike that she was all right and she resumed edging towards Kristen.
The remaining struggle was brief as Annie plunged the needle into the bare skin of Kristen's upper arm and depressed the plunger. Kristen continued to try and evade Bo and Mike's grip until finally the sedative began to overpower her, effectively paralyzing her muscles so that she sagged against her captors. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and Annie checked her pulse.
"She's fine," she nodded as Bo lay her down on the floor.
"Can you stay here with her Ann? We really have to go," the urgency in Mike's voice was unmistakable.
"We'll follow you once the other ambulances get here." Annie nodded.
"Great," Mike nodded and nodded at Jeff, the second paramedic. "Let's go."
Mike and Jeff deftly guided the stretcher to the elevator in record time as Marlena and Q followed them. As they reached the door of the Titan building, Marlena suddenly staggered and only Gene's grip kept her upright. He looked down at her and seeing her ashen face, he stopped.
"Hey," his arm tightened around her. "Sweetheart, are you okay?" Marlena tried to nod, but her head was swimming and she felt sick. Gene frowned momentarily and then bent down. Swiftly, he collected her in his arms and swept her up so that he could carry her the rest of the way to the ambulance. Marlena didn't argue, only slid her arms around his neck and leaned her head against him.
Mike helped him climb into the ambulance and set Marlena down on the ground.
"Here, come and sit down." Mike led her to the second stretcher in the ambulance. Marlena nodded mutely, but as she lowered herself onto the white cotton, she finally saw the blood that was already encrusting the front of her dress.
John's blood.
"Oh," her breathing became ragged as she turned her hands palm up, the blood already drying on her fingers. Then she looked at John, pale and lifeless in the stretcher opposite her. "Oh God," she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth as she began to shake. "Oh God, oh God."
Gene felt her pain so acutely he could barely breath as he watched the terror and pain fill her beautiful hazel eyes.
"Oh baby," he murmured as he pulled her to him, folding his arms around her shaking frame.
It was then that she finally gave into the shock and the uncontrollable, jarring sobs that shook her whole body. Gene said nothing, just looked over at Mike as he held her tightly, one hand stroking her short blonde hair gently as he rocked with her.
It was only a few minutes later that the ambulance pulled into the emergency bay of the hospital, it's lights still flashing, sirens still wailing. In a numb silence, Marlena simply watched the frenzy of action as nurses and doctors rushed out and John's stretched was removed from the ambulance and rushed into the hospital. A nurse remained behind and after several moments with no reaction from Marlena, she crouched down and put her hand gently on the blonde woman's knee.
"Hi there. My name's Michelle. We need to get you inside Marlena, so that the doctors can check you out." Marlena shifted slightly so that her forehead rested against Gene's damp chest.
"I'm fine," she finally managed with a small hiccup.
"I'm sure you are, but the doctors just want to make sure everything is fine and the baby is doing okay."
"Mmmm," Marlena nodded her head, suddenly incredibly weary. Michelle looked concerned, knowing that shock was probably setting in.
"C'mon Marlena," Gene murmured against her hair. "Hang on to me again okay?"
He looked over at Michelle who nodded and straightened up, backing away from the couple. Gently, Q lifted Marlena into his arms again and without fanfare, he followed Michelle into the hospital.
******
Lexie Carver pushed her hair off her forehead wearily, ignoring the blood that covered her hands and clothes and she walked out to the balcony. Carrie seemed to be calm now and she was sitting with Bo, Hope and her father.
"Carrie?" she said gently and the young woman looked up at her with reddened eyes.
"How is he?" she asked without preemption.
"Austin?" Lexie dreaded telling her the truth. She wasn't sure what was going on, why Carrie had fired those two deadly shots or even if she even had any idea yet that she had. She just knew that the Carrie she knew was going to be devastated by this news. "Carrie honey," she pressed her lips together before she shook her head. "I'm sorry honey, there was nothing we could do. The bullet passed through one of Austin's arteries. He died almost immediately."
"Died?" Carrie looked confused. "But he can't be dead," she shook her head, looking around her family, trying to convince them, or trying to find someone that would back her up. "He can't be. He was right there. He came with me." She looked up at Lexie desperately. "We're going to have a baby Lexie. He's looking forward to it."
"Sweetheart," Roman crouched down so that he was looking up at Carrie. His voice was infinitely gentle as he took Carrie's hands in his. "It's true pumpkin. Lexie's telling you the truth. Austin is dead."
"No he's not," Carrie's mind seemed to have totally blanked out the earlier events of the evening, and she became more determined in her denial. "He's probably just gone to get a drink or something. He'll be right back." Roman looked up at Lexie worriedly. He had seen this sort of reaction to the death of someone close once before. He only hoped he didn't have to shock the truth into Carrie the same way he had with Marlena. Even given that, he didn't know how Carrie was going to cope with the realization she had killed her own husband, or even if she *could* cope.
Lexie shook her head and Roman followed her to the door of the restaurant.
"I think we should let her deal with it in her own time," Lexie said quietly. "In the meantime we need to get her to the hospital and run a thorough checkup on both her and the baby."
"Can you find out why she did this?" Roman asked, battling the headache that had settled behind his eyes.
"We're certainly going to try Roman," Lexie promised him as the unspoken thought passed between them. They had to find out, because if they didn't, Carrie would pay for this crime. Possibly with her life.
******
Obsidian eyes flickered as reports of a shooting at Salem's Penthouse Grille filtered through the static of the radio news. One person dead, another in critical condition.
"It would seem as though little Carrie Brady Reed has done an admirable job, no?" The deep Italian baritone rang out in the small room. Brandy splashed into two expensive crystal tumblers, and thick, stubby fingers closed around one, clinking the rim against the other. "Here's to success."
"Let's not speak too soon," a smooth voice answered, the European intonations succinct and unmistakable. "We don't know who she killed yet. I want him *dead*. Nothing less will satisfy me."
"Or me." There was no laughter left in the voice. "We will wait."
A hand closed over the cellular phone that sat nearby. Soon enough. They would know, soon enough.
******
Marlena clung tightly to Gene as he carried her into the trauma centre, her heart full of dread at what might happen at any moment. She was a doctor, she knew the reality of John's chances. And knowing that, it was all she could do not to fall apart completely. Because if she closed her eyes, all she could see was Carrie firing that gun and then a flash of John's impossibly blue eyes as he looked up at her.
Suddenly Roman's words flooded back to her. Why is it that every time it has taken the threat of losing each other to make you face your feelings? Why *had* she waited so long? Why had she been so stubborn? Why hadn't she and John learnt from their mistakes? Lord knows they'd made enough of them. And now she was only left with questions and more questions. Any answers were lying in the emergency room with John.
She wouldn't forget that look on his face as long as she lived. When he'd looked at her before he had told Kristen that he could not marry her. Every thought and every feeling had passed between them and all that they had been unwilling to say for so long, no longer needed to be said. They simply knew.
But cruelly, fate had seen fit to deny them the chance to act on that knowledge. Marlena wondered pessimistically if it was just fate itself that they were not meant to be together in this life. Because every time they got close, it seemed if chance itself was torn away from them, and they were further apart than before.
