...~ Exquisite Desolation ver 1.0 ~... - John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q

The sounds of footsteps were muffled on the old wooden stairs, but in the misty stillness of the evening they echoed out across the water.

A mouse stopped, frozen in terror as it watched the approaching feet. To the mouse, humans were a harbinger of doom, but also, paradoxically, a source of food. That was why mice lived in tandem with humans. It was dangerous for the individual mouse, but it was the most assured and easy way of sustaining the population. Where there were people, there was food, but there was also danger. It was the way of the world.

Confirming that he was not the intended prey, the tiny creature took the opportunity to scuttle off under the pier to safety, not waiting to see where the heavy feet settled.

Staring out over the water, Marlena lost herself in the fog for a moment. The lights on the far side of the riverbank were all but obscured by the heavy wetness in the air and they looked almost ghostly, shrouded as they were.

"Marlena, why don't you come and sit down?" Gene coaxed gently.
"No," she shook her head slowly as she closed her eyes, remembering past nights in this place.
"Sweetheart, I don't like you standing that close to the water," Q came up behind her and wrapped his fingers around her upper arm, "and I think we need to talk about what happened tonight. Please come and sit down."

Taking a deep breath, Marlena shook her head, but at the same time she shrugged, surrendering the argument before it even started. Letting Q lead her back to the refuge of the overhanging pier, she took a seat on the one of the makeshift benches.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I just panicked when I saw her pour that drink. It made me wonder how many other times she's done it and what harm it's done to my child."

"Your baby is fine," Q nodded with an assurance that surprised Marlena.
"How do you *know* that?" she shook her head hopelessly. "None of us can know that until the baby is born."
"Just trust me," Q laid his hand over hers. "I know. Just as I know that your baby wasn't harmed by the bottle of wine early in your pregnancy."
"Oh," Marlena's cheeks stained with a slight blush.

She had panicked one night after finding out about the pregnancy when she had remembered the wine but Gene had guaranteed her that it had not affected her baby. That, he could promise her with all that he was. That had been enough for Marlena then and it would have to be enough for her now.

Crossing her forearms across her knee, she leaned forward and took another deep and cleansing breath.
"I don't know why I let her get to me so much," she frowned, etching delicate lines into her cheeks. "I tried so hard to ignore her. But she won't let me. Every time she has to attack me." She looked across at Gene. "Even when there was nothing at all between John and I, she never left me in any doubt about how she felt about me."

"People are frightened by what they don't understand," Q told her gently. "Kristen doesn't understand your kindness, your innate goodness. So she attributes her own motives to you to explain how you behave. And she also doesn't understand the love that you and John share. She's so vapid that she thinks it's all about sex and pretty faces. I doubt she's ever really loved John. Or anyone else for that matter. It's all about what makes her feel good." He shook his head. "That's why she hates you, because you make *other* people feel good and she doesn't get that."

"I don't know Gene," Marlena shook her head again. "I keep thinking I should understand her. I'm a psychiatrist for goodness sakes." She held up slender fingers, her gestures adding import to her words. "I should be able to understand what motivates her, makes her say those things. But I...." she sighed, "I guess I'm too close to the situation. My judgment's clouded where John and my family are concerned."

"Nothing wrong with that," Q smiled, his eyes sparkling.
"Yes there *is* something wrong with that," Marlena sat back with a flash of annoyance. "I don't know how to deal with her. I don't know how to deal with John when she's around him. I feel like I'm constantly on edge. I try and ignore her but she's constantly there, baiting me, trying to cause some kind of scene. I'm getting paranoid Gene," her shoulders slumped with the exhalation of the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "After tonight, I just don't know how much longer I can stay quiet around her. I see her and I realize that is my baby she is carrying and everything single thing she does could affect it."

Wincing, she rubbed her taut forehead with her fingers. "I guess I have to face the fact that the two of you were right," she added grudgingly. "About keeping the truth from me I mean." Dropping her fingers she turned to Q, her nose and cheeks rosy from the chilled air. "I've known for *how* long? And already I'm too stressed to be able to deal with her in any sort of rational way."

"It's not a rational situation," Q reminded her graciously. "Of course you're worried. It's only natural. But this situation exists now and we have to figure out the best way to deal with it. Or you're going to put *this* baby in danger," he patted her stomach gently.

So it was only now that John was able to look for Marlena. He had called her apartment but the baby sitter insisted she had not seen Marlena or Eugene. John knew Marlena well though, and if she was upset, she was most likely to seek refuge down at the docks.

"Well, that was certainly an interesting party," Trudie flicked her dark auburn curls behind her shoulder as they walked to Roman's car. "Do your family always invite such drama?"
"Oh you don't even know the half of it," Roman shook his head as he considered the impossible task of trying to explain his family to Trudie. "I don't know whether it's the Brady's, or whether it's Salem but we've had our fair share of misfortune that's for sure."

"Like what?" Trudie was genuinely curious. Everything that had happened around her at the pub had night had served to arouse her curiosity to an almost unbearable level. "I mean your Dad said something about thinking that John was their son. What was that all about?"
"I could tell you but it would sound insane," Roman stifled an almost embarrassed laugh.
"Try me," Trudie wrapped her fingers around his and squeezed his hand with a happy smile. "I think maybe I should know what I'm letting myself in for here."

"Well it was a while ago now...." They had reached the car and Roman opened the passenger door for her. When they were both inside, Roman inserted the Key in the ignition and leaned back in his seat. "It went kinda like this. The family thought I had been killed, although really I was holed up in a jail cell somewhere. John was brainwashed to take my place in the family and he thought he was me for a number of years. Then I came back to Salem and John discovered he was Lawrence Alamain's brother. Lawrence is part of a minor Royal family in Europe," he added to a stunned Trudie. "And not only that but he had been a priest before Stefano had gotten hold of him."

"Stefano?" Trudie asked faintly.
"Stefano DiMera," Roman nodded. "The same man that held me prisoner for seven years. A complete madman."
"And your family believed that John was *you*?" Trudie asked with wide eyes. When Roman had said this was insane she didn't realize he meant it literally.
"Yeah," Roman nodded, but mostly without the bitterness that had plagued him in the past. "Go figure huh?"
"I guess at least you can safely say that you're not a dull family," Trudie shrugged trying to keep the tone of the conversation light.
"And like I said," Roman managed to crack a grin, "you don't know the half of it."

The diffuse light of the pier reflected off jet black eyes as the mouse watched the humans intently. They had been sitting in the same position for a long time but there was no sign of the crumbs of food that the rodent coveted.

Whiskers quivered as the scent of another approaching human washed over him and his tail twitched impulsively. Still, there was no sign of anything edible. Determining at last that there would be no scraps to bear to his nest tonight, the mouse scampered away in search of greener pastures.

"Doc?" John's voice conveyed the relief that he felt at seeing that she was safe and well. "Doc I was worried *sick* about you. Why did you take off like that?"
"John," Marlena said nothing else but rose from the bench and allowed herself to be enveloped by his waiting arms.

He held her for several minutes, just relishing the feeling of having her in his arms. Her scent was warm and sensual and he gently stroked her hair before laying soft kisses on the top of her head. He could feel the small shake of her shoulders that heralded each sob and his heart broke as she wept silently against his chest.

It took a little while for her to relax against him, but when she finally did, he pushed her away a little so he could see her reddened eyes.

"Want to tell me what that was all about?" he prompted softly. Marlena shrugged sadly, but she was interrupted by a small hiccup and John smiled sweetly. "Now I *know* you don't hiccup without a reason, so why don't you sit down and we can all talk." With no argument from Marlena, he guided her back to the bench where Eugene had shifted over.

"Now I assume this is about Kristen," he said, settling himself next to her. Frowning, he shook his head, "I am so sorry about what she said in there Doc, I just can't even believe she could *say* those things."
"Oh I can," Marlena nodded bitterly and she wiped her face with shaking fingers, "it's nothing she hasn't said before."
"Before?" John looked confused.
"Right after you were shot, and then again after you'd come out of surgery," Gene told him. "But she's never done it in your presence before. That's what worries me."

"You can't let her get to you Doc," John counseled her. "She's not worth it."
"It wasn't that John," Marlena shook her head tiredly. "Like I said, she's done it before. I can cope with that. What I can't cope with is seeing her deliberately trying to harm my baby."
'Delib....?" John shook his head, a crease between his eyes. "What?"
"We saw Kristen slugging a couple of shots of vodka into her orange juice," Gene explained, almost as weary as Marlena.
"Oh," John closed his eyes and looked away, trying to control his disgust.

"I was on my way over there to kill her when Gene dragged me out of the pub," Marlena smiled gratefully at Q. "Otherwise I think the game would have been well and truly up."
"No wonder you were upset," John slipped his arm around her shoulders.
"I'm sorry for being so angry with you for not telling me," Marlena offered quietly. "I'm beginning to think that you were completely justified. Every time I see her it gets harder and harder not to say anything. And then when she does things like that...." she shook her head, casting her eyes down to the worn wood of the pier.

"Well, I think we'd just better make sure you don't see her again," John suggested. "She's supposed to be having complete bed rest anyway and I have a sympathetic nurse in there watching her. I'm sure I can ask Maya to call me if Kristen tries to leave the apartment. That way you don't have to worry about bumping into her, and *I* don't have to worry about her following me."
"What about her appointments at the hospital?" Marlena looked a little disbelieving of the efficacy of John's plan. "And don't you think she's going to get a little suspicious if you're away from the loft for extended periods of time?"
"Work," John raised his eyebrows with a sly smirk. "I've got an awful lot of work to catch up on and I think I may even have to go to Chicago for a couple of days for a business meeting. And I think *you*," he added, tapping her nose with his index finger, "could do with a few more days rest. Am I right?"
"Oh you're definitely right," Marlena suddenly felt a whole lot better.

"Where's Kristen now John?" Q asked, feeling very much like a third wheel in this conversation.
"I got Bo to take her home," John replied, still gazing at Marlena. "I had some colleagues that I needed to catch up with."
"Oh did you just?" Marlena murmured as she snuggled closer to him.
"Well, if that's the case you don't need me to run interference," Q decided pushing himself from the bench. "I think I'll just head home now then. I assume you'll see Marlena safely back to the penthouse?"
"Sure thing Gene," John could barely hear himself over the pounding in his chest and his ears. The way she was looking at him made him want her so badly he could hardly control himself and he didn't even see Eugene leave the pier.

"Doc?" he whispered, his face only inches away from hers.
"Mmmm-hmmm?" she squeaked. Her cheeks were still flushed, not from the cold now, but the warmth that seemed to be radiating from her at his touch.
"Every time I look at you I swear you get more beautiful," he breathed as his fingers traced the curves of her face.
"I think you're biased," she smiled gracefully.
"Oh most definitely," John's fingers skittered over her lips with a cool touch. "But even if I didn't love you insanely, I'd still think you were the most beautiful woman in the world."
"Oh John," his eyes were almost indigo in the shadowy lighting of the docks and she found herself caught in their gravitational pull. Not that she wanted to fight him.

"I do love you Doc." His voice was husky and emotional. "I can't tell you enough what you mean to me. How you make me feel. It's as though when I'm with you, everything is right again. I'm whole and I have everything I'll ever want or need."
"It must be true love then," Marlena said very softly, with the hint of a smile. "Because that's exactly how you make me feel."

It was as though John lost all capacity for speech then. All he wanted to do was to taste her, to feel her soft, warm lips against his, and slowly, he bent his head to hers.

Marlena gasped a little headily as she felt his warm breath against her cheek and then she closed her eyes as his lips swept with a tingle across her cheekbone. Her heartbeat hastened as he nuzzled her cheek, his fingers sweeping into her warm, fragrant hair.

Her breaths were shallow as John pulled back and looked at her, his eyes almost devouring her face, as if he couldn't get enough of the sight of her. Her need for him echoed through her body as her golden eyes fastened on his heavy lips, wordlessly begging for him to take her.

With a barely vocal sigh, John moved his hands so that they were either side of her face, the heels of his palms encompassing the warmth of her cheeks. Marlena's lips parted as she watched him close his eyes and then bend his head towards her. Her own eyes fluttered closed almost involuntarily as he tilted her head back slightly.

Almost by instinct, John searched for Marlena's mouth with his own. He could feel her there, right in front of him, but he wanted to savour the moment, and he hovered just millimeters away from her. Marlena was almost shivering with anticipation as he swiped his lips past hers. He was so close that he was almost touching her but she knew he delighted in teasing her like this. Truth be known, she found it rather delicious herself.

John's breaths were coming faster and he parted his lips slightly as he brushed them with exquisite tenderness over Marlena's. She moaned as his lower lip caught hers, the scant pressure of it enough to urge hers sideways before they parted again. She swallowed as she tried to move forward, to catch him by surprise, but he was controlling the play and his hands were gentle but definitely firm.

Still, she lifted her own hands and laid them against his chest, feeling the drilling of his heart beneath the warm cotton. That seemed to be enough motivation for John and he swooped again, his lips catching hers in a soft, sweet kiss. He repeated the motion, holding her lips for just a moment longer so that to Marlena, they felt they were tingling.

A tiny moan escaped her as he loosened his hold on her and slipped one of his hands down so that it cupped her cheek. Taking the chance that was offered, she snaked her hand up and over his shoulder and threaded her fingers through the short dark hair at the nape of his neck. Pulling him closer, she parted her lips and with the merest touch, she drew the tip of her tongue along John's lower lip. Feeling him shiver, she pressed herself closer to him and gently parted his lips with her tongue, slipping it tentatively into his mouth.

John responded by burying his fingers in her hair and crushing his lips against hers. Their tongues tangled as they kissed passionately, abandoning the reserve that they had cultivated while in public to a sensual intimacy that they had both longed for.

Marlena tasted warm and sweet, like luscious summer fruit, and the feel of her body as it moved against his inflamed John's lust and love for her even more. He knew as much as he ever had that he would never be able to get enough of her. She poured through his veins like fire, like blood. She was his sustenance, his reason for being and without her he couldn't survive.

"Oh Doc," he pulled away from her slightly, his heart hammering in his chest. His eyes scoured her face, his spirit soaring at the mere sight of her beautiful face. Her lips were reddened and bruised and her eyes sparkled with an ungoverned passion. "God I love you. I think I've loved you since time begun. You know baby, my life didn't begin till I laid eyes on you."
"Oh honey," her own love for him simply shone in her eyes, "I don't think-"
"Marlena," John loosened his fingers from her hair and gently swept it off her face, "I'm serious. Whatever happened before I came to Salem, I just don't care about any of it. I'd give up every Alamain dime if it would guarantee that you would be in my arms forever. You and the kids mean *everything* to me. I never want you to forget that our doubt it again. Okay?"
"Okay," Marlena nodded her head gracefully, humbled by the intensity of his words. "And I never want you to forget that you are also what I cherish most in this world. You and the children. Nothing was ever right when we were alone, when you were gone." She sighed with a slightly melancholy air and he lifted his hand to her face again.

"You're not alone now, Doc. You don't have to face anything alone any more."
"I know," she searched his face with a mysterious smile.
"I sense a 'but' coming," John raised his eyebrows.
"Oh I don't know," Marlena shrugged her shoulders and looked away. "Maybe I'm just so used to dealing with problems that I'm looking for them where they don't even exist."
"What are you saying sweetheart?" John turned her head back to him with gentle fingers under her chin. She said nothing for a moment, but her eyes couldn't hide the turmoil that she was experiencing.

"I'm frightened John," she said quietly, at last. "We have so much in front of us. And I'm not just talking about the thing with Kristen. I'm just frightened that it's too much. That maybe we weren't *meant* to be together and that fate will find a way to separate us again."
"Now you listen to me," John said with firm assurance, "We *can* make it. We're *going* to make it." His voice softened as he saw the doubt in her eyes. He knew what she was thinking, that he was denying the problems that they had, thinking that everything was going to be smooth sailing from here on in. The truth was that he knew only too well the problems that they had to face. They hit him square on everytime he saw Marlena with Eugene. But he knew that they weren't insurmountable.

"Baby, I'm frightened too, I *know* it's going to be hard." He smiled as he smoothed her hair back off her face. "But you know I think of everything we have been through to get here. And here we are. Together. That's gotta count for something." He leaned forward and dropped a soft kiss on her forehead. "I think that everything we have fought to be together so far *proves* that we *are* meant to be together. There's a song I keep hearing on the radio," he grinned, "I think I've memorized the chorus 'cause I'm sure they wrote it about us." Gazing intently at her, he stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers and recited the words that had touched him.

"After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts. Two angels who've been rescued from the fall. And after all that we've been through, it all comes down to me and you. I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me. After all." Tears clouded Marlena's eyes as she looked up at him. "I'm not saying I don't think it's going to be hard Doc. I'm just saying that we have to try. Any other option is unthinkable to me. And I hope to you too."

"Oh of course it is," she broke out with a half-laugh and a half-sob. "I love you so much. I just... *love* you."
"Well I think that's all that really matters," he whispered as he leant closer to her, "you loving me and me loving you. As long as we remember that, we can face anything together."

He was so close his lips almost brushed hers as he spoke and not for the first time, Marlena felt her thoughts fade into the background as her longing for him took over. Moving on instinct, her arms found their own away around John's neck and she caught his lips with her own. Infiltrating his mouth with her tongue, she began a demanding exploration, moving even closer to him and she felt his arms around her waist.

The sensation of Marlena's tongue colliding with his, searching desperately, wanting more of him, was almost more than John could bear. He wanted to make love to her so badly, he wanted to hold her in his arms again, feel her skin as it slid across his...

"John?" They both tensed as they heard the voice. "My God, *Mom*?" Sami had been expecting to see John with Kristen and she blinked rapidly as she tried to make sense of what her eyes were telling her.

Marlena felt her stomach flip as her daughter neared them. The last thing she needed was for war to erupt between her and Sami again.
"Sami honey, we can explain," John said quietly as he let Marlena go.
"Explain...." Sami shook her head in disbelief.
"Yeah," John stood up and took a step towards his erstwhile stepdaughter. "This isn't exactly how it looks, if you'll just let us explain...."

"You see, it's a long story, but -"
"Wait!" Sami butted in before he could begin to explain. "Just tell me one thing." She eyed Marlena and then John. "Are you two back together?"
"Well..." John wasn't sure what Sami wanted to hear, and he wasn't quite sure what to say to her.
"Yes we are Sami," Marlena answered for him as she walked across the old boards to where he stood. Taking his hand in hers, her voice was husky. "It's complicated and for a lot of reasons we can't tell everyone yet, but yes, we are back together."

John was silent as he waited for what seemed like an endless moment for Sami's reaction. He'd only just gotten her back, he didn't want to lose her again now because of one careless moment.

"Well I think that's *fantastic*," a broad smile bloomed on Sami's face.
"You do?" John's surprise was equally as plain on his face.
"I really do," Sami nodded her head enthusiastically.
"Oh Sami," Marlena stepped forward with unabated relief and joy and hugged her daughter. John watched them, his own relief bubbling up as laughter in his throat.

"So what are these reasons?" Sami asked as she sat down on the bench between them. "I mean they must be pretty serious if you can't tell your own family."
"Well it's Kristen mainly," John leaned over, propping his elbows on his knees. "You see, your Mom is having *my* baby, not Eugene's and we're worried that if Kristen learns that, she'll get violent."
"You really think she'd try and hurt Mom?" Sami asked with some surprise.
"We just don't know," Marlena said quietly, "she's extremely unpredictable right now and we just don't know what she could do."

"She already tried to kill herself Sami," John's brow was creased between his eyes the way it always did when he was worried, Sami reflected. "When I left her a few months ago, she took a bottle of sleeping pills."
"Wow," Sami sat back, "well I saw what happened at the Penthouse Grille after you...." she blinked uncomfortably. "Well there was tonight too. She seems really over the edge to me." She looked up at John, her blue eyes icily clear. "I never liked her John and I never understood what you saw in her."
"Yeah well," John shrugged, "can't deny that I'm asking myself the same question."
"But what difference does her baby being born make?" She turned back to Marlena. "I mean I know that it's John's kid and all, but how would that stop her coming after you, just cos her baby is born?"
"Well...." Marlena bit her lip as she tried to figure out just how much Sami would be able to comprehend.

"It's not that having the baby will *stop* her Sami," John took over for Marlena, "it's more that once she has the baby, she won't be able to harm it because she won't have it any more."
"What-?" Sami shook her head. "You two are going to bring up *her* baby as well?"
"It's not her baby," Marlena explained in a quiet voice. "It's mine. Mine and John's."

Sami leaned back from Marlena slightly, quite unable to keep her expression neutral.
"She thinks I've gone stark raving mad, John," Marlena laughed lightly. "And I can't say that I blame her."
"Your mother's telling the truth Samantha," John didn't share Marlena's amusement at the situation. "I know it *seems* insane, but the fact is that Kristen is carrying our baby and we need to do everything we can to ensure it's safety."

"Does *Kristen* know this little piece of pertinent information?" Sami asked, her disbelief still obvious.
"No," John shook his head. " I know, I *know* it doesn't make any sense. To tell you the truth *we* don't understand it either. But it *is* a fact and it's something we have been trying to deal with."
"And that's the reason for the secrecy," Marlena added. "We just can't risk Kristen finding out the truth. About any of it."

Sami nodded her head slowly as she tried to make sense of this madness. It had to be true. Why would they tell her something so crazy if it wasn't true? Actually it was crazy enough that it *had* to be true. No-one could make that stuff up, surely.

But whatever the heck was going on with Kristen, Sami knew one thing. She was simply thrilled that her mother was getting back together with John. She had seen how miserable Marlena had been, how miserable they both had been without each other. After everything they had been through, they deserved to be together and happy and she couldn't be more delighted for them.

"Well I have one more question," she said finally, with the hint of a smile.
"What's that honey?" Marlena asked gently as she brushed Sami's hair back behind her shoulder.
"I want to know how I can help," she looked at both of them with a happy smile. "I want to do everything I can to help you two keep your secret and have as much time together as possible. Because if anyone deserves to have the best of everything, it's you two."

"Oh Sami," Marlena leant her head on one side and studied her beautiful young daughter. "I can't tell you how much that means to me."
"Me either Sami," John said throatily behind Sami. "I know it's been hard for you. I know we've hurt you, but I want to thank you for giving us this second chance. It means everything to your mother and I."
"Well," Sami turned to John, his eyes almost bluer than her own. "I'm just sorry I let self-pity rule my life for so long. I'm sorry *I* hurt the two of you so much," she dropped her head guiltily. "Neither of you deserved the kind of punishment that I inflicted on you." She sighed and stared out over the water. "Neither you *or* Carrie and Austin."

"Honey," Marlena laid a gentle hand on Sami's shoulder. "I hope you're not blaming yourself-"
"It's pretty hard not to Mom," Sami interrupted. "I keep thinking if only I hadn't interfered things would have been so much better between them. Austin would have been able to accept the baby. He wouldn't have gotten involved with that *creep*..." She shook her head in frustration.

"Sami, what happened between Carrie and Austin recently had *nothing* to do with you," John tried to reassure her.
"But if I hadn't done everything I could to undermine their relationship for so long...." Sami's voice faltered as she looked at her mother. "What I did to them was unforgivable," she whispered, tears melting her glacial eyes. "And I never got the chance to say I was sorry. I can never tell Austin how sorry I was and Carrie can't hear me when I try." Tears gathered on her lash and trembled for a moment before spilling across her chilled skin. "What difference is being sorry now when no-one is listening?"
"We're listening honey," Marlena whispered tenderly. "And somewhere I am sure, Austin is listening too."
"It's a big difference Samantha," John added as he covered Sami's hand with his. "It's the difference between living a lie and growing up and admitting your mistakes." Leaning forward with a smile, he pressed his lips to the side of her head. "I'm really proud of you sweetheart."

"So am I sweetie girl," Marlena was filled with mixed emotions as she watched John with Sami. She felt Sami's pain and regret so intensely it felt like it was her own. But mostly she felt joy at seeing her daughter finally at peace with herself, despite those regrets. And she felt joy at seeing how close she was to John after all this time. It was as though things were really finally coming right in all their lives. She only wished Carrie would somehow miraculously recover too. Unfortunately Carrie was a reminder of how fast things could go from right to wrong. Especially if John was right and Stefano DiMera was involved.

Marlena shivered involuntarily and Sami looked up in concern.
"Mom, are you okay?"
"Sure sweetheart," Marlena's smile covered her sudden discomfort, but John wasn't fooled.
"Doc?" he raised his eyebrows.
It's nothing, really," she pulled her coat closer around her, suddenly aware of the wet mist that had rolled in off the river.
"Doc, are you sure you're okay?" he remained unconvinced having seen the emotions that clouded her eyes only moments before.
"I'm cold John," her glare conveyed a totally different story to the smile on her lips. "That's all."

"All right then," he nodded his head, admitting defeat. "It's probably time I was getting you home anyway. We can't sit out here all night can we?"
"No, you're right, we can't," Marlena agreed, her expression softening. "So. You gonna take me home?"
"You just try and stop me," John grinned.
"Okay," Sami chuckled and pushed herself off the bench, "I get the hint."
"No way, lady." John caught her hand and both he and Marlena stood. "I thought you'd learnt your lesson about walking around the waterfront by yourself. We'll walk you back to the pub before I take Marlena home okay?"
"No arguments, Sami," Marlena slid her arm around Sami's shoulders. "We're going to make sure you're safe whether you like it or not okay?"

"Well actually I have a confession to make," Sami's eyes sparkled with a soft, almost dreamy quality as she looked up at her mother. "I like it a lot. It feels like I'm part of a real family again."
"Good," John draped his arm over Sami's shoulders from the other direction "You'd better get used to liking it too. Cause we're going to want the babies to spend lots of time with their big sister."

"I can't wait!" Sami touched tentative fingers to her mother's rounded stomach and then grinned at Marlena. "I really think this is great Mom. This is the best news I could have possibly gotten today."
"Well let's just pray that the good news continues," Marlena replied with a gentle smile as she maneuvered the young woman in the direction of the steps. "I think we've had enough of the bad. So let's just have the good from now on, okay?"
"Okay," Sami and John agreed in happy unison as the three of them made their way to the staircase.

In the shadows, the mouse watched the humans depart the waterfront. Ebony eyes flittered with nervous hunger. Waiting for a moment, it scurried forth into the dim light, searching for something, anything edible.

But the humans had left nothing behind them. Nothing but the warm scent of faith, love and desire. They were not things to sustain a mouse, but in the right climate, they could nourish the human soul forever.

(NB: This chapter is edited for NC-17 content. If you wish to read the unedited chapter, please click here.)

"Maggie?" Mickey closed the door softly behind him and turned to his beautiful wife.
"Mmmmm-hmmm?" Maggie pulled the wrap from around her shoulders and dropped it on the chair.
"Did you have a nice time tonight?" he asked softly.
"I had a lovely time," Maggie turned to him with a warm smile on her face. "I miss the family get-togethers." Nearing Mickey, she slipped her arms around his waist. "It seems we don't see nearly enough of the family anymore."
"I know," Mickey nodded his head, heavy with the regret of the powerless. "They're all so scattered, the only time we all get together these days is for weddings or funerals." He sighed mournfully. "And we have too many of the latter and not nearly enough of the former if you ask me."

Maggie was silent for a moment as she remembered Austin's funeral. It had been a small affair and a devastated Billie had returned to Europe only days later. Now Kate was also threatening to leave Salem with her son Phillip. Salem was, she said in a moment of utter despair, cursed, and no-one could ever be truly happy here.

"We're happy aren't we Mickey?" she asked in a small voice.
"Of course we are darling," his smile was tender and spoke of his love and utter devotion to her.
"Oh," she smiled back, tears glittering unshed.
"I see you have your red dancing shoes on," he winked at her and she looked down. The shoes on her feet were cream pumps.
"Why, I do, don't I?"

