Where To From Here?


Marlena trembled and instinctively took a step backwards. Her eyes snapped open to see John follow her. Registering the shock on her face, John released her hands and opened his mouth to speak. Seeing something he couldn't quite define in her eyes, he stopped short, looking at her fists.

"I feel like I should apologize Doc." He shook his head, choosing his words slowly and deliberately. "But I find I don't want to." He blew out a short breath and let a small sense of realization touch his lips. "I have wanted to do that for *so* long -" he stopped again, misreading the pain that flashed across her face. "Oh God, I'm sorry, I'm being selfish." His chest hurt as he saw the tears that she was trying to hold back. "I was thinking about what I wanted and that's not fair to you. I know you don't feel that way for me anymore."

"Don't -" Marlena blurted the word out. He looked at her questioningly as she gained some semblance of composure. She took a deep breath and continued, answering his unspoken query. "Don't apologize." She took a step toward him, looking him squarely in the eye. "I wanted it as much as you."
"You did?" John was trembling now too, as he looked and saw the evidence of what she told him in her eyes. Never breaking his gaze, he tentatively reached out to touch her cheek, as if he were checking that she was real, and not just a figment of his imagination.

As skin touched skin, he breathed, drawing in her scent and he let out a sound that was a strange half laugh and half sob. Marlena closed her eyes, as if trying to imprint the feeling of his touch in her memory forever. He traced the contour of her cheekbone and ran his fingers down the softness of her cheek. Reaching her jaw-line, he gently pulled her to him and brushed his lips against hers again. Marlena let out a gasp, feeling as though a jolt of electricity had just run through her. Moving closer to John, her lips searched until they captured his again. This time their kiss was more than just a soft touch.

After what seemed like minutes, they pulled apart, both feeling a little off-balance. Marlena, now running purely on instinct, took John's hand in hers.
"You're wrong you know," she whispered softly in his ear. John's skin seemed to burn at the mere suggestion of her touch.
"Wrong about what?" he breathed, not daring to move, lest he break this spell that they were both under. She pulled back so she could see his eyes and she laid her hand on his cheek.
"I love you John Black."

She felt his body stiffen in surprise as he heard the words he thought he would never hear from her again. His jaw fell slightly before he recovered and she smiled, knowing her face conveyed the truth as well as any words could. Still she continued. "I always have. Oh God, I've never *stopped* loving you."
John reached out to brush away a tear that was clinging tenaciously to her lash. "You haven't?" His confusion was evident as he screwed up his face in an effort to understand what she was saying. "You love me' Why didn't you tell me?" Marlena wanted to take him into her arms and smooth all of the pain out of the face she loved so. Instead, she faced him and took on his pain as she explained.

"Because I thought that *you* didn't love *me* anymore. And then it became impossible to tell you -" He smothered the rest of her sentance with a kiss that left her breathless. He slipped an arm around her waist and brushed a strand of hair from her face.
"*Never* doubt how I feel about you again Marlena Evans," he said, as he traced the outline of her mouth with his index finger. Catching the tip of it, she kissed it and then flashed him a brilliant smile that sent his heart soaring.
"Oh, I won't." She reached up and slid her hand around to the nape of his neck. With a gentle pull, she leaned forward into an exquisite kiss which left her whole body tingling and wanting to go back for more.

John felt her body mold to his as he pressed it close. His tongue searched out hers and tried to capture it in a dance of pure passion. Breaking the kiss, Marlena tilted her head back, exposing her creamy white skin to John's advancing lips. A sigh slipped from her as he found the hollow at the base of her throat. Still exploring her sweet flesh with his mouth, his hand rediscovered the cherished curves of her body, making her squirm under his touch.

Suddenly, and without warning, Marlena pushed him away. Her rational side had broken through the instinctual and before she went any further, that she had to know. She took in the confusion and pain he displayed at her retreat and spoke with a hint of anxiety.
"I have to ask John. What about Kristen?"

John froze for a moment, realizing with a shock, that he hadn't even had a passing thought about his fiancee in the last ten minutes. One touch and all thoughts of Kristen had been banished from his mind. He studied Marlena's face for a clue as to what she thought he was going to say. He could only discern worry and he resolved to be honest.
"To tell you the truth Doc, I hadn't even thought about Kristen." He saw her face fall, and he continued quickly, to allay her fears. "And I think that says it all. I thought I loved Kristen, but you," he shook his head, a smile forming, "being here with you makes me realize the truth. I'm just honouring a commitment I made because I felt I didn't have any choice." He reached for her hand, but she pulled it out of his reach.
"You had a choice John. There's always a choice." She sat heavily on the bed. "You found out in Paris that Kristen lied to you about the baby but you *chose* to stay with her." Her look begged for an explanation. Any explanation. John attempted to give one to her.
"She was upset Doc. She'd lost her mother and child, both in a matter of days. She was distraught and I felt responsible for that. If it hadn't been for me, she wouldn't have been there in the first place. So when she wanted to come back to Salem.." he trailed off, knowing how lame it sounded.