Michelle guided them to one of the rooms and helped Gene settle her on the bed. Quickly and efficiently, she took Marlena's vitals and noted them on a chart, which she would take out to the nurses station in a moment. Thankfully, nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, but she wanted Marlena seen by one of the doctors as soon as possible, just to be on the safe side.
"I have to go, but a doctor will be in to see you very soon," she told them with a reassuring smile.
"Thanks," Gene spoke for both of them, as Marlena seemed to be completely withdrawing. Michelle nodded and left the room as Gene sat on the edge of the bed and slipped his arm around Marlena's shoulders.
"He'll be all right you know," he told her with more certainty than he felt. Marlena said nothing as she looked up at him with pained, worried eyes. Neither of them knew that for sure. And they could only sit and wait in the meantime.
"Marlena," Marlena started as Vivian's voice interrupted the soothing silence that had cocooned them. She wasn't even sure how long it had been since the nurse had left. Only that no one had been in to tell them anything and it was starting to send her crazy. "Darling, how are you?" Vivian had surprised herself in feeling genuinely upset at the evening's events and she felt bad for Marlena. Her concern for her nephew had been enough that she had felt the need to follow Kristen's ambulance down to the hospital and check on his condition.
"She's worried about John naturally," Q said rather tersely when Marlena didn't answer.
"Of course you are my dear," Vivian's mouth pursed up as it did when she was concerned. "In fact I just asked one of those terribly helpful nurses to find out how John is. She said she would come back in a few minutes. I thought you might like to know."
If Marlena had been capable of it, she would have thanked Vivian. Mere courtesy would have demanded it. Marlena was nothing, if not polite. But as it was, she couldn't. She barely registered Vivian's words, all that she could think about was that fact that she could very well lose John tonight. That she might never again see his beautiful china blue eyes, or the way he smiled, just for her. Belle and Brady would lose the father that they adored. And the beautiful baby she carried would never ever feel his arms holding her, or his lips on her soft skin. A tear slipped from her eye and carved a trail down her ivory cheek.
"Well, it's the least I could do." Vivian shook her head, ignoring Marlena's lack of response. "What a dreadful, ghastly thing to happen." When there was no reply from either Marlena or Eugene, her eyes narrowed. A little thanks would not go amiss. After all, she *was* doing them a favour. Still, she did suppose this must be fairly traumatic for the poor dear. And after all, that dreadful Kristen had caused such a scene she could hardly blame Marlena for being shell-shocked.
"It was a rather interesting evening though don't you think?" she ploughed on, ignoring any thought of insensitivity. "Oh, I don't mean the shooting, but what happened before it. I didn't think John had it in him, standing up to that gorgon. Really, I was quite appalled that she would be foolish enough to try something like that. Rather setting herself up for a fall don't you think?"
Gene glared at Vivian as she prattled on, but Marlena made no move to ask her to leave and he didn't feel like he had the right to.
"Anyway, don't know what has been going on between you and John, but I think it was obvious tonight to everyone, *including* that harridan might I add, that things are far from over between the two of you. You're rather like darling Victor and I before that *witch* Kate snatched him away." An expression with relayed her extreme bitterness at that fact flitted across her face before she replaced it with a slightly forced smile. "I do hope your luck is better than ours."
Any continuation of her diatribe was arrested as Mike Horton entered the room. Being informed by the nurse that it was Vivian Alamain inquiring about John's condition he had hastened down to Marlena's room.
"Vivian," he was slightly out of breath as he relayed his request. "We can't get hold of Lawrence. He's John's next of kin and we need his permission before we can get John into surgery."
"Lawrence?" Vivian looked surprised. "I wouldn't have a clue where my erstwhile nephew is. He and I don't exactly get along you know."
"This is *urgent* Vivian." Mike said exasperatedly. "If we don't get John into surgery soon, he's going to die. It's as simple as that."
"I haven't talked to Lawrence in *years*," Vivian's lips pursed in annoyance. She was starting to wish she had never come to this wretched hospital. "I wish I could help you but I have absolutely no idea where he could be if he's not to be found at home." Suddenly she brightened, quite proud at her stroke of brilliance. "Of course, I *am* John's aunt and his next of kin in Salem. If you can't find Lawrence, maybe I could give the consent you need?"
Mike looked at her for a moment and then nodded his head.
"Works for me Vivian," he brushed his hair out of his head tiredly. "The surgeon and anaethsetist are waiting to get John into surgery now. If you'll come and sign the papers we can have him in there inside five minutes."
"Just show me where I sign."
"Thank you Vivian," Marlena finally found her voice, grateful that this was one time Vivian's unpredictable behaviour had worked in their favour. "Mike," she couldn't help herself as Mike reached the doorway. "What are his chances? Really?"
"Honestly?" Mike wanted to lie to her, tell her that John was going to be fine, that he would pull through the surgery and be awake by tomorrow. But it wasn't the truth. The truth was much grimmer and Mike knew that Marlena could see it in his eyes. He had always been a terrible liar.
The bullet that had torn through John's shoulder had been fired at close range and it had shattered his ribs and his scapula as if they were merely dry kindling. The shattered fragments of bone had then moved downwards, piercing one of John's lungs so that effectively he was drowning in his own blood. With that and the stress on his heart, only hard work by a team of dedicated trauma specialists had kept him alive this far.
Mike knew that given all this, if he lied to Marlena now, when John's chances were so slim, the shock would be all the greater if John didn't pull through.
"Honestly," Marlena's voice shook as he repeated his question.
"I'm sorry Marlena," he shook his head, his eyes soft and his voice heavy with emotion. "It doesn't look good at this point. I know John is a fighter, but his injuries are very severe."
At his reply, Marlena's skin further paled, to an ashen hue, and she let out a strangled sob. Mike tried not to let her obvious show of emotion get to him but it was difficult. He loved these people so much, they were almost like family to him.
"I can promise you that we will do everything in our power to bring him through this. But the best thing you can do for John now is rest and keep your strength up. That baby needs you. And pray. I know if my Granpa were here he would tell you that prayer can sometimes work miracles. We've all seen it. Don't you forget it."
Marlena nodded tearfully and watched as he left the room after Vivian. Then she turned to Gene.
"I'm going to lose him," she said hoarsely. "I'm going to lose him and he'll never know he's going to be a father again. I'll never be able to tell him how much I love him and need him in my life....."
Q had no idea what to say as she dissolved into agonized tears again, clinging to him as though without his solidity, she was completely lost and adrift in this numbing grief. His arms folded around her shaking shoulders as he wondered why the Continuum hadn't warned him this was going to happen. Was there some way he could have stopped this, if only he had known? Why had they all suffered so much only to fail at this final moment?
Maybe it was just that when something like this happened, all you were left with was questions. Mortality afforded many more painful and permanent lessons than a thousand years in the Continuum could.
