septembre 30, 2004






Or at least as soon as it's released...

Posted by rachie at 04:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

mirth and merriment in mirfield

So, the infamous weekend? Started innocently enough. Friday night in with dinner cooked by my love and a bottle of wine. And Saturday morning spent in bed, although this, perhaps, was not quite so much of the innocent... ;)

Saturday afternoon we went out shopping for pretty new clothes and then eventually met the gang at the local. Well, so we met them *at* the local and then walked straight back out again because the new landlord is a complete tosser and has fired and barred one of our good friends. The pub is now, to all intents and purposes, dead because no-one we know is prepared to go there any more. He's a real wanker.

Anyway, so we went next door to the Zed Bar and had a couple of drinks there, including some really tasty strawberry beer. Then the van arrived and we piled in and headed for Mirfield.

Why Mirfield? Well, the ex-landlord and landlady of the local are now down in Mirfield and it was her birthday. He knew we were coming but she didn't and her face when we all walked in was a picture. And trust me, that pub has never seen the likes of it before, and probably will never again!

There was two for one alcohol consumption, there was top of voices singing (or at least caterwauling), there was piles of people leaping on other people (and me with a rather bruised set of ribs after being at the bottom of a pile of about seven others). There was flaming sambucas and naked bottoms and flaming sambucas *on* the naked bottoms. And on other bits of naked flesh. I wont mention where the girl has a nasty burn…

It was quite the night.

It didn't end there, well, not quite. The bus arrived for us around midnight and the forty-minute or so trip home was filled with the back half of the bus passengers singing "The wheels on the bus…". Non stop. For. forty. minutes. With many and varied and probably highly offensive made-up lyrics…

Of course, I was one of them…

At about quarter to one, we had the bus driver drop us in town with the intention of heading onto the dance floor at Queen's Court. Until the bouncer on the door decided to be an ass and take offence to Jackie having a joke.

Some people have no sense of humour. Honestly!

So by the time we realized there probably was nowhere else we were going to get into for under ten quid, it must have been after one. And resenting the fact that we'd have to pay ten quid to take a taxi home, we walked there instead. Forty-five minutes, most of it in my bare feet.

Yep, that's when you know you've had a good night…

Sunday's debauchery to come in the next post…..

Posted by rachie at 02:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Dinky & the Ducks

Dinky & the Ducks
Originally uploaded by silentresonance.

Check out the Dinky dog checking out the ducks! Took this the weekend before last at Roundhay Park when we took Dinks for a walk and fed the multitude of bird life.

ps: it may be obvious I am testing out a couple of new toys. bear with me ;)

Posted by rachie at 11:39 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

septembre 29, 2004

fixed up

okay - we have comments sorted out. whew! should all be working fine now. I'm not even going to *try* and think of dynamicness and exciting things like that at present - time is not my best friend and there are more important things on my agenda.... like sending emails to those many patient and wonderful friends of mine!!

you know who you are :)

Posted by rachie at 04:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

new undergarments...

okay, so I've upgraded movable type. please let me know if you encounter any problems. I've added a few plugins too, so I have blacklist 2.0 running and typekey enabled. I'm not entirely sure (I don't have time to read all the documentation now,) but think that will probably mean that in order to comment on either of my blogs, you'll need to register with typekey. Again, please let me know if this is a problem.

Otherwise things should stay pretty much the same for now...

ETA: Clearly there are issues with the comments functions. I'm working on them as I have time...

Posted by rachie at 12:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

septembre 28, 2004

life is one big fucking party

I am so fucking knackered. Lately I don't have the time to make entries and when I do have the time, I don't have the energy. I'm kinda thinking that's not such a bad thing though. Because it's because I'm having lots of real-lifey fun and busy-ness.

Case in point - this weekend was possibly one of the funnest weekends ever. No computer and lots of partying. See, Sunday night, I didn't get to bed until 11am Monday. Luckily I had taken Monday off in anticipation of something of this magnitude occurring. But it made for some not feeling so well over the past 46 hours or so. I was asleep by 9pm last night and am about to take myself off to bed after posting this. I intend to discuss in depth (or at least with some amusements some of the past 60 or so hours. But the road to hell and all that.... If I don't manage it, just imagine lots of partying, alcohol, laughter, dancing and other random naughty things and discuss amongst yourselves.