He looked at her for a moment and then sat on the bed next to her.
"I was wrong Marlena. I lied about my feelings. To you, to Kristen, even to myself. But now," he shook his head, "I couldn't go back to Kristen even if I wanted to. I love you. But even if you won't have me, I'd rather be alone than live with someone that I didn't love."
"But she's carrying your child." Marlena said hoarsely.
"Yes she is. And to be honest Doc, up until now, that fact has tied me to her, more than any other. But that's no basis for a marriage." He forced a smile. "I'll support my child, but I can't marry it's mother." He took her hand, relieved that this time she did not withdraw. "Not when I'm in love with you."

She examined his face carefully, needing to know that he believed what he was saying.
"Doc, I mean it. If you don't want me, after everything that I've done, I'll understand. If you need me to prove myself to you, I will. Any way you want." He shook his head and she saw his sincerity clearly. "Just don't ask me to stay with Kristen Doc. Not for the baby, not for," he paused, "anything." She smiled and squeezed his hand, thinking how much she loved this man. No matter what either of them had done, she knew she could never maintain her anger at him for very long. "Sweetheart, that's one thing I'll never ask you to do." His expression lightened and he returned the pressure of her hand.
"I don't know why I ever thought I *could* do it."

Before Marlena could reply, the music from the corner increased, almost as if on cue. This time, however, John merely laughed.
"How does he do that' It's almost as if -" he cut his comment short, realizing what he was just about to say. "Oh man. I don't even want to *think* that." Marlena laughed light-heartedly and then put her finger to John's lips as the lyrics began to glide through the speakers.

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy that you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream that you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through it all

John noticed Marlena shiver slightly, even thought the room was perfectly warm. In one movement he was pulling her into his arms, wanting to soothe away all the pain she had been suffering for such a long time.

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best that there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cos you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

Marlena relaxed into the blissful feeling of the strong arms that surrounded her. John brushed her hair off her shoulder and ran his finger down her neck and across her collar-bone.

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

John's fingers moved downward, tracing a familiar path down and over the curve of her breasts, as he watched the sensations play across her face. She felt his hand searing a path along the sort curve of her hip and down to her thigh and she quivered with the delicious responses that it brought.

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best that there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cos you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

John's eyes roved over Marlena's face, reacquainting himself with every detail. His fingers followed in their wake, reawakening memories he had dared not live for a long time. Marlena returned his gaze, losing herself in his loving eyes.

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because
of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best that there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cos you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

The music died into a whisper once again, but this time neither of them noticed it, as they sat bewitched in this dream they found themselves in.

Marlena flushed slightly as John's hand moved to undo the top button of her cotton blouse. He hesitated momentarily, but then seeing the invitation implicit in her eyes, he continued. He slid the blouse slowly off her shoulders and bent his head to kiss them. She moaned as his hair brushed her cheek, and she buried her face in it, breathing in the scent of him. John's kisses burned a trail across her flesh as he made his way down to the soft swell of her breasts. His lips grazed a line above her chemise before he slipped the thin straps over her shoulders and let it fall in a silken pile around her waist.

Before he could disrobe her any further, Marlena decided to get in on the act. Taking hold of the bottom of John's T-shirt, she pulled it up and over his head. She tossed it on the floor as she ran her fingers lightly down his chest. She felt his stomach harden at her wandering touch and smiled at the familiarity of it.

She was so intent on his chest, she was startled when his hand worked it's way up into her thick hair and pulled her forward for a kiss. While one hand stayed on his chest, the other wove into his equally thick hair, ensuring the kiss was passionate and long.

When Marlena finally stopped to catch her breath, John's hand gently pulled her down towards the bed. Complying, she eased back and helped him as he moved her up into a more comfortable position on the bed. In one quick movement, John was straddling her, desire shining in his eyes.

Slowly, almost reverently, he ran his hands down the length of Marlena's body, stopping when he reached the waistband of her blue denim jeans. Slipping his hands beneath her, he quickly undid her brassiere. Hooking a finger under each strap, he pulled it off, allowing her breasts to fall free. Marlena let a giggle slip as he threw the article over his shoulder.