He brushed his lips softly across Marlena's hair as he held her. Prayer? Maybe the arrogance of the Continuum had blinded them to something more powerful and everlasting than they could even imagine. Experiencing the love he felt for Marlena, the joy that the children brought to all of their lives and seeing the bond between John and Marlena had opened his eyes to possibilities he had never before considered. Maybe they didn't have all the answers. The dark, soulless existence of the Continuum was certainly not to be desired any more. Not by him.
Whatever the case, he *would* pray. He would do anything to save Marlena from a lifetime of this pain.
Anything.
It was some time later that Roman had his arm around his bewildered daughter's shoulders as he gently guided her into the trauma center. Lexie was among those with him and she quickly arranged for a room for Carrie.
"Don't leave me Daddy," she begged with huge, haunted eyes as he helped settle her on the bed.
"It's all right pumpkin, I won't leave you," he promised in a soft voice as he stroked her hair. The truth was, he was afraid to leave her. She seemed to have no idea what had happened tonight, and mood was swinging wildly. He was afraid that any further shock might be the catalyst that caused her to completely lose her grip on reality. If she hadn't already.
All he had every wanted to do was protect his family. His gorgeous wife and his beautiful babies. What a miserable job he had done of it.
"Roman, I need to talk to you," Abe motioned toward the door. Roman felt Carrie's hands clutch at him desperately and he felt tears in his eyes. He didn't know what to do, he wanted so desperately to be able to shield his family from this pain, but he knew that was impossible. Carrie had shot two people and the law was going to want to know why. He needed to know why. For all their sakes.
"It's all right Roman," Lexie touched him gently on the shoulder. "I'll make sure she's safe."
"I'll stick here Dad," Eric offered, taking Carrie's chilled hand in his. "You go and do what you have to do." Roman nodded.
"I have to go and talk to Abe pumpkin. But I'll be right back okay?" She nodded uncertainly. "I'll be just outside the room if you need me." He kissed her on the forehead and left her to follow Abe out of the room.
"Any clues partner?" he asked as he pulled the constricting bow tie from around his throat. Abe watched him pull the top two buttons of his dress shirt open and then shook his head.
"We haven't found a thing Roman. The gun was unregistered and there's no lead to where it came from or how Carrie got it. We know Carrie went away for a couple of weeks. Austin even asked me to look for her because she hadn't contacted him. But we have no idea where she was or what she did."
Abe looked as guilty as he felt. If only he had done as Austin had asked, the young man might not be lying in the morgue right now. Roman had no time however to appease Abe's guilty conscience.
"So Carrie was gone for at least two weeks and we have no idea where. And then she pulls a gun on John and shoots her husband."
"She'd been back for a while." Abe appraised him. "You know that. We're talking to staff she works with at Titan now to see if her behaviour since she returned will give us any indication as to whether there was something odd after she came back to Salem." He sighed, the weight of the night's events heavy on his shoulders. "Roman, you know that we are...-" Roman put up his hand to stop Abe speaking.
"Don't say it Abe. Just don't say it. It's not her. She didn't do this. There's something else going on and you know it as well as I do."
"I know buddy," Abe's sympathy was all too real. He had found himself in a similar position with Jonah at one time. And he hated to see the Brady's suffer through yet another tragedy. Wasn't enough, enough already? "But you know the procedure Roman. Carrie shot John and killed Austin. That's all we know right now. A crime has been committed."
Roman could feel the scars on his back tearing at him. In times of stress the memory of the pain that had been inflicted on him had an unpleasant way of returning to haunt him. He covered his eyes with his hand for a moment, trying to sort out his chaotic thoughts.
"Abe, she doesn't even realize that Austin is dead, much less know that she did it. Do you have any idea what arresting her might do to her mental state?"
"I do," Lexie's voice came from behind Roman's shoulder.
******
Sami stood alone in the trauma center, watching the bustle of activity from her vantage point. It was as though by hiding herself away in one of the small alcoves afforded buy the pay-phones that she might melt into obscurity. All around her, her family was falling apart and she had no idea how to deal with that.
She had watched Carrie shoot John in cold blood and then accidentally kill her own husband. Will's father. And then Carrie had turned to her and accused her of doing it.
It still hadn't really sunk in. Austin was dead, John might very well be too. And it was Carrie, her own sister who had done it.
And then she had seen her mother on her knees by John, tears streaking her face.
Sami had no idea what had transpired before the moment she had run after Carrie. All she knew was Marlena seemed devastated by what had happened. It was almost like Marlena had seen nothing else going on around her. All her senses were for John. That wasn't a woman who was happily pregnant with someone else's child. That was a woman who was desperately in love with John.
Sami shook her head.
"What's going on Mom?" she whispered, her face was pale as she tried to make sense of what had happened. She knew John loved Marlena. She could see it when he as much as looked at her. So why was he living with Kristen again? After everything that had happened? And why had Marlena been acting so strangely? Sami knew too little and yet too much to be able to understand what was going on. She suspected John and Marlena themselves probably didn't even know.
But something in Marlena's grief had spoken to Sami. With her own reawakened love for her 'surrogate' father, she identified something of herself in the distress that had swamped her mother. And it was unsettling. Marlena was pregnant with Eugene's child. Sami was so angry with her for that.
But she felt so lost and lonely right now and instinctively she wanted her mother's comfort. She didn't know why her mother should understand her own anguish, she only knew she would.
She shook her head and closed her eyes, pulling her wrap tightly around her, trying to ignore the blood that stained the ice-blue satin. How could she turn to Marlena? After everything that had happened, after all the hurt and heartache, how could she just turn around and expect to ask for comfort?
"Sami?" Sami opened her eyes to find the weary grey eyes of Mike Horton looking back at her.
"Oh hi Mike," her lips twitched, but she couldn't smile. She had lost too much tonight.
"How are you doing?" his voice was gentle. He had been on his way to see Marlena when he had seen Sami standing in the corner, dazed and alone and his heart had gone out to the young woman. It seemed that in her family's concern for Marlena and Carrie, they had forgotten about their vulnerable younger girl.
"I'm doing fine," Sami called on her usual strong façade. It was a matter of habit now. Never let anyone see how bad it hurts. She no longer remembered why it was that she had to be strong. She just had to.
"If you don't mind me saying so," the corner of Mike's mouth curled upwards, "you don't look like you're doing fine." Sami glared at him for a moment, trying to find the energy to argue with him, to tell him it was none of her business. But she couldn't, she was drained of every semblance of fight. Mike reached out and flipped Sami's long blonde hair behind her shoulder. Since the time that Sami had been in here when she had cut herself getting to Kristen, he had found he had a soft spot for her. She was a complex young woman, and he had a hard time figuring her out. But, he suspected, under that hard shell, there was a frightened and softhearted young lady. But she had pushed everyone so far away that people had trouble seeing behind the veneer. At least that was what he suspected.
"C'mon Sami. I know you can't be fine. After everything that happened tonight?" He could see the tears that Sami was fighting seeping around the edges of her ice-blue eyes. "You shouldn't be out here alone." Sami shrugged self-deprecatingly.
"Everyone's busy," she said simply as a tear betrayed her by spilling over her lash. Hastily she wiped it away and turned from Mike so he wouldn't see how upset she was.