Her expression dazzled her husband as he took her in his arms and they began to dance slowly to the music that only they could hear.

Moonlight slipped across the carpet in long silver columns, slithering down the steps and drenching the sofa with it's ghostly lustre. All was still outside and the penthouse was silent as John closed the door behind him. The lights of Salem served as an appropriately beautiful backdrop as Marlena crossed the room ahead of him, the sway of her hips accentuating the beautiful swell of her stomach.

John suddenly wondered if he had ever loved her more than he did right now. She really was everything he had ever wanted or desired.

Oblivious to John's admiring gaze, Marlena sighed lightly as she dropped her gloves and her purse on the table in the living room. They came to rest against a picture of she and John with a smiling Belle between them. Marlena picked up the picture, her hands caressing the silver frame and she smiled.

"She's beautiful isn't she?" she whispered to John as he came up behind her.
"She looks just like her lovely mother," John replied softly as he reached out and touched his fingertips to Belle's face. "I can't wait to tell them, Doc." He said with an undercurrent of excitement. "I can't wait to see their faces when we tell them we're going to be a family."

Gently he guided her hand back to the table and she placed the picture down on the wooden surface. Then his strong fingers gently traced the contours of the back of her hand as they slid upwards. Snaring her wrist, he pulled her gently so that she turned on her heel to face him.

"Finally." He whispered, watching her eyes as they danced in the moonlight. In the silver light, they were unusually dark, but as they always did to John, her eyes spoke of passion with a hint of mystery. He could lose himself in those eyes, trying to evince the thoughts that passed behind them. She would never be an open book to him, but then, he didn't want her that way. Part of her appeal was her strength, her individuality and her unerring determination to maintain her principles.

She didn't show her vulnerable side to many people, only to those that she could trust not to use it against her. He was just grateful that all those years ago, she had chosen to let him in. It had brought them to this moment and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would always love her and that he would never ever let her go again.

"I love you Doc," he mouthed as he gazed at her. With an almost bashful smile, she leaned her head on one side.
"I love you too," she whispered, her voice wrapping around him like a wash of silk.

John's fingers found her jaw then and he tipped her head back with the tenderest of motions. His eyes roved her face, traveling familiar curves made strange with glossy silver light. The sigh died unheard in Marlena's throat as he dropped his lips to hers, sweet and delicate.

Hope drew the brush through her long, sleek locks. The chestnut tresses fell in a thick curtain over her shoulder, splaying luxuriously against the crimson silk of the robe she wore. Madame Rochas, Bo's favourite scent, rose subtly from the warm skin of her throat as she continued to brush her hair.

"Hey Fancy-Face," Bo murmured as he took the brush from her hand and placed it deliberately on the dresser. "Don't you think you've spent enough time getting ready for bed?" He grinned as he dipped his face into the musky aroma that pervaded the area around her.

Hope sighed audibly as she felt his lips slide down the side of her neck. At the same time his hands found the sash at the front of her robe and pulled on the loose ends so that it fell open. Hope's head fell back against his shoulder as he explored the golden skin of her throat with his lips and tongue. Her breath shortened as his tongue found her earlobe and one hand rose to seek a hold in his dark hair.

Bo's own hands flowed up over the crimson satin of the matching nightgown, traveling familiar paths and eliciting desired responses as they cupped her ample breasts.

"Well I think we're ready for bed," he added impudently, his breath hot against her cheek.
"Oh Bo," Hope said nothing else, but she twisted in his arms and claimed his mouth hungrily with her own.

Kristen tossed in her bed, pulling the cotton sheets up so that they grazed her chin. Sleep had been elusive. Knowing that John was out there somewhere and not sleeping in Brady's room downstairs was not a comforting thought.

But after a short while mulling over the possibilities, she had fallen into an uneasy sleep. Pregnancy left her weary and lethargic and sometimes it was all she could do to succumb to sleep when it stole over her.

As Kristen slept, John came to her in her dreams, convincing her of his desire for her, the proof of his love in his insensate touch.

His cerulean eyes glowed as he looked down at her, his fingers playing with the hair at her temple. He said nothing as she reached up and touched her fingers to his lips. She didn't notice that she could not feel him, that there was no warmth to his skin, no moistness against her fingertips. She believed that it was real because she wanted to believe it. Because she needed to believe it.

Marlena shrugged the cream jacket from her shoulders and slung it over the back of a chair as she watched John light the candles on the center table. The wicks flickered for a moment, spluttering with waxen indignation before springing to fervent life. Immediately, the room shimmered with a golden hue, complete with shy, wavering shadows.

"Music?" John asked stepping over to the stereo. Marlena nodded silently, her lips pursed in a tiny smile as she watched him. The soft orange light of the naked flame seemed to melt into all surfaces, transforming the previously silvered room into a welcoming and private haven.

John switched on the stereo and smiled appreciatively as the soft strains of soul music spilled from the discretely placed speakers. Looking up at Marlena, he realized in a disconnected thought that she must have redone her lipstick at some point. The soft pink gloss on her lips glistened in the flickering light and her hair fell around her face like a golden halo. She looked utterly gorgeous.

"Would you like to dance Dr. Evans?" he held his hand out as he neared her. With a wordless nod, she took it and allowed him to wrap his free arm around her waist. Slowly, she slipped her own hand up over the cotton of his shirt and along his shoulder. John's heart jumped as he felt her fingers linger with a delicate touch on the back of his neck. He wanted her so badly, more than he could imagine was possible. It took every shred of his willpower not to pull her down to the couch and make love to her right now.

Then her hand curled around his neck, pulling him close to her and he lifted her hand to his chest, pressing her palm against the warm cotton of his carmine shirt. He curled his fingers around hers and held it there so that she could feel the way his heart thumped with longing. Looking up at him, she was seized by the incandescent lust that blazed in his eyes and she swallowed involuntarily.

They stayed that way for long moments, just swaying to the soft music and staring into each other's eyes.

Slowly, John dropped the hand that had been settled around her waist so that his fingers lingered over the soft curve of her rear. Breathing in her scent, he closed his eyes and just relished the feeling of holding her in his arms. At one time he had thought he would never be here again, never be holding her, never being able to tell her how he felt about her. He had to do everything in his power to get it right this time. He couldn't risk losing her again. Ever.

The silky fabric of her dress rustled under his hand as he drew his fingers lightly up her back, grazing her backbone so delicately that she shivered in his arms. Opening his eyes, he gazed down into her honeyed ones.
"Okay Doc?" he asked in a whisper. With huge and expectant eyes, she nodded. As much as he wanted her, Marlena's passion for him was just as strong. She loved him with her heart and her soul and it was as though their bodies were made for each other. No-one had ever made her feel the way John did. Even with a simple kiss, he could rouse a trembling hunger stronger than any she had ever known.

When they had been married, there had been entire weekends that they had made their own, venturing from the bedroom only long enough to raid the kitchen and build up their reserves for another few hours. And nothing had changed. She still wanted him as much as she ever had. Her body still tingled at his touch, her knees almost failing her as he moved his hand from hers and drew a cool finger over the curve of a bared shoulder.

"Doc?" he whispered, his lips brushing her cheek.
"Mmmm?" she almost squeaked as her hand curved around his neck so that her arms encircled him.
"I love you," he buried his nose in her hair, his lips murmuring hotly against her ear. A tremor of excitement shook her, though barely noticeable, and she took a steadying breath.

Encouraged by her reaction, John traced the outline of her ear with his lips and then caught her lobe with his teeth, sucking on it gently. Feeling her intake of breath even before he heard it, he was finally convinced that she wanted him almost as much as he wanted her. With deliberate tenderness, his lips drifted across her cheek and then he pulled back from her, studying her intently.

Her hazel eyes seemed to wash from brown to green almost instantaneously, the inky pupils widening with desire as the flecks of gold that dappled her irises flashed in the candle light. Her cheeks were dusted with a glorious translucent rose, and her lips were kissably moist. She couldn't be more perfect if he had dreamed her from nothing.

Without a word, she tightened her arms around his neck and perched on tiptoes. Leaning forward, she brushed her glossy lips across his. John groaned as he felt his body respond to her invitation, and his own lips searched blindly for hers again.

Hands threaded her hair as John's lips bussed hers, gentle sweeps stealing the sheen. She tasted glorious and John soon increased the urgency of his kisses, his tongue sliding between welcoming lips in a continuing exploration.

As the music swelled to a euphonious climax, they stood in the centre of the room, bodies entwined, hearts rendering their own sweet chorus, minds aware of nothing but each other.

Above John and Marlena, a door closed silently. With a sigh, Q closed his eyes and dropped onto the bed. He hadn't imagined this would be so hard. He had imagined plenty of scenarios, but in all his variations, he had at least been able to deal with seeing her in John's arms. He had been happy for her, maybe a little sad for himself, but at least happy for her.

So he wasn't prepared for this overwhelming jealousy that he felt as he had seen John kissing her. Unaware that they were down there, he had been on his way downstairs to get a glass of water. And there they were, smiling, dancing, kissing.

The memory of her was still so fresh, so warm. He loved her so much it *hurt*. He could only imagine that John felt the same way, however badly he had treated her. He couldn't begrudge either of them that love but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt.

If only he could hold her, touch her, tell her one last time that he loved her....

But that was utterly ridiculous. She was down there, gazing into John's eyes. Before long, he would be carrying her up to the bedroom and he would lay her on the bed and then....

Q shook his head. Why the hell was he doing this to himself? It was useless. It was pointless. It was certainly completely hopeless.

Closing his eyes, he pulled the covers over his body and willed sleep to claim him.

"Abe, honey?" Lexie exited the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe. She wore a coffee-coloured chemise and robe, slightly lighter than the smooth chocolate of her skin.

"Wow!" Abe exclaimed, his lips drawing into an appreciative smile. "When you said you had a surprise I didn't think...."
"Well," Lexie neared the bed and pulled on the sash of her robe so that it fell open. "If you had guessed that would have made me predictable huh?" She pushed Abe back against the covers of the bed and climbed on top of him, straddling his thighs with her knees. "I don't always like to be predictable."

Trudie watched as the bubbles escalated in an assiduous trail through the champagne, breaking at the surface with a barely audible hiss. Lifting her gaze from the glass, she met Roman's chestnut-coloured eyes which twinkled in the soft light.
"To us," he held up one of the champagne flutes.
"To us," she repeated with a sweet smile curving her lips.

Roman took a sip from his glass as he gazed at her. She really was beautiful and he felt the stirrings in his heart that he had almost expected never to feel again.
"Penny for them?" Trudie asked with an intrigued expression.
"Hmmmm?" Roman shook his head, almost surprised at her question.
"You seem lost deep in thought," Trudie set her glass down on the table and moved closer to him. "I can only hope they're good thoughts."
"They are," Roman said after a moment, his own smile echoing hers. "I was just thinking how gorgeous you are."
"Oh," now she was surprised. She hadn't expected that from him. She didn't know why, she just hadn't.

He struck her as an intensely private man, and one who didn't say things he didn't mean. She suspected that he didn't give his love away lightly, and that when he did, it was forever. She could see that when he looked at his ex-wife. But she could also see that he had accepted that she was no longer his and he had let her go. She suspected he had been hurt badly, emotionally as well as physically and it surprised her that he was so willing to open himself up to her. It surprised her almost as much as the depth of her own feelings for him. She had never expected to fall for someone as fast as she had fallen for Roman, but he just seemed to push all her buttons and left her wanting more every time.

"And now you're lost in thought," Roman teased. "Make quite the pair don't we?"
"I think we do actually," her voice was serious as she folded up her long legs under her and inched towards Roman.
"Couldn't have said it better myself," Roman murmured as he lifted his fingers and threaded them between her curls. Closing his eyes, he felt her lips against his and he parted them, infiltrating her with his tongue, tasting her sweetness as his hand moved over the gentle curves of her body.

It was strange, holding, kissing someone new after all these years. But he couldn't say he didn't like it. In fact, he liked it rather a lot.

"Roman," Trudie whispered breathily as his lips dropped to her neck. "Take me to bed."

"Mmmmmmm," Marlena broke the kiss and her eyes fluttered open.
"Hi," John smiled lovingly at her before pulling her closer, nuzzling her cheek softly.

Drawing her hand back, she lifted it, laying cool fingers against his temple. Then, with a tenderly intimate gaze, she drew her fingers down, sketching the angles and curves of his wonderfully familiar face with her fingertips. It was as though, by touching him, she could somehow draw him into herself so that he would never go, so that they would always be as they were in this moment.

John's heart felt as though it might erupt, as though his love for her was somehow like molten lava, needing some expression, some way to escape. It was overwhelming, just being here with her, watching her as she watched him. He knew deep down that he didn't deserve to be this lucky. But he wasn't about to argue the point. He loved her and she loved him. That was all that really mattered.

The music faded as Marlena touched her fingertips to John's lips, her own heart pounding out her passion for him. She could drown in those midnight-blue eyes, be suffocated by the sensual lips she touched and she would die happy.

"Kiss me," she demanded in a husky whisper and John's eyes fell to her own lips, heavy and inviting. Bending his head, he swept his lips over hers evoking a spark of electricity that seemed to linger between them for a moment before suffusing them with a wanton warmth. His hand drifted to her face, fingers brushing loose hair back from pale skin as he kissed her again, this time more hungry, more demanding. Marlena responded with her own need, her tongue searching for his as his lips drank in more of her.

Her own fingers slipped through the hair at his temple and tangled in his hair as she attempted to possess even more of him. The arm around his neck tightened as she pressed herself against him, her body tensing with longing. She wanted him so badly, wanted to feel him. And she could feel as she moved against him that he wanted her too.

"Marlena-" he pulled back with a gasp.
"Don't talk John," she commanded, "just take me upstairs."
"But..." he wasn't sure this was such a good idea. He had wanted the first time they made love again to be a special moment and he wanted to be sure that Marlena was ready for it.
"I don't want to hear any buts John," her eyes flashed emerald in the dying candle light. "We've wasted so much time. I want you...," she drew in a quick breath, "I need you. Now." She paused for a moment, seeing the uncertainty that still lingered in his eyes.

Leaning forward, she stopped when her lips were almost touching his cheek, so close that he could feel the vibration of the words against his ear. "I want you to take me upstairs John Black. And I want you to make love to me."

John groaned inadvertently as she caught his earlobe between her lips and began to suck on it. He could barely move as she scattered hot, moist kisses down his neck and across his throat. Unbuttoning the top button of his shirt with nimble fingers, her lips gravitated downwards, encountering the soft dark hair that covered his chest.

With a carnal growl, John snarled his fingers in her hair and pulled her head back so that he could assault her mouth. A moan escaped Marlena's lips as he claimed them, crushing them beneath his own, his tongue tangling with her own in an elaborate battle of wills.

She gasped for breath as he suddenly released her, only to take her again, demanding her accession to his will. She fought him briefly, trying to gain some control, but finally she succumbed, letting him have his way. Her body responded to his touch with barely restrained lust, her need for him only growing with each moment. She could feel it, hot and damp as his lips savaged her throat, sucking on the warm, fragrant flesh, sending palpable jolts through her body.

"Oh God," she fairly sobbed and John lifted his dark eyes to hers. "I need you," she whispered hoarsely. "Please."

Without a word, John reached down and scooped her up in his arms. Kissing her once more, he carried her to the staircase.

"Gene?" The whisper stirred him from his sleep and he opened his eyes to find her perched on the edge of his bed.
"Marlena?" he was confused as he looked at her, searching for some reason why she should be here, in his room.
"I sent John away," she said by way of explanation.
"Away?" he shook his head, his brow creased with astonishment.
"It wasn't right," she shook her head. "I was downstairs with him and something happened." She reached her hand out and laid it against his chest where his heart was thumping as though it wanted to leap through this ribcage. "I realized," she licked her lips unconsciously, "that it wasn't him I wanted to be with. It's you."

"Gene," her voice was soft and breathy as she drew her fingers lightly down his torso to find the hem of his T-shirt. "Do you think maybe...." she slid her hand up under the shirt and over his warm skin. She leaned close and he swallowed reflexively, almost desperately. Somewhere in the distance, his mind screamed madly at him. This is INSANE. But she interrupted him with her smooth, honeyed words, "...maybe we could...."

She never finished her sentence as she covered his lips with her own, not seeing the look of shock that crossed his features.

What the hell?! his mind carried on an internal dialogue as he felt hr tongue slide, wet and warm, between his lips. She was kissing him. I saw her. She loves John. This is *crazy*.

And then, suddenly it hit him as she moved her attention across to his ear, blowing tiny, erotic breaths against the skin just moistened with her tongue. He shivered with desire.

Just as in the beginning of their relationship, when he wanted her so badly and couldn't have her, he was dreaming about her. That had to be it. Though now he knew what she was, he was almost afraid she would fade into nothingness. But oddly enough, she didn't. Instead, her fingers wound in his hair and she shimmied across the sheets so that she was lying next him.

She felt so real to him that it was almost frightening. And he wondered as she suckled at the sensitive skin of his throat, if he had indeed lost his mind. Almost more alarming was the fact that he almost didn't care if he had.

"Oh baby," she lifted her head and whispered against his lips. "I think we could indeed...."

His eyes were closed, his lips red as he bit down on them, trying to maintain some composure. Leaning down, she traced her tongue along the outside of his ear as she slid her fingers over the silky fabric of his boxers.

"Come on my love," she whispered against his ear, her breath hot and ticklish, "show me how much you like it. Tell me what you want me to do."

Q opened his eyes reflexively, his heart racing. He tossed the covers from the bed and sat up, trying to will himself to calm down. It was just a dream.

He ran his fingers over his forehead and shivered. He was absolutely wringing with sweat.

Marlena frantically twisted the doorknob with the hand that was not hooked around John's neck, willing the impediment to open. Grinning, John removed her hand and replaced it with his own. Giving it a yank, he kicked the door, sending it flying open.

"Shh..shh..shh. shh.." Marlena giggled spontaneously, "you'll wake the whole house."
"I'll remind you that you said that in twenty minutes time," John threatened with a happy grin as he swung the door closed behind them.
"Oooh that sounds remarkably close to a promise" she teased as her eyes swept his beloved face.
"You'd better believe it baby!" he released her legs, setting her gently to the ground.

With her arm still around her neck, she pressed herself up against him, and he could feel the hard swell of her beautiful belly against him.
"I love you," she whispered, her face outlined in the shaft of gossamer moonlight that spilt through the open curtains.
"Oh Doc," John sighed as his fingers lightly combed her silky hair back off her face. "I can't tell you how many times I dreamed you said that to me. How many times I longed to hear it." With his fingers, he followed the plane of her cheek to where it dipped into shadow. "You .... " he shook his head, his face falling slightly, "you're so beautiful.... Everything about you is beautiful Doc. Your face, your heart and mostly your soul." A look of anguish and self doubt skipped fleetingly across his face. "I just can't help but wonder if I really deserve you."

"Honey," Marlena slid her free hand around his neck, "it's not a question of deserving. We're meant to be together. That's all there is to it." When he looked unsure, she smiled softly and left a kiss on his lips. "For what it's worth, I think you're just wonderful and I can't think of anybody more deserving than you."

A bashful smile slid onto John's lips.
"How did I get so lucky?" his hands settled on the curves of her waist as his clear gentian eyes scoured her face, looking for some answer to why he was so blessed. That answer was written in the love he found reflected in her own glittering eyes. She loved him, simply because he was. They were two halves of the same. The love that bound them made them both complete and locked them together perfectly, their union forming a perfect circle of happiness that seemed unfettered by petty things such as time or mortality.

"I love you," she whispered, her voice honeyed and persuasive. "I want you to make love to me." Slowly, she leaned forward and John felt her lips, wet and warm against his neck. The moan died in his throat as he felt her hands in his hair and her tongue teasing his earlobe. His own fingers slipped stealthily over the silken cascade of her dress as it flowed over her curves, and he squeezed her backside, almost lifting her off her tiptoes.

Bringing her mouth hungrily to his, she delved her tongue between his lips, inviting him, asking him for more. In one swift movement, John swept her off her feet again, one arm hooked under trembling thighs.

Knowing instinctively where he was going, he concentrated on the way she tasted under his lips as he carried her to the bed. Only when he laid her down on the soft floral comforter, did he break the kiss.

"Roman?" Trudie whispered softly as he ran his fingers tenderly over her bare thigh.
"Mmmmm," Roman was quite caught up in his exploration of her as his beautiful artistic fingers followed the flow of her curves.
"Kiss me?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye.
"How can I resist an invitation like that?" Roman murmured with a grin. Shimmying up the bed, he brushed his fingers across her cheek and into the glossy curls of her hair. Sliding his lips across hers, he lowered her head to the pillow gently. Trudie parted her lips as she felt his tongue probing and her hands automatically found his chest. She loved his chest. Her insatiate fingers curled over the hard muscles, researching the smooth expanse of olive skin, playing with the flickering sinew that lay below it.

Roman's mouth moved restlessly over hers, his lips crushing hers in a bruising, demanding exhibition of his hunger for her. His tongue collided wetly with hers in a tango of passionate proportions as his body moved lithely against hers.

She thought of him as a dancer in the way he moved in bed. He swore that he hated tuxedos and had two left feet on the dance floor. But when he was making love, it was like an exquisitely choreographed ballet that made her feel almost as if she was flying.

With a gentle exhalation, she broke off the kiss and brought her hands up to Roman's face. With infinite tenderness, she traced the creases in his skin, drinking in the warm chocolate of his eyes. Then, with the barest of caresses, she brushed the chestnut-coloured curls from his forehead.

John gazed at Marlena for a moment, his eyes following the contours and shadows that played on her face in the half-light. However, Marlena had a more physical exploration in mind and she clutched a handful of his upper shirt, pulling him down to the bed with her. Then, without warning, she pushed him onto his back and bent her head, pressing hot, hungry lips to his.

John could feel the heat swell within him as she kissed him ravenously and his own hands threaded almost desperately through her hair. Marlena felt light headed as she pulled her head up, panting for air to fill her bursting lungs. Taking advantage of her distraction, John turned his attention to her neck, dipping his tongue into the sweetly fragrant hollow at the base of her throat before he sucked lightly at her warm, golden skin. She shivered as his tongue glided along the fine line of her collarbone and then down over the dulcet skin above the neckline of her dress.

Marlena loved the way he knew instinctively just what turned her on and the feeling of his tongue, moist and searching, sent threads of fire shooting through her. She wanted him so badly she almost couldn't stand it and she pushed back from him and quickly undid the top two buttons of his shirt with shaking fingers.

John wasted no time in helping her and he pulled the shirt open, slipping it off broad shoulders as he lifted his torso slightly off the bed. Marlena freed the shirt from under him and dropped it on the floor as she touched her fingers to his chest.

Marveling at the way his muscles twitched under her caress, she stroked her fingers lightly over the coarse soft hair that covered him. With a little smile, she traced one finger down the centre of his chest, between the beautifully defined pectoral muscles and over his upper abdomen. He said nothing but his eyes were closed and she could feel the muscles of his belly harden at her touch.

Meeting the waistband of his jeans, she paused for a moment and then lifted her hand. John sighed almost imperceptibly and then sucked in a breath as she flickered her fingers lightly over his chest.

"Doc!" he managed to blurt out from between clenched teeth, "you're killing me."
"Oh," she raised her eyebrows innocently.
"You're asking for trouble," he couldn't help grinning as he wrenched her wrist away and in one movement, had her on her back, her arm above her head.

Dipping his mouth to hers, he took her, ravishing her with greedy, passion-filled kisses. Moving so that he was partially pinning her right side with his body, and her left hand above her head with his left hand, he edged her skirt up her thigh with his fingers. Pausing when he encountered first lace and then soft, pliant flesh, he gazed down at her.

Her face was flushed, her cheeks a silken pink and her lips painted scarlet with kisses. She stared back up at him, her eyes darkening to a dusky gold as her chest rose and fell with shallow breaths. John swallowed and let her skirt fall back down as he followed the curve of her hip as it swept down to her waist. Watching his fingers as they moved, he slid them up and over the beautiful swell of her belly. It didn't bother him in the slightest that she was pregnant, in fact, he found it incredibly sexy as he explored her new curves. To him, there was nothing more natural and more beautiful than bringing a new life into the world. He had been deprived of the chance to share her pregnancy with Belle, so this was the first time he had been able to touch her like this while she carried his child. And if it was possible, it made him love her even more.

Continuing on his expedition, his hand cupped her heavy breasts, his fingers brushing the bare skin above her neckline so that she squirmed under him. His touch was maddeningly arousing and Marlena just wished he would hurry up.

"Jo-"
"Shhhh," he touched his index finger to her lips, quieting her. She stared at him frustratedly and with a grin, he brushed his lips over hers, his touch barely enough to produce a tingle. Marlena tried to lift her head to catch him, but he had her almost immobile and he could tease her as he liked. Lowering his head again, he ran the tip of his tongue along her lower lip and then again grazed her lips lightly with his own. A whimper escaped Marlena as his hand began to massage her breast through the fabric, and she was rewarded as John's kiss suddenly exploded with lust and need. Through the fog in her mind, she could feel him moving against her and then he pulled on her wrist so that she rolled onto her side.

With a practiced hand, he found the zipper of her dress and swiftly lowered it, releasing her arm momentarily so that he could slip her arm out of the confines of creamy fabric. Then, taking hold of her wrist again, he lowered her once more onto her back and swept his fingers across her bare skin over to where her right shoulder was still dressed. Moving slightly, he slipped the strap from her shoulder, his fingers sketching the dusky freckles that were scattered over her skin. With a hint of a smile, he bent his head and placed a sweet kiss where her shoulder rounded to her upper arm. Marlena watched him, her eyes drowsy with longing as he continued to slide his fingers down her arm, drawing the silk before him.

When he finally reached her hand, he slithered the fabric over her fingers and then lifted her hand. Meeting her demanding gaze with his own, he lifted her palm to him and pressed his lips to it. Then, deliberately, he began to slowly kiss the tips of her fingers.

"You're amazing," he whispered tenderly as he slid the dress down to her waist, exposing the taut expanse of her pregnant stomach. Releasing her wrist, he slipped down the bed, his fingers molding around the smooth curves as he explored her new form. With a profound smile, he looked up at her. Her arm was still arced above her head and she was watching him, her eyes glittering with happiness.
"I love you," she whispered in a broken voice. She couldn't believe *how* much she loved him. She'd almost forgotten how he made her feel. It throbbed through her with every surge of blood that her pounding heart pushed forth. It burned within her and sometimes she felt as though it might consume her. She wanted him. She *needed* him. She would never stop needing him because he made her life *right* and full. He brought out the sun and the moon for her and he made her heart sing. And she knew that she would never ever again let him go.

She felt his lips against the smooth skin of her belly and a small tear slipped from below the thick lashes. She had come *so* close to losing him forever. She had almost let him walk away and she couldn't risk that ever happening again.

When finally it was over, John rolled partly onto his side, bringing her with him. One arm remained under her, his fingers splayed against the small of her back, holding her against him. Her leg was still draped over his hip as he pulled the comforter over them. Drawing in deep, ragged breaths, he gently pushed the long damp curls from her face and kissed her forehead.

With a cat-like smile, she opened her hazel eyes and looked at him an expression of adoration and utter satisfaction on her face.
"Guess what?" she whispered.
"What?" John knew the adoration was reflected in his own eyes. He would never be able to get enough of this woman as long as he lived.
"I love you," she told him with a flirtatious giggle.
"I love you too babe," he smiled exhaustedly as she snuggled against him.

Tugging the comforter further over them, John wrapped his arms around Marlena and let out a silent sigh as he felt her slow, warm breaths against his neck.

The room was warm, the morning sun splashing across their bodies as John's eyes flickered open. It took him a moment to orient himself, to remember where he was and that the woman lying next to him in the bed was the woman that he loved. A smile curled his lips lazily as he focused on her, blonde hair in tousled curls around an angelic face.

Propping himself up on one elbow, his eyes swept her face. It was so long since he had woken up with her. And last time she had woken first. He hadn't had the chance to just watch her sleep since... well, really since they had been married all those years ago.

Dark lashes curled over rose tinted cheeks that were dusted with the most adorable freckles. Her lips, still reddened from the previous evening's assault, were curved with a dreamily peaceful smile. John reached out and with one finger followed the graceful sweep of her cheek down to the soft angle of her jaw. She was so beautiful he could hardly believe it. Could hardly believe that he was here, with her, that she wanted him in her life once again.

In some ways, it almost hadn't been real until he had made love to her. In the back of his mind he had halfway expected her to realize that she had made a mistake, that he would never give her anything but pain and that she was better off without him. Part of him wondered if she would be right if she did. But without her, his life was filled with darkness. He was unfettered, drifting with the currents that had shaped him into who he was, slammed back and forth between the specter of Stefano DiMera and the fragments of gruesome memories that came unbidden and terrifying.

But when he was with her, it was so different. She lit up the darkness, her sweet goodness spilt into his soul like the golden light that fell across the bed as he watched her. She was the calm at the center of the maelstrom that at times threatened to engulf him, the anchor that kept him safe and sane. And it was only now that he realized how much he needed her in his life and how close he had been to losing himself when he had almost lost her.

He loved her so much it almost hurt. It was indescribable, a sweet agony that filled him so that he wanted to weep and to laugh with the joy and the pain. He could spend his life searching and never feel a glimmer of what he felt for her for anyone else.

Isabella, I can't go with you now. You always knew that part of my heart still belonged to Marlena. It still does. Honey I can't lie to you. She means everything to me. She's my soulmate, you must know that...

John shook his head at the odd. ...what was it, a thought? A memory? He couldn't remember ever saying anything like that to Isabella... But it felt.... it was so vivid and yet so vague.

Marlena stirred next to him, a gentle sigh slipping out with easy breaths. He relaxed as he watched her, the tension that had suddenly filled him flowing out of his muscles with each peaceful, smooth breath that she took. Leaning his head down, he kissed the sweet curve of her shoulder and then followed it with his fingers, tracing the silky skin of her upper arm in a smooth line.

She stirred again as he reached the sensitive skin of her inner elbow, following the blurred blue lines of delicate veins. John lifted his fingers swiftly. He didn't want to wake her yet. He just wanted to enjoy this for as long as he could, just to be with her, to be able to watch her, drink her in without any other distractions.

She settled again and after a moment, he tentatively fingered the pale lemon sheet that covered her, outlining the exquisite rise of her pregnancy. With a tender hand, he laid his palm against the stomach where his child nestled. Our child. An amazed smile graced his lips and John felt tears sting his eyes.

Life was filled with few utterly perfect moments, but this was one of them. He couldn't be any more at peace, any happier than he was right now.

Being careful not to disturb Marlena, he slid down the bed so that his face was level with his hand. Lovingly, he pressed a soft kiss against the crumpled fabric that covered Marlena's stomach. He still couldn't really believe it. They were going to be holding two beautiful babies in their arms soon. The family that he had dreamed of for so many years was finally going to become a reality. And having lost it once made it all that more precious to him. He was determined that *nothing* would separate them all now.

He smoothed his hand across the firmly rounded belly as the thoughts flew, scattered through his consciousness. And then he felt the slightest of movements, the tiny prod of a foot or an elbow against his hand and he grinned.

"Hey there baby," he whispered, "it's your daddy. Morning sweet baby." He laughed lightly at the answering kick.
"I think he's saying hello back," Marlena's honeyed voice floated down, settling over him as he looked up to find her smiling at him. "Morning," she added, her hazel eyes twinkling merrily.
"Hi there beautiful lady," John moved smoothly back up the bed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"That's okay," she smiled contentedly, stretching a slender arm up behind her head. "I can't think of a sweeter way to be woken, so you're forgiven."
"How did you sleep?" John reached out a finger and stroked her cheek tenderly.
"Better than I have for months," she told him honestly. "Last night was...." she smiled dreamily, "just wonderful."
"For me too," John nodded with a promise-filled as he drew closer to her.

Marlena brought her hand back down in front of her and rolled onto her side so that she was facing John. With sensitive fingers, she etched a path across his shoulder and down over a superbly sculpted bicep.
"I really do love you," she said softly.
"Mmmmmm, well I love you too," John murmured as he whispered his lips across hers.

Marlena's heart pounded as he kissed her gently, his hand delicately pushing the rumpled hair from her face. Her own hand curled over his arm to his back.
"You're just the most amazing man John Black," she told him with a satisfied smile when he pulled back.

The smile was replaced by a fleeting look of confusion as he tensed against her.

"John?" her stomach churned inexplicably as she watched what looked like pain wash across his face. "John, sweetheart what's wrong?"

You're just amazing and I feel so lucky to be here with you. Yes it was wonderful before, but now it's even better. Now it's honest, it's just you and I and how we feel about each other. And that's very special. And *very* sexy.

John knew the words. They had echoed in his head, reverberated maddeningly through his mind and soul during long, sleepless nights. He knew them only too well. They were burned in his mind as her betrayal was burned on his heart.

He felt the bile singe his throat as he turned from her trying desperately to rid himself of the images he thought he had banished.

"John?" a tinge of panic crept into her voice as she caught his muscled arm with anxious fingers. His sudden coldness was inexplicable and it frightened her. As much as she loved him and as much as she was so incredibly happy to be in his arms again, they still had so far to go, so much to overcome. And she also knew they had to do it together if they were going to survive this. "John, please talk to me. What is it?"

John could hear the fright in her voice and he mentally cursed himself. He thought he'd dealt with this, accepted it as fact and moved on. So why the hell was he letting it haunt him again, letting it come between them? He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't hurt her again and here he was, after the first night, turning away from her.

Damn it John, stop being so selfish. She needs* you*, not your insecurities.

"Nothing Doc," he turned back to her with a relaxed smile. "It was nothing."
"That was *not* nothing John," Marlena demurred, dropping her hand in front of her. "Please don't patronize me. I know you well enough to know when something is wrong." John said nothing in reply and she sighed. "I thought we agreed that we had to *talk* about our problems. That silence was only adding to them."

John felt the power of the hazel eyes fixed on him and his cheeks began to burn. He knew she was right, but he didn't want to do this now. He didn't want to end their perfect night this way. And besides, this was something he really felt that he could work through himself given a little more time.

Time.

"It was the clock," he covered smoothly. "I saw the time and I hadn't realized we'd slept so late. It just gave me a bit of a turn, that's all," his voice softened. "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to upset you."
"Oh," she blinked as she looked at him and then lifted her wrist to look at the elegant watch she wore. "Oh my goodness, you're right!"

She hadn't even given Kristen the briefest thought as she had drifted to sleep in John's arms. But now she realized that if John didn't get home soon, Kristen would have some serious suspicions as to where he had been.

"It's okay," John grinned as he wrapped his arms around Marlena and murmured against her ear, "I'll just tell her it was an all night meeting."
"Don't you think she's *already* suspicious enough without knowing that you've been out all night?" Part of Marlena just wanted to just relax in his arms and let him make love to her again. Actually, most of her wanted him to do that, but the little voice in the back of her head wouldn't quiet long enough to let her give in to the hands that were already starting to roam her body. "John," she pushed him away, her voice heavy with regret, "you'd better go back to her. Before she comes looking for you."

Marlena's words served to remind John of the danger that Kristen's suspicions could pose and he groaned, rolling onto his back and flopping his head back on the pillow with a dramatic flourish.
"Remind me again why I'm doing this?"
"For our children," she was gentle, knowing that he hated going back to Kristen just as much, if not more than she hated sending him back. John rolled his head to the side to look at her, his china blue eyes full of unspoken emotion.
"I'd do anything for them Doc. I'd do anything for our babies and our kids. And I'd do anything for you. You just have to say the word."
"I know you would," she moved under the sheets so that her body was against his, her skin warm and smooth, her belly tight and rounded, pressing against his side. Her fingers navigated the rough stubble in his cheeks as she watched him with a sweet smile. "That's one of the reasons I love you so."

John's earnest expression melted into a smile that made her heart leap.
"I love you so much Doc," he whispered as he nuzzled her face lightly his fingers raking through her hair.
"I know," she answered gently pulling away from him, her lashes moist with tears, "and that's why you have to go. Now."

He watched her silently as her eyes pleaded with him. She was right, one of them had to be strong. It would be so easy just to stay here, like this. To feel her heart beating, taste the silky sweetness of her skin....

He sighed and nodded, rolling away from her and sitting up.
"You don't know how hard this is...." he muttered as he cast his eyes around the floor for his clothes.
"Yes," he felt her warm hand close over his and he turned back to her, "I do." She nodded, eyes darkly somber.
"Of course you do," he smiled, because he knew if he didn't he was just as likely to cry. And so was she, and he couldn't bear to see more tears coming from those beautiful eyes.

Marlena could hardly bear to see the shadow that passed over him as he contemplated leaving her to go back to Kristen. Pressing her lips together to stave off emotions that wanted to subsume her, she threw her arms around him. She felt John's momentary surprise and then his arms wrapped tightly around her as he hugged her to him.

"Come back to me as soon as you can," she whispered against his ear, not caring how desperate she sounded. She felt him nod and then the warm trickle of moisture on her cheek. Raising her hand, she cupped his cheek in her palm and their lips met, searching and frantic. His hand clutched at her hair as he assailed her lips as though trying to cram the last moments with her into his memory.

And then he wiped her cheeks with gentle fingers and turned away from her again. She watched him slide off the bed and collect his clothing, pulling it on silently and it took all her self-control just to stay silent. As much as she tried to tell herself she was being irrational, deep down, she was terrified that if she let him out of her sight something might happen to split them apart again. It *was* irrational, she knew. Neither of them had any doubts about where they stood, about what was going on between them. It was just... it was almost *too* perfect and she was almost afraid to hope that it might stay that way.

"Sweetheart?" John's voice gently brought her back to earth as he draped a robe around her shoulders, "What's wrong?" She sighed but she couldn't help the rueful grin that slipped onto her lips.
"You're leaving, isn't that bad enough?"
"Yeah," he nodded as he sat next to her on the bed. "It's plenty bad enough."

Marlena shrugged the robe on and knotted the sash to fasten it around her.
"Just promise me you'll come back," she whispered after a moment, wishing desperately that she didn't feel so vulnerable but unable to help it where he was concerned.
"Oh baby," John pulled her to him and held her close so that she could feel his words vibrate in his chest. "I promise you that I will *always* come back to you. Don't you ever doubt that. I won't ever hurt you like that again."

"Good," she murmured against the crumpled cotton of his shirt, "I don't think I could survive that another time."
"You won't have to," he held her tightly as he whispered his assurance into her warm hair. "I promise you with everything I am that you'll never go through that again Doc."

There was no thought of making promises he could not keep. He meant this with his heart and soul. As long as he was still alive he would make it back to her, whatever fate threw in his way. He not only wanted it to be true, he knew it to be a certainty. There would be, could be no other way.

They sat that way for long minutes, eyes closed, breathing in tune. And then Marlena unfolded herself from John's embrace and threw back the sheet. Without a word, she took his hand as she planted her feet on the soft carpet and they walked to the door together.

"Belle!" Q's tenor tone rang out from the kitchen, following the mischievous blonde sprite across the living room. "If you don't come back here...mmmmmffff." Belle squealed with giggles as Brady's raucous laughter swept out in gales across the penthouse. It was joined by a feminine chuckle that spoke of high amusement.
"We got you! We got you!!" Brady bounced to the doorway hyperactively as Belle raced to join him. At the sight in the kitchen, she pealed off into renewed hysterics, clutching Brady's arm and jumping up and down.
"Got you!!" she repeated amid the gales of laughter.
"MMMphhhhff," the muffled reply was short and indistinct.

John, who had backed up around the corner when he had seen his little daughter race across the living room turned to Marlena with a bemused expression on his face.
"What the-?"
"I don't know," she shrugged, trying to fight off the laughter that threatened to bubble out of her as she listened to the shrieks from down below. She didn't know but she was glad. Hearing Belle and Brady's laughter was very possibly the best medicine she could have right now. "Sometimes they have play fights with Gene.... I guess this is one of those times." She shook her head with an amused grin.

"Well I guess I'd better get out of here while they are occupied," John sighed. He couldn't join in Marlena's joy at the children's amusement. It only reminded him all too much of what he would be missing when he went back to the loft. Back to Kristen.
"You don't want to say hello to the children?" Marlena looked a little perplexed.
"Don't you think it would be a little confusing for them Doc?" John's eyes were miserable. "I'm here for two minutes and then I'm gone. Won't they wonder why?" He couldn't tell her that if he hugged them to him, he would never be able to leave. It was hard enough having to say goodbye to her.

"Well....if you think it's best," she sounded unsure but didn't want to press him. She knew how hard this was for him.
"Yeah I do," he nodded as he peered over the balustrade to make sure that Belle and Brady were back in the kitchen. "For all of us for now. I think it's best."

Marlena said nothing as she followed him down the staircase to the front door.

"I'll call you," he turned to her after he opened the door, "first chance I get."
"I love you," she replied as she caught his hand in hers and squeezed it as though to imprint her words on him.
"I love you too," he cupped her cheek in his palm, losing himself in the amber of her eyes before he leaned to kiss her.

She felt his lips brush over hers and then he turned away from her and left the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

Feeling suddenly bereft, she crossed her arms across her front and tipped her head backwards. Sucking in a breath as she fought the tears, she wondered what to do next. And then she wondered how long 'next' was going to last.

The baby moved inside her, turning restlessly in its fluid home and she laughed softly as her hands dropped to cover the small bulge. Dropping her head to look at her stomach, she sighed with a contrite smile.
"Yes you're right. It's not that dramatic. It's not that long." She shrugged and turned back to the living room "I just have to be strong. For all of us."

The laughter was muted in the kitchen as she made her way across the ground floor of the apartment but she was stilled by a knock at the door she had just closed. She waited for a moment and then it came again, the soft tap.

Hastening back to the door, she pulled it open without hesitation.

A smile blossomed as she was confronted with John leaning against the doorway.
"Don't get too excited," he grinned, his eyes twinkling at her reaction, "it's just that it's a little hard to go anywhere without my keys."
"I don't care why you came back," she laughed as she threw her arms around his neck. "I'm just glad you did."
"Me too," he mumbled before he kissed her passionately, his fingers gathering her hair as his tongue searched her mouth unrelentingly.

They were both gasping for breath when they parted and Marlena looked up at John, his crystalline eyes gleaming with promises yet to be explored. Leaving him, she went to the sideboard and collected his keys, the lace of her robe brushing idly across the wooden bureau.

She looked angelic as she came back to him and dropped the keys in his waiting hand, her cheeks flushed with emotion and desire.
"Hurry back to me," she whispered, her lips against his. "I'll be waiting."
"As soon as I can," he swept the backs of his fingers over the curve of her cheek. "I promise."
"I'm going to hold you to that," she told him lightheartedly as she ran her hand down over his backside.
"Have a good day Doc," John removed her hand with an indulgent smile before kissing her briefly again.

"You too," her voice followed him to the elevator.
"Ha," he rolled his eyes as he pushed the call button for the elevator. "Yeah, it'll be just great."
"I know," she sighed as she leaned against the doorway. "We just have to tell ourselves that it won't be long."

The conversation was cut short as the elevator announced it's arrival with a metallic chime and John stepped inside. He continued to watch Marlena as the doors slid smoothly closed and his heart pounded as his last sight of her was as she blew a kiss to him and then she slipped out of sight.

With a happy sigh, he leaned back against the wall of the booth and the smile remained with him as he rode down to the basement in quiet reverie. She really was the most remarkable woman. It was still hard for him to even believe that she wanted him back. For what seemed like so many months now, he had resigned himself to watching her live out life with some other man. If not Eugene, then someone else. Someone that hadn't and wouldn't hurt her the way he had. That was the best he had hoped for. To see her hurt again by someone else would have been even more than he could bear.

But now life, the future was so different. He couldn't even begin to imagine what wonderful moments might be in store. He wanted to experience everything by her side. He wanted to watch the stars shine and then the sun rise with her. He wanted to go walking among autumn leaves with her holding his hand. Maybe they could visit Paris, go sailing, and build snowmen with the children. Most of all, he wanted to go to sleep every night in her arms and wake up the same way. He wanted to be with her when their children were brought into the world and he wanted to change diapers with her and watch them take their first steps with his arms around her.

She wasn't just the best thing in his life, she *was* his life. And even though he had made mistakes, he knew that he wouldn't fail her again. This was it. *Forever*

Scrapes and Tape

With a spring in his step, John exited into the basement and headed towards his jeep. He could feel the warmth seeping in from outside, the late spring morning washing everything in a torrent of balmy sunshine. It poured forth, echoing the happiness in John's heart and he took a deep breath, feeling really alive for the first time in... he didn't even know how long.

The healing wound in his shoulder twinged a little as he opened the door of the jeep and he grinned. Mike would probably diagnose over-excitement. In fact Mike would probably have a cardiac arrest if he knew John had been carrying Marlena around last night. John thought however, that the overexertion was most *definitely* worth it, and he couldn't wait to do it again. He didn't care to be poked and prodded by doctors any longer as they tried to figure out how he healed so miraculously. He could have told them. Or rather showed them. One look at the beautiful blonde psychiatrist at his bedside would explain more than a thousand words ever could.

Inserting his key into the ignition, he glanced over at the clock. A double take told him he was not imagining it and it was enough to deflate his good humour in a matter of seconds.

9:23 AM

Kristen would surely be awake by now. And with his arrival he would probably face an inquisition of proportions that would make even the Spanish sweat.

"Great," he muttered as he twisted the key in the ignition. His heart sank further as the engine sputtered briefly and then died. Turning the key again, he encountered the same reaction.

"Shit!" The expletive flew out of his mouth as he dropped his head in his hands and it was followed by a groan. "This can't be happening to me." It wasn't even as if he could leave the car here and take a cab home. Kristen would be sure to notice it was gone knowing his luck and would want to know where it was. The woman was like a heat seeking missile when it came to tracking down things like that and if she found it in Marlena's basement, how the hell was he going to explain that away? Yeah, I had a business meeting all night....in Marlena's bedroom.

An almost hysterical laugh bubbled from his lips as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Start damn you!" he wrenched the key around and the engine turned over, choking for several moments before it died again. "Okay," he muttered, "no need to panic." He took a deep breath and sent up a not so silent supplication. "*Please*, please let it start."

He turned the key again and held his breath as the motor coughed and finally caught. Depressing the gas, he waiting for a moment, until he was sure that it wasn't going to die on him and then he exhaled.

"Thank you," he added gratefully as he slipped the jeep into drive.

******

"Mommy!" Belle flew across the living room squealing as she looked over her shoulder, "don't let him get me!"
"What have you done sweetie girl?" Marlena laughed as she swung her daughter up into her arms.
"We was naughty," Belle bit her lip and looked guiltily at her mother from under her lashes.
"You *were* naughty," Marlena corrected automatically as she looked curiously at the kitchen entranceway. "Where's Brady?"
"Here," Lucie emerged from the kitchen holding Brady's hand, her laughter only barely suppressed.
"Gee's 'rumpy," Belle told Marlena solemnly as she lifted her finger to her mouth. "I fink we made him 'rumpy."
"Oh," Marlena laughed, "Oh dear, what did you do to poor Gene?" She couldn't keep the humour from her voice as she looked from the children to the doorway. "Gene?"

She waited a moment and then she was rewarded as Gene shuffled out of the kitchen.
"Ohh-hoh-hoh," her shoulders shook with giggles as she surveyed him. "Oh no!"

He was covered from head to foot in scotch tape; his knees loosely taped together, his elbows fastened to his sides with long strands of tape that wrapped around his middle. The children (with some help from the mischievous nanny, Marlena suspected) had taped the fingers of each hand together and there was even scotch tape in his hair.

But what finally broke Marlena's resolve and dissolved her into a hopeless fit of giggles was the fact that they had taped Eugene's mouth shut with a large X. And he looked less than thrilled about the situation.

"Mmmmmphhhh," he gestured at her after a few moments before crossing his arms in front of him.
"Okay, okay," she wiped her eyes and lowered Belle to the floor. "You go upstairs with Lucie and get changed okay sweetie-girl?" Belle nodded. "And I think you should both say sorry to Gene," she added looking across at Brady.
"Sorry Gene," the pair intoned dutifully before they headed towards the staircase. Biting back a smile, Lucie followed them.

"Come here," Marlena met Q in the middle of the living room and after helping him tear the tape from his legs, she led him to the sofa where she set about unbinding him. "Why on earth did you let them do it?" she asked as she tore the tape from his mouth.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time," he said dolefully.
"I'm sorry," she leant her head on one side as she smoothed the red marks on his face with her fingers. "I shouldn't have laughed."
"It's okay," he pulled away from her sharply. It was too disconcerting to have her this close. Especially dressed only in a flimsy nightgown and robe. He kept on seeing her as she had been in his dream last night. She felt the same and smelled the same.

And he couldn't look her in the eyes.

Marlena blinked at his reaction.
"Gene, are you okay?"
"I'm fine," he said with a shortness in his voice that she hadn't heard before. She bit back another question and quietly unwound the tape that bound his fingers. Screwing the sticky strips into small balls, she flicked them onto the table and then rubbed his fingers. Her consternation grew further when he pulled his hand away as though her touch scalded him.

"Gene?" He had to turn away from her as he heard the hurt and confusion in her voice because it almost broke his heart to know he was doing that to her. To see it in her eyes would be too much to bear. It wasn't her fault he was feeling this way, that he couldn't keep a grip on his emotions and his imagination.

"What is it honey?" she whispered, picking a piece of the adhesive tape from his hair.

"Please Marlena," he pushed himself off the couch. Away from her. "Please don't call me that."
"Call you....?" her brow creased.
"I'm not your honey any more Marlena. I'm not your anything," he reminded her miserably.

"Oh that's not true Gene, you're my dear dear friend," she cried in protest. Pushing herself off the couch, she came to stand in front of him. "Is that what all this is about? Do you think I don't care about you any more?" The distress was written all over her face as she confronted him
"No," his shoulders slumped. "I know you care. It's just...." He shrugged tiredly. "It's hard for me Marlena. You're with John and you're happy. And I'm *very* happy for you," he added quickly. "It's just..."
"It's hard," she finished for him in a quiet voice.

She remembered only too well how difficult it was to watch John with first Isabella and then Rebecca, followed by Kristen. Even when she had Roman in her life, it was hard. It was doubly so when she was alone.
"Yes," he nodded miserably and then turned away from her.
"I don't...." tear filled her eyes, "I don't know what to say.... what to do Gene."
"Nothing to say or do, that's just the way it is," he shrugged a little coolly. He didn't want her pity either. He hadn't wanted it then and he certainly didn't want it now.

"I'm sorry," she crossed her arms in front of her, trying to ward off the chill from his voice that seemed to seep through her. "I never wanted-"
"I have to go out." He cut her off as though he didn't even hear her and he didn't look at her as he turned. He simply brushed by her and headed for the front door.
"Gene!" she followed him across the room but he had slammed the door behind him before she could think of anything to say that might make him stay and talk to her.

Wheeling around, she grimaced in frustration, the tiny noise of disappointment that she emitted, punctuated by the swinging of her clenched fist in front of her.

"Wow, that looked pretty intense," Lucie came down the steps with a pile of dirty clothes in her arms.
"Oh," Marlena crossed the room in front of the young blonde, wiping her eyes surreptitiously, "it was nothing really. I'm sure it will all blow over by the afternoon." Schooling her face into a bright smile, she turned around. "Now how are those children of mine doing? I thought maybe we could take them to the park?"

"That sounds like a great idea," Lucie smiled, "they're upstairs finishing getting dressed. Let me put this in the washing machine and we can go up and get their shoes on."
"Well, how about I get changed while you're doing that?" Marlena indicated her robe with an amused expression. "Somehow I don't think that this is appropriate dayware for the park."
"Kinda depends on whom you want to impress really," Lucie chuckled with a knowing wink before she headed for the laundry.

******

John pulled into his parking space with a screech of tires and cut the engine, Shania's voice vanishing mid-warble. Juggling his keys and wallet, he slammed the door behind him and locked the car with a push of the remote.

"Damn!" He stood in front of the elevator, which, to his chagrin, was out of order. It seemed to be common occurrence these days he reflected with annoyance as he tackled the steps two at a time. A quick flip of his wrist confirmed that it was indeed getting close to ten o'clock.

Muttering under his breath, he cursed, not for the first time, at the hundred year old apparently deaf and probably blind old fart that he had been stuck behind at the lights. The lights that had changed twice before he decided to pull his ancient pick-up out into the middle of the intersection but at that point, the decrepit vehicle, possibly even older than it's occupant had completely died. This had effectively halted all traffic for miles in Salem, creating a gridlock that should have been logistically impossible, except for the fact that John needed to get home. Two hours ago.

Reaching the top of the stairs, he pushed the fire door open as he gulped a large breath down into his hard-pressed lungs. Pausing for a moment to collect his wits he stared at the door, wondering how the hell he was going to convince Kristen he had been working all night.

I didn't want to drive, I'd been drinking

John, you just got out of hospital, you'd barely touched a drop. And besides, you expect me to believe that millionaire John Black couldn't afford a taxi home?

Would you believe I fell asleep on the sofa at the Brady's?

Nice try but no I wouldn't.

Didn't think so.

John ran through the possibilities in his mind with a sinking feeling. How the hell was he going to get out of this one? Rubbing his forehead with his fingers he realized there was really no way to think of a believable argument. He just had to hope that whatever came to mind would sound logical enough.

Taking a deep breath, he slid the heavy door open.

******

Q jammed his fists deeper into his pockets and trudged along the sidewalk, his eyes downcast. He felt rotten.

Damn it, none of it was her fault. He shouldn't have taken it out on her. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. Why the hell was he dreaming about her again? Why now? Why was he torturing himself? It only made living with her hell. And she suffered too.

How could he tell her that he was pulling away from her because his skin burned at her touch? Because he could still taste her on his lips and the echoes of her cries still rang in his ears?

It's hard He laughed bitterly at the painful irony. He prayed she would never know how true her words really were.

"You really don't like to make life easy for yourself, do you Q?" Q2 was leaning against a wall, waiting for Q when he reached the corner of the block. His thinning blonde hair glistened in the sunlight and the corners of his eyes crinkled as he watched Q with amusement. "I would have thought you would have had a little more self-restraint than that old boy." He grinned and shook his head, "By Q, she must be quite something!"

"Don't you have anyone else to torture Q?" Q glared at him momentarily before he continued on his way.
"Not really," Q2's lips twisted into a grim smile, "and besides, who in the universe would I find to drop in on that would be more entertaining then you? Really Q, every time I think you've sorted yourself out, you go and throw another spanner in the works."
"You haven't been in my shoes," Q muttered.
"No, but I'll give it a go if you're finding it too-" Q2 paused and raised his eyebrows with a suggestive flick, "'hard'." Seeing that he had Q's attention, he licked his lips suggestively. "I'd love to sample some of what's got you so out of control."

"Well it's just as well we both know that's not possible," Q replied with remarkable control. He kept his eyes directed forward as they crossed the road even as he defeated the urge to grab Q2 by the scruff of the neck and tell him in no uncertain terms that if he ever so much as touched Marlena, he'd chase him to the ends of the universe.

"'Tis just as well," Q2 couldn't help baiting Q. It was so simple. Like taking candy from a baby, and the reaction was just as loud and unutterably more satisfying. "For you anyway. In a fair competition, Q against Q, you know the sweet blonde wouldn't be able to resist me. You know she'd be screaming my name so loudly you'd be able to hear it even in that furthest corner of the universe. The one you'd crawled into to lick your wounds."

Unable to ignore Q2's provocation any longer, Q rounded on him and pushed him against the brick wall of the building behind them.
"Marlena is *not* some kind of toy." His words rode furiously into the sunlit street, his cheeks red with anger. "She's not a prize to be won in a petty competition between the likes of you and I. And I will not listen to you demean her in such a way. She deserves respect. Not ...." he paused, searching for a description of the despicable goading that Q2 was practicing, "contemptible innuendo."

"Okay, okay! Calm down old boy," Q2 lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender, but his ill-concealed smile sat at odds with the conciliatory gesture. "I didn't mean to make any sort of inference about the good lady doctor..." he shrugged, "it was merely a ... observation on my behalf." He pursed his lips in an effort to hold back the laughter that threatened to spill lazily forth.
"You flatter yourself Q," Q released Q2 with an unconcealed impression of distaste. "She wouldn't even look twice at you."
"Can't say I wouldn't like the opportunity to find out," Q2 replied thoughtfully, ignoring the glare from Q that might have scythed him in two if it were any sharper.

"It's almost too bad you won't," Q let a smile split his bad humour for the first time. "It'd almost be worth it to see you cut down to size. After all, how many of the Q can say they've been rejected first time by a mere mortal?"
"Nice comeback," Q2 grinned almost admiringly, "I was beginning to despair of ever hearing your acerbic wit again."
"I've had rather more on my mind than calculating my reply to your next juvenile taunt Q," Q drawled languidly.
"So I hear," the corner of Q2's mouth twitched upwards, "and rather than dreaming of the fair but unattainable Dr. Evans, perhaps you should be concentrating on working out where the Q is in Salem."
"You haven't located them all yet?" Q asked sharply.
"Uh, no. I think that was rather my point Q," Q2 let his concern show in the form of frustration as his mask slipped momentarily.
"DiMera?"
"Still in hiding."

Q2 suddenly looked exhausted. It was as though the jesting relieved the tension he was under but the moment he was faced with reality again, it flooded back.
"This faction seems to be remarkably strong. And growing stronger by the nanosecond." He sighed and turned, deciding that he would rather be walking that idling around a street corner.
"Do you know how?" Q shook his head. This shouldn't be logistically possible. A small faction of the Q should not be able to split themselves off and stand strong against the will of the Continuum. It just wasn't possible.
"There are theories," Q2 ran his fingers through his hair in a gesture of helplessness that unnerved Q. "The most likely is that somehow DiMera is more powerful that we realized. Maybe there is some sort of coalition we don't know about. It's hard to say."
"So he's more dangerous than you thought initially?"
"Yes." Q2 nodded, "it would be safe to assume that." He stopped and turned around. "The Continuum believes that DiMera has somehow harnessed the power of hatred and negativity. He derives strength from it, especially when it is directed at him."
"Great. Well that would explain why he is in Salem," Q groaned. "There's no shortage of hatred for Stefano DiMera in these parts."
"Exactly," Q2 nodded. "We expect that he is very close. But we have the advantage. Because not only is the source of his greatest strength in Salem, but also his greatest weakness."

"Marlena......" Q's voice choked as he considered the implications. "You're going to use her as bait....."

******

"Coffee?" Maya opened the cupboard and pulled out a powder blue mug. John stared at her for a moment and then looked around the living room in bewilderment. Maya slopped a strong, dark coffee into the mug and carried it over to John. "If you're wondering where Kristen is," she deduced the silent query as he looked towards the steps, "luckily for you, she's still asleep." She placed the mug in John's hand and closed his fingers around it. "She wasn't overly happy when she came home so she's making up on the sleep she lost last night now I guess."

John looked at the dark haired nurse and blinked as her words finally settled in.
"Drink your coffee," Maya gave him a lopsided smile before walking back to the bench where she continued her clean-up. John liked the young nurse a lot. Her strong Italian features rendered accurately a strength of character that was well defined and a sense of humour that was infectious. There had been no question in his mind once he had met her at the agency, that she was the woman for the job. And she had proved to be as close to perfect as he could have hoped for.

An intelligent woman, she hadn't been taken in by Kristen's victim act for a moment and John suspected she loathed Kristen almost much as he did. Well not almost as much. He had just cause after all. But she brooked no argument from Kristen and she had proved remarkably effective in keeping her in the apartment even in the few short days she had been in John's employ.

Taking a sip of the coffee, he allowed himself a smile at the irony. He had almost killed himself trying to get back here and all the time, Kristen had been asleep.
"Perhaps you should go and shower before she gets up," her eyes swept his disheveled clothing and the dark stubble that shadowed his jaw, "don't you think?

John laughed as he placed the coffee mug back on bench and shrugged his jacket off.
"Don't let anyone ever tell you you're dispensable Maya," he said as he slung it over the back of the nearest chair.
"No-one's tried and lived to tell the tale," she smirked as he headed towards the steps. "Oh, it might pay to try the guest bathroom. She slept in your bed last night."
"Thanks for the warning," he grimaced in Maya's direction.
"Well, I just hope you had a better night than she did," Maya lifted her coffee mug in salutation.
"Oh yeah," he nodded with a broad grin. "I certainly did." With a spring in his step, he headed for the bathroom.

******

Marlena tipped her head back and let the warm water trickle through her hair. Steam billowed out into the bathroom, only to be sucked into the extractor fan that buzzed in the ceiling. She ran her hands through her hair, water splashing noisily onto the shower tray as the scalding liquid washed away the residue of the night's exertions.

She smiled as she lathered up the shampoo and began to work it through her hair. It was a contented, almost dreamy smile. If she closed her eyes, she could almost see his face, she could almost smell him. And the memory of him was almost too real. She couldn't wait to see him again, to feel his skin against hers, his voice whispering how much he loved her.

"Oh," the baby rocked fluidly inside her and she dropped her hand to the gentle rise of flesh. "You too huh?" Love swelled in her heart for her unborn child. She just wanted it to be over now. To have John in her arms every night, together, to watch as their children slept. "Soon sweetheart," she whispered, perhaps to her absent lover, perhaps to her child. Perhaps to all of them. "Very soon."

******

John swept his hand in broad strokes over his upper arm, applying soap liberally to his skin. Part of him hadn't even wanted to shower. She was still with him, he still smelt of her and he wanted so badly to surround himself with her that to wash away her scent was almost like sacrilege. But his more sensible self knew that it would be tantamount to announcing where he had been last night. Kristen might be insane, but she wasn't entirely stupid.

He closed his eyes and let the spray knead the tightness out of his shoulders. A wry grin crossed his lips as he reflected that he was a little out of shape, given that this was actually the first time he'd had sex for over six months. There were people who probably didn't even think that was possible for him. The truth was, unless it was Marlena, he wasn't even vaguely interested any more.

He knew everything about the past he needed to know, and he had everything in his future he wanted. He probably couldn't be any happier. Apart from the fact that he wished she was in the shower with him right now.

Soon sweetheart. The words echoed in the air. He didn't hear them, but he felt them, deep in his soul. Very soon.....

Afternoon Delight

"Right, so you'll get that underway?" John ran his fingers through his hair as he talked to the lawyer on the phone. "Yeah well do what you have to. She's unfit. I won't have her around my child for any longer than necessary." He paused and rubbed an eyebrow unconsciously, a gesture he often made when things were particularly disturbing. "Yeah well Paul, I trust you to take care of it. I don't care what it takes. I want custody of that baby and I want her out of our lives." He paused, listening to the man on the other end of the line. "Well that's why I pay you the good money," he gave a short, hard laugh. "Good man, I thought you'd see it like that. All right," he nodded, "keep in touch with any developments. And I'll let you know when things happen on this end." His smile became grim. "Oh I will, don't worry. Talk to you soon."

John replaced the receiver in its cradle and immediately hit the button that connected him directly to his assistant's desk.
"Nicole," he barked shortly into the intercom.
"Yes Mr. Black?" She knew John hated the formalities of business, but Nicki liked to keep it reasonably professional in the office. She didn't want to give the sharks that were cruising Alamain Industries any more ammunition against John than was absolutely necessary.

"Can you come and explain to me again what these piles are?" he sighed. "Take pity on me, please?"
"All right," a smile curled her lips as she heard the defeat in his voice. He had halfway ignored her when she had tried to tell him what was what the other day. But as much as he had struggled to make a dent in the paperwork, she knew he was swamped. She had simply been waiting for him to admit it.

Pushing the paper aside on her own desk, she found her favourite pen and then she stood. Picking up a pile of papers, she entered John's office.

"What would I do without you?" he asked playing helpless.
"Go broke probably," Nicki quipped as she took the piles from the baskets on his desk and on the low cabinets behind him. Arranging them on the table in a straight line, she motioned for him to come over. "These," she waved her hand at the first pile, "are the most urgent. These are events that you need to familiarize yourself with. They have either happened since your accident, or they happened prior and Alamain Industries are trying to deal with the repercussions. You need to get up to play with these before the next board meeting."

John eyed the bundle of reports and sank into a chair. So much for spending time with Marlena. It looked like the only thing he would be spending time with in the next few days, was vast amounts of felled forests.
"These," Nicole indicated the next piles, ignoring his suddenly vacuous expression, "need your signature. They're pretty urgent too. Nothing too exciting, unless you want me to throw my visa bill on the top." She grinned, hoping to elicit some sort of response from him.
"Sure...." his voice drifted away, in the same direction as his thoughts she guessed as she watched him.

"John," she sat down in the seat next to him, "if you aren't interested in this, please don't make me go through it again." John turned his head and looked at her, his surprise quickly shifting into contrition.
"I'm sorry Nick," he shook his head, "I just have a lot on my mind."
"You don't *have* to be here you know," Nicki's soft Canadian accent was full of concern, "everyone would understand. *I* think you came back too early anyway."

She saw his eyes flitter to the picture that sat on the desk. The one of Marlena Evans and the children. And she understood.
"If Kristen calls, I promise that she will never find out that you haven't been here."
"You're a good friend Nicki," John sighed. "But there's so much...."
"It can wait. John, it's just work. Go and have fun. You deserve it," she smiled at him. He had told her some of what had happened, she knew about Kristen's attempted suicide and she knew he still loved Marlena. She didn't know many specifics other than that but she knew him pretty well by now. And she wanted to help him if she could.

"I'll take it under advisement," he wasn't quite willing to give in yet, however tempting her encouragement made it sound.
"Don't think too long," Nicole laid her hand on his arm with a twinkle in her eye, "I might withdraw my offer."
"Go on, get back to work," he teased her as he shooed her out of his office with the flick of a hand.

It was as she closed the door that he realized, with a start, that he still expected to see a wedding band on his left hand. Even after all these years, he hadn't gotten used to his ring finger being bare. Maybe that was because in his heart, it wasn't bare. He had bound himself to Marlena heart and soul all those years ago in a marriage ceremony and there had never been any annulment or divorce to signify the end of their marriage. It had ended, but not in their hearts. As much as they had tried to deny it, their lives and their love had still been hopelessly entwined. They always would be.

His expression soured slightly as his thoughts turned to Kristen. He had spent more time with her in the past few days. She had been clingy and depressed and it had been hard to get away from her. He had spent some time at work and he had managed to sneak a moment here and there with Marlena, a quick kiss in her office, a discrete squeeze of the hand at Salem Place. In fact, he had seen more of Sami than he had of her mother.

Now on her summer break, Sami had eagerly accepted when he had offered her a job at Alamain Industries and even in her first couple of days, she was proving to be a more diligent worker than most of his long-time staff. He was pleased it was working out so well, he got a good, industrious worker, he had Sami's beautiful face and sunny smile to cheer him up when he felt low, and he could keep a fatherly eye on her much more easily from just down the corridor. He was still concerned that she letting the guilt about what had happened consume her and he knew only to well how damaging that could be. He was determined that his little girl would not suffer any more than she had to.

Sighing, he picked up the top sheet of the first pile and skimmed it with bored eyes before tossing it to one side. Somehow, a discussion on the new fleet purchase didn't seem terribly thrilling right now. The next sheet was almost equally as uninteresting. It was a report on the rebuilding of the Milan factory and the reparation to be paid to workers that had been injured. John vaguely remembered the explosion that had ripped the factory apart, it had happened while he was searching for Marlena and the headline had registered somewhat when his eyes had skipped over the paper on an early Parisian morning.

It had been big news, apparently some nut, disgruntled about the workers low pay while profits were being distributed to ecological projects, had planted a bomb in the factory to exact some sort of twisted revenge. But the warning had come to late, and seven of his workmates had been killed by the deadly package. But what was more, one of the European executives had been visiting with his family, and his wife and child had been killed. John didn't know who they were; he didn't know many of the European executives of AI. He was happy to oversee his little corner of the business, but he wasn't made for the cut and thrust of big business. He was more than happy to leave that to those who were more ruthless and avaricious than he. By the time he had returned to Salem, the whole business seemed to have died a natural death.

His eyes flickered down the document, but his interest waned before he reached the bottom of the first page. Throwing it on the table, he leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his hair.

You don't *have* to be here you know, everyone would understand.

She was right of course. He was fresh out of hospital, his stamina was completely shot and he could barely concentrate for a half-hour stretch. If it wasn't for the fact that he *had* to get away from Kristen and her sickly sweet and highly inane prattle he wouldn't even be here now.

So why on earth was he here? There were far better places he could be.

******

"Mom?" Sami poked her head around the door of Marlena's office.
"Mmm-hmm? Oh hi sweetie girl," Marlena took off her glasses and lay them on her desk, pinching the bridge of her nose in an unconscious gesture.
"You look tired," Sami told her with some disquiet as she came into the room and pulled up a seat in front of her mother's desk. "Should you be working in your..." she stopped, realizing what she was saying.
"In my condition?" Marlena laughed, touched at her daughter's concern. "Thanks Sami honey, but I'm fine, really." "You don't look fine Mom," Sami told her honestly, "you look strung out. What's up?"

Sighing, Marlena dropped her pen onto the desk and sat back in her chair laying a hand on her stomach, hoping to calm the wrestling bundle that squirmed inside her. She should have known she couldn't fool Sami; her daughter was a highly intuitive young woman when she wasn't focused on herself. And it seemed that these days that she was finally focusing more on others than her own problems.

"I..." Marlena took a deep breath, "I went to see your sister the other day."
"Oh," Sami sat back in her seat and tucked her hair behind her ear in an awkward gesture.
"Please don't feel guilty about this sweetheart," Marlena reiterated, understanding exactly what Sami's body language indicated. "This is *not* your fault."
"My head knows that Mom..." Sami frowned and shook her head, her blue eyes downcast with unhappiness, "but my heart..." she shrugged. "I just wake up at night and I see Austin... staring. And then Carrie... she's..." she staggered her words, laced with shame and sadness, "one moment she's venomous...and the next, well, it's like she's.... broken," she shrugged and then her voice dropped to a whisper. "I don't know what to do Mom."

"Oh baby girl," Marlena left her desk and went to Sami's side, kneeling by her chair, "Carrie's going to get better. I promise you that. She is going to have a beautiful baby that she's going to have to take care of soon. We have to hope that will help her recover from this. But you *can't* dwell on it Sami. You have to get on with your life. Carrie and Austin would want that for you."

"But it's not *fair * that I get to carry on when neither of them do," Sami's chest ached with the grief that she felt. All the terrible things that she had done that she would never have the chance to put right. She buried her face in her hands, unable to look at her mother, knowing that Carrie and Austin were not the only ones that she had hurt.

"No Sami, you're right, it's not fair," Marlena said firmly. "What John and I did to your father wasn't fair. Your father leaving us all for so long was not fair. What Stefano has done to all of us is not fair. But that is the way that life *is*. We have to accept that and learn to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. Because if we can't, how can we expect anybody else to?"

Gently, she pulled Sami's hands from her face and with her fingers under Sami's chin raised her head until she was looking at her, eye to eye.

"Sami, I learned that lesson the hard way. When your father left, the guilt ate at me. It ate me alive. I was in so much pain but I felt I didn't deserve anyone's forgiveness or their love." She paused, her forehead creasing as she tried to make Sami understand her words. She still remembered those feelings of worthlessness. The hollow self-loathing and the mechanical movement from one day to the next. She didn't want that for anyone, least of all the daughter she loved so. "I don't want to see that happen to you. I don't want to see you living in the past any more. I want you to realize that you are a beautiful sweet girl who has made some mistakes but is growing up. And who has a family that loves her *very* dearly."

"I don't understand...." Sami's voice was dull, but as she went on, it became high pitched with emotion, "you went through *hell* because *I* wouldn't let you forget the mistakes you made. How can you dismiss that? How can you forgive the way I treated you?"
"That's *why* I can forgive it baby," Marlena smiled softly, sweeping Sami's hair from her face with one hand as she took her daughter's hand in the other. "I know why you did what you did. You were hurt and betrayed. It may not have been right but I understand it. And what I went through..." she paused, picking her words carefully, "it helped me understand the power of forgiveness. How could I not forgive someone their mistakes after what I did? Especially those of the daughter I love so very *very* much."
"Mom," Sami flung her arms around her mother with a sob, "I'm so sorry."
"I know sweetheart," Marlena held her little girl to her and stroked her golden hair lovingly, "I know."

Sami became aware of the ringing of the phone several minutes later and it was only a moment after that that she realized how tightly she was holding onto her mother.
"You'd better get that," she mumbled as she loosened her arms.
"No, it's okay," Marlena said gently.
"I'm okay," Sami met Marlena's eyes and nodded assuredly, "please, it might be important."

Marlena paused for a moment, studying the young woman. Then she nodded her head.
"Just a moment." Pushing herself up from the floor in an ungainly movement, she snatched up the phone.
"Hello, Dr. Evans."
"Hi beautiful."
"John!" A broad smile broke out across her face as she sat on the edge of the desk.
"Unless you've got volumes of men ringing you at work telling you how utterly gorgeous you are, then yep, it's me," he leaned back in his chair. "Are you busy?"
"Actually, Sami's here," she winked at Sami, who smiled despite herself.
"Well tell her she should be at work," John said teasingly.
"I thought your staff were entitled to a lunch break John, or are you really the slave driver that I've been hearing about?" he could hear the laughter in her voice and it made his heart sing.
"Oooh, watch out Doc, you might give me ideas," he smirked, knowing that she would be blushing a magnificent shade of pink right now. "
"Did you have a reason for calling or did you just want to harass me?" she asked, right on cue.
"Actually I wanted to tell you to clear you schedule for the afternoon," he said in a husky voice. "I'll pick you up from your office in half an hour."
"Half an hour? John-" hearing the click of the line at the other end, she pulled the receiver away from her ear and stared at the phone.

"Guess he's got you right where he wants you huh Mom?" Sami pulled a crumpled Kleenex from her bag and wiped her nose with a feeble smile.
"Well, where he's going to *get* me is into *trouble* if he thinks he can just sweep me out of here with half an hour's warning," Marlena sighed, looking at the paper on her desk with a beleaguered expression.

"Oh Mom!" Sami's tone held just the slightest hint of exasperation. This was so like her mother. It was more than obvious that she needed a break from work and yet she was worrying about catching up. "For goodness sake. Stop being so responsible! You know you want to be with him. So go and have some *fun* while you have the chance to."
"Sami I..." Marlena looked at her daughter and then looked at her desk again. She *did* only have two patients scheduled this afternoon. They wouldn't be that hard to reschedule, surely. And this paperwork... she could come in early in the morning and get a start on it.

"C'mon Mom," Sami rose from her chair and went to her mother. Slipping one arm around Marlena's shoulders, she tucked shoulder length blonde locks behind her mother's ear tenderly. "You know that relaxing is good for the baby. It happens to be good for you too. Please," she leant her head on one side so that the light from the window caught her azure eyes, making them almost luminous, "if I promise to listen to what you said, will you promise to go out and have a good time?"

Marlena eased her arm around Sami's waist and hugged her with a sweet-sounding laugh.
"I think you inherited your father's gift for persuasion," she said, knowing that really, she hadn't needed that much urging. She could barely concentrate on work for thinking about John, wondering what he was doing, wanting to be with him, holding him in her arms. The thought of spending the afternoon with him was positively intoxicating and the slightest nudge from Sami had been all it had taken to make up her mind. "All right, but only as long as you remember, mother knows best," she winked at her lovely girl.
"Okay Mom," Sami nodded with an indulgent grin, "whatever you say."

"Sweetie girl," Marlena slipped into seriousness, catching Sami's hand as she moved away to get her bag, "please do try and let go of it. I love you *so* much," her breath caught as she said the words, the intensity of her fierce and unyielding love for her child overwhelming her for a moment. Sami swallowed, blinking rapidly as her own emotions sounded in a silent echo.
"I love you too," she whispered hoarsely.
"I just want to see you happy honey," Marlena swept long, silky hair behind Sami's shoulder, "I want to see that beautiful face laughing." She paused, catching Sami's pale azure eyes with her own hazel ones. "That's all I've ever wanted Sami." Sami fought the lump in her throat as her mother held her gaze for a long moment.
"I know that now," her voice was stifled as she squeezed Marlena's hand, "I know."

Smiling, Marlena returned the pressure, realizing how far they had come in such a short time. This was the relationship that she had longed for with Sami for so many years. And now it had finally happened and she had John to partly thank for that too.

"Hadn't you better do what you've got to do before John gets here?" Sami asked suddenly, as though she was reading Marlena's thoughts.
"Well, yeah, I guess I had," Marlena's laugh punctuated the air as she surveyed the disaster area that was her desk.
"Well I'll let you get on with it then," Sami looked at her watch as she picked up her bag from the chair and slung it over her shoulder. "I'm meeting Dad and Trudie for lunch in a few minutes anyway."
"Oh, give your Daddy my love will you?" Marlena walked Sami to the door, her arm around the young woman's shoulders.
"I will," Sami nodded thoughtfully and paused for a moment, as though weighing her next words carefully. "Mom, what do you think of Trudie?"

Marlena blinked, surprised at such a question from Sami. Considering her answer for a moment, she leaned against the doorframe.
"Well, I've only met her once, but from what I saw, I think I like her," she answered honestly.
"Don't you think she's a little.... well...." Sami shrugged, "young for Dad?"
"As long as she's good for your father and she makes him happy, I don't think it really matters how old she is," Marlena said after a little consideration. "Why, does it bother you?"
"Well.... no," Sami's brow wrinkled, "I guess I just never thought about Dad having a new girlfriend." She chewed the inside of her cheek as she thought about it a little more. "It's just a little disconcerting I suppose."
"Well," Marlena slipped her hand down Sami's arm and caught her fingers up with her own, "I think we owe it to your Daddy to support his choice and give Trudie a chance, don't you?"
"Yeah," Sami nodded, but she didn't seem so sure "I guess you're right."

"Sami," a small crease appeared between Marlena's brows as she mulled over Sami's reply, "Is something else bothering you? Something other than Trudie?"
"No," Sami covered her hesitation remarkably well as she realized that every moment she spent here delayed her mother. They could talk about her father another time. "I really have to get going Mom, Dad will be wondering where I am."
"All right sweetie girl," Marlena let the matter drop, but made a mental note to pursue it when she saw Sami again. "You have a lovely afternoon. And bring Will over to visit just as soon as you can okay?"
"Sure thing Mom," Sami hugged her quickly and planted a soft kiss on her cheek.
"Have a nice afternoon not working."
"I will," Marlena nodded with a smile as she watched Sami head down the corridor. There was something Sami wasn't telling her, she was sure of it. But it would have to wait for now. For now she only had about fifteen minutes to clear her schedule and clean up her paperwork.

******

John glanced around the corner where the corridor intersected with another. He had double-checked with Maya to make sure that Kristen was at home and there was absolutely no chance that she would find him here. But still he was wary of running into someone he knew before he made it to Marlena's office.

He was in luck it seemed, the corridors seemed strangely deserted for this time of the day as he knocked on Marlena's door. He felt the knob turn under his hand and the door opened to reveal a flushed but radiant blonde.
"Hi," she greeted him, almost with shyness.
"Hi Doc," he said, almost with an air of nonchalance. However, his mood changed as soon as she closed the door behind him.
"Oh baby," he pulled her to him and she looped her arms around his neck, "I can't tell you how much I've missed you."

"John, it's only been a day," she laughed lightly.
"A day too long," he murmured as he buried his nose in her hair. "God Doc, you smell wonderful."
"Okay," she sighed, melting against him as his lips whispered across her earlobe, "you win. I missed you too."
"I can't stop thinking about you," John whispered as his fingers twisted in her thick hair, "Every time I close my eyes, I see you." He brushed her lips lightly with his as he continued to murmur. "I can't concentrate on work, I can't do anything."
"I know what you mean," Marlena whispered as her fingers teased the nape of his neck, "every time I try and look at the work I have piled up over there, all I seem to see is your face."
"I guess we're even then," John nuzzled her cheek gently, inhaling the smell of her, relishing the feel of her in his arms again.
"Mmm-hmmmm," she breathed gently as she drew one hand around in front of her, her fingers flitting lightly over his lips as her eyes were riveted to the same spot.

Gripping her wrist in a single, smooth movement, he bent his lips to her fingers, gently kissing each fingertip in turn before letting his mouth drop to her open hand. Watching her with eyes that burned with brilliant sapphire passion, he planted a kiss in the middle of her palm before he turned his attention to her mouth.

Drifting his own lips across hers, he caught a hint of her sweetness on his tongue and a jolt of desire rippled through his body. God, he had to get her out of here before he was tempted to take her on the couch. And knowing his luck lately, they would end up getting caught, which in itself didn't exactly dampen his ardor, but certainly made him think twice about kissing her again.

"Unless you want to risk an embarrassing situation in here Doc, I think we'd better go," he mumbled as he pulled away from her.
"There's a lock on the door John," she moistened her lips suggestively.
"And there's more than one key Doc," he took a deep breath as he turned away from her, ruing her sense of timing. Although he suspected that this was probably a little payback on her behalf for embarrassing her on the phone earlier.
"Oh foo, you're no fun," a mischievous smile curled her lips as she moved up behind him, her hand curving over one firm buttock. Her voice was husky and tempting as she teased him further, "Are you sure I can't persuade you to take the sofa for a test drive Mr. Black?"

Grabbing her wrist again in now steely fingers, John pulled her around him and spun her so that she faced him. Then pushing her back he raised her arm over her head and pinned her against the door. Without any comment to punctuate the moment, he captured her lips with his own, plundering her mouth with almost savage ferocity. His tongue carried out an almost desperate exploration of her mouth as he moved against her, his free hand sweeping up her thigh.

Marlena's head swam and her knees buckled momentarily as she tried to regain some kind of equilibrium, but it was almost impossible with him so close. The feeling of him, the scent of him was intoxicating, close to overwhelming her as she struggled for her self-control.

His was evidently stronger than hers as he pulled away, gasping to catch his breath as he lay his palm flat against the door and leaned on it. His face was only inches from hers as he looked up at her, his eyes flashing with frustrated lust.
"One day Marlena," he growled, "you are going to go one step too far and you're going to get us both into some serious strife."

Inhaling deeply, Marlena said nothing. She simply stared back at him, managing to convey the flicker of amusement she felt that ran under the maddening hunger she felt for him. He was right, she hadn't quite bargained for his reaction, but that wasn't to say she didn't like it. She did, rather more than she'd like to admit right now.

"God, you're asking for trouble," a grin slipped across John's countenance almost despite himself as her smile widened. She remained silent for a moment, her eyes twinkling as she let him consider his options. And then, just as he looked as though he had made up his mind, she finally spoke.

"So where are you taking me?" she asked him casually, as though nothing had happened just a moment ago.

"Oh and now you want me to do you a favour?" he shook his head as he let her wrist go and pulled her jacket from the coat-stand. "Not likely Doc." He thrust the navy jacket at her and picked up her bag from the chair in front of the desk.
"Not even one little clue?" she asked beguilingly.
"Not even a *smidgeon* of a clue," he smirked as he opened the door. "So behave yourself. You wouldn't want people getting the wrong idea now would you?"
"Of course not," she surreptitiously smoothed her hair and tried to look inconspicuous as she followed John out of her office.

"John.... Marlena," Alice Horton blinked as she and Maggie intercepted the couple in the hallway.
"Alice, Maggie hi," Marlena's mind raced as she tried to think of a reasonable explanation as to why she was so obviously leaving the hospital with John. But all her mind screamed at her as she wracked it was I told you this was a bad, *bad* idea.
"Doc's having car problems," John filled in smoothly, "I promised I'd take her home while someone looks at it."
"Ah," Alice nodded her head, weighing John's words carefully. "Well you have a nice afternoon dear," she said to Marlena. "And I trust you're feeling better John?"
"Much better thanks Mrs. H," John smiled, but it covered his discomfort poorly.
"Well, we'd better be on our way hadn't we Maggie dear?" Alice nudged her slightly stunned daughter-in-law. "So many floors, so little time."
"Oh yes," Maggie nodded with a suddenly sunny smile, "give my love to Eugene won't you Marlena?"
"Of course I will," Marlena was disconcerted at the mention of Gene's name, but Maggie and Alice were gone before they had time to notice it. She hoped.

"Do you think they suspected anything?" she asked John as they continued indifferently down the corridor.
"Of course not," John sounded convincing enough, "why would they? We're two old friends and I'm doing you a favour. What could be more innocent than that?"

"Interesting," Alice considered it very carefully.
"What?" Maggie shook her head, still replaying the encounter in her mind.
"The fact that John was so eager to tell us why he and Marlena were together in the middle of the afternoon." Alice's sharp eyes flicked down the empty corridor and then back to Maggie. "Don't you think?"
"Alice," Maggie drew her chin in and looked at the Horton matriarch from under thick lashes, "you're not suggesting that...."
"Well," Alice shrugged her shoulders, "doesn't it seem strange to you Maggie dear? That they *should* be together in the middle of the afternoon? And be so comfortable with one another, after everything that has happened?"
"I don't...." Maggie shook her head, unsure of her own answer, "Alice, it doesn't make any sense. Why should they lie about it if there is something more than what they say?" Her brows puckered as she considered her own query.
"Well that, Maggie my dear," Alice's eyes twinkled as she considered the mystery that had just presented itself "is the sixty-four thousand dollar question."

******

"Oh John," Marlena's laughter sparkled like the early summer rays of sunshine that glittered on the lake. She watched him lay the checkered picnic blanket out over the lime green grass of the secluded little spot. "This is just perfect!"
"I was hoping you'd say that," John grinned as he took her hand, helping her lower herself to the rug. "Your office definitely had its attractions though. You almost had me persuaded there." "
Well, I can safely say now that I'm glad you resisted my charms," one corner of Marlena's mouth quirked upwards into an adorable smile. "Difficult as it might have been."
"You, Dr. Evans, are quite impossible," he shook his head as he pulled the picnic basket towards him so that it came to rest against his knees.
"That's what all the boys say," she sighed happily as she leaned back on her elbows and looked out over the glistening body of water.
"I'll just bet they do," John grinned as he opened the wicker basket and peered inside.

Marlena took the opportunity to look out over the lake and reflect on its quiet beauty. It seemed almost deserted today, the beach to the right of them littered with several hardy souls soaking up the watery rays. It was warm, but not yet that warm. Smith Island sat silently in the distance, buried in shadows, despite the sun that poured over the tops of the trees. It looked slightly forbidding and Marlena couldn't help the shiver that passed through her as her eyes sought the tiny sylvan cabin that was owned by the Horton's. So much had passed behind those walls. So many memories. Good and bad.

A young goose close to the shore caught her attention. It was struggling to gain speed as it paddled across the water in an ungainly takeoff attempt, the tips of its wings whipping the water as they flapped in long powerful strokes. She watched it lift from the water leaving concentric ripples that ebbed into calm glassiness and then behind her, she hear the sweet clink of crystal and John handed her a champagne flute.

"John," she tore herself from the idyllic scene in front of her and leaned heavily on one elbow as she turned over onto her side. She found that he was flourishing a bottle and preparing to pop the eager cork. "I'm pregnant. I can't drink champagne, you know that." Her face was the picture of disappointment as she held out the glass for him to take away.
"Relax Doc," he twisted the bottle in his hands so that she could see that it wasn't champagne at all, but sparkling grape juice. "Just the finest money can buy." With firm thumbs, he edged the cork out, producing a loud bang and eliciting a squeal from Marlena. "Did you really think I'd leave you out baby?"

"No," she shook her head, watching his face as he concentrated on pouring the effervescent liquid into her glass. She just loved him so much. She could spend the rest of her life staring into those eyes and never get bored.
"No?" he laughed as he poured his own and then put the bottle to one side, "you were trying to give your glass back to me Doc."
"I was not!" she fibbed, unwilling to admit defeat.
"Some things never change," he shook his head with an amused smile. "I think you are still the most stubborn woman I have ever met."
"Would I be me if I wasn't?" she asked him.
"No," he shook his head, the smile still ghosting his lips, "no you wouldn't."

She was quiet for a moment as she considered him, the moment sliding into seriousness as the silence lengthened, punctuated only by the muffled splash of a duck as it hit the surface of the lake in an avian display of remarkable accuracy.

Lifting his glass, John pursed his lips in thought.
"To us," he said quietly. "To us and to the two beautiful babies we'll be holding in our arms soon."
"To our family," Marlena breathed, the words sounding to John almost like notes in a sweet melody that twined with the pure chime as the crystal glasses touched. They both took a sip and then Marlena turned to look over the water. "I almost can't believe we're finally going to be a family. After all this time..." she shook her head. "It's quite something isn't it?" "
Yeah," John joined her in her quiet introspection, "quite something."

"Boys, or girls?" Marlena turned to him again and lifted her eyebrows with her query.
"One of each," John replied deliberately before he took a sip of the grape juice. "Like Sami and Eric. It would feel..." he shrugged, "kind of like a new beginning I suppose." He looked at her, his eyes reflecting the bright blue firmament above. "You?"
"I don't care," she smiled dreamily, "as long as they look like you."
"Oh no," John shook his head, emitting a deep chortle, "don't subject them to that fate!" His smile softened as his eyes held her hazel ones. "I want them to look like their incredibly gorgeous mother."

Marlena smiled her appreciation of his sweet flattery, but he saw the anxiety creep into her eyes as she looked out over the lake again. "As long as they are safe and healthy," the whisper dissolved the smile on her face to reveal the concern that was endemic within her.
"They will be Doc," John reached out and squeezed her hand. "We have to trust that they will be."
"Mmmmm," she nodded her head with the soft murmur almost as though she hadn't heard him.

"Hey, c'mon Doc," John rolled over so that he was on his stomach next to her. "Too much seriousness from you, lady. We're supposed to be having fun."
"Life isn't always fun though is it John? There are too many hazards, too many dangers." She ignored his attempt to lighten the mood, feeling suddenly as though a shadow had crossed them.
"Hey baby," John's voice was gentle but full of concern, "where did all this come from."
"Oh I don't know," Marlena exhaled and rolled over on her side so that she was touching John. Somehow, his warmth gave her comfort and she gained some strength from him simply being there. She looked at him and shook her head. "Don't mind me, I'm just being morbid."
"No, I think it's a little more than that," John traced the contour of her cheek with his finger, "something's bothering you. I wish you'd tell me what it is."
"I can't," she shrugged moodily. "I wish I could. I don't even know what it is myself." She sighed expansively. "Maybe it's just this whole situation, having to sneak around, there's too much that can go wrong. Having to lie to everybody, Gene being odd..."

"Eugene?" John's voice didn't betray the emotions that were roused by that simple name. Emotions that he didn't expect, didn't want. But he hid them expertly as he asked his question. "How's he being odd?"
"He's just not acting like himself," she scratched the side of her nose as she considered Gene's bad humour the past couple of days, "I don't know what it is, I can't lay my finger on it. He's just not.... himself."
"I guess he's finding it awkward too," John's voice was hoarse.

He could have told Marlena what it was. Eugene couldn't look at her without remembering. She was under his skin, like she was under John's. You didn't love a woman like Marlena and then just switch off those feelings. And he was still living with her in the penthouse while John was stuck at the loft with Kristen.

"I guess so," Marlena was oblivious to the white-hot jealousy that had ignited within John at her words. But then, he was good at hiding his feelings. He'd had more than enough practice after all.

"How is Kristen doing?" she unwittingly changed the subject, sending John onto the back foot.
"Kristen?" he blinked rapidly.
"Yeah, you remember her?" Marlena raised her brows again with an amused smile.
"I try not to," he muttered.
"Oh, poor you," she smiled sympathetically, a mischievous glint appearing in her eyes. "Can I do anything to make it better for you?"
"Oh," he considered her offer as a grin displaced the grimace that had previously occupied his lips. He had after all, meant for this to be a fun, carefree afternoon. Why let thoughts of Eugene and Kristen spoil it? "Well, I do have a couple of suggestions."
"Care to clue me in?" Marlena took a sip of her grape juice and giggled as the fizz met her a little more forcefully than she had anticipated.
"How about...." he shimmied over to the picnic basket on his stomach and opened it, ".... you figure out..." Marlena looked bemused as he searched around for a moment, "...something to do...." With a grin and a flourish he produced a bowl of strawberries, ".... with these."

"Oh John," she looked at him from under heavy bangs and gave him a smile full of promise, "you really know how to set the scene don't you?"
"I'm trying Doc," John winked at her as he rolled onto his side, "I'm trying."
"That you are my darling," she laughed as she moved next to him again, her golden locks glistening in the sunlight.
"Oh, I'm wounded Doc," John clutched at his chest and fell onto his back.
"Not half as wounded as you'll be when I'm through with you," Marlena said in a throaty voice as she pulled the strawberries toward her.
"Is that a threat or a promise, baby?" John asked her with an expectant smile.
"Oh, most definitely a promise," she ran her tongue along her lower lip as she inspected the strawberries. "Now if I can just remember how to do this..."
"It can't be that hard Doc," John murmured as he watched her dip a big, juicy berry in the whipped cream that he had also produced. "Don't they say it's just like riding a bicycle?"
"Oh shut up Black."

Marlena pushed him back down and leaned on his chest as she dabbed the whipped cream along his lips. John watched her as she dangled the strawberry just out of reach of his mouth. Then, as he gave up trying to snatch it from her with his lips, she used the berry to smear more cream over his mouth. Then, with a tiny whimper, she let him take the strawberry and bite on it.

The fruit was sweet against his tongue, but the feeling of Marlena's mouth on him was absolutely exquisite. Her tongue caressed his lips, removing the stray cream before it ventured between them to taste the berry. He could feel her hands in his hair as her tongue searched his mouth, tangling with his own in a passionate samba.

In a swift movement, he took her by surprise and rolled her onto her back, never breaking the kiss even as they moved. He felt a momentary inkling of resistance, but then she relaxed and let him take control.

"So Doc," he said breathlessly when he pulled back from her, "is it just like they say?"
"Why don't you try it and find out?" she whispered, her own chest rising and falling as she tried to gain some control over her desire for him.
"I might just do that," he lifted one eyebrow as his lips curled in a smile. Reaching out, he selected a strawberry and dipped it in the cream.

Lowering it to her mouth, he dragged it along her upper lip and then dipped his head to hers. Gently, he sucked all the cream off of her and then moved back again. He repeated the process with her lower lip, rewarded by a moan as he pulled back again. Then gently he lowered it into her mouth and joined her in tasting the succulent, juicy flesh.

This was, he reflected in fractured thought, how it should always be. Love, lust, truth..... passion. No fear, no jealousy, no betrayal, no lies. Just the two of them and their love. Pure and strong. As it had always been and would always be.

It was that simple. It should be that simple. He had to make it that simple.

Anything else might tear them apart, and he could bear that. He couldn't let it happen again.

He simply couldn't....

Haunting

John entered the penthouse behind Marlena and looked beyond her to the scene she was already surveying. It looked somewhat akin to a war-zone and it took a moment for him to sort out in his mind, what was what.

The coffee table had been pushed to one side, a stray missile leaving a thankfully empty vase on its side atop the glass. All the cushions from both the sofas were piled up on the floor, along, it seemed, with pillows from every room in the house. On top of the pile was a squirming Belle, along with her giggling brother, and evidently, buried somewhere under the pile was a laughing Q. Blankets were also strewn from one end of the room to the other along with various chairs and other items of furniture, leaving John and Marlena wondering exactly what they had all been playing at.

"Can't catch me!" Brady yelled as he scrambled off the heaving pile of foam and cotton and dashed towards the kitchen. But an impossibly long arm snaked like a tentacle and hooked around Brady's legs, sending him sprawling in a breathless and hysterical pile on the carpet. John blinked in astonishment as he watched the little boy get slowly dragged back to the mound and then he started towards his son in concern. However, Marlena stayed him with a hand on his arm as Brady extracted himself from Q's grip and threw himself back on the pile with a renewed and enthusiastic fit of the giggles.

She could understand John's uncertainty, his fear that Brady might be hurt by the tumble he had taken, but he didn't know Eugene like she did. Didn't know how much he adored the children and how much they adored him in return. Even after the initial mishap with Belle, Marlena had no qualms that Eugene would always look after her babies. And they seemed to be having such fun now, she was loathe to end it too soon.

However, the children's laughter was interrupted by Lucie's voice as she entered the room with a tray of milk and cookies.
"All right," she said good naturedly, "It's time to let the monster under the mountain have a bit of a rest. And time for you two to calm down some and have some afternoon tea."
"Don't want to," Belle pouted sulkily, resenting the interruption to her play.
"Well Isabella honey, you have to eat if you're going to keep up your strength for battling monsters aren't you?" Lucie's sweetly Tennessee accented words failed to cajole the little girl however.
"I's not hungry," the blonde toddler maintained her stance, ignoring the pretty nanny's persuasive tactics.

"My Belle baby? Not hungry for cookies?" Marlena laughed, drawing the children's attention to her previously unnoted vantage point.
"Mommy," Belle forgot her momentary annoyance and she raced towards her mother, a large grin on her face.
"Hi sweetie girl!" Marlena crouched down to meet her daughter with a hug. Brady was right behind her and crashed into the pair, almost sending them sprawling, Marlena fighting to keep her balance under the onslaught of little bodies.

John watched the greeting fighting the bile that threatened to rise in his throat. They hadn't even noticed he was there yet. At first they had been so wrapped up their fun with Eugene, acting as though he was their pal, almost a surrogate father. And then they had noticed that their mother was there, running to meet her with sparkling eyes and generous kisses. But to them, he thought churlishly, it was as though he was invisible, as though they hadn't even considered him, given a thought that he might be there. As though somehow he was no longer even deemed part of the family.

He watched them, Marlena's hand curving around Brady's cheek in gentle greeting and his stomach roiled stormily. He didn't want to feel like this. Surely this anger, this unmitigated jealousy of Eugene and his place with the children was unfounded, simply borne out of insecurity. He wanted to believe that with all his heart. But somehow he couldn't seem to reconcile himself with what he was seeing.

He wanted, well part of him wanted Eugene here while he was with Kristen. He needed to know that Marlena and children were safe, protected by something a little more intelligent than an alarm system. When he could cool down enough to think rationally, his logic told him that Eugene was the one most suited to combat DiMera's nefarious tactics. His special "Q" powers gave him that edge. But that knowledge didn't ease John's resentment any to know that. In fact in some ways it magnified it. As did Marlena's placid acceptance of Eugene's place with the children.

Part of him was furious with her for just standing there and watching them. With a smile on her face. How could she encourage this? She knew that Eugene would have to leave soon and if the children became any more attached to him, it would be all the more difficult for them to see him go.

John swallowed heavily, knowing in his heart that it wasn't simply the children's feelings that he was concerned about. If Marlena couldn't see how tenuous this situation was then... he shook his head, how could she be so blinded to the dangers? Or did she want to be blind?

Dammit John, stop it. You're letting your mind run away with you. This is *not* her fault, you can't lay the blame on Doc. The muscle in his jaw twitched rapidly as he tried to reign in his emotions. Marlena was just trying to do what was best for all of them. And maybe it *was* best that she couldn't see how he felt. If she could forgive him Kristen then *surely* it was up to him to deal with Eugene and the feelings the man aroused in him. If Marlena knew how he really felt, he couldn't help but wonder if she would look at him differently.

With some effort, John tried to banish the thoughts out of his mind as they took hold, but the niggling jealousy he had been feeling lately seemed to be exploding inside him like a naked flame touched to a keg of gunpowder and it felt as though it was choking him as he watched Q burrow his way out of the pile of pillows across the room.

It wasn't rational, John knew. If this was anyone's fault, it was his. He hadn't been around for so long, he'd had his priorities so hopelessly screwed up; it was no wonder the children were looking for a father figure. But why the hell did it have to be Eugene Bradford? And why did he have to encourage them? Why couldn't he mind his own business? They were John's children, his responsibility and no one else's, least of all Eugene's.

Marlena whispered something in Belle's ear and the little girl looked up.
"Daddy!" her face lit up like a sunbeam, and she extracted herself from the tangle to throw herself into her father's arms, dispelling his previous troublesome thoughts.
"Hi beautiful Belle," he buried his face in her soft hair and smiled.
"Daddy? Brady tugged at his father's dusty cotton trousers almost shyly and John's heart lurched.
"Hi there slugger," he mussed the child's chestnut coloured hair before pulling him into his embrace. "How are my kids doing?"

Marlena watched the reunion for a long moment with a proud smile, before she turned back to the living room. Eugene was meticulously ignoring what was going on as he placed the cushions back on the sofas and she could almost physically feel the tension that was rolling off him from across the room.

What on earth was wrong with him? He could make the children scream with laughter, but the moment she walked into a room, he did everything but turn his back on her. And sometimes he did that too.

Of course, if she had cared to let the thought enter her head, the answer would have been more than obvious. But Marlena wasn't ready to face the truth yet, or the obvious damage it would expose. Damage she had wrought.

Instead, she argued with her inner conscience. He had been the one that had been adamant that she sort things out with John. He had been the one who had spent hours trying to persuade her that John deserved to know the truth about his baby. Of course he had. And all the time he had been holding back the truth from her. The truth that Kristen was carrying Marlena's child. What right did he have to be angry and hurt?

She shook her head, raising her hand to her lips as she let the sudden, irrational anger bleed away, wondering even as she did, where on earth it had come from. She didn't still blame Gene for that did she? She'd worked through all that and getting angry wasn't going to help any of them, least of all herself.

With gentle footfalls, she crossed the room to where Eugene was, now at the arched exit from the living room.
"Gene?" she caught his forearm with faltering fingers.
"Marlena," she could feel the muscles harden under her touch, as though he had to restrain himself. From what? her mind asked silently.
"Gene," her shoulders sagged as she identified a growing coldness in his eyes. A coldness that both alarmed and mystified her. This wasn't the Eugene she knew and she didn't know how to reach him.
"Gene, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" he shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing's wrong Marlena. Why would something be wrong?"
"Gene," she lightened her fingers on his arm as he turned away from her. "Please don't do this to me. Don't shut me out."
"Shut you out of what?" his voice oozed with bitterness, so much so that she physically took a step back. "There's nothing going on in my life. Nothing at all. So you see, there's nothing for me to tell you is there?"

Q knew he was hurting her, but he couldn't seem to help himself. The sight of her and John together seemed to stab at him like a searing blade, jabbing and slicing when he least expected it. And hurting more than he had ever thought possible. For the first time in six months, he longed for the numbness and clinicality of the continuum. Was it really better to have loved and lost or was that just another trite human saying, lost among so many inane others?

And somehow, keeping her at arms distance seemed to be the only way he could cope with it right now. The dreams were haunting him, driving him crazy, not only with his hunger for her, but also his lack of sleep. He didn't know how much longer he could keep this up. But the closer Marlena got to him, he knew, long wasn't even a remote option.

And so he pushed, in the fashion he knew best. The shell that he had cultivated so perfectly over millennia that he had lost count of, fell over him like a suit of armour and he once again became "Q". Q the immortal. Q the omnipotent. Q the desperate.

Ignoring the pain in Marlena's eyes, he continued.
"I'm sure there are more interesting places to focus your attention Marlena," he gestured to where John talked animatedly to the children. "You don't need to worry with dull, boring Q."
"But I am worried Gene," she refused to be thrown by his apparent self-pity. This isn't like you."
"Well maybe it is like me. Maybe you're finally seeing the real me. The one you haven't wanted to see all along?" he suggested pulling his arm roughly away from her touch at last. He turned from her; unable to look her in the eyes for fear that she would see the truth in his own.

"I don't believe that," she answered softly, moving closer behind him. "My friend Gene is sweet and gentle. He's not cynical and he's not deliberately hurtful. Not unless maybe.... something is hurting him."
"I've told you before," Q intoned steadily, ignoring the warmth of her so close behind him, trying to discount the sensations that her fragrance invoked. He couldn't forget that John was across the room and though he was too far away to hear what they were saying, he could still read the intent. "I've changed. I'm not the Eugene that you used to know. If that's what you want to think, you're going to be bitterly disappointed Marlena. You'd do best to let him go."

"I don't *want* to let him go," Marlena's voice caught in her throat as she spoke. Gene's coldness was breaking her heart and she didn't know how to deal with him when he was like this. "That Eugene was my friend. I love him for his sweet kindness and loving concern. And I love him because to the ends of the earth he would always try and help me. And he'd never hurt me."

"Oh Marlena," the anguish in her voice shattered his resolve and he turned back to her, his brown eyes abject with sorrow. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just can't talk about this right now. Just let me do this my own way, okay?"
"Are you sure that's the best way?" she was relieved he seemed to have snapped out of his bad temper, but she was concerned that anything else she might say could just push him right back in.
"It's the only way," Q replied softly. Without thought, he lifted his hand, and with sad eyes, he reached out to touch her cheek. Her eyes spoke volumes, the confusion and sorrow in them almost overwhelming him. And then suddenly, aware of what he was doing and who was watching, his fingers began to shake and he snatched them away before turning on his heel and disappearing into the kitchen. Exhaling deeply, Marlena's shoulders slumped as she watched him go.

John's chest thrummed with the surge of blood as it pounded through his heart. He could barely believe what he had just seen. Marlena's back was to him, but he could feel her pain, sense it simply from the way she moved, from the anguish that poured off her. He didn't know what was going on, he didn't even want to know.

He could see the hardness in Eugene's eyes, the percolating misery that engulfed him as he looked at Marlena. He knew that kind of pain well. He had lived it not too long ago. And now the roles were reversed. But surely Marlena should know that? Know that things could never go back to how they were before. That kind of love, once lost was a tear in the fabric of emotion. All attempts at healing simply tumbled through the rip, leaving the soul bereft and lost.

John felt a twinge of pity for Q but it mingled with the deeper and more powerful emotions that flowed through him in a torrent that swept reason before it. Why was Marlena so worried about Eugene's feelings when she had hardly stopped to question his? The blood pounded in his head and he fought the rush of dizziness as he saw Q lift his fingers to Marlena's cheek and the fury and jealousy erupted inside of him.

If he so much as *touches* her...

Thankfully for them all, the other man left the room and John's shoulder's dropped with Marlena's, momentarily spent with the effort of control. He looked down at his children who turned curious eyes upwards. God Black! What the hell do you think you are doing? Get a grip, you're going to screw up everything if you don't calm down. He smiled weakly and ruffled Belle's blonde locks as he turned away from where Marlena stood alone and worried.

From across the room by the fireplace, an interested expression appeared on Lucie's face as she watched John take in the whole exchange between Marlena and Q. His expression had darkened from one of joy at being with his children, to distress and maybe jealousy as he watched the conversation between the two ex-lovers.

Lucie doubted that he could hear what was being said, she couldn't from this distance, but he glowered as Marlena touched Eugene and she couldn't even fathom his expression as he saw Marlena become upset at Eugene's words and bitter expression.

It was fascinating to watch them, the interactions of the three thrown together in circumstances more difficult than they each might imagine. Lucie considered herself somewhat a student of human nature, in all its intriguing complexity. And these three provided quite the lesson.

"All right kids," John hadn't noticed Lucie's scrutiny of his reaction, "time for your milk and cookies." He sent them in the direction of the coffee table and picked his way across the rumpled blankets to where Marlena still stood.

"What was that about?" he asked carefully.
"Oh, I don't think I even know," she rolled her neck wearily, trying to ease some of the tension that was rigid in every muscle. "He's just so *frustrating*."
"He shouldn't be upsetting you like that Marlena," John said firmly, keeping his temper well in check. It's not good for you."
"He doesn't mean to," she said softly, "it's just...." She paused, suddenly aware of the way John was fidgeting, his arms crossed tightly in front of him. She blinked as her tired mind tried to decode his body language but after the confrontation with Eugene it was too much for her. John knew he had absolutely no reason to be jealous. She was committed with her whole heart to him and he knew that. Deciding it could wait until later, she brushed the question aside.
"It's just what?" John asked unsure if she was about to defend Q or not. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear it if she was.

This was really the last thing he wanted to deal with right now. The sight of she and Eugene together had thrown him into a tailspin and he could hardly think straight. He had no right, no need to feel jealous, he knew that in his head. But in his heart he could still see them together, the way she breathed her delight at his touch, the way she murmured words of love at the edge of a moonlit body of water, and it burned inside him, painfully and insidiously.

It wasn't that he wanted to feel like this. He wanted nothing more than to forget about it, pretend Q had never meant anything more to Marlena than a good friend. But it was as though he had a little devil sitting on his shoulder reminding him constantly of what he had seen and heard. And the feelings those memories conjured up were becoming more and more raw and tortuous as days went by until John could barely see Eugene without resenting the hell out of him. And the visual reminder of seeing Marlena with him was enough to make John recoil with an emotion very akin to disgust.

But now Marlena was standing right next to him and he couldn't let his face betray his inner struggle. This wasn't her problem. He *had* to deal with this before it started to come between them. He couldn't bear hurting her again and that was what was going to happen if he took this stupid jealousy out on her.

"Nothing," it was as though Marlena had picked up on his thoughts and suddenly she wanted to do nothing more than completely forget about it. "We've had a wonderful afternoon, let's not spoil it by talking about Eugene huh?" She turned to him with an engaging smile and took his hand, almost convincing in her sudden mood change.
"Okay then," John shrugged, part of him more than happy to move on, but the other part wondering exactly why she thought talking about Eugene would spoil the afternoon. Did she have some inkling of his feelings after all?

He hoped not. He would have to do whatever he could to put those suspicions to rest. Indeed, to put the whole matter to rest. After all, surely if he told himself he was not jealous and had no cause to be jealous enough, it would start to become a fact.

Turning on a sunny smile, he squeezed her hand.
"Whatever you say sweetheart."
"I say I fancy some milk and cookies," Marlena laughed lightly as she pulled John towards the coffee table where they joined the children for afternoon tea.

* * * * * *

It was later on, in Marlena's bed, that John's smothered emotions came back to haunt him. They had eaten a small dinner with the children, Q having gone out not long after the conversation with Marlena, and then they had bathed and put the children to bed together. It had been a relaxed and happy few hours for both of them, the first time they had truly felt like a family in a long time.

Although they had been careful not to be too affectionate with each other in front of Belle and Brady in order not to confuse them too much, the touches and glances had come fairly regularly. It was hard to fight their natural tendency to gravitate towards each other and they had ended up cuddled up on the sofa with both of the children reading stories before bedtime.

And after the children had been tucked in, they had found themselves in each other's arms, and they had made love, urgently, passionately as though trying to drive from their minds and perhaps each other's the fears and insecurities of the day. Filling their minds, hearts and souls with each other, they banished all worries and all fears for several blissful hours as they had made love and then they had talked softly of the past and of their hopes for the future.

And then finally, they had drifted to sleep, their bodies molded together as though they were made to fit together.

But it wasn't long before an unwelcome intrusion slid between them.

The way your smile just beams, The way you sing off key,
The way you haunt my dreams, No, no, they can't take that away from me.

He is in the corner of the Penthouse Grill, trapped there, unable to move. Marlena and Eugene are dancing. Well, swaying is more to the point. She is wearing a low cut, black dress and she looks stunning. He is holding her tightly and she is smiling up at him. Laughing as he sings......

......Q's hand drifts down to the small of her back and he leans over and presses his lips to her bare shoulder. He tries to shout, to break free but he is rendered mute and useless. She cannot hear or see him. If she could, would she care? Or is she too wrapped up in her lover to even notice?......

......e finds himself facing windows. It is dark and he hears a moan behind him. Turning around, he sees them. On the bed. Kissing...hands roaming... He calls her name, his voice drenched with anguish, but she hears nothing. Nothing but the sounds of her lover as his sighs echo around her......

John's eyes snapped open, his chest heaving as he struggled for air. His forehead was beaded with sweat as he sat up, sucking desperately at the stale air that surrounded him.

This can't be happening.

The dream was so unbelievably vivid that it took him a moment to orient himself and realize that he was in fact, still in bed with Marlena and not watching her make love to Eugene from across the room.

"John?" her sleepy voice sounded muffled, "what's wrong honey?"

"Nothing Doc," John's voice sounded strained as he whispered his denial, "go back to sleep."

Marlena had heard that once already today and even in her drowsy state, she instinctively didn't believe John any more than she had believed Gene. Forcing her eyes open, she rolled over and looked at him. The sight of him, his face in his hands only served to reinforce her intuition.

Pushing herself up from the bed, she slipped her arms around his shoulders.
"Did you have a dream, baby?" she whispered. John said nothing, but the muscles in his jaw twitched as his body tightened in successive ripples. "John?" she ran her fingers over the muscles in his shoulders, feeling the tightness there and she frowned.

"I need to be getting home," John said hoarsely as he pulled away from her.
"What?" she blinked, trying to get a fix on what was happening.
"Kristen will be wondering where I am," he answered shortly as he slipped from the bed and collected up his clothes. Looking up at her worried face, his expression softened. "I'm sorry Doc, I didn't mean to fall asleep. I really need to get back or she's going to start asking awkward questions."

"Okay, if you feel you have to." She nodded her head to indicate she understood, but the dark hid the uneasiness in her hazel eyes. Whatever he had been dreaming about, the reaction she had evoked from him told her it was very unlikely that it was Kristen.
"Yeah, I do." John nodded as he pulled on his pants and zipped them up. He tucked his shirt into the waistband and buckled the belt.

"John," Marlena watched him, her heart beating heavily in the anxious silence, "are you sure that everything is all right? You're... you're not angry with me?" she was tentative and her voice drifted away as she waited for his answer. It was a little longer coming than she would have liked.

"I've course I'm not baby," he smiled and shook his head lightly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. But something in his expression left her uneasy. "Gotta go," he dropped a kiss on the top of her head but she caught his hand as he turned.
"John," she breathed gently, her free hand sliding around his warm waist, "don't I even warrant a kiss on the lips?"

John closed his eyes fleetingly. The feel of her hand against his, her arm around his waist was both tantalizing and repellent. Every time she touched him, he wanted her. That would never change. But behind his eyelids he could still see the ghostly image of her hands on Eugene and it made him nauseous.

"John?" she whispered, her voice shivering with uncertainty.

He opened his eyes.

"I'll call you in the morning okay sweetheart?" he brushed his thumb over her cheek and then leaned down to press his lips to hers.
"Okay...." Her voice followed him out of the room, and then she sat alone. Silent.

The clock hit 3am and Marlena rolled over, her eyes wide open. Sleep was more than elusive, it was impossible to capture. All she could see when she closed her eyes, was the twitch of the muscle in John's cheek and the down turned line of his lips. And she could feel his soft, almost impersonal kiss.

What isn't he telling me?

She felt unsettled, maybe even lonelier in her bed than she had before he had joined her. Something had made him *want* to leave. She didn't understand it. She didn't understand *him*.

She sighed and threw the covers back, slipping her legs out of the bed. She pulled her robe from the back of the couch and drew it on. Letting it billow about her in the warm night air, she left the room.

The apartment was dark and quiet. She paused at the doorway to Belle's room and smiled at the sleeping angel, her cheeks rosy and her blonde hair ruffled by the gentle movement of sleep. Then she silently moved across the landing and descended the staircase.

Passing through the living room, she plumped a cushion on her way and threw an appreciative glance around the room. As much as terrible things had happened in this penthouse, it was still her home and she still loved it. Every so often someone would suggest that she move out and find somewhere new, somewhere with fewer memories. But something held her here. Maybe it was the fact that John had found it for her. Maybe it was that link to him that had made her feel comfortable and safe here, even when perhaps she hadn't been. She liked the place, she liked the stability it offered as a single parent and she liked the feel of it when she was here alone, as she was now. It was special. It was hers.

The gauzy fabric of the robe drifted around her feet as she entered the kitchen, the terracotta tiles cool under her feet. The light from the refrigerator illuminated the room, casting odd shadows as she pulled a carton of milk from the middle shelf. Tipping some into a large cup, she put it into the microwave and switched on the timer.

Rubbing her face she leaned against the bench and stared at the floor as again she tried to make sense of John's behavior.

******

Q sat on the edge of his bed and groaned. He was drenched in sweat after another one of *those* dreams and he could barely think straight. His lips burned with the taste of her, his body tingled at the memory of her imagined touch and he felt almost desperate with longing.

Why the hell was he doing this to himself? It was like some kind of masochistic torture to keep doing this, to keep living with her and seeing her every day. Intellectually he knew that he had to stay here, to make sure she was okay. If he left who would be there to stop Kristen from taking a pot shot at her? And who would be there to stop Stefano DiMera from doing whatever he wanted?

He shook his head as he considered Q2's words the other day. We expect that he is very close. But we have the advantage. Because not only is the source of his greatest strength in Salem, but also his greatest weakness. Stefano DiMera. Once Q. To be vanquished only by Q.

So he had to stay. But at what cost? It was as though his heart broke all over again every time he saw her with John. And he didn't even know why. It wasn't like this before, so what had changed?

The dreams.

He touched her, felt her in those dreams. It wasn't only the memory of how she felt as she moved against him. They evoked all the emotions again, the love, the lust ... the loss was all intensified to a point where he could hardly think past wanting to hold her in his arms again and smell her scent.

Shaking his head, trying to tell himself that the taste on his lips was only wrought by his imagination, he pushed himself from the bed and stumbled to the door. He was parched and he needed some water. He loped down the stairs with long, ungainly steps but he paused, his heart in his mouth, when he made it to the kitchen doorway.

The refrigerator was open, shedding a faint, golden light across the kitchen floor. It illuminated Marlena who was leaning against the bench in front of it, seemingly lost deep in thought. Q could see the curves of her body through the soft diaphanous fabric, the lace curling gently over her warm skin and her golden hair fell about her face, framing it like spun silk. He didn't know if she had ever looked more beautiful.

His heart pounded as he watched her and he tried to still the trembling that suffused his body as he gripped the doorframe. The pain that the sight of her induced left him breathless and a hot, prickling tear escaped his eye as he blinked.

He froze as she looked up and straight at him. His jaw tightened as he saw the question form in her eyes and then, flooded with shame, he turned and fled.

"Gene!" Marlena chased after him but it was as though he had disappeared into thin air by the time she made it to the doorway. Maybe he had. "Oh *Gene*!" The utterance was one of pure frustration as she brushed the bangs up off her forehead with the heel of her palm.

With a hand on her hip, her eyes swept the living room and focused on the stairs. The microwave beeped behind her and with an aggravated groan, she went back into the kitchen.

What the hell was going on around here? One look from her and men started running? Her shoulders slumped as she took the cup of warm milk from its metal cocoon. Why couldn't anything ever just be simple? Just when she thought things were coming right, now John was jumpy and strange and Gene.... well, if she could get Gene to even talk to her, she'd be making a good start.

She felt a sharp pain in her side as the baby sent a knee or an elbow into an organ.
"Oh not you too," she sighed. Rubbing her hand soothingly over the tight skin, she wandered out into the living room and lowered herself wearily onto the sofa.

With a sip of warm milk, she rubbed her brow again and contemplated the floor. The more she thought about this, the more it became jumbled in her head. Maybe she was overreacting; maybe John just did realize he needed to go home. Maybe she was just so used to dealing with problems and expecting the worst that she was seeing things that weren't even there?

She wanted to believe it so badly. She loved him so much that it hurt to not have him there by her side. The thought that he didn't want to be with her was almost too painful to bear, as though her heart was being crushed in a vice. Because if he didn't want to be with her, then it must be her fault, and she couldn't contemplate that, couldn't live with that knowledge right now. Because it was too dangerous, too close to the loss and grief that she had already suffered for too long. Too much like history repeating itself.

"Yes, that must be it," she whispered as she rubbed her stomach in gentle circular motions, "it's just me imagining things, that's all. Why on earth would John not want stay but for Kristen?"

But as for Eugene, that was an entirely different matter. Try as she might to deny it, the fact that there was something very wrong was irrefutable. And that was just something she was going to have to tackle. She would have to *make* him tell her what was going on. And the sooner the better.

Nuances

Kristen sat on the sofa with a scowl on her face as she watched Maya cleaning the kitchen counter. God, she loathed that woman already. After how many days?
Every time she turned around, she found the nurse's velvety eyes boring into her, detailing her every move as she made it. And Lord forbid she wanted to go out. Apparently that was a federal crime because at this rate she hadn't been able to get past the door without being waylaid by her erstwhile jailer.

Her lips twisted into a sneer as the raven-haired woman turned her back and rinsed the cloth in the sink. Kristen bet St. Marlena would just *love* Maya. The two had so much in common after all. Neither had a life to speak of and what little they did have was spent trying to make *her* life a misery.

With a martyred sigh, she pulled a plastic bag towards her and pulled out the newest pile of baby clothes that had arrived from one of the numerous catalogue orders she had made. Maybe if she ignored the nurse, the witch would forget she was there and go and pluck her nose hairs or something. One could always hope.

Her itemizing of the clothes was suspended as she heard the soft thud of John's feet as they hit the stairs on the way down. Turning around, she saw him pulling on a t-shirt over his freshly showered torso and her heart jumped as she saw his chest. She just wanted to be able to run her hands over that beautifully defined chest, to have him kiss her like he used to and call her baby.

But right now, he was like a stranger. He hardly even looked her, much less touched her. And he slept in the spare room, saying that it was for the safety of the baby that she needed to sleep well. And so she slept, alone and unsure. Because if he wanted to be with her, why did his every look, every movement say that he did not want to be anywhere near her?

Marlena Evans, her mind screamed at her like a demented banshee. You know he loves Marlena. He's always loved Marlena. You are only here now because of the baby, because he's afraid of losing it. He couldn't care less if he lost you.

"Hi honey," she said carefully, not allowing the inner mayhem she felt to spill over into her words.
"Hi Kristen," he answered abstractedly as he passed her on his way to the coffee machine.

He had not slept well after making it home and falling into the spare bed. Every time he had closed his eyes, he had been haunted by the visions from his dreams. Visions that reminded him all too succinctly of what he had seen that inauspicious night. Visions that his mind seemed to embellish of it's own accord until he had no choice but to open his eyes in order to banish the demons.

"You were home awfully late last night baby," Kristen had pushed herself off the couch and was moving up behind him. Her words were quiet, but they were barbed with suspicion and provocation. "I got up at 1am and you weren't anywhere to be seen."

John poured himself a lukewarm coffee and turned around to face the lanky blonde.
"Sorry 'bout that baby," he said without a hint of guile, "I had a business dinner that went very late. By the time I thought about calling you, it was too late and I thought you'd probably be in bed."
"You should have called anyway John," Kristen pouted. "You know how I worry."
"I know honey," he managed a smile as he caught her hand in his. Just the feel of her skin made his crawl and he wondered how he ever could have loved this scheming reptile. "I'm sorry, I promise I will do in future." He held her to him, grimacing as Maya caught his glance and rolled her almond coloured eyes.

The pungent aroma of Kristen's perfume invaded his nostrils as she pressed herself close to him, snaking her arms around his waist as he tried to keep from sneezing. She moved her lips close to his ear and blew gently.
"Do you think maybe you could spend the day here with me?" she coaxed in a manner meant to charm him into agreeing. John tried to suppress the shudder that ripped through him at her touch. "It gets *so* lonely in this *big* apartment."

John felt one of her hands slide down across his butt as her lips murmured against his skin. God, part of him just wanted to tell her to go to hell, that he never wanted to see her again let alone spend time with her. She was the lowest excuse for a human being he had encountered, save her 'father', and here he was, having to endure her pathetic ploys to hold onto him.

Holding her in his arms, having to suffer her affection was akin to sacrilege of his love and memories of Marlena. He somehow felt defiled, less worthy of her, knowing that he had made love to this...this DiMera protégé. If the good Lord had sat down to devise a punishment worthy of his crimes, He couldn't have found one more appropriate or more tortuous for John than this.

"Oh I'm sorry sweetheart," he pushed her away and held her at arms length, hoping his relief translated into a look that approximated sincerity, "I made arrangements to go up and see Carrie this morning."
"Well I can come with you," she said hopefully, catching his hand in hers, "You know how much I love Carrie. I'd love to see her."
"No, baby," he shook his head and squeezed her fingers before dropping her hand and hoping it wasn't too obvious. "You have to rest and it could be upsetting seeing Carrie." He frowned. "Apparently she's not doing too well and I don't want to put you through that kind of upsetting trip."
"It'll be okay John," Kristen looked earnest, "I can handle it. I really want to go."
"No Kristen," John shook his head again and picked his cup up from the counter, draining it in a single movement. "I want you to stay here and rest. It wouldn't be good to be halfway to the sanitarium and have you go into labor now would it?" He raised his brows. "I have my cell phone and you can call me if you need me okay?"

He leaned over and pressed a dry kiss to Kristen's forehead.
"You're going now?" she squeaked.
"Yup," he nodded, tossing his keys in the air on the way to collect his jacket. "I'll see you both later." His eyes swept from Kristen to Maya and she gave him a nod in the affirmative.
"Good luck," she added.
"Thanks," he frowned. I think I might well need it.

Kristen's lips were pinched as she watched him slide the loft door closed behind him. There was something wrong. She couldn't quite lay her finger on what it was, but something was definitely wrong.

The baby kicked within her and she glowered as the nurse looked at her questioningly. Whatever that something wrong was, it was likely to do with one person. And Kristen intended to find out what the hell 'Saint' Marlena Evans was up to now.

******

Marlena smoothed the yellow sundress over the round swelling that her unborn child made inside her. As with Belle, she wasn't yet large for six months along, but unlike with her last pregnancy, she seemed to be growing very fast. Some mornings she woke up and it was almost like she had grown overnight. It was more likely that the baby had shifted slightly so that she was carrying more forward, but it was still quite a strange feeling. She made a mental note to ask the doctor about it when she saw him this afternoon as she clipped on her earrings. She was sure it was nothing to worry about, but better to be safe than sorry.

The quiet click of her sandals against her heels broke the silence as she descended to the living room. It was tranquil, as Sami had come by to pick up the children earlier to take them to Shawn and Caroline's. She missed the children when they weren't here, but Marlena did like this time alone in her place.

She went to the window and opened the door out onto the balcony. It was warm out and she took a deep breath, relishing the sweet, earthy smell of summer in the air. She had briefly thought about going into work early as she had vowed and getting her paperwork out of the way. But since she and John had decided that this morning they would go and see Carrie, it hardly seemed worth it to go in for a couple of hours. A day off would surely do her good anyway.

"Marlena," Q's voice behind her startled her slightly and she jumped. "Sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you."
"That's okay Gene," she replied carefully as she turned around. His outstretched hand offered her a cup of tea and she gratefully took it. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," he answered stiffly.

There was an awkward pause as they regarded each other, doing an invisible dance of maybe's and what if's.
"Marlena-"
"Gene-" They started simultaneously and then broke into nervous laughter.

"I'm sorry," Eugene looked at his tea and then up at her. "I'm sorry I ran out on you last night. I...." he swallowed as he remembered how beautiful she had looked. "I wasn't expecting you to be there. I....I didn't know how to deal with those feelings...." he turned away from her abruptly, his face burning. He didn't know why he had felt the need to say that, why he felt the need to say anything at all. This was ridiculous, it wasn't going to make anything better, it was just going to screw things up even more. He loved her so much it was like a pain that seared his heart whenever he saw her. He couldn't even imagine waking up one day and knowing he would never see her face again. But that's what he faced if he went back to the continuum.

But would that be any worse than this? This agony that stripped the fragile scar tissue away from his emotions every time he laid his eyes on her? He had no answer to that question. Only yet more questions.

"Gene," her voice was tender and concerned and it just made things worse and he squeezed his eyes shut as he felt her hand on his shoulder. "Gene I understand. Just please tell me what I can do to make things easier for you."

Her heart ached for him, for the pain she had inflicted on him. She didn't understand why this had suddenly flared up again, he seemed okay with it, resigned but okay when John was in the hospital. But now it was like he was undergoing some monumental struggle that she could only sense but not understand. And she didn't have a clue what to do.
"Nothing," he croaked, pulling away from her. "There's nothing anybody can do."

"Marlena, do you have any sewing stuff?" Lucie came down the steps two at a time, a scrap of fabric in her hand.
"Uh, sewing?" Marlena's brows knitted as she tried to clear her head.
"Yeah, I tore the strap on my nightgown the other night and I wanted to mend it," she held up the nightgown, a flimsy piece of lavender silk, "I'd be ever so grateful being that it's my favourite and all."
"What a shame," Marlena inspected the torn fabric and Q had a flash of the liquid silk shimmying over her soft curves. Turning away from the two women, he gritted his teeth as he held onto the doorframe, his head swimming.

"Let me see what I can find..." Marlena's voice filtered into his head and then he was aware that she was gone and Lucie was standing behind him.

"You okay?" she asked innocently.
"Fine," he spat it out between clenched teeth.
"Are you sure?" Lucie leaned against the doorframe of the open door next to him and looked out over Salem, "you seem kinda tense."
"I have a lot on my mind," Q noticed that the knuckles holding onto the doorframe were white and he made a conscious effort to relax.
"I've noticed things are kinda...uh..awkward," Lucie offered, her green eyes glinting as the morning sun struck them. Q could have been mistaken but he thought he saw a hint of amusement in them. "Why do you stay here if it's that difficult for you to see her with him?"

He blinked rapidly and looked at her curiously.
"Well she might not see it," Lucie shrugged, "maybe she doesn't want to see it. But it's as plain as the nose on your face to me...." she leaned her head on one side, flaxen hair swinging in the slight breeze. "So why *do* you stay?"
"I have no choice," he said in a flat voice.

"No choice?" the young woman seemed surprised, "I would have thought everyone had a choice when the problem was affecting their lives that much. I mean I know about the whole deal with you pretending to be the proud daddy and all, not that I get that, but whatever..." she pursed her lips and tapped her fingernail against the pane of glass behind her. "But let's face it, you're hardly going to convince people you're madly in love when you can't even look at her, are you?"

"She needs me," his voice was hoarse as he turned back to the living room, eyeing the landing as though he expected Marlena to materialize there any moment, "I can't let her down."
"Excuse me for saying so," Lucie's soft southern drawl became more pronounced, "but you don't seem to be much use to her at all in this state. You're only causing her more stress."

Q turned back to her, his mouth frozen into a rictus of a smile. This woman was seriously starting to get on his nerves.
"Thank you for your concern," he said firmly, "but I think this is my business and I would like it to remain that way."
"Suit yourself," Lucie shrugged diffidently and pushed herself from the doorway. "But I think y'all need to get yourselves sorted out before this becomes a major problem."

Q watched her saunter to the staircase and then she turned around to look at him. Flicking the fluid length of silk over her shoulder, she shot him a wink and then headed up the stairs.

He shook his head. That was all he needed to deal with, a nosy nanny. He watched her disappear into the corridor that led to the bedrooms and then turned back to the balcony. As much as she made him uneasy, she was right, they did need to get this sorted out or it was going to mean very big trouble for all of them.

******

"If she so much as lays a *finger* on him," Kristen dragged the phone with her as she paced in an awkward waddle across the floor.
"Calm down Krissy," Peter's voice intoned on the other end of the line. "You don't even know that she has seen him."
"Well has she?" Kristen demanded. "I mean you are the one that has tails on the bitch Peter. You tell me, has she seen him?"

"No," Peter was almost surprised that he could lie so bald-facedly to his sister. But her sanity was at stake at here and he would not risk it. He wouldn't risk the repercussions that might happen if she found out the truth either. He didn't want the blood of Marlena Evans on his hands, however much she had hurt Kristen. "No, John hasn't seen her since the night of the party at the Brady Pub."

He winced as he said the words. Not only had Marlena Evans seen him, but John had spent the night with her that night. And then there was their little 'picnic' yesterday. Not exactly discreet. But to tell Kristen that would be as good as signing a death warrant for Marlena, and Peter wouldn't let his sister go through that. Marlena and John might even deserve it, but Kristen's baby needed a mother and Peter was damned if he would let Kristen throw that away. And so he lied. To save them all.

"So he's...he's not seeing her?" Kristen sounded broken as her righteous anger shattered and she let herself fall onto the bed.
"No Krissy," Peter prayed he was doing the right thing, "he's telling you the truth. He's on the way to see Carrie, by himself."
"Oh," she stared at the ceiling, her scrambled mind trying to piece itself back together. "Oh well then, in that case why don't you come over here and take me to lunch. If that wretched nurse tries to feed me one more of her home cooked dishes of crap I think I'll force feed it back to her. And not through her mouth."
"Krissy," Peter shook his head.
"I'm serious Peter," she tolled over on her side and checked out her nails as though there were nothing more serious on her mind than whether she needed a manicure, "she's driving me f**king crazy. I have to get out of here and I want you to help me."

******

Marlena looked at her watch and then at Eugene. He stood out on the patio, his hands planted firmly on the railing of the balcony. Her shoulders slumped as she watched him. She felt so helpless, so powerless to be able to do anything for him. She wanted so badly to see him smile again, to see the sweet, gentle funny Eugene that she adored. She wanted so badly to believe that he was hidden in there, protected by the angry, bitter shell that he had cultivated, it seemed, just for her.

He turned around and found that she was looking at him and even behind the window she could see his face harden. She had thought before that they were getting somewhere, that he was beginning to open up to her. But now it seemed, they were right back at the start.

What had she said, what had she done to make him so angry at her? He had talked about feelings. What feelings? The feelings he still had for her? She understood that pain; she knew how hard it was to see the person you cared about with someone else. But this was Eugene. The Eugene she knew would usually hide that; do his best to pretend that everything was all right, that he was perfectly happy.

No, there was something more. Something that made him turn away from her, something that made him unable to look her in the eyes. Something that made him frustrated and angry. Something that hurt and scared her.

She shook her head, the answer was probably perfectly obvious but she suspected she was just too close to the situation to be able to see it clearly. What with this and John's sudden withdrawal last night along with the Kristen situation and Carrie's illness, she felt thoroughly overwhelmed and she wasn't sure she would be able to see the truth right now even if it was hitting her over the head.

Her heart felt as though it were beating in her throat as he came to the doorway and looked at her. Suddenly she was frightened of what he might say. She didn't know if she could get through these next few weeks on her own, even if he was hardly talking to her, just his presence was a comfort and she didn't want to lose that.

"Hi," she said quietly as he came over to her.
"I thought John was supposed to be picking you up," his coldness made her ache and she suddenly felt dizzy. He must have seen it in her face because a look of concern replaced the hardness that had been there earlier.
"Marlena, are you all right?" his hand reached out to catch hers as she steadied herself against the chest behind her.
"Gene," she took a deep breath willing the giddiness to recede. It did after a moment but she didn't let go of his hand. "I'm fine, but obviously you're not. Now please, I want to know what's going on. I don't care what it is, I want you to tell me."

Neither of them heard the knock at the door, but Lucie, who was watching them with open curiosity, did, and she made her way to the door and opened it.
"Well, hi there," her hand went to her hip as she leaned against the door. "I was wonderin' when you were gonna turn up."

John looked a little confused as he regarded the girl. He'd met her several times now, but she was acting awfully familiar for a nanny.
"I'm afraid Marlena's just a little tied up at the moment," she shrugged one shoulder with a quirky smile. With her blonde hair and shirt knotted over close fitting jeans, the green-eyed beauty looked like she had walked straight off the ranch. But there was more to her than sweet southern innocence. John suspected that Lucie hadn't been innocent for quite some time. "Serious stuff."

She nodded in the direction of Marlena and Eugene and John's eyes followed her motion. His heart lurched in the direction of his stomach when he saw Marlena's earnest expression as she held Q's hand in hers. Eugene was saying something to her that John couldn't hear and then it seemed as though Marlena was arguing with him.

John clenched his fist unconsciously as he tried to resist the urge to stalk over there and flatten Eugene Bradford. He was obviously still very important to Marlena or she wouldn't be getting so upset, that much was obvious. And John wasn't sure how to deal with that. Exactly *how* important was he?

John knew that the jealousy he was feeling was irrational. Marlena loved him; she had chosen him. But still, the sight of the two of them chafed the scabs off his insecurities and left them raw and weeping. And left John defenseless against the surge of pain that inundated his senses.

"I don't know why he just doesn't move out," Lucie fluttered her lashes as she leaned back lazily watching as John's face betrayed his mind as it stumbled belatedly to catch her words. "I mean, he's so obviously still got the hots for her. It must be hell for him, poor guy." She looked at John with a hint of admiration. "Y'all must trust Q an awful lot." Her mouth twitched as she saw the muscle go crazy in John's cheek. I know what *you're* thinking John-Boy.

Before John could reply, she gave a graceful cat-like curl of her arm and called out to the others.
"Yoohoo!" she grinned widely. "I'm goin' out so I'll see y'all later. Have fun!" She waited long enough to see the look of surprise register on Marlena and Eugene's faces as they saw John standing there and then she slipped from the room and closed the door quietly behind her.

"John," Marlena's hands suddenly felt clammy as she looked at him and her pulse beat high in her throat. "You're...I didn't expect you here this early."
"I had to get out of the loft," John stepped into the living room trying to behave as normally as he possibly could. The last thing he wanted to do right now was have a fight with Marlena about Eugene in front of the man. He had vowed on his way over here that he would make last night up to her. This wasn't a very good way to start. At least if they were going to discuss this they could do it in private.

"Kristen was making noises about coming to see Carrie with me. I had to split before she could trick me into taking her with me."
"Oh," Marlena managed a smile and relaxed a little. "Yeah I could see where that would make you want to get out."
"You have *no* idea Doc." The thought of having Kristen tagging along was enough to make the jealousy he was currently feeling fade momentarily into insignificance and he grinned with the relief as he pulled Marlena into his arms.

Taking full advantage of the interruption, Q edged away from the couple.
"Uh, I have some things to do," he muttered, "have a nice time. I'll see you later."

Marlena took in a breath to say something, but feeling John's arms tighten around her, she thought better of it and simply nodded as he headed for the stairs. He obviously didn't want to talk to her, but she would get to the bottom of this, and she wanted to make sure it was sooner rather than later. Before things got any worse between them. Before she lost his friendship completely.

When he had gone, Marlena turned her full attention to John.
"I'm glad you're here," she whispered, her forearms soft against his neck. "I was lonely when you left last night."
"I'm sorry about that baby," he caressed the golden hair from the side of her face and laid a gentle kiss where his fingers had just brushed her soft cheek. "I didn't mean to be so abrupt with you. Please forgive me."
"You're forgiven," she nodded, a whisper of a smile on her lips. "Was everything all right?"
"She noticed I was late coming in," John shrugged. "I told her I had a business dinner."
"And she believed you?" Marlena tilted her head back, trying to read the expression in his sky-blue eyes.
"She seemed to," he lifted his hands and framed Marlena's face with wide, strong palms. "I don't want to talk about Kristen, Doc."

With soft lips, he kissed her, inhaling her scent and concentrating on how her skin felt against his. But the moment he closed his eyes, he saw her with Eugene, the other man's arms wrapped around her on the dance floor, and his eyes flew open.

"John?" Marlena didn't ask the question, but he heard it anyway. What's wrong?

"I think we should go now." His hands dropped and he turned away from her, ignoring the mystification in her eyes.
"If you want to," she said quietly, unsure of how to handle this. The churning in her stomach was enough to tell her she had been wrong last night and there was more to this than she wanted to admit. She felt breathless as she anticipated his answer, too afraid to contemplate anything beyond the immediate concern.

"I want to," he nodded, his eyes searching the pictures on the dresser for an answer he knew didn't exist. He had to get out of here, get away from these thoughts, before they drove him crazy. Before he did something stupid.

It was in the car that Marlena finally mustered up the courage to say something. John's silence was upsetting and frustrating and nothing that she had said, no small talk had managed to draw him out of himself. She didn't understand the sudden mood swing, it was as though one moment he was happy and at ease, and the next Mr. Hyde had taken over. Was it something she had done? Unknowingly said? Whatever it was, she couldn't fix it until she knew about it. And the only way she could find out what it was, was to make him tell her.

"John?" she started cautiously, unsure how to frame her question.
"Mmmm-hmmm?" He seemed preoccupied with the lakeside scenery.
"Honey, I don't want to pry..." she could feel her heart pounding in her chest and the baby fluttered momentarily inside of her. "But," she paused and steadied herself, "obviously something is wrong. I wish that you'd tell me what it is."
"Nothing's wrong Doc," John kept his eyes on the road as he spat out the lie. Nothing's wrong except that I can't forget and forgive. *Me* of all people. The little devil on his shoulder laughed at him. Pathetic. Can't even take a little competition. You who hasn't had any shortage of women to use and throw over just because you couldn't have Marlena.

"Don't give me that John," he could hear pain and hostility in her voice and it made his mouth go dry. "You left me last night, hardly saying a word and now you're a million miles away." She fiddled with the fastening on the front of her bag and John could almost sense her insecurity before she spoke. 'I'm not stupid John, please don't patronize me. Was it something I said? Something I did? Because if it is, please tell me and..." she shook her head and turned away, silently damning herself for the tears that welled out of nowhere and trickled over her cheeks.

"Oh sweetheart, no!" John could have kicked himself for upsetting her like this. This was the last thing she needed right now, especially with the visit to Carrie being so potentially stressful. Reaching over, he covered her hand with his and squeezed her fingers. "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to make you think that you had done something."
"Well then what *is* going on John?" she brushed the tears from her cheeks angrily. "I can't take this walking around on eggshells, wondering where your mood is going to swing next. It's making me crazy. Please," she begged with a broken voice, "please just talk to me."

"It's Kristen," he sighed, hoping that he sounded convincing. Maybe she was right and he should just tell her the truth. But how petty did the truth sound? I'm sorry Marlena, I'm really jealous of the fact that you slept with Eugene and I can't bear seeing the two of you together. No. He could deal with this. He could get past it if only he could stop dwelling on it. "I'm getting the feeling she's suspicious of me being out all the time Doc. She keeps on questioning me and you know how sneaky she is. If she suspects something is up..." he slid his fingers between hers, linking them together. "I'm sorry baby, it's been weighing on my mind, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

Marlena looked over at him, her hazel eyes flickering over his face, appraising his words. He seemed to have relaxed a little, his hand wasn't gripping the steering wheel so tightly and the lines around his eyes were etched a little less deeply.

Was that really all it was? Concern around Kristen not believing him? She didn't want to disbelieve him and she supposed it did make sense. After everything that he had been through, neither of them wanted anything to go wrong. She knew John, knew how deeply he felt the responsibility to her and the children. It was one of the reasons she loved him so deeply. Of course it would make him tense and uneasy if he thought there was any threat to their safety. And he had just been talking about Kristen earlier when he had gone so quiet.

Allowing herself a small smile, she let her muscles relax, uncoiling her legs from under her and stretching them out as much as she could in the cab of the Jeep.
"Well, it can't be long now," she noticed the sun reflecting off the water and smiled as images of their picnic yesterday interrupted her train of thought fleetingly. "I mean, she's past due now. She could go into labour at any moment."
"Yeah, but nothing about this pregnancy is normal Doc, you know that." He loosened his fingers from hers. "I don't think, knowing what we do, that I'd like to lay bets on anything to do with that baby."
"Mmmmm, I guess so," Marlena felt the baby move again, restless in it's watery haven and she lifted John's hand to her belly.

"Belle felt the baby kick for the first time this morning," a peaceful, joyous smile spread across her face. The thought of her beloved children could always make her smile, no matter what the situation.
"What did she say?" the delight on John's face reflected hers as he tried to imagine his Belle baby's reaction.
"She wanted to know how it got in there," a slight flush rose in Marlena's cheek, "and then she wanted to know if it was a baby brother or a sister. So I told her we didn't know."
"And she wanted to know why we didn't know right?" John's palm rested on the hard mound under the cotton of Marlena's sundress. He could feel the gentle prods against his hand and it filled him with pleasure
"Right," Marlena nodded, covering his hand with her own, the coarse hair rough and familiar against her skin. Her heart filled with joy, she loved him *so* much. She didn't want this feeling to ever end. "When I told her that we couldn't see the baby to be able to tell if it was a boy or a girl, she decided that Gene would know so she started the 'why' torture with him."

She started to laugh, but the happy noise was curtailed as she felt John's hand stiffen beneath hers. She swallowed compulsively as he pulled his hand away jerkily and placed it back on the steering wheel, his knuckles whitening. Her eyes floated to his face and she saw the telltale twitch of the muscles in his jaw. It was as though for a moment, everything was in slow motion as understanding came to her.

So this wasn't about Kristen then. Her heart sank as she asked herself the question that had lain dormant for the last few days. The one that she had been avoiding for fear of the answers she might find.

Was that what all this was about? Eugene? Because if it was, this was going to be more difficult than she had anticipated...

When hearts have once mingled,
Love first leaves the well-built nest;
The weak one is singled
To endure what it once possess'd.
O Love! Who bewailest
The frailty of all things here,
Why choose you the frailest
For your cradle, your home, and your bier?

Its passions will rock thee
As the storms rock the ravens on high;
Bright reason will mock thee
Like the sun from a wintry sky.
From thy nest every rafter
Will rot, and thine eagle home
Leave thee naked to laughter
When leaves fall and cold winds come.

Percy Bysshe Shelley (Taken from 'When the lamp is shattered....')

Eugene stared at the words on the page, but they seemed to blur into one another as his thoughts drifted. It was odd but he felt almost relaxed for the first time in several weeks. He hadn't dreamed about Marlena in three nights now and without the catalyst of the dreams, it seemed much easier to suppress those memories that made things so awkward.

And yet, Marlena had approached him several times about what was going on inside him, wanting to help him with the bedlam that reigned within his weary mind. As if she could help, as if the very sight of her, the heady scent of her fragrance didn't twist his gut and make his knees turn to jelly. But, with the subsidence of the dreams, those feelings became less potent and easier to submerge beneath the mundane realities of everyday life on this planet. And with limited success, he had managed to convince her that this was merely a passing phase. There was nothing wrong that he couldn't handle he told her. And himself

"Gene?" he looked up to see her descending the staircase, one hand on her rounded stomach. "Have you seen Brady's schoolbag?" She reached the living room, one hand still on the railing and scowled unconsciously. "I can't find anything without Lucie here, it's ridiculous. I think this pregnancy has made my brain turn to mush."

"Have you tried his closet?" Q tried hopefully.
"Yes, and his drawers, and Belle's closet and the linen closet and under his bed...." Marlena shrugged despairingly before moving to the sofa opposite him and lowering herself to the soft, welcoming cushions. "You don't think she'll be gone long do you?"

Marlena hadn't realized how much they had come to rely on Lucie's quiet efficiency until the young woman had rushed home to Tennessee to attend a family emergency the other day when Marlena and John had visited Carrie. Or how much she appreciated the girl's company and wry sense of humour. She was an unusual person and Marlena still was unsure that she had met the *real* Lucie, the one hidden behind the well-controlled exterior. But in time she hoped to. She suspected that Lucie had some interesting facets.

"Why don't I have a look for it?" Q suggested with a sympathetic smile. She looked tired and it was only halfway through the day. "You put your feet up and watch TV or something."
"Oh great! Saturday afternoon TV, I'm sure I'll be swamped with choices," Marlena groaned.
"What, are you upset you can't get your weekly soap opera fix?" Gene teased her as he pushed the remote over the coffee table towards her.
"Yeah, *right*," Marlena rolled her eyes. "Thanks, but I have more than enough drama in my own life to keep me occupied."
"You have a good point there," he grinned, almost amazed that he was actually having a normal conversation with her. "What is it you humans say? Truth is stranger than a really bad soap opera? Of course all soap operas could be classified as really bad from what I have seen of them. Not that I have made a point of watching them at all," he hurried to add. "With an IQ of 1509 that kind of drivel is a little beneath one like me." He grinned, enjoying the mocking lack of humility as he continued. "But from what I've caught while at home during the day, I sometimes wonder what kind of hallucinogenic drug those writers are on."
"Oh shut up and get on with it," she tossed a cushion at him with a good-natured smile and watched him climb the stairs.

He had seemed much happier the last day or so, much more relaxed, even when she was around. That wasn't to say that he went out of his way to seek out her company, but at least he didn't exit a room the moment she walked into it, and that was a good start.

She leaned back against the plush cushions and closed her eyes. John had called not long before, the first time she had heard his voice since he had dropped her off at the penthouse three days earlier.

The conversation had been sparse on the way home. After the tension of seeing Carrie and reliving those painful events at the Penthouse Grille and then the following argument, neither of them had much energy to approach anything that could be potentially serious.

Marlena had hoped that she could talk to him during the afternoon, but he had been adamant that he had to stop in at work for a couple of hours before going back to the loft to reassure Kristen. Knowing that she had a doctor's appointment and lacking the energy or will to argue with him again, she had curled her arms around his neck and bade him goodbye with a kiss that ensured he would come back to her.

And evidently, Kristen had kept him busy erecting baby cribs and massaging her back, because Marlena hadn't heard from him until this afternoon. In a brief call, he had asked her about the doctor's visit and she had told him reluctantly about her raised blood pressure and Dr. Robbins' insistence that she take some time off work to relax and take care of herself.

"Is the baby in any danger Doc?" he had asked quickly and with worry infiltrating his voice. "Will you be okay? Because you say the word and I'll come right over. And I won't leave." Her gentle laugh had sounded down the line, settling into his heart and making him warm. "I mean it Doc."
"I know you do sweetheart. It just makes me realize even more how much I miss you," she sighed deeply. "I'll be fine. You just take care of things over there."
"I'm waiting Doc, but nothing's happening...." he groaned as Marlena heard a muffled voice in the background. "Apart from the fact that being Man Friday is driving me *crazy*."
"Just call me again when you can," her voice sounded plaintive in the empty room.
"You know I will baby," his voice was softly reassuring, "and I'm hoping that I can get out of here and come take you for the ultrasound this afternoon."
"I hope so too," she had whispered before he had been interrupted and cut off their call.

"You didn't look very hard," Marlena's eyes flickered open as Gene's voice floated over her. He was standing next to the sofa, Brady in one arm and the little boy's bag in the other.
"Where was it?" she asked exasperatedly, struggling weary to sit up.
"Hanging on the back of his door, where it belongs," Q answered blandly, sensing that her mood had changed since he had gone upstairs.
"You 'kay Mom?" Brady asked as he struggled to get down.
"I'm just a little tired honey," Marlena answered with a comforting smile. Gene deposited the small boy on the sofa next to Marlena and she ran her fingers across his silky chestnut coloured head. "Have you got a hug for me? I could sure use one."

Brady ginned and scrambled up to throw his scrawny little arms around her neck.
"I love you Momma," he whispered with a gap-toothed smile before planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek.
"Oooh, I love you too sweetie boy," she squeezed him against her in a heartfelt hug.

"Okay kiddo," Gene interrupted the snuggle fest, "Why don't you go upstairs and get some shoes on."
"Okay," Brady scrambled from Marlena's arms and headed back to the stairs.

"Shoes?" Marlena looked up at Q, the question clear in her eyes.
"You're tired and you need some rest Marlena," he crouched down on the floor next to the sofa. "After what the doctor said I think that you could do with some quiet afternoons sans children."
"Oh Gene, I'm just fine," she chided him gently.
"No you're not," he shook his head, seriousness overtaking him. "Those dark circles under your eyes and your pale face give that away so stop trying to be a martyr okay?"
"Oh gee thanks," she grimaced, "you make me sound really appealing."
"You need rest Marlena, not flattery." He pushed himself up again and looked up at the landing. "I'm taking the kids over to the pub. Shawn and Caroline have said they will take them for the night and I'll be back later on this evening. And in the meantime, I want you to see if you can have a nap, or at least a lie down before you go for your appointment this afternoon, all right?"

"Gene, I don't need to be mollycoddled," she frowned and swung her legs off the sofa. "Despite what the doctor says, I am in good health. I'm not some fragile flower you have to nurse you know."
"I didn't say you were," he shook his head as he helped her up from the seat, amazed, as usual by her stubbornness and insistence that she could do just about anything. "I just think you could do with some time out. And I'm not going to argue the point with you." He left her and walked over to the foot of the stairs. "Come on kids, Granma and Granpa are waiting for you. Better hurry up or all the cookies will be gone."
"Coooookies!!" Belle came flying down the stairs, Brady close behind her.
"Belle, please don't run down the stairs," Marlena scolded her daughter, the familiar motherly fear appearing in the pit of her stomach.
"Bye Mommy," Belle ignored her mother's words, choosing instead to melt her mother's heart with a hug around her legs. It worked and Marlena leaned down to give her children a farewell kiss.
"Be good for your grandparents now okay?" she stroke Belle's blonde curls before the little girl headed for the door.

Eugene went to follow the children, but Marlena caught his arm. Her intention was to thank him for thinking of her and taking the children out, but she felt as though the breath had been knocked out of her as Eugene suddenly recoiled at her touch, shrinking back like a wounded animal as he pulled his arm out of her grasp.
"Gene," she whispered, blanching a shade lighter than ashen. Her eyes were huge and golden as she stared at him, clearly shocked by the unexpected reaction.
"I'll see you later," he mumbled before she could gather her wits enough to ask him what was wrong.

He felt like an absolute heel as he closed the door behind him, leaving Marlena still standing there, tears swimming in her eyes. God he wished he could feel anything for her but what he felt. It was as though the moment she touched him, she burned her imprint into his skin, leaving his body tingling, trembling, desperate for more.

It was a simple but violent reaction. And he couldn't help it. To pull away from her was the only option. Otherwise he might break down and do something incredibly stupid and that really would be the end of their friendship. Irrevocably. And so, he had to leave her. Had to risk their friendship to save it.

Marlena swiped at her tears with a moan of pure frustration swinging around to voice her pain to the empty room. Dammit, why the hell couldn't she get this *right*?

Her face betrayed the pain and confusion she felt as she sank onto the bottom step. All the progress she thought they had been making.... all gone? All she wanted to do was thank him. If she couldn't do that, couldn't have a conversation with him as a friend, then what was the point?

Her head sank dejectedly into her hands as she reflected on how weird it had been during the first few weeks. Maybe she had been trying to hard to pretend everything was all right, that nothing had changed that she hadn't seen the signs that had been staring her in the face. It was obvious that Eugene was extremely uncomfortable around her, however hard he tried to deny it and hide it from her.

And why shouldn't he be? They had been lovers after all and they had shared something special. And however much she had not wanted to admit it at the time, she knew he loved her more than she loved him.

Sometimes when she looked at him, she was struck by a memory of the way his skin felt against hers, the emotions that he had evoked in her as he held her and loved her. And she had John to concentrate on, John to love her, to hold her when she was sad or lonely. Gene had no one. And now he simply didn't want to be around her because of what she represented. She was no longer Marlena, his good friend. She was Marlena, his ex-lover, the woman that had caused him pain.

She groaned as the baby kicked her kidney, almost as if it was reading her thoughts and meting out appropriate punishment. How can I fix this? Is there any way at all I can fix this? It was naïve to think that things could ever go back to the way they had been. After everything that had happened, it just wasn't possible. But surely if he would just *talk* to her, voice the pain, they could somehow get to a place where they could at least be in the same room together without this dreadful awkwardness descending at a simple touch or wrong word.

Because right now, she needed him. He was her closest friend and she needed his love and friendship. With everything that was happening with Kristen and with John, she needed someone who would just be there, who understood her and what she was going through. Maybe it was a lot to ask. Maybe it was just too much to ask. She didn't know if it was an utterly unfair request, considering everything that had happened, but she was so emotionally fatigued she simply couldn't reach that conclusion without talking to Gene.

Guilt nagged at her as she deliberated the questions that curled around her tired mind. It's your fault you know. You knew how he felt about you. You knew and you took advantage of that.... You took him into your bed to soothe your own pain without a second thought for what it might do to him....

Shaking her head, she used the railing to pull herself. No, she was being too hard on herself; she couldn't go on beating herself up over something that was done. It couldn't be undone and she just had to deal with the repercussions.

Feeling jaded, she reached the sofa and dropped down, curling her feet up under her as she sank her head into the welcoming softness of the cushions beneath her.
"Too tired," she murmured softly, more to convince her aching soul than anything else. She couldn't think about this now, it hurt too much; it hurt her heart and hurt her suddenly pounding head. "Later," she whispered.

She would deal with it later.

*****

"Gene," Belle stood two feet tall on the seat of a booth at the Brady Pub, her hands on her hips and a frown on her face.
"Yes General Belle?" Q turned with an amused chuckle.
"Laces," she pointed down at her pint-sized Reebok, the laces straggling over the side of the vinyl padding.
"Oh, well we can't have that now can we?" he kneeled by the seat, trying the little girl's laces into an intricate double knot so they would not come undone again. "How can the general lead her troops into battle with her laces undone?"
"Gene, you's a sillyhead," Belle giggled, tossing her fair hair in an uncanny imitation of her mother.
"That's what all the little girls say," he grinned, marveling at how, in just a few short months, this tiny human had totally won his heart.

It wasn't just that she was Marlena's daughter, she had a personality all of her own. The stubbornness of both her parents mixed with the gentle compassion of and spirit her mother and the pride and great capacity to love of her father. She was quite a little lady and she had captured Q's love quite unexpectedly while he wasn't even looking.

As though she wanted to prove to him just how smitten he was with her, she threw tiny arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips.
"I nub you Gene." His heart flipped within him as he marveled at how she had him twisted around her diminutive finger.
"I love you too, angel," sweeping her up from the seat, he hugged her tightly before setting her on the floor and patting her little behind. "Now go and find your Granma, I'm sure she has something for you."

With a smile, he watched her race for the kitchen door and then, weighing up what to do next, he turned around. To find John starting at him from the doorway, his icy blue eyes frigid with dislike.

John had stopped by the Pub to say hello to Caroline and Shawn and he had seen the whole exchange between his daughter and Eugene. And it had confirmed the trepidation he had felt the other day at the penthouse, a fear that the children were becoming too close to Q, that he was assuming too big a role in their lives.

"John, I........ he stammered uncertainly, "I didn't realize you'd come in."
"Obviously," John replied coldly, his eyes sweeping around the pub as he tried to restrain the anger that rippled through him. The sight of Belle kissing Eugene had made him feel sick. She was *his* daughter, *his* baby girl. He had *no* right to her love. God he was sick of this. Of feeling this caustic envy, this bilious anger that threatened to engulf him without notice.

He knew intellectually that Gene's presence was warranted. Desirable even. It was something he had struggled with over the last week, and he had vowed to hold his tongue, to accept Eugene's presence and live with it despite his personal feelings. But, seeing him with Belle, seeing the affection between them, John's resolve crumbled and the anger swelled inside him until he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Well...." Q didn't know what to say. John was silent, but unless he was misreading very clear signs, the man was fuming with anger. "I guess I'll get out of your way."

"*Not* so fast...." John caught the other man's arm as he tried to walk by him. "I think we need to have a little talk first."

******

The distant hammering sound roused her, her eyes fluttering open slowly and painfully as she tried to locate the source of the disturbance. Soft, fuzzy images coalesced into the living room and gradually she became aware that it was someone knocking at her front door that had awoken her.

"Coming," she called weakly as she threw the cotton rug off her aching body. Her feet shuffled across the soft carpet, her sweats wrapped comfortably around somnolent limbs as she reached the door and opened the small hatch that allowed her to see her caller.

"Sami, hi sweetie," she opened the door and accepted her daughter's hug gratefully. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you silly," Sami smiled as she took her mother's hand and pulled her across the living room to the disheveled sofa. "Gee Mom, you don't look so swell. Are you okay?"
"Gosh, you know," Marlena held up her finger, "you're not the only one to say that today. I guess I must really look a fright huh?"
"Well, no," Sami shook her head, "Mom, *you* could *never* look a fright. But you do look a little pale." She handed Marlena a box of Sees Candies. "I stopped by your office and they said you were taking a few days off so I thought I'd stop by, bring you a snack and see if there is anything I can do."

"Oh thanks sweetie," Marlena grabbed the box of candy with a speculative gleam in her eye, "where on earth did you lay your hands on Sees?"
"I have ways and means," Sami winked at her. "So is everything okay anyway? Why are you taking time off?"
"Oh," Marlena tore the lid off the chocolates and selected one before handing the box to her girl, "well, I went to see the doctor the other day and my blood pressure is up a little. He felt that I needed to rest a tad more than I have been."
"Geez Mom, does he have any idea of the emotional pressure you are under?" Sami asked with worried eyes.
"Well no...." Marlena added with a shake of the head as she popped the caramel candy into her mouth. "But it's okay, it won't be for that much longer. I can handle it."
"Yeah, you are Wonder Woman after all," Sami rolled cornflower blue eyes exasperatedly. "Honestly Mom."

"What?" Marlena shrugged her shoulders with exaggerated nonchalance, humour infecting her demeanor. "What, you think I can't cope with a little stress? Baby girl, after some of the things I've been through, this is nothing."
"Right," Sami nodded her head, sarcasm manifest in the single word.

"What?" Marlena popped another candy into her mouth and bit down on it, reveling in the sweet, smooth taste of the chocolate as it spread across her tongue.
"I know you, that's all," Sami sighed and leaned back against the cushions. "Besides, I've seen John the past few days and that's enough to tell me that something has been going on."
"What do you mean?" Marlena asked quietly, her humour suddenly dulled.
"Well he hasn't been in much, but when he has, he's been edgy and distant," Sami bit on the inside of her lip. "When I asked him how you were doing he just told me to get back to work."
"Oh," Marlena blinked and looked away from Sami, processing the information, her heart tapping out the rhythm of rapid machine gun fire.
"Is everything all right Mom? Between you and John I mean?" Sami asked softly, noting her mother's discomfort.
"Of course it is," Marlena looked at her in surprise. "Why wouldn't it be?"

Not deterred by the defensiveness she could feel pouring off Marlena from across the table, Sami raised her eyebrows guilessly.
"Well you know.... her head cocked to one side, "I mean it's gotta be weird with Eugene still living here and John living with Kristen. Not exactly a normal relationship is it?"
"No it's not," Marlena's voice was soft.
"Well I know you kinda have to do it this way but...." Sami pressed her lips together. This felt awkward, but it seemed that someone had to make John and her mother confront this because it was a problem, even if they didn't want to admit it. Anyone with half a brain and not in total denial would be able to tell that. "Sorry if I'm crossing the line here Mom, but you and Eugene were *lovers*. And he's still living here with you, seeing you every day while John can't. And I know that to keep up the pretense you have to, but doesn't John even have a *small* problem with that?" She shook her head at the understatement. "I know Dad sure would have."

Marlena sat back against the cushions, slightly stunned by the bluntness of Sami's question and the realization that it brought to light a whole lot of issues that she had been trying to avoid for days now.

"Well John is not Roman," she answered, trying to stall Sami's curiosity while she gathered her thoughts.
"You got that right," Sami muttered under her breath.

"Sami?" Marlena asked curiously. "Is there something going on with your father that you want to talk to me about?"

******

Eugene stared at John, his muscles becoming rigid as John's anger loosened from it's unseen bonds.
"So what did you want to talk about?" he asked evenly.
"About my children," John folded his arms in front of him. "I saw that little exchange there and I have to say that I don't really appreciate the fact that you are trying to act like some sort of father figure to Belle and Brady. That's my place, not yours."
"I don't know what you think.... Q began.
"I *think* you're confusing my children," John said angrily, the leather of his jacket groaning as he moved edgily around Q. "I *think* you know how attached they are to you and you are using that to ingratiate yourself."
"Look, I'm sorry John," Q shook his head, his tone smooth and devoid of emotion, "I didn't meant to infringe, but Belle needed some help and I was just here to help her. That's all."

"You're always *there* aren't you?" John growled, his anger growing at Eugene's apparent dismissal of John's concerns. And as much as he wanted to walk away from this, to gain some control over the weakness that the sight of this man caused in him, he simply couldn't. All of the rage that he had been feeling, all of the jealousy coalesced and focused at this one point and he was powerless to stop himself. The words just poured out despite all his previous vows that he wouldn't get into this with Gene now. He couldn't help himself, couldn't help the pain and the jealousy, the anger that was spinning out of control. "You just happen to be *there* when they need you, when Marlena needs you. How convenient for you."
"I'm sorry if it bothers you but yes, I am there. Maybe if you'd been there for them all these years you wouldn't be feeling this damn rotten." Q suggested angrily.

Ignoring the words but buoyed by the anger that he had evoked in Eugene, John kept going, words tumbling from his mouth before he even thought about their significance.
"Have you even thought about what it's going to do to those kids when you walk away from them? You and I both know you won't be staying in Salem. You're just going to abandon them and leave Marlena and I to pick up the pieces."
"They're your children John," Q's voice held a hint of a warning.
"You're *damn* right they are," John thumped the table with a solid fist. "And how the hell do I even know I can trust you around them. Or around Marlena."

"Oh back to that are we?" Q asked, derision dripping from his words. "May I remind you John that I am only staying at the penthouse so that *you* can maintain appearances for your beloved Kristen. And may I also remind you that you were part of the decision that I should be there to protect Marlena in case Stefano came to town." His eyes narrowed. "Maybe if you hadn't f**ked everything up so badly, none of this would be an issue."

"Oh yeah, try and blame me again why don't you?" John's lips thinned as he did his utmost to hold back the swing he desperately wanted to take. That would knock the smug expression off the bastard's face. "This is not about what I did. This is about what you are doing. You're confusing the hell out of Marlena and the children and if you can't behave like a decent human being then perhaps you should move out of the apartment after all."

"You know, that would suit me just fine," Q retorted, his eyes blazing. "Having to watch her moping over an undeserving asshole like you is just about more than I can deal with."
"Oh right," John nodded, his face ashen with barely suppressed rage, his breathing shallow and uncontrolled. "So you're perfectly happy to be there when you can take advantage of Marlena's vulnerability, but when the going gets tough you're more than ready to skip out without a backward glance huh?"

Q's eyes widened at John's implication and he felt the blood as it roared past his ears. Part of him, a very large Q part, was instantly tempted to blast John into a trillion atoms, blowing the smithereens of him across the universe, his soul lost in an eternal search for the love he did not deserve. All it would take is one little snap....

John glared at him, inky blue eyes ringed with black as his pupils dilated, willing him to say something, anything that would warrant a right hook.

"You're a fine one to talk," Q hissed finally. "But you're right about one thing. I'm not staying in Salem as soon as this is over. Once I know she's safe, I'm leaving this Q-forsaken place and if I never *ever* see your face again," he paused, looking contemptuously at John before his lips curled into a sneer, "It will be much too soon."

With that, he grabbed his jacket from where it hung over the back of a chair and brushed roughly past John before storming out of the pub.

John watched him go, the anger slowly draining out of him into the empty room. Turning back to the room, he stared at the bar silently cursing himself for going so far. That was all he needed right now; Marlena getting angry at him for taking Eugene apart.

******

"Oh it's nothing important, really Mom," Sami hugged a cushion in front of her as she selected another candy from the box. "You know, its just Dad, being Dad."
"Being Dad how?" Marlena raised her eyebrows. She knew what Roman could be like but it was just determining which facet was currently pissing Sami off.
"Oh well," she waved the chocolate around in the air as she searched for the words. "For example, last night he and Trudie turned up on my doorstep just as I was trying to put Will to bed wanting to know if I wanted to go out to dinner with them. And then when I said I couldn't because I had to stay home with Will because he has a cold, Dad offered to get a babysitter."

"Mmmmmm," Marlena nodded her head slowly.
"It's like, he's gone for three years with absolutely no word and then he thinks he can just walk back into my life and pick up like nothing has happened." Sami poked the candy into her mouth and bit down on it in frustration.
"Well you do know that there was a good reason your daddy didn't contact you don't you?" Marlena asked carefully.

"That's not the *point* Mom," Sami shook her head, long blonde hair glistening in the shaft of sunlight that spread across the room from the open balcony door. "The point is that he walked out on us. When we all needed him the most, all he could do was think of his own pain. And he *left*. And I'm supposed to just say oh that's okay, welcome back and take over my life again?" Her lips set in a firm line, she brushed her hair over her shoulder. "I don't think so."

"Mmmm-hmmm," Marlena nodded, "I can see where that would make you feel angry and upset."
"Doesn't it make *you* angry?" Sami asked, a little confused. "He walked out on you after you *begged* him not to go. After you had been through hell down at Maison Blanche he just turned his back on you. And then you really *did* go through hell." Her brow wrinkled as she tried to make sense of it. "Doesn't that make you *hate* him?"

"I could never hate Roman Sami," Marlena shook his head, "I loved him too much to ever hate him. But I guess yes, part of me will always feel a little betrayed that he walked out on us like that."
"*Betrayed*," Sami grasped the word, her anger burned on her face from years of loneliness. "Yes, that's it. That's how I feel, like he betrayed us through his selfishness. He's my *father*, he was supposed to protect me and he walked away from me. I can't *ever* imagine walking away from Will knowing that he needed me. How can I forgive Roman for that Mom? I don't know that I can."

"These are very complex emotions Sami and there are no hard and fast rules for dealing with them," Marlena curled her feet up beside her on the sofa and pulled the cotton throw over her chilled toes. "But I think you have to try and focus on the fact that your father was doing the only thing he thought he could do given the situation. Sometimes when you are in pain, logic flies out of the window and you act on instinct. And sometimes you make mistakes. You and I both know that." She raised her eyebrows at the significance of her statement. "What your father did wasn't done in order to hurt us. It was to try and heal the pain that he felt. I don't know if I could hold a grudge against him over that."

When Sami didn't answer, she pursed her lips in thought.
"I think what it comes down to baby girl, is how much you love your Daddy. And whether your love for him outweighs the betrayal you feel. Because if it does, then you are going to have to find some way of forgiving him his faults." She leaned her head on one hand, her elbow propped up against the cushions as she pondered how her words echoed another situation, and one she was much closer to. "Otherwise it's going to make both of you miserable."

High Time

Marlena stood on the balcony and breathed in the balmy summer air. She had hoped that it might help clear her mind to stand out here where the air was clean and fresh. Where she felt free.

After Sami had left, the atmosphere in the living room had become stuffy and positively oppressive, and even opening the doors to the balcony hadn't particularly helped. She was feeling claustrophobic and hormonal and she just needed some clear air.

She had even thought about going out for a walk but her doctor's appointment was sooner rather than later and John had said he might be able to get away. But in the meantime, she was here, alone with her thoughts. Thoughts she had to make some sense of before everything went to all hell.

An old rambling rose threaded its way along the top of the railing, blowsy pink blooms fragrant with attar in the afternoon sun. She fingered the blush petals, feeling their silkiness beneath her skin where the pink faded into a pale lemon yellow. With a sigh, she twisted the rose head off its stalk and sat down on a patio chair cupping it in her hand. Her thoughts were like those petals, scattered and confused. She just had to find a way to piece them into a rose.

John.....Gene.....where on earth did she even start? She thought again of how Gene had looked at her when he had pulled away earlier today. When she had simply touched him, skin against skin. And the memory came to her, unbidden and unwanted.

She was totally unaware of Eugene's dilemma until she felt him pulling away from her grip. He was gentle, but the move was sudden and Marlena looked up him in surprise.
"Gene?" she asked quickly, worried that she had done something to upset him. But as she looked at him, she was unable to read the expression in his eyes and it made her uneasy.
"I'm sorry Marlena," he was acutely uncomfortable as he tried to disentangle her arms from around his neck.

"Oh Gene," she whispered sadly, her eyes following a lone, soft white cloud as it skirted the edge of the sky in her view. He hadn't been able to bear her touch that night because of what it represented to him. What he could never have.

With a slight metallic clink from the charms on her bracelet, she pulled two petals from the rose and they drifted gently to the ground.

"Don't you understand?" He shook his head. "I can't be here with you like this Marlena. It's driving me crazy."
"No I *don't* understand." She was practically shouting at him. "WHY?" she demanded again, not seeing what should have been totally obvious.
"Because of the way I *feel* about you! I can't be near you Marlena because I *want* you so much I'm afraid to even *touch* you!"

The rose fell to the floor as though in slow motion, bouncing against the hard concrete, petals bruising and breaking against the cool cement.

*******

Q sat by the water's edge, watching as the ripples lapped over the coarse sand. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It was never meant to be this hard, dammit. He was supposed to come here, get John and Marlena back together and then leave. That was it, end of story. What the hell kind of cruel cosmic joke was it that he had to fall in love with Marlena all over again?

He couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep tearing apart every time he saw her. He couldn't keep running, couldn't keep hiding. Couldn't keep dying.

He could still taste her. Sweet, like vanilla cream. Like roses. Like heaven.

God, he wanted to touch her, to run his hands over her silken, creamy skin. To feel the hot moistness of her mouth against him. To hear her whisper that she loved him.

The tears, wet and hot, dried as soon as they hit the sun-warmed stones.

Q sat on the warm pebbles, head bowed between his knees. This wasn't getting better.

And it was only going to get worse.

*******

Golden eyes searched out the sun in the sky, hoping vainly that the light might burn away the scars with it's searing purity. Might absolve the sins with its hot, healing shimmer.

But there was no absolution there. No answers. No comfort. The knowledge was unqualified and the healing only came from within the soul.

Marlena groaned, the tears drying on her face, tightening her skin with a salty sheen. What a mess.

She had wanted everything to be fine. Wanted everything to go back to how it was. All nice and neat and compartmentalized. A place for everything. And everything in its place. Under control.

But everything was patently not fine, everything was spiraling out of control and she didn't know how to cope anymore. She was too tired, too spent from the past few months. She didn't know how to gain control of the situation and it terrified her.

Get a hold of yourself Marlena! She took a deep breath, feeling the baby squirm inside her and she winced as it kicked her bladder. The last thing she wanted to do was visit the bathroom again; she was practically living in there these days. It wasn't exactly wonderfully conducive to thinking. You have to stop feeling so sorry for yourself. You're intelligent, you're trained. You can work out how to deal with it now.

She took another concentrated breath and wiped the tears from her eyes. That was it, she just had to look at this through the eyes of a professional. She could deal with it if she tried to put emotion aside just for a short time. After all, that was what she did for a living, wasn't it?

Pulling her knees up under her, she considered Eugene. One problem at a time. After all, just because she was with John now, it didn't mean Eugene's feelings for her had changed. Yes he had encouraged her to go to John. But not because he wanted to her, not because he didn't love her anymore, but because it was what she needed. Because it was the best thing for her. But for Eugene, nothing had changed except that he could no longer have what he most wanted.

Of course he didn't want to be around her. Had she wanted to be around John when he was all smitten with Kristen? Of course she hadn't. She had wanted to run every time she encountered them in the same room.

When she had lived at the DiMera Mansion with them, being so close to John on a permanent basis had been sheer torture. When he had touched her, it had been as though some cruel god was playing an eternal game of 'look but don't touch' with her. On occasion she had almost broken down and admitted to him how he made her feel, how shivers traveled across her skin every time he touched her. How when he hugged her, he made her knees go weak with desire.

And now she was in a similar situation with Gene and all the things she had accused John of, she was doing to Gene. And what was even worse was that she *knew* how Gene felt. It wasn't as though they had been apart for years or they had fallen out of love. It was simply that they had stopped sharing a bed and Marlena had been so consumed with making things right with John that she had hardly stopped to consider the implications.

"Oh man," she rolled her head back closing her eyes tightly. God, she had really screwed everything up this time.

******

John sat in his Jeep and leant his head back against the headrest, blowing out the breath that he had been holding. He hadn't meant to lose control like that with Eugene. Just the sight of Belle kissing him had stirred up something inside of him that had refused to be subdued. Something that he had been trying so hard to ignore, but wasn't going away.

He wanted Eugene out of Marlena's life. He was jealous, absolutely incredibly green with envy and he wanted the man gone. Yesterday if possible. It wasn't logical, maybe not rational, but he couldn't help himself. He had seen them together. Seen Marlena laugh at his jokes, seen her reaction when he had kissed her. Seen them making love.....

He closed his eyes wincing at the memory. He might be the one that held her in his arms now, but it didn't stop the pain. She had been so quick to doubt him, so swift to find someone to take his place.... It hurt more than he had ever wanted to admit. He was haunted by the sound of her voice as she called Eugene's name and he didn't know how to make it go away. Didn't know how to stop the pain....

******

"Hiya Boss," Marlena looked up to find Lucie standing in the doorway.
"You're home!" Her eyes widened. She hadn't expected Lucie to be home for a couple of days yet.
"Well, duh!" The young woman smiled widely as she plopped herself down in the seat next to Marlena. "Yeah, Grandpa is doing a lot better so I thought I'd head on back."
"Well I hope you didn't hurry back on our account," Marlena looked concerned, "I don't want to think we brought you back earlier than you wanted to. We have been managing okay you know." It was a fib but she wasn't about to let the girl feel like she was under any more of a burden than she already was with her job and familial responsibilities.

"Oh it's okay really," Lucie swiped at the air with a small but perfectly manicured hand. "It's not like I really get on with the family anyway. Momma was drivin' me crazy."
"You don't get on with your mother?" Marlena asked with interest. Despite the fact that Lucie was a college friend of Carrie's, she didn't really know much about the young blonde and she was more than a little curious.

"Oh well it's not that we don't get on so much as," Lucie sighed and crossed her arms, "she can't stand the fact that I've grown up and am doing what I want to do. You know how family is," she winked, "like you to toe the line and all."
"I remember when I went away to medical school," Marlena smiled fondly at the memory, "My Mom was loathe to let me out of her sight. But she soon learnt that her little girl was all grown up and she had to let her go."
"Try telling that to Momma," Lucie shrugged, "I don't think she'll ever accept that I've grown up."
"She will sweetie," Marlena smiled conspiratorially. "Eventually she will."

It was the chime of the doorbell that interrupted him and Marlena glanced quickly at her watch.
"I'll get it," Lucie waved down her efforts to push herself from the chair and she was halfway across the room before Marlena had gained her feet.

"Hi John," Lucie greeted him with a dazzling smile as she tightened the knot of the little checkered shirt that she wore tied in the front. "How's life been treatin' ya?"
"Uh...fine..." Every time John saw this woman she unnerved him more than the last. He wished he could put his finger on what it was, by all accounts she was very nice and the children evidently were mad about her. There was just something.....

"Are ya'll going out or would you like me to make myself scarce?" she asked, her eyes merry.
"Uh, no it's okay," John replied stiffly, "I'm taking Marlena for her ultrasound appointment. Are you ready Doc?" he asked when he saw her standing at the patio door.

"Hi honey," he could tell she was tired, even from across the room, something about her posture screamed out her weariness to him and as she neared him he could see that her skin was pale from lack of sleep. But even so, she still looked angelic in her white linen shift, gold loops at her ears and her charm bracelet hanging loosely around her wrist. "Let me just get my purse okay?"
"Sure sweetheart, take your time," he watched her head up the staircase and then turned back to Lucie who was looking at him with a speculative smile. "You going away?"
"Mmm?" she fluttered her lashes with the sweet murmur.
"I noticed a bag by the door," John pointed to the tartan suitcase, "I was just wondering..."
"Oh that ol' thing," she waved her hand to dismiss it's importance. "I just came back from a family visit." She leaned closer to him, implying confidentiality. "Actually I expect it would have been a situation ya'll are familiar with. My little sister had one of them shotgun weddings and gave birth to her little one on the floor of the church." She giggled wickedly. "You should have seen Momma's eyes when the baby came out looking like the best man."

"Okay, are we ready to go?" Marlena interrupted the conversation, saving a staggered John from having to come up with any kind of reply.
"Have fun, bring back some pics for me okay?" Lucie swung back, leaving the doorway clear.
"All right," Marlena nodded with her gentle smile. "But I want you to take your time to settle back in. Go out this afternoon, go and have some fun, all right?"
"Hey, you don't need to tell me twice," Lucie looked delighted. "I'll see you later then."

******

"Dammit Baker!" Roman slammed the file on the desk angrily. "What the hell do you mean the trail went cold? I ask you to do one simple job and you can't even do that."
"Roman," Abe's voice held an unspoken warning. He knew Roman was eager to catch whomever had held Carrie, they all were. But raising the men's hackles wasn't the best way to achieve that goal.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry..." Roman rubbed his forehead trying to relieve the tension headache that was growing behind his temples.
"That's okay sir," the young man hoped his distress wasn't as obvious as it usually was. The curse of having red hair was that when he blushed it usually showed right to the tips of his ears, his freckles fading into insignificance.

"What information *do* you have Baker?" Abe asked patiently.
"We know when Mrs. Reed returned to the apartment, but not how she arrived there. Beyond that, forensics is still working on her suitcase. Results should be in tomorrow."
"No witnesses either when she left or when she arrived back?" Abe asked.
"Uh-uh," Baker shook his head. "It's weird. No witnesses, no prints, no evidence at all."
"Not weird if you know DiMera," Roman muttered as he pushed himself off the desk. "So now we just have to sit around and wait for forensics?"
"And hope they come up with something we can use," Abe reminded him.
"He's covered his tracks too well so far," Roman leaned against the filing cabinet and pushed his fingers through unruly curls. "And every minute that goes by, the less chance we have of finding him." He frowned, the thought of Carrie lying in the hospital bed, shattered and helpless was almost too much motivation. "Forensics better come up with something or we're going to lose the trail completely."

******

John's mind spun as the elevator made it's way slowly to the basement. I expect it would have been a situation ya'll are familiar with...... Okay so she was a friend of Carrie's. But to know something that intimate? Or was it just a coincidence?

"I'm glad you managed to get away," Marlena said softly, interrupting his muddled thoughts.
"Hmmm?" he turned to her, "Oh." A smile expanded across his face. "Well I missed the doctors appointment, I didn't want to miss this too. We get to see our baby today."
"I know," Marlena lifted her shoulders in a gesture of excitement. When she had been pregnant with Belle, the possibility of John being her father and the threat that had posed to her marriage to Roman had been enough to dull the exhilaration and joy in the small miracles of pregnancy.

But this time she and John were together and able to share it and she wanted to cherish those small, precious moments so that she could hold them in her memory for all time. This was their second chance, their opportunity to relish and get things right. And she was determined that nothing would spoil it.

Helping her into the car, John took the opportunity to kiss her softly.
"I've missed you," his wink was almost lost among the heavy, rumbling words.
"Well I've missed you too," the gold charms of her bracelet were cool against his neck but her lips were hot against his own.

Her tongue was demanding as it searched his mouth, her hands tight in his hair. His own fingers brushed her collarbones as he moved his hands down over the front of her dress, cupping her heavy breasts in his palms. Marlena gasped as his searching fingers became more insistent and they pulled away from each other, eyes reflecting their unconsummated desire.

"Uh, we'd better get going or we'll be late for the appointment," John mumbled with a hint of embarrassment.
"Sure," Marlena was flushed and breathless as he closed the door and she buckled the belt over her stomach.

She couldn't remember how long it had been since she had felt this way around him. Nervous and almost shy, like she was getting to know him again. But between them, as always, there was this intense sexual attraction that made her want him almost constantly. It made for an intoxicating combination, as it had been, even back in West Virginia all those years ago.

John pulled out of the basement level of Marlena's building, slipping his sunglasses on to counteract the glare of the afternoon sun. He had come to the penthouse with every intention to tell her about his run-in with Eugene and finally confess his antipathy towards the man. But one look at her face had dispelled that objective.

She looked unusually frail and worn out and he wondered if she was sleeping. Obviously she wasn't getting the rest she needed and discussing Q with her was only going to add to her burden. As much as he might need to get his feelings off his chest, he didn't want it to create more stress for her and that's what he feared it would do. And he had already lumped her with enough over the last couple of years to last a lifetime.

Just a few more days...

As soon as Kristen gave birth he could start the fight for custody and move into the penthouse with Marlena, which would negate any reason left for Eugene to stay there. And once the man wasn't living with Marlena any more, John knew that he would finally be able to relax. Surely the jealousy and anger would start to fade then, once he had his family to himself and Marlena in his arms. Once the reminders of the past were gone, then he could get past this resentment and they could move forward with their life together. Just a few more days......

******

"Hi baby," Trudie dropped a kiss on Roman's lips before sliding into the booth opposite him.
"Hi." He pushed the knife into the pile of salt that sat solitary on the tabletop.
"Roman?" she cocked her head on one side, trying to work out what was up with him.
"Mmmm?" he looked up. "Oh I'm sorry." He sighed heavily. "It's just been one of those days."
"Bad news?" she swung one long leg over the other and rubbed her foot down Roman's denim-clad shin. "Wanna talk about it?"

"It's just another dead end," he said in a hoarse voice. "Wherever we turn to try to find out where Carrie was, it seems like we come up against a brick wall. And what we *do* find was left for us to find." He ran his fingers through tangled curls. "I feel like we're always one step behind and I'm damned if I know how to catch up."

"You will honey," Trudie said soothingly as she laid a hand over his. "They'll slip up sooner or later and then you'll get them."
"But what if it's too late Trudie?" his coffee coloured eyes were haunted as he looked at her. "You haven't seen Carrie. You haven't seen what this has done to her, how this had destroyed her. What kind of a father am I if I can't avenge that? If I can't make sure it doesn't happen again? I mean, who's next?"

"Roman," Trudie could feel his pain, his frustration at not being able to get out there and work the case like the young, fit cops on the force. But she also knew his experience was invaluable on the shop floor. "If anyone can find this person, it's you. You have the motivation; you have the will to do it. Carrie is lucky to have you for a dad. And so are Sami and Eric, even if they don?t always realize it. There was nothing you could have done to stop this happening to Carrie. You weren't even in Salem......"

"Yeah, well maybe if I had been, none of this would have happened at all," Roman snapped uncharacteristically.
"Roman..." Trudie sighed, shaking her head. She loved him but sometimes he drove her crazy.

"Roman," Shawn called out his son's name from the bar. "There's a call for ya, son."
"Thanks Pop," he squeezed Trudie's hand briefly as he slipped out of the booth and made his way to the bar.

"Brady here."
"Roman, it's Abe," his partner's richly familiar voice resonated over the line. "We just got the call from forensics."
"And?" Roman felt the familiar rush of adrenaline spreading through his body.
"They've traced the mud on Carrie's suitcase. It comes from an industrial site about ten miles upriver."
"*Yes*," Roman hissed triumphantly. Finally, a positive lead, one he could work on and sink his teeth into.
"I'll send Clarke over in a car to pick you up buddy," Abe preempted his next request. "We'll see you there."
"Thanks partner," Roman put down the phone and turned back to where Trudie was watching him intently.

"Sorry baby," he shrugged.
"Just go and find the bastard okay?" she told him with a slight smile. "I'll see you when you get back."
"Okay," he nodded and kissed her gently. "Keep that thought okay?"
"No problem captain," she saluted and he slapped her lightly on the bottom with a grin before he left the pub in his search for Carrie's kidnapper.

******

"So Marlena," Dr. Robbins sat on the side of the exam bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired," she admitted with a small smile.
"You've been resting as per my instructions I hope?" Dr. Robbins crossed his arms over his leg with a smile. "I don't want to have to reprimand you."
"Well, I don't know if resting would be the appropriate term," the laughter twinkled mutedly in her tired eyes. "My nanny had to rush home due to a family emergency and the children have been a bit of a handful."
"Ah," he leaned his head on one side, "will she be back soon?"
"She arrived back today, thank goodness!" Marlena laughed lightly. "I'm wondering how on earth I ever coped without her."

John stood beside the exam table listening to the conversation and his brow creased. That was odd. Since when was attending a shotgun wedding a family emergency? Something had been bothering him about Lucie ever since she had arrived on the scene and the feeling was only growing every time he saw her.

The sound of Dr. Robbins' voice pulled him from his thoughts.
"Well then, let's see what we can see shall we?" The dusky-haired doctor slipped from the bed and pulled the ultrasound trolley closer to his patient.

Drawing back the sheet, he exposed the small bulge of Marlena's stomach, her skin stretched tightly over the small, precious life inside. Marlena turned her head, searching for John and he reached his hand out to cover hers. Feeling his other arm slip around her shoulder she relaxed slightly and their eyes met, conveying the apprehension and joy that they both felt. In a moment they would see their tiny baby on the screen in front of them, a moment that they were sharing for the very first time and it felt wondrous and profound.

"All right, this is going to be a little cold," David Robbins told her as he shook the bottle of gel firmly.
"Oooh, you were right about that," she shivered involuntarily as the gooey substance settled on her belly and John squeezed her hand.
"Oookay...," David took the paddle in his hand, positioning it between his thumb and first two fingers. Flicking a dial, he pressed the gently humming object to Marlena's stomach and peered at the screen.

It was a moment before the fuzzy white and grey images began to make any sense to Marlena and she realized that what she was looking at was a hand, attached to a tiny arm.
"John," she whispered in an awed voice, "it's..."
"The baby's hand," he finished for her, his voice shaking. Their sweet baby, safe and protected, this was his first sight of it and he didn't think he had ever seen anything quite so beautiful.

"That's its leg," Dr. Robbins drew his finger down the outline of a limb. "And there, that curve there, is its head." He moved the paddle slightly, leaning his head on one side so that his straight, chocolate-coloured hair falling over his forehead as he moved. Marlena was so intent on the screen that she missed the flicker of concern that flashed in his eyes.

The image on the screen dissolved into a blur of nebulous grey matter before coalescing into indistinct lines again.
"There," he pointed his finger, "can you see?"
"Oh," Marlena felt the tears form in her eyes as she watched the screen. "He's sucking his thumb."
"Woah," John shook his head. "You can see that?"
"Sure," the doctor pointed out the tiny digits where they disappeared into the outline of the baby's head as he explained. "Babies quite often suck their thumb in the womb."
"I can't believe this is our baby Doc. That we're going to take this little guy home in a few months." He peered at the screen again in wonderment. "It's got all it's fingers and toes right?"
"Sure has," David Robbins smiled. "Twenty all present and accounted for."

He tapped a few buttons, measuring the length of the baby's forearm and then moved the ultrasound paddle to the side of Marlena's stomach, gaining another view of the fetus as it floated in it's watery haven.

"Do you want to know the sex of the child?" he asked as he moved the sensor minutely and tapped another couple of buttons.
"Ahhhh," Marlena looked at John, the question taking her surprise. It was more the fact that she hadn't even considered it than the question itself and she was a little thrown. "I don't know, do we?" John too looked surprised but his expression quickly gave way to one of thoughtfulness.

"It wasn't something we had thought about," he admitted. "There have kind of been a lot of other things to think about. It wasn't high on our agenda."
"No pressure, you know," David told them as he took another measurement. "You don't have to decide now. If you decide you want to know later on, I can tell you."

"Well, I don't know about John," Marlena shrugged, John's hand heavy and comforting on her shoulder, "but I think I'd rather not know. I didn't know with any of the other children and it's so wonderful having that surprise at the end of all that hard work." She turned to John quickly to reassure him. "But if you want to know...."
"No," he shook his head with a grin. He had known instinctively that they would agree on this. It was one of the things that bonded them together, the uncanny ability to be able to tell what the other was thinking and agree with them. And he suspected that Marlena was remembering as clearly as he was the magical moment when they had held their precious angel Belle together in front of the fire at the Horton cabin. A cherished moment, etched into his memory for all time. "I agree, I'd like to be surprised too."

"Okay, well if you change your mind...." Dr. Robbins made his final set of measurements.
"We won't," Marlena and John replied in perfect unison.
"Hmmmm," he seemed distracted as he hit a few more buttons.
"What is it David?" Marlena sensed his shift in mood and her muscles tensed almost involuntarily. "Is there something wrong?" The uneasiness that she thought she had banished crept back into her stomach and it clenched with unspoken fear.

"Well not....wrong," he turned to the couple, his surprise evidenced by the crease between his brows. "It's not *wrong*," he pursed his lips, "but it certainly is *odd*." He looked over at the screen and then back at Marlena.

"According to you Marlena, you are around twenty-seven weeks into your pregnancy, right?"
"Yeah?" Marlena nodded her head, wondering where he was going with this.
"Well according to the measurements I just took, this baby is more like at thirty-one or thirty-two weeks gestation," he raised his eyebrows.
"What?" Marlena's eyes clouded with confusion. "But that's impossible. Completely impossible."

A Foggy Night in Salem Town

Lovers

InseQurities

Scrapes and Tape

Afternoon Delight

Haunting

Nuances

Sanatarium Blues

The Frailty of the Heart

High Time