And I'm realizing more and more lately just how fucking crazy I am about my girl and how damn lucky I was she stuck with me through all my craziness. Because I know I was crazy for quite a long time and it's such a relief to get to the point where I'm like T who? Where I don't even miss her as a friend any more. Where I'm finally moving beyond all that and just not thinking about it any more or caring. At all. *Such* a relief.

And I'm thanking my lucky stars that my life happened the way it did and that I made the mistakes I made because it brought me here. I'm gathering some really great friends around me and wow... just knowing that she loves me for just being me... that's something. It's an incredible feeling.

And now I must away to bed. I shall try and elaborate on party central sometime tomorrow....

Posted by rachie at 09:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

septembre 15, 2004


As a rule, I'm not very good with keeping up with blogs. Lately, not even blogs I have a habit of keeping up with.

I just read a post that, against all odds, made me seriously smile. Despite all the pain, despite the hurt... it just felt *good* to see her happy. Becuase when you've loved someone, you never quite stop loving them. Even when you've been hurt.

And one day, when you stop hurting, you can just love, despite everything. Everything. And you can be happy just because they are happy.

I really didn't expect that. But then, there's a lot of things I never expected about my life....

it feels nice.

Posted by rachie at 10:28 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

septembre 14, 2004


I worked late today. again.

On the way home I picked up a little shopping. It went something like this...

Morrocan Lamb & couscous x 2
Bottles of New Zealand wine x 3

Oh yeah, I got my priorities straight... ;>

Posted by rachie at 11:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

the usual disparate ramblings...

Okay, so lately either I am sick as a dog, not in the mood for updating or I'm just flat out at work. Or, y'know, all three. I've also suddenly found a little inspiration with my writing and am working on finishing the WIP I've had sitting around for about three years. So go me! That's a really nice feeling and I'm really enjoying loosening those rusty writing skills once again. It's way past time.

Last week I fell head over heels in love with The L Word. The first pilot episode screened the week before and I wanted *so* badly to like it that I was, frankly, disappointed. However, last week lived up to my expectations, and I could well be developing an unhealthy new obsession. But hey, pretty girl-sex, how unhealthy could it be? Yum.

Despite the cold and the tiredness and the hard work of late, I am incredibly happy. I feel that Jackie and I are really connecting at the moment and there are moments when I am with her that I just feel like I'm glowing with happiness. I definately think I've done it all the right way around this time. The relationship, the love, has developed and grown into something amazing and I feel so incredibly blessed.

Of course, being in such a great place can alter your perceptions of the past. September 11 was not just the anniversary of the WTC disaster, it was also an anniversary on a much more personal level. Not just because the ex and I to all intents and purposes became a couple on that day (I know it seems at odds with what that day stands for, but that's my point). It's deeper than that. That day changed the my life. And not in the way it seems it changed so many people's.

September 11 for me was the event that blew away all the fear that surrounded my life. It was the day I realized on a personal level that you can't always count on tomorrow. And if tomorrow never comes, I had nothing to show for today. I'd spent my whole life being scared... being *terrified* of being me. 911 changed my life because it made me honest. It made me realize what really mattered and what I really wanted. It forced me to take risks I may never have taken otherwise. If not for 911, I may still be in New Zealand, unhappy and unfulfilled.

Which, you know, I'm sure wasn't the intention of the terrorists that day. That day spread so much fear around the world. But it seemed to have the opposite effect on me, adn I'm grateful for that. It's a pretty good finger up the terrorists. Partially *because* of them, there's one more openly gay woman on the world.

And that's what life is all about, isn't it? Taking the profoundly bad events and learning from them. Taking some good from them. Seeing how they can change the world in positive ways. Of course I believe the negative ways the world has changed since is as much our fault as theirs but that's another story.

So, it's been three years since my life changed. Just over two since it changed again. She and I split right on our year anniversary. Two years doesn't quite wipe out six years of friendship. I don't think any amount of time will ever *quite* destroy what I have left in my heart. I still care. I still wonder how she is. I do see things a hell of a lot differently than I used to though. Which, on the rare occasion I think about it all, makes interpreting my memories of the past quite difficult.