"They're not busy enough that they can't take care of you Sami," Mike said quietly, feeling the pain of the pretty blonde. This family had been through so much. *God* why did they still have to suffer?
"It doesn't matter," Sami shook her head sadly.
"Yes it *does* matter," Mike took her hand in his and squeezed it. "Your feelings and your grief is just as important as anyone else's. And," he paused wondering if this was the best thing to do right now. Oh well, he shrugged mentally, I'll soon know if it isn't. "I think there is someone who would like to help you right now." He inclined his head towards Marlena's room. "Sami, your Mom can help you deal with this, and to be quite honest, I think you could help *her* an awful lot. She's taken this very hard."
"Why?" Sami shrugged. "I don't get it Mike. I thought she didn't want to have anything to do with him and now he's...." she looked up at him, her eyes wide.
"He's in surgery Sami, and he's doing okay so far," he told her reassuringly.
"Well, now he's hurt, she's beside herself." Sami frowned. "I don't understand her."
"Well why don't you see if she'll explain it to you?" Mike suggested softly. When there was no argument from the young woman, he tugged on her hand and led her to the doorway of Marlena's room.
******
"Abe," Lexie turned to her husband, "Carrie's mental state is extremely fragile at the moment. I am calling in Dr. Welter and Laura Horton to consult but I really think at this point to arrest Carrie might have terrible repercussions."
"Lex, do you have any idea when we might be able to question her?" Roman asked with concern.
"Roman, I really don't know anything at this point. We know that Carrie is blocking out what happened and to force her to remember it could break her at this point."
"But Lex, we have to know what happened, what made her do this."
"Abe," Lexie shook her head wearily, "I don't know when she'll be able to remember or even *if* she will. We may never know the truth of what happened tonight."
"We *have* to know Lexie," Roman sounded desperate. "You know what could happen to Carrie if we don't."
Lexie put her hand on Roman's shoulder sympathetically.
"I know Roman, I know what you're going through and believe me, we will do everything we can to help. But right now Carrie is not strong enough to bear any questioning about what's happened tonight. She won't even accept Austin is dead, trying to find out why it happened is impossible as it stands."
Abe chewed on his lower lip and nodded thoughtfully. In truth he was glad Lexie had made this decision. He didn't want to arrest Carrie any more than her father wanted him to. Any excuse to stall this part of the investigation was welcomed and it would give him more time to find out what had really happened to Carrie in those weeks that she had been gone.
"All right," he looked at Roman. "You do know I'll have to post police guards outside the door and for John when he comes out of surgery."
"I realize that," Roman paused for a moment. "just promise me that when you do talk to Carrie you'll do it when I'm there?"
"Sure buddy," Abe's voice was gravely. "If you want to help us, we could use all the hands we could get."
"I wouldn't be allowed back on the force Abe," Roman cast his eyes down to the cane he was leaning on. "Not fit for duty."
"We'll call it a consulting capacity," Abe managed a small smile, even through all the stress they were under. "We could really use your help on this one Roman."
"You know whatever I can do I'll be there," Roman nodded his head.
"*NO*," Carrie's hysterical voice sounded from inside the room. "No, it's *NOT TRUE*."
Lexie and the two men turned without a word and ran into the room.
"He's saying that Austin is *dead*." Her face was starkly white and she was shaking as she looked at Eric. "It's not true," she seemed unsure as she turned to Roman with beseeching eyes, "is it Daddy?"
Roman looked over at Lexie who looked concerned but then nodded. Lying to Carrie could only make matters worse when she eventually learnt the truth. Roman closed his brown eyes momentarily and then looked at his sweet daughter.
"Carrie, sweetheart, your brother is telling the truth." Austin was killed tonight."
Carrie said nothing but her brow furrowed as though she was trying to comprehend Roman's words.
"No," she whispered as she shook her head. "It's not true, it can't be."
"Baby," Roman took both of her hands in his, "there was an accident. Austin is dead. I'm so sorry pumpkin."
Carrie looked up at him, her eyes frighteningly unfamiliar. Her gaze panned the occupants of the room, searching for the truth in their faces. She found it in all of them and it confirmed her father's words. Her husband, the only man she had ever loved, was dead and she would never see him again.
"No," a tear slipped from each eye as she voiced her distress, plaintively at first. "*No*. No... no... no... no... no... no ...no.........*NO*," her voice rose a pitch with each successive no as she wound herself into a state of near hysteria.
"Carrie," Roman tried to put his arms around her to quell her rising grief but she thrashed at him with her arms and her flailing only grew as he tried to get near her again.
Her wailing was soon enough to prompt Lexie to make a decision. This couldn't carry on. The young woman would end up hurting herself or the child she carried. Quickly she prepared a syringe with a mild sedative and with Roman's help, she administered it.
"I'll sit with her for a while," Roman finally offered when Carrie had been settled into her chemical-induced sleep. "You go and start finding out what the hell is going on here Abe. Please." His eyes never left Carrie's tortured face as he spoke.
"All right. I'll keep you up to date as much as I can," Abe lay his hand on Roman's shoulder. "We'll get to the bottom of this Roman, don't worry."
"I hope so Abe," Roman shook his head, his face grave as he looked down at his broken child. "I really hope so."
******
Sami stopped in the doorway as Mike entered the room. Gene Bradford was beside a very pale Marlena while Caroline and Hope Brady sat on the end of the bed. Shawn Brady stood looking out of the window in his stoic Irish manner and Bo Brady paced restlessly across the room. None of them were talking, there was just a sense of helpless limbo as they waited for some kind of word on how John was doing.
"Mike," Bo was the first of them to see Mike Horton and he wasted no time in asking the question that was in everyone's mind. "How is he Mike? What's happening?"
"There's no news yet," Mike shook his head, "I'm sorry, I wish I could bring you better tidings, but he's still in surgery. There was a problem when his blood pressure dropped, but they seem to have stabilized him for the time being. But he is going to be in there for a while."
"Do you have any idea how long?" Hope couldn't bear this tense waiting and she hated seeing what it was doing to her family.
"No," Mike shook his head, "I'm sorry, I really wish I was able to tell you more. At this point I'm just as much in the dark as you are."
Not exactly. Marlena's thought surprised her as it cut through the numbness and she looked up with weary, anguished eyes.
"It's not good is it?" she asked in a hoarse whisper. Mike stared at her. How could she know the truth that he was holding back? That they were barely able to keep John alive as they fought desperately to mend the damage the single bullet had wrought. It seemed almost as thought she had an invisible connection with John and she could feel him slipping away moment by moment.
Mike thought briefly about lying, but he knew she wouldn't buy it.
"No," he shook his head and ran his fingers through his short blonde hair, his exhaustion betrayed by the dark circles under his eyes. "It's not looking good right now. *But*," he reminded them, "John has never been one to give up easily. He has a lot to live for. Don't any of you count him out yet."
Mike's reassuring words weren't enough for Marlena and it was as though something internal crumpled within her.
"I should have told him," she moaned to herself. Maybe if she'd told John the truth about the baby, he wouldn't be lying in that theater right now. At least he would have something more to live for. "Oh *God* I should have told him." She wrapped her arms around herself and began to sob helplessly. She felt Gene close, but she shrugged him away.
A pair of arms or a whispered kind word could not soothe the wretchedness that she felt. The utter emptiness and the consuming fear overwhelmed her and she could do nothing but shake with long, excruciating sobs.
Sami felt tears in her own eyes as she stood in the doorway. No one had yet seen her, they were all watching Marlena like stunned deer. Sami had been almost as surprised as Mike when Marlena had spoken, but the desolation in her mother's eyes had sparked memories of her own losses. She knew that solitary hell only too well. And even though she didn't fully understand its origins, it didn't matter any longer. Nothing mattered when faced with something like this.
The tears splashed down her cheeks as she watched her mother's pain. Nobody was doing anything to help her. It was as though they were all frozen to the spot, unmoving, like a bad sci-fi film.
And still, not one of them moved as she entered the room and walked up to Marlena's bedside.
"Mom?" her voice was gentle, like the falling of spring rain. Marlena didn't seem to hear her, but after a moment, her sobbing quieted. Sami pressed her lips together, trying to control her own emotions as she reached out to her mother.
Marlena felt the hand on her arm and instinctively, she knew the touch. Opening her eyes, she lifted them to find herself looking at her daughter's beautiful face. She could say nothing for the moment, terrified that anything she might say would offend Sami.
Sami however could only see the pain and uncertainly in her mother's eyes and it broke her heart. Suddenly all those barriers shattered, like so much dust and they shared the same pain and the same love.
"Mom I'm *so* sorry," she whispered. Tears spilled from Marlena's reddened eyes as her lips trembled.
"Me too baby." The tears came again, faster for both of them as Sami, flouting caution, welcomed her mother's needed embrace.
Marlena felt the tears burning her eyes and the back of her throat, and she knew she had been wrong. The pain and the misery would not disappear, but they could be soothed maybe a little.
******
Kristen Blake DiMera lay in her bed, trying to shake off the effects of the sedative that bitch paramedic had given here. The dose hadn't been strong thanks to the pregnancy and the main effects had worn off as she lay here alone in this cubicle. But the drowsiness would not seem to leave her. And she could make no move but to lay here powerless and ignored.
After a cursory checkover and an ultrasound to make sure the baby was all right, the doctors had hooked her up to a fetal heart monitor and they had left her lying alone and in the dark as far as John was concerned. She couldn't believe that she was even *lying* here. This was supposed to be the happiest night of her life. She and John should have been happily married right now, and on their way to Kristen's carefully picked honeymoon spot.
It was all *Doc's* fault. *God* how Kristen hated that bitch. She hated her smugness and her 'I know best' attitude. And worst of all, just because Kristen had John, *she* wanted him. She had Eugene and Roman hanging around like flies but no, she wanted *John*.
Even in her dazed state, Kristen's eyes narrowed, an ugly frown on her face. And now John was God knows where, in God knows what state, he could even be dead for all she knew, and still she claimed him. And it was Marlena's own stepdaughter that had tried to kill him. Well, Kristen would show her. She didn't care *what* she had to do. Marlena Evans would not take John away from her. Ever.
Kristen's attention was diverted from her twisted vendetta by a shadow at the door. Dr. Juliet Tuckey pushed open the door to the room and entered with a chart in her hand.
"Do you know how my fiancé is?" Kristen asked quickly. Juliet looked at her with barely hidden distaste. She liked Marlena Evans, she had coffee with her every now and then when it was quiet and she had heard all about Kristen DiMera through the hospital grapevine. And then after tonight... well, the woman obviously had *no* self-respect.
"I believe they had problems contacting the next-of-kin to get permission for the surgery, but Mr. Black is in theater now." Juliet sad curtly as she noted the readout on the monitor. "I have no idea how long it will be before you know anything."
"But *I'm* John's next of kin," Kristen blinked foggily, her mind trying to comprehend the woman's words. "We were about to get married when... when the..." Kristen's mind disjointedly searched for some sort of reasonable explanation, "accident happened."
That's not the way *I* heard it. Juliet restrained herself and didn't give voice to her thoughts, instead carrying on writing.
"Mr. Black's legal next of kin is his brother Lawrence Alamain, until such time as he does marry.. *someone*," she said coolly.
"But how could they find Lawrence?" Kristen asked confusedly. "He doesn't even live in America any more."
"I don't know the details," was all the redheaded doctor would say as she dropped her pen back into the pocket of her white lab coat and turned on her heel. "Please just get some rest Mrs. DiMera."
There was no opportunity for Kristen to ask anything else as Juliet shut the door solidly behind her. The doctor rolled her eyes and made a mental note to commiserate with Marlena next time she saw her.
******
Roman had sat with Carrie until he was satisfied she was sleeping soundly. Lexie had assured him that Carrie would not awake for some time and in the event that something happened she would find him immediately. It was only then that Roman allowed himself to think about the rest of his family.
Looking at his watch, he discovered that it was getting close to midnight, and he yawned reflexively as he entered the waiting area. He was slightly surprised to find his parents waiting there along with Bo and Hope. Eugene was sitting by himself across the room looking about as exhausted as Roman felt.
"Roman," Caroline pushed herself out of her chair as Roman came towards her. "How's Carrie?" Roman shrugged.
"I don't know Mom, Lexie had to sedate her. She seemed to realize that Austin is dead, but I don't know if that will hold when she wakes up again."
"Do you have *any* idea what caused her to do such a terrible thing son?" Shawn looked as desperate as Roman felt.
"No Pop," he shook his head. "I'm as much in the dark as all of you." He looked over at Eugene in an effort to waylay any more questions. He couldn't deal with them right now. "Where's Marlena?"
"She's over in there son," Shawn pointed to one of the small patient rooms off of the main Trauma Center. "Sami's with her."
"Sami?" If Roman thought he was through with being surprised tonight, he had been wrong. Although he couldn't say he was sorry at this one. If anyone could help Marlena right now, it could well be her daughter.
"Aye," Shawn nodded his head with a wry smile. "Who would have thought?"
"We thought that maybe they could use some time alone," Hope spoke quietly, her olive green gown sweeping the ground as she swiveled around to look at the room. "This is such a dreadful thing to happen, but maybe this way, some good can come of it." Bo saw that his wife was upset and moved to her side, where he put his arms around her. She found a melancholy smile as she leaned back against his solidness.
"I think I might go and check on them." Roman knew there was really no reason to, except that he needed to. Marlena had always been able to center him. Everything could be falling apart and she would be there, able to soothe away the horrors of the world he worked in. Of course that had been before everything had happened, when he had never considered the possibility that his biggest comfort could also be the cause of his biggest pain.
But even when things were so different, more than ever, they were the same and he knew that just seeing the woman he loved could bring him more peace than anything else.
He paused at the doorway and couldn't supress a smile. Sami was lying next to her mother with her eyes closed, and Marlena's arms around her. Marlena rested her cheek against Sami's forehead and she had a sense of calm about her that Roman hadn't seen since he had returned to Salem. Maybe something good *was* coming of this dreadful situation. He only hoped it lasted. He wasn't sure if Marlena could take any more rejection from the daughter she loved so much.
Roman leaned against the door frame for long moments and just watched them as he felt the stress ease slightly in his shoulders.
"Roman?" He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to find Maggie Horton standing behind him. She was holding a bag, which she handed to him. "Roman we picked you up some clean clothes." She and Laura had detoured via Marlena's apartment as well as the Brady pub and they had brought some clean clothes with them to the hospital.
Roman looked down at his blood-spattered clothes ruefully as he took the bag.
"Thanks Maggie," Maggie could see the weariness in his eyes and she gave him an impulsive hug. "I'm so sorry Roman. I'm sure that everything will turn out all right. You just have to have faith."
"Yeah, I'm sure it will." Roman dragged a smile from somewhere deep inside of himself but it was tempered with the image of the pale and lost Carrie lying in her hospital bed. The way it was looking at the moment. He wasn't at all sure anything much at all was going to be okay.
"I brought some clothes for Marlena and Sami too." Maggie indicated another bag by her feet. "But I don't think now is the right time to disturb them." Roman shook his head.
"Doc needs to get all the rest she can. She's already been through quite an ordeal...." The remainder of Roman's words were unspoken, but Maggie understood. And she could well be facing more. "She needs to get some rest while she can."
"I think everyone could do with some rest," Laura came up behind Maggie. "Including you, Roman." It was obvious to Laura that everyone here was stressed and exhausted, but Roman was even more so thanks to his obviously traumatic experiences of the past couple of years.
"Have you seen Carrie, Laura?" Roman ignored her inference.
"I stopped by her room." Laura nodded. "I'm going to meet Dr. Welter there in a few minutes. I promise Roman that I'll come and see you when we're done there." She looked at him sternly. "But only if you get changed and sit down for a while and try and get some rest."
"Yes doctor," Roman smiled weakly and then turned to look at Sami and Marlena once again. "I guess there's not much I can do here right now anyway." He rubbed his forehead wearily as he contemplated the long night ahead of them all. "I have a feeling that we better rest now because this night isn't going to get a whole lot better."
Maggie shook her head. She only hoped that Roman's words would not turn out to be too prophetic.
A strident beeping comes from somewhere in the corner. But John cannot place it. He searches for the noise but it is dark and he cannot find it. It is a moment later that he becomes aware that he cannot move. In fact, he cannot do anything. See, feel, taste; all is lost to him. Only this unforgiving blackness and that damn beeping.
Well, that's about all we can do for him.
The voice is unexpected and John tries to reach it but it is distant and he cannot close any sense around it. It is hard to even say it is *there* except that he knows it is.
Isn't he the one that used to be married to Marlena Evans? The one that was a priest?
Yeah. Can you imagine letting *her* go? The guy has to be nuts.
John wants to cry out. I didn't *want* to let her go. I never *wanted* to let her go. You don't understand. But the inky nothing renders him impotent as he ever was.
Well I hope his God is listening now. Because he's probably this poor bastard's only chance.
There is a strange sound, like the snap of a rubber glove and a soft, sad sigh.
I hope he has something to live for....
John tries to reach out, but the voice is fading. Even the beeping is smothered until finally, it winks out. And then there is nothing. Nothing but dull, silent, dark nothing.
Nothing.
Mike Horton rubbed at his bleary eyes as he walked down the deserted corridor. Outside, the sky was beginning to lighten, the dawn staining the sky a vibrant sapphire blue. If he had been able to hear them, he would have noticed the birds softly beginning to warble their morning song.
As it was, his mind was on one thing. John Black. It had been a long night but they had finally brought John out of the OR, alive. Barely. And it was now Mike's job to relay that news to John's family and friends.
He had seen and noted Marlena's reaction to the events of the previous evening and it had more than confirmed his suspicions. Marlena still loved John, the way she always had, and Mike had no doubt, the way she always would. But for some reason, she had seen fit to keep that information from John, and now she was faced with the prospect that she might never be able to tell him the truth.
And still, matters were complicated by Kristen DiMera's pregnancy, the truth of which Marlena had no idea. And then there was Marlena's own pregnancy, just now becoming obvious. And Mike had no clue what the story was there. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. He loved Marlena, she was a wonderful friend and he had been through some fairly profound experiences with her. He just didn't understand why she insisted on trying to be so strong and stoic. He supposed that was just her way. But life might be a little easier if she actually expressed her anguish and anger to those who hurt her. It might at least have saved some misunderstanding and pain in the past few years.
Mike sighed. It seemed that whatever the Salemites did, fate conspired to entrap them in the web that kept them forever miscommunicating and unable to be happy. And it only seemed to be a harrowing event like this that gave them the impulse to actually work things out. Mike knew that he was just as bad as everyone else. Maybe this should give him the momentum to work out what he really wanted too.
He rounded the corner and stopped as he surveyed the waiting room. Most of the Brady family was there. Bo was still pacing the room, oddly akin to a large cat caught in a cage, while Hope was lying down across the seats of several chairs, sleeping uneasily. Shawn and Caroline were caught in a slumberous embrace, with their arms around each other, but their faces betrayed their tension, even in sleep. Eric sat on the floor by Carrie's room, his head in his hands. Roman was nearby, his uncomfortable tuxedo replaced by the requisite pair of jeans and shirt.
Mike turned at a noise and saw a weary looking Eugene emerge from Marlena's room.
"Dr. Horton," he sounded resigned. "Marlena's awake if you need to see her."
"How is she doing?" Mike spoke quietly so as not to disturb the rest of the family, but it immediately seemed pointless as they all began to stir.
"She's holding up," Q shrugged his shoulders. He was concerned at Marlena's pale apathy but given the situation he supposed it could probably be worse. Unfortunately, there was the possibility it could get much worse. Depending on what Mike Horton had to tell them. "More importantly, how's John?"
Mike looked at him speculatively. He still didn't know what had gone on between Marlena and Eugene Bradford. He had heard the whispers and he had even seen them leave the hospital together several times. Whatever the truth, the man certainly cared about Marlena. And he seemed genuinely concerned about John's fate right now. Whether that was for Marlena's sake, Mike supposed it didn't really matter.
"That's what I've come to talk to Marlena about," Mike turned to the doorway, not oblivious to the fact that Roman had stood and was headed towards him, Bo not far behind. He said nothing more, but brushed past Eugene and entered Marlena's room.
"Mike?" Marlena was calm, but there was an undercurrent of tension in her voice. She had woken to find that Sami standing by the window in reflective solitude and given their recent history, she was frightened that Sami had once again withdrawn from her, reverting to the cold, hard young woman that she had become. Marlena knew that they desperately needed to talk, but she also knew she wasn't capable of it now. It was all she could do at this point to stay focused on simply staying together. She only hoped that Sami could understand that when the time came that they could talk.
"Marlena, how are you feeling?" Mike's voice was gentle, like the hush of an autumn breeze.
"All right," Marlena nodded cursorily. She wasn't particularly interested in discussing herself right now. "Mike...." she steeled herself to ask the question. The question to which she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know the answer. For while there was no answer, there was still hope. But it had to be asked. She had to know. "How is he?"
Mike neared the edge of the bed, aware that by now most of the Brady family either had followed him into the room, or were gathered around the doorway.
"He's out of surgery," Mike said quietly, not showing any emotion. "And he's hanging in there. For now."
"What's that supposed to mean Mike?" Bo was edgy, a combination of shock and lack of sleep.
"It means," Mike sighed, "that John suffered a severe trauma. The surgery was long and John sustained a lot of damage and lost a lot of blood at the restaurant. Those factors combined, mean that his body has been and still is under a great strain." God he hated this. Of all the things he had to do as a doctor, breaking bad news to his friends had to be the worst. He turned to Marlena whose face had paled even more, if that was possible. "The surgeons have repaired what damage they can, but John's condition is still critical. It's just to early to predict what might happen."
"So John might still die?" Sami's shaky voice came from the corner of the room. Mike looked up at her.
"I'm afraid so Sami. We've done everything we can now. The rest is up to John."
"Thank you Mike," Marlena's voice was oddly stiff and she seemed uninterested in discussing the matter any further.
"Marlena, I'd really like to check you over," Mike began.
"I'm fine," she said curtly. She really couldn't deal with everyone's curious sympathy right now. She only wanted to be alone. "I'm sure there are more important things you should be doing."
"You're the most important thing on my mind right now," Mike said softly. "You and that baby of yours."
Marlena's lips thinned and she shook her head as she tried to keep a reign on her temper. She was tired and upset and she only wanted them all to just go away. Sami looked at her mother and saw her distress, almost shocked that she was able to recognize it for what it really was. Taking matters into her own hands, she came to the bed.
"Mike can you do it later please?" She looked at the gathered family, "I really think Mom could use some rest."
Roman looked at his daughter with a measure of surprise and then looked at Marlena. Sami was right and she had read the signs before he had. Marlena was barely holding herself together. And the last thing she needed was everyone in her room telling her how worried they were about her.
"Sami's right." He nodded his head. "I think we should let Marlena try and get some more sleep."
Mike turned from Roman back to Marlena in concern. She had turned her head from him and was looking out of the window.
"She'll be all right Mike," Sami told him. "We'll call you if she needs you."
"Okay," he conceded with a nod. "I'll be back as soon as I hear anything more."
He turned and left the room, the remaining Brady's filtering out after him until only Sami was left. Marlena was unmoving, but silent tears lingered on her cheeks before sliding off her jaw. Sami ached as she watched her. She wished there was something she could do, but she knew there wasn't.
"Mom," she whispered, "I'll be just outside if you need me." She wiped away a tear of her own and silently left the room.
******
"Dead," the deep Italian baritone filled the room, clearly irritated. "He was supposed to be *dead*."
"There's still time." The second voice was also European, but accented with an American inflection. "It's unfortunate that the husband got involved."
"Pah! He was expendable." Stefano DiMera picked up his snifter and poured the expensive brandy down his throat. It was fiery as it seeped down, warming his insides and he sighed expansively. The failure of their plan was irritating, and it would mean that the initiation of his further schemes would now have to be delayed. But still, it would serve in setting the Brady's into disarray and that was somewhat satisfying.
"That second bullet would have finished John Black off," the other man's irritation was showing through. "I'm *tired* of waiting for him to die."
"Do not worry my friend." The 'r's' rolled round in Stefano's mouth as smoothly as the brandy had a moment earlier. "John Black will die soon enough.
"Not soon enough for me." He loosened his tie and threw back his own brandy. There was silence for a moment and then his voice became reflective. "But, if he does not die now, then when he does, he will know who, and *why*." A cruel smile slid easily on to his lips. "And this time it will hurt him. As much as he has hurt me."
"Yesss," Stefano was thoughtful. Maybe it was not enough for John to know that Stefano had used a Brady to end his life. Even one that he had played father to for so many years.
Stefano leaned back in his chair and bared his teeth in a chilling smile. But the smile never reached his black, soulless eyes as he began to plot anew.
******
Dr. Romy Welter turned to Laura Horton as soon as they had left Carrie's room.
"I don't like it," she shook her head. "That girl is on the verge of a complete breakdown." Laura shook her head. It seemed as if one moment Carrie understood that Austin was dead and then the next she was in total denial again. It wasn't even as if she had any memory of what had happened, although it was admittedly difficult to tell among her rambling. Carrie was drifting in and out of lucidity and Laura had to agree with Romy's prognosis, the young woman could definitely be on the brink of a major psychological collapse.
"I'm afraid that's exactly what she's headed for," Laura recognized the signs too well. "I just don't know at this point what our best option is."
"Well I do know that the police are not questioning her. Not until she's a lot stronger," Romy stated unequivocally. "A strain like that could be all it takes."
"I agree," Laura nodded. "We need to keep her under observation while we run some more tests. Then we can assess our options. I think only then will we have any idea when they'll be able to talk to her."
"You know Abe isn't going to like that," Lexie walked up behind the two women. "The longer it takes for them to get some sort of information out of Carrie, the further away any kind of resolution to this case is. If there is someone else behind this, they'll be long gone if the police have to wait to talk to Carrie."
"If they don't wait, they may well never be able to get anything useful out of her," Laura said a little harshly. "Lexie, if she's forced to confront the truth about what happened last night, it may break her. We just can't risk that."
"All right," Lexie nodded, convinced. She was right, Abe wasn't going to like it and neither was Roman, but they had to do what was best for Carrie. She just hoped that in the long-term it *was* the best thing.
"Laura?" Roman leaned on his cane as he watched the three woman, "how's Carrie doing?" Laura turned to Roman sympathetically. He looked tired, the lack of sleep badly hidden on his wan face.
"Honestly Roman?" she raised her eyebrows. When he nodded she spoke again. "She's not good. She's not coherent, she's not particularly lucid. I don't want anyone trying to force her to accept the truth of what happened last night. If she comes to remember herself then there's nothing we can do. But at this point she needs to remain calm."
"But she can't be arrested?" that was Roman's main concern at this point. Anything else was secondary.
"Most definitely *not*," Romy shook her head. "That would be a disaster. Right now she's not to even be *questioned* by the police. Once we run some more tests and do some more assessments we'll have a better idea how to handle this."
"Okay," Roman nodded slowly. "Can I go and see her?"
"Of course you can," Laura nodded. "Just be sure to be gentle." Roman nodded, too tired to reply. He just pushed past the women and went into Carrie's room.
******
Sami glared silently at Eugene as he paced in front of Marlena's room, every so often, checking on her through the window. She might finally be on the path to being able to forgive her mother but this man had come into their lives and messed *everything* up. She didn't like him, she didn't trust him and she *hated* the fact that Marlena was having his baby.
"I'm sure she'll *call* you if she wants you," she said snidely as he paced in front of her again. Eugene turned to look at her.
"I'm sorry?"
"I said you needn't fret so much over my mother. I am sure if she *needs* someone, she'll let us know."
Q raised his eyebrows, surprised at the hostility from Marlena's daughter. He supposed it was better that she was rude to him and not Marlena though.
"I'm worried about your mother because I care about her." He said matter-of-factly. "I'm sorry if that bothers you."
"It doesn't bother *me*," Sami retorted defensively. "It might bother Mom though. She *hates* being smothered."
"Well why don't you let your mother worry about that." Q replied shortly as he watched Marlena through the window. He could hardly bear to watch her and yet he couldn't leave in case she might need him. She had her arms wrapped tightly around herself and as he watched her, she turned over. She looked straight at him with reddened eyes and her lips formed his name, although it was silenced by the glass between them.
He needed no further encouragement and disregarding Sami, he pushed the door of her room open and went to her.
"What is it sweetheart?" he asked tenderly.
"Have you heard anything?" she asked in a weak voice.
"About John?" he shook his head, "No."
"Why won't they *tell* us anything?" her voice raised a notch in her distress. She couldn't bear this, this lack of control, this feeling like her world was falling apart. This thought that she might never see John again.
"They will as soon as there's something to tell, Marlena," Gene tried to be positive.
"I can't bear this waiting Gene, I...." She shook her head, crying again, "I can feel him slipping away from me. What am I going to do if I lose him?"
"You can't think like that," he shook his head as he took her hand in his. "You saw the way he looked at you last night. He loves you more than ever. He's got *so* much to live for. He's not going to give up now."
"But he doesn't know how *I* feel about *him*," she brushed her cheeks with the back of her fingers but the tears were immediately replaced by more. "He doesn't know about the baby."
"I think you underestimate him," Q nodded, "I think he does know how you feel. He has the baby that Kristen is carrying. And maybe, somewhere deep down, he suspects the truth about your baby."
Marlena looked up at him, her anguished hazel eyes searching his face for some shred of real hope.
"Why did I leave it so late?" she asked him miserably before turning back to the window.
"Because you've had a very rough time," he reminded her gently. "And he didn't make it easy for you."
"I love him so much," she said quietly. "I don't know what I'll do if...." she looked at Q finding comfort in his familiar, loved face. "Gene, would you please hold me?"
"Of course I will." He folded his arms around her and she melted against his chest. "You won't have to do anything without him," he whispered into her hair. "John will be just fine. You wait and see."
******
"Daddy?" Carrie was sitting up in bed, looking confused.
"Yes honey?" he tried to remain relaxed as he moved to her bedside. "What is it?"
"Daddy?" she swallowed, her eyes large and reddened from stress and broken sleep, "is Austin coming?" Roman started a little. He hadn't expected that, although he didn't know why not.
"No sweetheart," he said softly. "Austin won't be coming."
"He's dead isn't he?" her voice was that of a little girl's and her face conveyed her fright and her vulnerability and it broke Roman's heart. Why the hell did she have to go through this? Hadn't she been through enough? Hadn't they all been through enough?
"Yes pumpkin, he's dead," Roman's voice was gentle, but it didn't take away the horror of the words and Carrie gasped. "I'm so sorry sweetheart."
"Sami," Carrie's eyes searched the room wildly, "it was Sami, Daddy. She shot him. She *shot* Austin." Her voice became ragged with the memory and she began to pant, frightened tears in her eyes.
"No baby," Roman shook his head vehemently, "it wasn't Sami. It wasn't Sami who shot him."
"But I was there," she was shaking, "I saw it. I saw her. The gun..." In her mind, Carrie could see the cold, shiny metal of the gun as it bounced on the hard floor and she became even more agitated.
"Carrie," Roman took both of her hands firmly in his, "It wasn't Sami who shot Austin."
"Well then *who* was it?" she demanded irritably. Mindful of Laura and Dr. Welter's admonitions Roman was careful with his words.
"It's not important who it was Carrie."
"Of *course* it's important," Carrie shook her head maniacally. "She killed my *husband*. She's a murderer."
"Carrie, I need you to think back for me," Roman wanted to get her mind off last night and he also desperately needed some answers to some crucial questions. "Sweetheart, it's important that you try and remember." She looked at him in confusion, thrown by the change in subject. "When you went away last month, where did you go? Can you remember where you went?"
"Went away?" her brow was furrowed as she repeated his words.
"You went away Carrie, to have some time alone and give Austin some space to think about things." He tried to jog her memory. Carrie looked down at the bedclothes, her eyes searching the fabric as though for answers. It rang a bell. She had been going to go away. There...had she called a cab?
"I...." She bit on her lower lip and looked up at her father, looking like a lost child. "I don't know Daddy. I don't remember." She shook her head forlornly, tears welling once again. "I don't remember anything."
******
Eugene was just rearranging Marlena's pillows when Mike came back into her room. Much of the day had passed and he had been unable to get back and check on her. But he was just about to go off-duty and turn in for some much needed sleep and he wanted to see her before he went.
"Mike?" Marlena was immediately alert and seemingly stronger than she had been this morning.
"There's been no change Marlena," he pre-empted her question but he was weary and unable to put much of a positive spin on John's condition. "He's still critical, but they're keeping him stable. There's nothing we can do now but wait."
Marlena nodded, clearly unsettled by his words, but able to deal with them better than she had earlier.
"How are you doing?" he asked her as he reached to her wrist to take her pulse.
"I'm okay," she nodded her head, her voice stronger than before.
"I'm glad to hear that," Roman said from the doorway. He gave her a tight smile and she immediately knew that he was unhappy about something.
"How's Carrie?" she suddenly remembered that Sami had said something earlier about Carrie.
"Not too good Doc," Roman shook his head and limped to the foot of her bed. "She's having trouble accepting that Austin is dead, and she has no *idea* that she was the one that pulled the trigger."
Marlena stiffened as she saw again the image of Carrie, her eyes glinting cold and unforgiving, holding the gun trained on John. Roman carried on, oblivious to her reaction but Gene sensed it and moved closer to her. "Laura is worried that she may be on the verge of a total breakdown."
"Oh Roman," Marlena tried to put aside her own reflexive antipathy at the thought of Carrie's actions. It wouldn't help any of them to know that she felt that way. She had barely thought about the reasons behind Carrie's actions until now, but she realized that there had to be something or someone behind them. The Carrie that they knew loved John and would never do something so horrendous. She hoped.
She was just about to ask Roman if they had any leads on what was behind the shooting when suddenly an alarm sounded from down the hall. Mike turned as he heard the voice on the loudspeaker announce that there was a code blue in ICU 7. Marlena's heart began to thump with uncontrollable fear when she saw the alarm in Mike's eyes.
"Oh my God," she uttered breathlessly. "It's John isn't it?"
Mike didn't answer, but his silence was enough and Marlena tore the covers off the bed. No one tried to stop her, Gene and Roman only followed as she joined Mike in his race down the corridor towards the pandemonium that surrounded ICU 7.
As they reached the room, the monitor attached to John sputtered to an ominous flat-line, the monotone wrapping around Marlena and filling her with dread.
Moaning unintelligibly, she collapsed into Gene's arms.
copyright © 1999-2003 by rjy