Smiling, John swooped down and caught her lips with his. Teasing her, he pulled out of reach, but not for long as she quickly pulled him back, needing to taste him again. Disentangling her fingers from his hair, he drew her hands up over her head and held them there with one hand, freeing the other for more *important* matters. Then working his way down, he kissed her eyelids, her nose and then her mouth. Not content to rest there, he showered her jaw with kisses, paying special attention to her earlobe.
"Do you still like this?" he murmured softly before catching it lightly between his teeth. Her sharp intake of breath told him that she still did. His lips and tongue continued their slow course, down her neck and onto her chest. She groaned as he explored what seemed like every inch of her neckline, never straying downward.

Still holding her arms, John decided he'd made her wait enough and his mouth found it's way to her breasts. Concentrating first on one, then the other, he teased her flesh expertly with his lips and tongue, until she was moaning. Marlena felt his free arm slip under her arched back. lifting her body to meet his insatiable thirst for her. She gasped as she felt his hot mouth on her nipple, feeling the lust rip through her body. He continued, lightly running his tongue in circles around one nipple, then the other until she felt she would surely go mad.

Then suddenly her arms were free and he continued ever downward. As his mouth maintained its pilgrimage down her stomach, his hand slowly worked its way down her outer thigh. She shuddered as he retraced it's route, this time up the inside. She imagined that she could feel the heat of his fingers, even through the stiff denim. Reaching down, she pulled on his shoulders. He looked up and then smiling, he scrambled his way up her body.

Supporting himself with his broad forearms, he lowered himself down until he was almost on top of her. That wasn't good enough for Marlena and settling her arms around him, she pulled him down until their bodies touched. He sighed, feeling the softness of her breasts against his chest and he began to trace the outline of her features with his finger. Marlena, with a wry smile on her face, pulled her legs out from under him and wrapped them around his hips. It was his turn to groan, as she squeezed them, pulling herself up and pressing against him.

Seeing that he had his eyes shut, she deftly caught his finger between her teeth and started to work on it with her tongue.
"Oh God Doc!" The words exploded form John's throat as he pulled his finger away and replaced it with his lips. Burying his fingers in her hair, he kissed her as if his life and soul depended on it. Marlena renewed the pressure of her thighs and ran her hands down his well-muscled back, her fingernails scraping light grooves into his skin. By now, the proof of his physical desire for her was more than evident.

Breaking away, he left her to contemplate her bruised lips. He pulled her legs from around him and kneeled back, almost on the edge of the bed. Watching her face, he ran his hands down her body, stopping again at denim and silk constricting her waist. Slowly he unbuttoned her jeans, delighted at the tremors that ran the length of her body. When he had all the buttons undone, he expertly lifted her body and stripped off the chemise and jeans in one easy movement. Dropping them on the floor, he turned his attention to her panties. Slipping his hands in between the panties and her hips, he slid them off, gliding his hands down the length of her legs.

Marlena shivered slightly, feeling for the first time, a little vulnerable, as he dropped the panties and swept his hungry gaze the length of her body. Her discomfort was soon replaced by the warm glow of anticipation as John quickly divested himself of *his* jeans. Sitting up, she quickly grabbed his boxers with two hands. In no time at all they had joined the litter of clothes in the nether regions of the room.

Pushing Marlena back onto the bed, John ran his hands up the silkiness of her inner thighs. He felt her muscles tense and she cried out as he reached his destination. Finding that she was more than ready for him, he crawled back on top of her. He could feel her heart beating rapidly against his chest and he explored her face with his eyes once again, feeling as if he could never get enough of this incredible vision. He tucked her blonde hair behind her ear and ran his finger over her red lips.

Feeling her slow, rocking movements against him, he knew he couldn't wait any longer and he lifted himself slightly off her. Slowly and gently, he slipped into the ecstasy of her warmth. Almost instantly she cried out his name and wrapping her legs around him again, she pulled him into her. John bit his lip to keep from crying out as her movements became more intense. He joined her and together they created a sensuous rhythm that urged them both toward their peak.

Knowing he was building to a point of no return, John tried to pull away. Marlena resolutely kept her strong legs pinned around him and shook her head mutely. He was drawn back by her eyes and with no further thought, he found himself kissing her again.

Their rhythm intensified again and their movements were short and strong. Marlena's breaths were coming in short gasps and this inflamed John even further. Summoning all the energy he had left, he drove deeply into her and moaned as he felt her body tense under him. Once more he moved into her and feeling her begin, he let himself go. Marlena cried out his name as she felt her consciousness engulfed by the waves of sensual bliss. She felt John's surge and then his shudder as he came at last to her love. Their bodies and their souls combined to become as one and each of them felt that never again would they, or could they, be parted from this love.



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