I'm so grateful to her though. For giving me the courage to dare to be me. For pushing me into the biggest crisis of my life and forcing me to stand up and be accountable for myself. I know what happened brought us both a lot of pain, but I know it at least made me a better person. So once again, good came from bad. It was a struggle, but I'm here, eventually. And that's due, in part, to her.

And I look at Jackie and I feel all the love I have for her that seems to grow almost daily and I know that this time, I've done good. I've learnt, I've grown and I've become a better person. And I'm so fucking *happy* and at peace that sometimes it just makes me want to cry. Weird, huh?

Okay, I need to stop rambling and get back to work....

Posted by rachie at 12:47 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

septembre 09, 2004


Well I guess right about now, I'm gaining a stepmonster.


The upside of this is that I have actually exchanged emails with my father several times this week.

I've come to the conclusion that I am ready to move on. I'm tired of being angry. For all his flaws, he is my father. And for all the mistakes he made as I was growing up, I also have some great and special memories. He loved me and he still loves me. I'm not going to deny myself a relationship with him, just because it's not the relationship I might want.

His best might be shitty at times, but it's still his best. At least he tries, even if it's only sometimes.

He called me tonight. Before they left, he called and I missed his call. But I called him back and we talked for a little while. I know it meant a lot to him that I called. It meant a lot to me that he called. It feels like a little healing.

It feels really good.

Posted by rachie at 11:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Yes, I'm sick with a cold, why do you ask?

Why is it Ebay buyers think they have the right to be incredibly rude to you just because they paid you a lousy five bucks for some piece of crap?

I sent this blouse to this buyer a week ago and sent her an email to let her know I'd sent it, as I always do. I live in England, she lives in America and sometimes it can take up to three weeks to arrive. But today I get this incredibly snarky email. "I haven't received the blouse yet. Do you actually ever intend to send it?"

Why yes, I intend to send it right up your anally retentive ASS.


I am so out of ebay the minute as I get rid of the magazines I have left. It's not worth the aggravation I get from these idiots.

Posted by rachie at 10:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

septembre 07, 2004


I'm not much in the mood for blogging lately. You might be able to tell.

I don't have much to say and the things I do have to say I'm not sure I want to say publicly. Suffice it to say, things are pretty good but sometimes a girl just needs a bit of a break. I'm sure I'll be back to it soon enough....

Posted by rachie at 02:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

septembre 02, 2004


I keep meaning to update, but other things keep getting in the way. Like me having a life kind of things.

There are other things that desperately need doing too - things like house cleaning and letter writing and washing and exercise but....

I'm not sure where my time goes.

Well, clearly on the weekend it mostly went on clubbing and recovering. We had a great weekend. It was Neil's 30th on Friday so on Saturday night we ended up at Queen's Court with him and a couple of friends and spent the evening talking and laughing and generally having a great time. Jackie, Neil and I left about 11:30 and went back to mine. Jackie, who was a little worse for wear made me order takeaway curry and then, once she had eaten it, promptly passed out ;> Meanwhile the other friends called and said they were going home to pick up a bottle of gin and then they were coming around. Which they did. We spent most of the night talking and listening to Melissa Etheridge. When at last I realized it was ten to five I decided it was probably time for bed.

And then we did it all over again on Sunday. Twelve hours later we were heading back to Queen's Court. This time more of Neil's friends came and there was talking, laughter and dancing on tables in the pouring rain. There was also collapsing of aforementioned tables. It was *fab*. I think we eventually headed home about two thirty in the morning.

Last night I met Jackie and Steven for drink in a meal in one of the local pubs.

Anyone who knew me before I came to England will know that I didn't go out a whole lot. I didn't have a whole lot of friends who lived close and it was a long way home so generally a taxi was out of the question. Which made it all very awkward. And then in the US, the closest the ex and I got to going out was going to the local Texas Roadhouse for dinner. So this is like, a whole different me. A me that I almost don't recognize, but a me I like a lot.

Just wish I had a little more time for some of the other things in my life that need doing, that's all....

Posted by rachie at 09:38 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack